MDoe, 36, from Arizona asks:

What does it mean when a man says, "Three strikes and you're out"? I am with 'Joe' since Oct. 2001, we're engaged but he is legally married to wife #1. His 3 kids and my 3 (youngest in common) get along okay. During first deployment, 2003, to Iraq, I got my first 'strike' after accidentally leaving his 12 year old daughter at a rest stop on the way home late one weekend. She was okay as she met other people who are distantly related to me and found safety knowing she was not totally alone. I discovered her missing just minutes after coming home, 1.5 hours later. Breaking all speed limits, I got back to her in one hour. Joe is now coming home from 2nd deployment. I again am left to care for 6 kids. Over the weekend, my sister invited me to join them for a basketball game, I went, the kids didn't. Joe calls and kids were upset they didn't go to the game. To my understanding, their relatives were coming to visit and spend time with Joe's kids and take them to the ball game. However, they were already at the game or they didn't have room in their small vehicle. Joe called, I was "Strike Two and one more I'm out". I'm puzzled, 'I didn't know we were keeping score in this relationship' I didn't get much sleep last night thinking about this. I don't know what a man means when he is keeping score. After 6 years of faithfully committed, I wonder if I've over invested too much into this relationship? Back in 2004, he was finally 'looking' into getting a divorce from wife #1 because he wanted to marry me. The sad thing is, I wanted to get married on May 5, 2005....... I no longer want to get married.

VictorM's advice:

Well, Joe is a military guy. He has a certain discipline and expectations of those around him. He is communicating very clearly with you. He considers a woman who makes three big mistakes (in his mind) not worthy of keeping. For better or for worse, that is Joe.

You are ignoring tons of information coming your way. Let's see, you have been with Joe since 2001, that's 6 years and he's still not divorced. Hello?! Anybody home? Divorces don't take years to get.

I don't think Joe is looking for a wife -- hell, he already has one and he's not giving her up, whether you like to face that reality or not -- no, he's looking for a babysitter. And as that, you have screwed up, no question about it.

Look, when it comes to relationships, what you have invested in the past doesn't count; what counts is what dividends you think it will pay in the future. Do you want love, romance, caring, understanding, and sharing? Or do you want boot camp with an umpire on your ass?

I think you know the answer -- you just need the courage to act on it.

Labels: not divorced, relationship, three strikes

Jessica, 16, from California asks:

I've been talking to this guy and at first we flirted and everything was ok and we started talking and then one day I had an idea to walk home and he said he'll walk home with me (just a chance for us to get closer maybe even go out)... well, later on that day my mom said no I couldn't walk home then I told him I couldn't and he was ok but then my sister got her to say yes and sooo I went back to him saying I could walk and he didn't want to and I was like why?...and he was like whatever and I was like grrr and I got hella mad because he practically was like ignoring me and soo yeah then I said what the hell and we said our sorrys and stuff soo we were back to talking and then on saturday out of the blue he's all like I know you like me and I don't want you to talk to me anymore so I was like hella hurt because i REALLY like this guy. Well anyways... I did what he said not talk to him...but it was really hard because I had a period with him soo I switched anyways...soo yeah but I have my best guy friend...he has him 4th period and the guy always asks about me and stuff and yesterday he was like "why did jessica switch classes?"...and he always constantly looks at the picture of me on my best guy friend's binder...and anyways...my friend was like I don't know and then the guy asked for a pencil and he said no... and he was like if you give me the pencil I'll ask jessica out and my guy friend gave him the pencil and he was like I'll think about it and later told him he'll call me....he never did but yeah whatever he just always talks about me with my guy friend now. He told me not to talk to him anymore but if he's talking about me, what does that mean???....Does he like me because he used to he told about two weeks before he said want me to talk to him because it was "CONFUSING"... whatever... I need your help love ya always xoxo*JeSsIcA*

VictorM's answer:

The first thing I have to say after reading your questions is: I'm so happy I'm not a teenager anymore. Man, what drama over a pencil! :)

What does it mean that he asks about you? It means he knows he can screw with you and your friend, and he likes it. It's good for his ego to know there's a girl who likes him, even if he doesn't like her back. It's all about feeding HIS ego, not about liking YOU.

He used to like you when he thought you were a challenge. Once he found out you liked him, he lost interest. It happens 87.47% of the times with teen boys (yeah, I made that number up, but it happens a lot). Most teen boys have a hard time being serious with one girl because their hormones require challenges and conquests. The more the marrier.

Don't give up on the kid. Generally boys develop slower than girls. Trust me, he's much more confused about girls than you are about him and once he settles down, who knows, he may realize you're the coolest girl on the planet. Meanwhile, ignore him and play hard to get. That improves your odds of him coming around. Make yourself a challenge.

Labels: attraction, conquest, relationship, teen boys, teen girls

Ash, 17, from USA asks:

I've known this guy since I was eight years old. A couple of weeks ago his best friend told me he wanted to ask me to be his girlfriend. So I went to the guy and asked him about it, and he sounded kind of mad at his friend but told me that he did want to ask me to be his girlfriend, but he needed time. So I gave him time and a week later he told me he changed his mind, saying that he wanted to nurture our friendship more, and that he was busy right now with work and school. He told me later he wants a relationship with me as much as I want one with him, and he always tells me that he wants me in his life. Does he really want a relationship with me or should I move on?

VictorM's answer:

You blew it when you approached him. You took the fun out of the conquest. At this age, more than anything else, boys like to do things to beat their chest and brag to their friends. Getting the one girl no one thinks he can get is such a thing. But when a girl is a sure thing, some of the fun is lost. That's what you became, the sure-thing. So he's torn between liking you and the male need for conquest.

You don't have to move on, but you should behave as if you are. I bet he'll chase then.

Labels: advice, answer, bragging, just friend, move on, relationship

Bonnie, 43, from Ontario, Canada asks:

I met a guy who joined our Department at work last summer. We hit it off right away and seem to bring out the best in each other. We are always making each other laugh and love to be around each other. We became friends very quickly and he is always teasing me and I catch him staring at me across the room all the time. He is always watching me closely. He has told other people in the company when they ask him why he is single that he is a heartbreaker and doesn't want to be in a bad relationship. Lately he brushes against me and pokes me, little touchy feely things but not in a sexual fashion. I have invited him to go do things and he has come to my place for a housewarming party before. How do I really know if he is interested in me? Reg is very special to me and he seems to bring out the best in me. Now I am very sociable and laugh all the time, I am always happy when he is around. He is always complimenting me and we share lunches. Do you have any advice for keeping the magic or perhaps helping it to grow. Do you think he is gun shy perhaps?

VictorM's answer:

The first thing to consider is that he may be reluctant to take things to the next level because you are coworkers. Some people have a big problem with that and prefer to keep a certain distance even with someone they really like. This should be a topic of conversation at some point between you two. Then you'll have a better idea of his interest in you.

I don't buy the gun shy reason. People walk away from others only if they feel they are not the ideal partner. He's single because he's never found someone worth taking a risk. That might change with you, it might not. Time will tell.

Don't rush him. I always say that two people should move into a relationship at the pace of the slowest one (usually the male). The other one is wise to exercise patience.

Labels: coworker, relationship

Bek, 18, from Pennsylvania asks:

Ok so, I like this kid, and he knows, but he's not weirded about it at all. We actually started hanging out more and more after he found out. Only problem is that he said that he doesn't have those feelings for me, yet sometimes he says that he doesn't want to ruin our friendship and also said someday in the future maybe we'll go out, because you never know what the future holds. He is really touchy-feely with me, example: always poking me playing with my hair, laying on me, putting his arm around me, and kissed me on the cheek like 5 times. I asked him about going to the prom and he said that he would go with me, but only as friends. I've been there for him through so much and I am the only girl, he says, that knows so much about him besides his mom and sister. I am really confused, I don't know if he likes me or not, perhaps he's in denial?

VictorM's advice:

I wouldn't call it denial, just not ready for romance with you yet. A romantic relationship implies sex (or at least making out), gifts, responsibility, commitment, etc. He may just not be ready for all of that yet. So whether it's conscienciously or subconsciously, he's just reacting to not being ready yet.

Often, the best relationships start exactly the way you describe. When a guy can show those kinds of feelings towards a girl without just wanting sex, those feelings are sincere and create a level of respect that give you a stronger foundation if and when a relationship develops. So, I say, enjoy what you have now and relax about the future. If it's meant to be, it will be, and if so, it'll probably be great. If not, you have a great friend. Either way, you win.

Labels: advice, answer, best friends, relationship, romance

kate, 26, from New Zealand asks:

A guy who I have been interested in for awhile has a reputation for being a bit of a player. He paid me attention on and off for 6 months but recently has been visiting me once or twice a week. During one of these visits he brought his best friend of 12 years with him and we all had dinner together and watched movies. He often stays the night and we fool around a bit but he said he wants to wait to sleep together. He said that he finds me very attractive. We have great conversation and laughs together. He has however never asked me out to places as yet and sometimes visits me at night after he has been out with his friends and their girlfriends. He said that he is a busy person and likes space to get things done. I'm not the type to crowd someone but am starting to have strong feelings for him and don't want to get hurt. What do you think his intentions are?

VictorM's advice:

If you don't want to get hurt become a nun. Face it, anytime you get entangled romantically, pain and disappointment are only a split second away.

His intentions are the same as most men: to get the most he can by giving as little as possible in return. If he can visit you when he feels like, fool around a little bit when he feels like, get a meal and watch a movie when he feels like, and have to make no commitment, assume no responsibility, and be free to come and go at will by simple saying he's busy, hey, millions and millions of men would sign up instantly for that gig. And oh, trust me, he wants sex, he's just being coy with you, but sex is a goal. He's got a good thing going, so if you let it, your current setup will go on for years.

You have to act on your own time table and what's best for you. Don't be afraid to say something that might scare him way -- the only guys that scare away are the ones that aren't that much into the relationship to begin with. Since you have reached a point of strong feelings for him, the sooner you find out about his feelings for you the better. If he responds in kind, great. But if he gives you excuses, like he's busy or other bullshit, it just means he doesn't feel about you the way you feel about him. In this case, whether you continue to entertain him is up to you, but be aware that's all you will be -- entertainment.

Labels: commitment, pain, relationship, romance

Tonya, 26, from waynesboro pa asks:

My boyfriend and I have been together 6 years. We live together in a house we bought together. We talk about the future, about getting married and having a child. Recently he has become friends with a girl he works with. She calls him on the phone to chat and he calls her. He promises they are just friends and I have nothing to worry about. He has never given me a reason not to trust him before. Should I continue to trust him and this new friendship?

VictorM's advice:

Yes, you should, until you have reason to believe otherwise.

I bet she's understanding with him about you. If you start being obnoxious with him about her, whose company do you think he might feel more inclined to seek? Besides, there's little you can do about the fact that he probably spends more time with her than with you. If the time he spends with you is fun and rewarding, you'll have less to worry about.

Having said that, exchanging private phone numbers with a coworker of the opposite sex and using that number to call each other frequently is a little bit unnerving, particularly if he finds her attractive. His promise, by the way, that they're just friends should be totally ignored -- he'd give you that answer even if they weren't just friends. What you have to do is follow your gut. I'm sure that having lived with him for 6 years you will know, even better than him, if his friendship with her starts crossing the line. If it does, I'm sure you'll recognize the twinkle in his eyes when he talks about her. Don't ask him to stop talking about her -- that will be your best gauge of what he thinks of her.

Regardless of what happens, if your boyfriend has any brains he'll soon realize that these friendly calls must stop; nothing good will come from nurturing a friendship like this, particularly if you have already expressed your concern. If you don't see a change shortly, worry that either he's getting too attached to her or that he's a moron when it comes to treating you right.

Labels: coworker, friendship, relationship

Diana, 51, from Florida asks:

We have been in a 5 year relationship, living in separate homes but across the street from each other. I have a 12 year old daughter, he has no children. (He is 59) we have had our ups and downs but always felt true soul mates with this man and he with me. He had been caught in the past with saying he was working but seeing another "friend". Fessed up and said he was tempted with an ex, but never did anything. It broke my trust some though, but got over it and we went on. I believe it has lingered with me and our arguments start coming more frequent ruining our "alone weekends" over crazy things. In a nutshell I wondered whether he would always be there for me and he thought that I did not truly love him! (The actual truth is that we both were 100% in love with each other but did not see it. Anyway after our last blow up over me saying something stupid, he is calling off the relationship. Said he hurts bad but better to get it over now and not wait for another ruined weekend. He has been miserable, me too. But he hates me so now. He said he believes I was so crafty all these years, leading him on. He tells me to hurry up and find someone so that he can too then, but he does not want to be the first one. He does not go anywhere, just stays home when not working (self employed) and watches tv... can't get motivated. His hurt is so bad that it has turned into pure hate for me. Tried to tell him that the "we" is worth fixing. You do not give up on how well we really get along and the things we both like together. Fact: Never ever cheated on him. ( we both are attractive people) Love him dearly. I know he does me too, however feeling dead inside. Are we hopeless? Has he been so hurt from his other relationships in the past he is giving up? He has been married 2 times, me never. One more fact and he knows this too, I am probably one of the nicest people around, will do anything for anyone... kind heart. Honest. Our quarrels happen after some cocktails.

VictorM's advice:

Stop drinking! Or drink alone.

You're both 100% in love with each other? Bullshit! People who are in love don't behave the way you do. He won't date someone else because he wants you to do that first? Are you freaking serious?! And then you said something stupid and the reaction of so called soul-mates is to break-up? Does this make any sense to you? It doesn't to me.

Is there any hope for you two? I doubt it. If by age 59 and 51 you still waste your time with such petty behavior, you don't value life and you don't value each other. You may be in your 50's but emotionally you're two dysfunctional teenagers.

Stop being so nice! Too nice can be annoying. Tell the old fart to stop acting like a child and behave like a man or fuck off! You're wasting the last few good years of your life away. Be assertive -- men like that!

Labels: break-up, relationship

Shannon, 30, from: New Hampshire asks:

So this guy and I have been dating, not exclusively, for the last 4 months. He is best friends with my best friends husband and he tells her how he likes me a lot. Yet he won't commit because he doesn't know what he wants to do with work etc yet. He may move this summer. She tells me to just give him time. She is the second person to tell me this. I've been away on a business trip for the last week and before that he was helping a friend move out to California. We have talked every day and he even told me he missed me. He flew down this weekend to see me on my trip and again told me he missed me. So why won't he commit? Should I ask him? I sometimes feel that I want more then he does.

VictorM's advice:

By your own admission you're not even dating exclusively. Doesn't sound like you're that serious either. Anyway, so he likes you some. He misses you (a boiler plate expression that everyone says, which may or may not be true.) So he goes to visit you -- it's not like a person needs to be madly in love to enjoy another person's company.

I don't know if you want more than he does but clearly he's not sure about you yet, hence the talk about moving. If you feel the need to ask how he feels, there's a bad sign right there -- your relationship is not ready for commitment. So don't ask. Besides, you would never get a straight answer anyway.

Date the guy. Learn more about him. Find out what his plans are. Enjoy his company. Come summer if you're still not dating exclusively or if he doesn't change his mind about moving... you're not his "the one" or him yours.

Labels: advice, answer, commitment, relationship

Alicia, 20, from Florida asks:

Hi, I have been dating my boyfriend for nearly 4 years. I love him with all of my heart, but for about a year now (since he had to emigrate for me) he's really become grumpy and sometimes unpleasant to be around. He no longer seems to be driven to do anything romantic or make me feel special in any way. I keep on trying, like taking him out to dinner or planning special evenings...but I never get anything in return. I feel as though I just try and try and try...but in the end it seems as though I'm pushing for nothing. I've tried speaking to him about it, and he promises to make an effort, but it has been a year and he hasn't. Even our sex life has decreased drastically. I don't think I am an unattractive girl at all, and I feel as though I deserve more, but I'm not sure what else to do...please give me some testosteronial advice!

VictorM's advice:

You're trying too hard and with the wrong person. As long as you make a stink over him, he gets lazier and more secure about the relationship. You need to jolt him out of this sense of stability. Don't make an issue of his behavior for a while. Instead, go out more often with friends, dress up a little sexier when you go out without him, etc. The only way he might snap out of this rut is if he feels he's losing you. Don't be rude, don't be cold, greet him with smiles, but be a little more distant, spend more time without him and mention how much fun you had each time you go out.

Try it for a while -- it'll work... or your money back.

Labels: advice, answer, boyfriend, lazy, relationship

merline, 34, from florida asks:

My boyfriend and I have know each other for over a year. We have been dating for 10 months. I have handled our relationship with care, so has he. I waited to sleep with him and he agreed to wait until I was ready. We have been building a really good relationship, our friendship has been maintained also. On my side we have had many close calls, times I almost scared myself out of the relationship. He wouldn't have it. Whenever I have a problem with something he did or didn't do, said or didn't say, he always knows what to say to defuse the bomb in my insecurity. I have taken the safety he offers me to voice what is bothering me. He is always patient. I love that about him. I realized that he loved me. Then I realized I loved him. I find it easy to tell him. He likes and accepts my love. The thing is he is silent but speaks with actions. I always feel loved by him. He has been this way from the beginning. He buys me gifts, ask for my opinions on things, and he is super affectionate, alone or with people around. He always compliments me and he makes me feel important to him. I sometimes wonder how he does it, especially when he is so busy all the time. The calls have gotten low sometimes but at soon as I let him know they pick up. I know that he loves me. He even said it. Later he made it seem as if he didn't mean to say it. I almost believed him and dumped him, until he let me know that his actions tell, I should not long for the words. That is true. I can appreciate that most men will say what you want to hear, and do the opposite, I have a guy that is always showing me his love. Even when he thinks I am being "crazy". Since he said it, I made the mistake of bringing attention to it and that is when he gave me the turn around. A few weeks after that he said he believes we fit each other, that we think alike and meld really well together. He echos my thoughts always. we decided that we were a team. when he said this to me it meant more than a mere, I love you. It meant he feels just as comfortable with me as I do him. He even said there is no reason for him to look for someone more suitable that I suit him fine. What do you thinks? Are these good signs to you?
Does it seem like a solid way to start a relationship to you. thanks

VictorM's answer:

I only know of two perfect guys; you seem to have found the other one.

You have a solid star and a fantastic relationship already. Seriously, guys like the one you describe are very rare.

It bothers me a little that you still feel insecure enough to even ask. I mean, how much more perfect does a guy have to be? I hope you don't go spoiling things with too many demands. Insecurity of your kind can be handled, and your guy seems to be doing great, but it can also become a royal pain in the ass after a while. Use, but don't abuse, "the safety he offers" for you to speak your mind.

Anyway, good luck and relax, be happy.

Labels: relationship

Courtney, 17, from Canada asks:

Okay just to warn you...this is gonna be a long one...well I'm a little bit confused right now. See, I have history with this guy, we've known each other since the third grade and he always used to drag me through puddles and jump on me in the snow. I thought he hated me but it turned out to be the opposite. We were best friends in grade five then had a fling in the summer the same year. We kept it a secret and decided to break it off after summer was over. When we got to high-school, we acted like strangers in the hallway. The last girlfriend he had was in grade 8 and I went through a few. He started talking to me after I broke up with my long term boyfriend. It was completely out of the blue to say the least and now we're good friends (in secret) and we can talk about anything and everything. It's hard to explain all the important stuff in between all this, but I want to know, coming from a guy's perspective...Do you think he might still have feelings for me?

VictorM's answer:

I think there's a very good chance of that. Even more, I think it's quite likely. It's natural that both of you had a few partners. At your ages, focusing on one person for too long is not the norm. Now, you're starting to mature and the attraction is coming back. But with a guy you can never rule out that he thinks you'll just be easy.

The one thing I don't understand is why keep the friendship a secret? Is it your choice or his? Is this a case of wanting to eat the cake and keeping it too?

Labels: advice, friendship, relationship

Sharon, 30, from United States asks:

I have been seeing this guy for about 4 months now. A month and a half into "dating" we had the talk about where things were and we both agreed that we wanted to date each other but also date other people. Go forward another month and half and we have another talk about where this whole dating thing is headed. He said he tried to have a relationship with me (I didn't even realize this) but that he just isn't ready but still wants to date to see where this is going but also date other people still. So does he like me or am I just some kind of back-up plan? We always have fun together and I can tell he likes me by the little things he does, but after 4 months shouldn't you know whether or not you want to be in a relationship with someone?

VictorM's advice:

Why should he feel so secure about a relationship with you when just a few weeks ago you were willing to date other guys too? So now that you have reached a conclusion, he should too, on your timetable? Doesn't work that way. I'm not convinced you're a back-up plan -- you might be -- but I'm more inclined to believe he's not convinced about your feelings for him.

My suggestion, if you really are ready to commit to him and you want him to commit to you, is to say to him that you are now sure he's the one, and since you reached that conclusion, you can't be a part-time lover. If he still needs to date other people, fine, but he can't date you. Basically, he'll have to shit or get off the pot about you.

If he decides to continue to play the field, then you have your answer -- you've been nothing but a back-up plan. If, however, he is willing to commit to you, well... name your first born after me.

Labels: date other people, dating, relationship

julia, 32, from new jersey asks:

This guy was working at the record shop, we hung out a couple times a couple months back. Now he quit the shop. When I went in there a few days before his last day, he asked me out. We went out, had fun. He paid. He said we would have to do this again, before he leaves town for xmas. I went to the shop a couple days later, on his last day, he wanted to go out again the next week. He called a couple days later needing help, his uncle died and he needed me to watch his dog at my house and probably longer since he is moving back home and his parents said no dog. I say okay, he comes over we talk a bit then he goes home. He goes to funeral, he came back in town for a day before leaving for xmas vacation for a few days, he came over gave me a present for watching the dog, we went to the room where the dog was, let the dog roam, and we talked about different things. He always asks how I've been. When he left in a little bit, he said he wanted to go out to eat when he came back (since we didn't get to go because of funeral) to town in a few days. Does he like me?

VictorM's answer:

He keeps asking you out, you have fun, you dog-sat for his dog... I think you're heading straight to relationship heaven... unless... let me get this straight: he's moving back to his parent's who won't allow him to have a dog. OK, so what's going to happen to the dog? Are you keeping it? For how long?

He either likes you or he needs a dog sitter. Well, it could be both but how will you know? I sure as heck don't. I wouldn't rule anything out.

Hey, at least he didn't have a boa constrictor as a pet.

Labels: dating, relationship

D, 18, from norcal asks:

My boyfriend doesn't like talking about our relationship, and I guess most guys don't but...problem is, we started as a young couple, and we both made mistakes along the way but we're older now and we've moved on... or so the relationship has in a way. Thing is, he can kiss and make up and mow right over the incident, but I can't get it out of my head until I get it off my chest and 'resolved.' Every time my mind goes idle I'll think about it and I'll get irritated and blow up at him, but I don't want to say it's about something completely irrelevant to current events, so I don't tell him what it is. How do I get him to just sit tight and give me some closure on our relationship bumps??

VictorM's advice:

As you said, this is a very common situation. Quite often it never gets resolved and so the problems linger and grow with time. It's a good think that you're aware of this and want to do something about it, however, it takes two to resolve this problem and unless he understands what's going on, you're left to get more irritated as time goes on.

Did you sit down with him, calmly, and explained to him exactly what you told us? If you did, you need to try again and if you didn't, you need to. But before you do, you must be in the frame of mind that this is your issue, not his. You must bring it up as something you need to do, something that you need his help with, and at no time should you try to place blame on him. If you make it your issue, one that you need his help rather than something he must change, you might stand a better chance.

Anytime you talk to a guy about your feelings and your needs rather than his shortcomings and his flaws, you stand a much better chance of getting him to change.

Labels: communication, relationship

Eden, 59, from brulington nc asks:

I met someone online at a dating site. He called me 2 months ago and we hit it off immediately. Since the first week he has been saying I love you and we met for a 3 day weekend where he treated me like a princess. He is a sweet and a good man and has emailed me and called me everyday since I left him to come back home and told me he loves and misses me. When I asked him where our relationship was headed after I got home he told me that I was the most beautiful and sexy woman he had ever been with but that we needed to spend more time together to see if we are meant to be life partners. I am spending two weeks with him in January. I don't want to pressure him or drive him off but I am so in love with this guy. What do i do to get him to commit to me?

VictorM's advice:

Stop asking where your relationship is going. Few things irritate a guy more than that. Accept that guys generally move into relationships at a slower clip than females. So, relax, enjoy the company, and STOP RUSHING THINGS.

Labels: commitment, online dating, relationship, romance

Jennifer, 32, from texas asks:

I met a guy that's divorced and had a bad relationship after the divorce. We started to date each other and when things started to take off, he backed up. He didn't disappear, he kept sending me text messages. We've talked and he says he wasn't ready for the relationship and it had nothing to do with me. We now hang out on occasion and it's not just about friends with benefits but we do things together. He adjusts his schedule to make time to see me, but not often. Trying to figure out if it really is about avoiding the commitment?

VictorM's advice:

It's about getting the most from you and giving back as little as possible. And he's succeeding. Whether you like it or not, you are just a friend with benefits. Don't believe me? Stop the benefits and see what happens.

Any sensible guy will avoid commitment with a girl if he doesn't think she's "it". But hey, he won't turn down benefits.

Labels: commitment, friends with benefits, relationship

Sweetness, 27, from South Africa asks:

I'm dating a guy from Senegal, he seems to be too busy for me. He hardly has time for me and I sometimes feel as though our relationship is all about sex. Should I leave the guy or give him some space?

VictorM's advice:

Cut out the sex and see how it goes. If he still makes time for you, fine, otherwise, give him the boot.

But in general, be weary of someone who is all work. One can be aggressive and hard working and still balance life and work. If this guys can't do that, you are better off taking a chance with someone new.

Labels: relationship, sex, workaholic