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Saturday, February 10, 2007
I like this kid
Bek, 18, from Pennsylvania asks:
Ok so, I like this kid, and he knows, but he's not weirded about it at all. We actually started hanging out more and more after he found out. Only problem is that he said that he doesn't have those feelings for me, yet sometimes he says that he doesn't want to ruin our friendship and also said someday in the future maybe we'll go out, because you never know what the future holds. He is really touchy-feely with me, example: always poking me playing with my hair, laying on me, putting his arm around me, and kissed me on the cheek like 5 times. I asked him about going to the prom and he said that he would go with me, but only as friends. I've been there for him through so much and I am the only girl, he says, that knows so much about him besides his mom and sister. I am really confused, I don't know if he likes me or not, perhaps he's in denial?
VictorM's advice:
I wouldn't call it denial, just not ready for romance with you yet. A romantic relationship implies sex (or at least making out), gifts, responsibility, commitment, etc. He may just not be ready for all of that yet. So whether it's conscienciously or subconsciously, he's just reacting to not being ready yet.
Often, the best relationships start exactly the way you describe. When a guy can show those kinds of feelings towards a girl without just wanting sex, those feelings are sincere and create a level of respect that give you a stronger foundation if and when a relationship develops. So, I say, enjoy what you have now and relax about the future. If it's meant to be, it will be, and if so, it'll probably be great. If not, you have a great friend. Either way, you win.
Ok so, I like this kid, and he knows, but he's not weirded about it at all. We actually started hanging out more and more after he found out. Only problem is that he said that he doesn't have those feelings for me, yet sometimes he says that he doesn't want to ruin our friendship and also said someday in the future maybe we'll go out, because you never know what the future holds. He is really touchy-feely with me, example: always poking me playing with my hair, laying on me, putting his arm around me, and kissed me on the cheek like 5 times. I asked him about going to the prom and he said that he would go with me, but only as friends. I've been there for him through so much and I am the only girl, he says, that knows so much about him besides his mom and sister. I am really confused, I don't know if he likes me or not, perhaps he's in denial?
VictorM's advice:
I wouldn't call it denial, just not ready for romance with you yet. A romantic relationship implies sex (or at least making out), gifts, responsibility, commitment, etc. He may just not be ready for all of that yet. So whether it's conscienciously or subconsciously, he's just reacting to not being ready yet.
Often, the best relationships start exactly the way you describe. When a guy can show those kinds of feelings towards a girl without just wanting sex, those feelings are sincere and create a level of respect that give you a stronger foundation if and when a relationship develops. So, I say, enjoy what you have now and relax about the future. If it's meant to be, it will be, and if so, it'll probably be great. If not, you have a great friend. Either way, you win.
Labels: advice, answer, best friends, relationship, romance
Wednesday, February 07, 2007
Doesn't Want to get Hurt
kate, 26, from New Zealand asks:
A guy who I have been interested in for awhile has a reputation for being a bit of a player. He paid me attention on and off for 6 months but recently has been visiting me once or twice a week. During one of these visits he brought his best friend of 12 years with him and we all had dinner together and watched movies. He often stays the night and we fool around a bit but he said he wants to wait to sleep together. He said that he finds me very attractive. We have great conversation and laughs together. He has however never asked me out to places as yet and sometimes visits me at night after he has been out with his friends and their girlfriends. He said that he is a busy person and likes space to get things done. I'm not the type to crowd someone but am starting to have strong feelings for him and don't want to get hurt. What do you think his intentions are?
VictorM's advice:
If you don't want to get hurt become a nun. Face it, anytime you get entangled romantically, pain and disappointment are only a split second away.
His intentions are the same as most men: to get the most he can by giving as little as possible in return. If he can visit you when he feels like, fool around a little bit when he feels like, get a meal and watch a movie when he feels like, and have to make no commitment, assume no responsibility, and be free to come and go at will by simple saying he's busy, hey, millions and millions of men would sign up instantly for that gig. And oh, trust me, he wants sex, he's just being coy with you, but sex is a goal. He's got a good thing going, so if you let it, your current setup will go on for years.
You have to act on your own time table and what's best for you. Don't be afraid to say something that might scare him way -- the only guys that scare away are the ones that aren't that much into the relationship to begin with. Since you have reached a point of strong feelings for him, the sooner you find out about his feelings for you the better. If he responds in kind, great. But if he gives you excuses, like he's busy or other bullshit, it just means he doesn't feel about you the way you feel about him. In this case, whether you continue to entertain him is up to you, but be aware that's all you will be -- entertainment.
A guy who I have been interested in for awhile has a reputation for being a bit of a player. He paid me attention on and off for 6 months but recently has been visiting me once or twice a week. During one of these visits he brought his best friend of 12 years with him and we all had dinner together and watched movies. He often stays the night and we fool around a bit but he said he wants to wait to sleep together. He said that he finds me very attractive. We have great conversation and laughs together. He has however never asked me out to places as yet and sometimes visits me at night after he has been out with his friends and their girlfriends. He said that he is a busy person and likes space to get things done. I'm not the type to crowd someone but am starting to have strong feelings for him and don't want to get hurt. What do you think his intentions are?
VictorM's advice:
If you don't want to get hurt become a nun. Face it, anytime you get entangled romantically, pain and disappointment are only a split second away.
His intentions are the same as most men: to get the most he can by giving as little as possible in return. If he can visit you when he feels like, fool around a little bit when he feels like, get a meal and watch a movie when he feels like, and have to make no commitment, assume no responsibility, and be free to come and go at will by simple saying he's busy, hey, millions and millions of men would sign up instantly for that gig. And oh, trust me, he wants sex, he's just being coy with you, but sex is a goal. He's got a good thing going, so if you let it, your current setup will go on for years.
You have to act on your own time table and what's best for you. Don't be afraid to say something that might scare him way -- the only guys that scare away are the ones that aren't that much into the relationship to begin with. Since you have reached a point of strong feelings for him, the sooner you find out about his feelings for you the better. If he responds in kind, great. But if he gives you excuses, like he's busy or other bullshit, it just means he doesn't feel about you the way you feel about him. In this case, whether you continue to entertain him is up to you, but be aware that's all you will be -- entertainment.
Labels: commitment, pain, relationship, romance
Saturday, December 16, 2006
I met someone online at a dating site
Eden, 59, from brulington nc asks:
I met someone online at a dating site. He called me 2 months ago and we hit it off immediately. Since the first week he has been saying I love you and we met for a 3 day weekend where he treated me like a princess. He is a sweet and a good man and has emailed me and called me everyday since I left him to come back home and told me he loves and misses me. When I asked him where our relationship was headed after I got home he told me that I was the most beautiful and sexy woman he had ever been with but that we needed to spend more time together to see if we are meant to be life partners. I am spending two weeks with him in January. I don't want to pressure him or drive him off but I am so in love with this guy. What do i do to get him to commit to me?
VictorM's advice:
Stop asking where your relationship is going. Few things irritate a guy more than that. Accept that guys generally move into relationships at a slower clip than females. So, relax, enjoy the company, and STOP RUSHING THINGS.
I met someone online at a dating site. He called me 2 months ago and we hit it off immediately. Since the first week he has been saying I love you and we met for a 3 day weekend where he treated me like a princess. He is a sweet and a good man and has emailed me and called me everyday since I left him to come back home and told me he loves and misses me. When I asked him where our relationship was headed after I got home he told me that I was the most beautiful and sexy woman he had ever been with but that we needed to spend more time together to see if we are meant to be life partners. I am spending two weeks with him in January. I don't want to pressure him or drive him off but I am so in love with this guy. What do i do to get him to commit to me?
VictorM's advice:
Stop asking where your relationship is going. Few things irritate a guy more than that. Accept that guys generally move into relationships at a slower clip than females. So, relax, enjoy the company, and STOP RUSHING THINGS.
Labels: commitment, online dating, relationship, romance
Wednesday, December 13, 2006
I noticed he stares at me
Caz, 22, from Tyne and Wear asks:
I like this guy at work, we have previously been in training when we first started at our work in October. It was only for a week but our group got on really well and we are all friends now. The same group started training for a new department last week and I noticed I liked him more than a friend. It wasn't until then that I noticed he stares at me, I smile back etc. and thought it was often enough to think he might like me too! My gay guy friend (who's in the training group) has noticed the stares as well, thinks he may like me also but when he quietly suggested today to him we make a lovely couple he reacted a bit shocked at the suggestion and didn't really say much so now I'm left wondering how he feels. What should I do?
VictorM's advice:
The first thing you should do is tell your gay friend to mind his ownbutt business. You're no longer in middle school!
The guy may like you, but since you're in a work environment, it doesn't surprise me he was taken aback by your friend's comment and may not be ready to make a move on you and risk his job.
Staring at you doesn't mean he likes you, it just means he likes staring at you. So unless there's more than stares, you have no way of knowing how he feels.
Try to keep things cool at work -- it really isn't the best place to start romances, especially when you're trainees. If you have opportunities to spend time with him away from work, do that. If he's interested in you he will look for those opportunities too, if he's not interested, he will offer excuses.
Of course, don't discount he may be more interested in your gay friend.
I like this guy at work, we have previously been in training when we first started at our work in October. It was only for a week but our group got on really well and we are all friends now. The same group started training for a new department last week and I noticed I liked him more than a friend. It wasn't until then that I noticed he stares at me, I smile back etc. and thought it was often enough to think he might like me too! My gay guy friend (who's in the training group) has noticed the stares as well, thinks he may like me also but when he quietly suggested today to him we make a lovely couple he reacted a bit shocked at the suggestion and didn't really say much so now I'm left wondering how he feels. What should I do?
VictorM's advice:
The first thing you should do is tell your gay friend to mind his own
The guy may like you, but since you're in a work environment, it doesn't surprise me he was taken aback by your friend's comment and may not be ready to make a move on you and risk his job.
Staring at you doesn't mean he likes you, it just means he likes staring at you. So unless there's more than stares, you have no way of knowing how he feels.
Try to keep things cool at work -- it really isn't the best place to start romances, especially when you're trainees. If you have opportunities to spend time with him away from work, do that. If he's interested in you he will look for those opportunities too, if he's not interested, he will offer excuses.
Of course, don't discount he may be more interested in your gay friend.
