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Friday, January 26, 2007
She's also with another man
Amber, 25, from AL asks:
My best friend of 5 years is engaged to marry her boyfriend of 4 years. She says she loves him dearly and cannot imagine the rest of her life without him. She was my maid of honor at my wedding and she wants me to be in hers too. So I am helping her plan her wedding. At the same time - she is also with another man anytime she is not with her fiance. They go out on dates, they have sex, they do the sweet sappy love letters and text messages to each other. He even bought her a star for christmas and spent another $300 on her for a spa treatment package. She says that she loves guyB dearly and cannot imagine the rest of her life without him. So I am stuck in the middle of helping her plan her wedding with guyA while she is also in love with guyB. She says she wishes she could just have them both and not have to make a decision. She says she knows it's wrong but she just can't stop - "when I'm with guyB I just can't tell him no". What is a best friend to do? I can't tell her anything - she won't hear it. I tried to tell her that I don't want to be a part of it anymore - that I can't sit down with her and help her plan her wedding while she is also telling me about being with this other man. But after telling her that - she doesn't want to be friends anymore. She says I'm judging her - and abandoning her and that I'm just a fair-weather friend. I don't know what else to do - it breaks my heart to see her do this to herself and to her loved one(s). Should I just chalk this up to a friend lost?- ExBestFriend
VictorM's advice:
People who do wrong are always the ones to accuse others of being fair-weather friends, isn't it?
The truth is you have a right to be the judge of who qualifies as your friend and who doesn't. She's clearly, by her own admission, doing wrong. You have every right to not want to be part of it. Indeed, I think you owe it to yourself to insist you will not be part of the wedding under the current conditions.
Basically, she's a user of people. She's using guyA, guyB, and she wants to use you under the guise of friendship -- don't let her!
My best friend of 5 years is engaged to marry her boyfriend of 4 years. She says she loves him dearly and cannot imagine the rest of her life without him. She was my maid of honor at my wedding and she wants me to be in hers too. So I am helping her plan her wedding. At the same time - she is also with another man anytime she is not with her fiance. They go out on dates, they have sex, they do the sweet sappy love letters and text messages to each other. He even bought her a star for christmas and spent another $300 on her for a spa treatment package. She says that she loves guyB dearly and cannot imagine the rest of her life without him. So I am stuck in the middle of helping her plan her wedding with guyA while she is also in love with guyB. She says she wishes she could just have them both and not have to make a decision. She says she knows it's wrong but she just can't stop - "when I'm with guyB I just can't tell him no". What is a best friend to do? I can't tell her anything - she won't hear it. I tried to tell her that I don't want to be a part of it anymore - that I can't sit down with her and help her plan her wedding while she is also telling me about being with this other man. But after telling her that - she doesn't want to be friends anymore. She says I'm judging her - and abandoning her and that I'm just a fair-weather friend. I don't know what else to do - it breaks my heart to see her do this to herself and to her loved one(s). Should I just chalk this up to a friend lost?- ExBestFriend
VictorM's advice:
People who do wrong are always the ones to accuse others of being fair-weather friends, isn't it?
The truth is you have a right to be the judge of who qualifies as your friend and who doesn't. She's clearly, by her own admission, doing wrong. You have every right to not want to be part of it. Indeed, I think you owe it to yourself to insist you will not be part of the wedding under the current conditions.
Basically, she's a user of people. She's using guyA, guyB, and she wants to use you under the guise of friendship -- don't let her!
Labels: best friends, cheat, wedding
Sunday, January 21, 2007
Back together
amy, 24, from california asks:
My man and I just got back together after a two month split. We had been together for 3 years. He had been angry and distant since I cancelled our wedding. We seemed to acknowledge where we went wrong but now he is giving me mixed signals. Is he scared? Or did he just stop caring altogether?
VictorM's advice:
Mixed signals? You cancelled the wedding and now you're wondering what he's feeling? If you don't know, I'd say you haven't acknowledge crap about what went wrong, you just think you have. There are no mixed signals -- he's just not sure about you. Nothing mixed about that.
My man and I just got back together after a two month split. We had been together for 3 years. He had been angry and distant since I cancelled our wedding. We seemed to acknowledge where we went wrong but now he is giving me mixed signals. Is he scared? Or did he just stop caring altogether?
VictorM's advice:
Mixed signals? You cancelled the wedding and now you're wondering what he's feeling? If you don't know, I'd say you haven't acknowledge crap about what went wrong, you just think you have. There are no mixed signals -- he's just not sure about you. Nothing mixed about that.
Labels: advice, answer, break-up, mixed signals, wedding
