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Saturday, February 03, 2007
His friends like drinking, smoking, and paying for sex
Andy, 30, from asia asks:
Hi, I have been dating a man for three months now. One day, I went out with him and his friends to karaoke. I found all his friends like drinking, smoking, and paying for sex. One of his friends asked a lady to sit next to him and do all those kissing and touching things with tips for her after. My boyfriend is with me most of the time but will hang out with his buddy once in a while. I can't help and stop thinking that he will look for the hooker behind my back. He promises me he won't. And he promises me he will stop smoking. Actually he does hardly smoke now. How can I stop thinking that he wouldn't do things that will hurt me in my back? I know everyone needs friends and all those are his long time friends now. It is not right to ask him not to see them. Please advise!
VictorM's advice:
Just because his friends behave that way doesn't mean he does. Even if he did before he met you, maybe he doesn't now. It's totally possible. But there's no guarantees he will not hurt you behind your back. These are the chances you take. You either trust him or you don't.
His choice of friends and what he thinks of them and their behavior is something you should take into consideration as you judge if he's the right man for you.
Hi, I have been dating a man for three months now. One day, I went out with him and his friends to karaoke. I found all his friends like drinking, smoking, and paying for sex. One of his friends asked a lady to sit next to him and do all those kissing and touching things with tips for her after. My boyfriend is with me most of the time but will hang out with his buddy once in a while. I can't help and stop thinking that he will look for the hooker behind my back. He promises me he won't. And he promises me he will stop smoking. Actually he does hardly smoke now. How can I stop thinking that he wouldn't do things that will hurt me in my back? I know everyone needs friends and all those are his long time friends now. It is not right to ask him not to see them. Please advise!
VictorM's advice:
Just because his friends behave that way doesn't mean he does. Even if he did before he met you, maybe he doesn't now. It's totally possible. But there's no guarantees he will not hurt you behind your back. These are the chances you take. You either trust him or you don't.
His choice of friends and what he thinks of them and their behavior is something you should take into consideration as you judge if he's the right man for you.
Labels: best friends, boyfriend, trust
Thursday, January 25, 2007
Getting trust back
kaylaa, 23, from canada asks:
How do I make my boyfriend trust me again after I cheated on him?
VictorM's advice:
By finding a new boyfriend and not making the same mistake again.
But if you want to try with this guy, your best course of action is to forge ahead without talking any more about the past. I assume you already apologized and promised it would never happen again. If you continue to let him beat you over the head with it, he will, and the topic will stay fresh in your lives. That's not a good thing. So, stop talking about it! If he brings it up, tell him you already apologized, you already admitted you made a mistake, you have learned from it, and you just want to move on with your life with a fresh start. This is impossible if he keeps bringing it up. Tell him you're done talking about it. Be assertive!
Cheating is a sign of weakness. He wants to see strength in you -- show it by starting with him.
How do I make my boyfriend trust me again after I cheated on him?
VictorM's advice:
By finding a new boyfriend and not making the same mistake again.
But if you want to try with this guy, your best course of action is to forge ahead without talking any more about the past. I assume you already apologized and promised it would never happen again. If you continue to let him beat you over the head with it, he will, and the topic will stay fresh in your lives. That's not a good thing. So, stop talking about it! If he brings it up, tell him you already apologized, you already admitted you made a mistake, you have learned from it, and you just want to move on with your life with a fresh start. This is impossible if he keeps bringing it up. Tell him you're done talking about it. Be assertive!
Cheating is a sign of weakness. He wants to see strength in you -- show it by starting with him.
Labels: advice, answer, boyfriend, cheat, trust
Monday, January 01, 2007
He's great but can't trust him
deezy, 17, from texas asks:
If you have a boyfriend and he's great but like never really shows he cares but always says it and you can't seem to make him happy and like you know he's great but you're not sure if you can trust him, what do you think of him?
VictorM's advice:
I think nothing of him because you don't provide enough information, but I have to wonder about you. If your lack of trust is justified then he's not so great as you say; if your lack of trust isn't justified, then you're an insecure girl and not qualified to judge whether he's great or not.
I don't know what you mean but he "never really shows he cares." My guess is he doesn't know what you mean either. I bet you have your own little secret vision of what a perfect boyfriend would do and say and this poor guy hasn't been able to read your mind and do exactly what you'd like him to do.
If you have a boyfriend and he's great but like never really shows he cares but always says it and you can't seem to make him happy and like you know he's great but you're not sure if you can trust him, what do you think of him?
VictorM's advice:
I think nothing of him because you don't provide enough information, but I have to wonder about you. If your lack of trust is justified then he's not so great as you say; if your lack of trust isn't justified, then you're an insecure girl and not qualified to judge whether he's great or not.
I don't know what you mean but he "never really shows he cares." My guess is he doesn't know what you mean either. I bet you have your own little secret vision of what a perfect boyfriend would do and say and this poor guy hasn't been able to read your mind and do exactly what you'd like him to do.
