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Friday, January 12, 2007
Grumpy and sometimes unpleasant
Alicia, 20, from Florida asks:
Hi, I have been dating my boyfriend for nearly 4 years. I love him with all of my heart, but for about a year now (since he had to emigrate for me) he's really become grumpy and sometimes unpleasant to be around. He no longer seems to be driven to do anything romantic or make me feel special in any way. I keep on trying, like taking him out to dinner or planning special evenings...but I never get anything in return. I feel as though I just try and try and try...but in the end it seems as though I'm pushing for nothing. I've tried speaking to him about it, and he promises to make an effort, but it has been a year and he hasn't. Even our sex life has decreased drastically. I don't think I am an unattractive girl at all, and I feel as though I deserve more, but I'm not sure what else to do...please give me some testosteronial advice!
VictorM's advice:
You're trying too hard and with the wrong person. As long as you make a stink over him, he gets lazier and more secure about the relationship. You need to jolt him out of this sense of stability. Don't make an issue of his behavior for a while. Instead, go out more often with friends, dress up a little sexier when you go out without him, etc. The only way he might snap out of this rut is if he feels he's losing you. Don't be rude, don't be cold, greet him with smiles, but be a little more distant, spend more time without him and mention how much fun you had each time you go out.
Try it for a while -- it'll work... or your money back.
Hi, I have been dating my boyfriend for nearly 4 years. I love him with all of my heart, but for about a year now (since he had to emigrate for me) he's really become grumpy and sometimes unpleasant to be around. He no longer seems to be driven to do anything romantic or make me feel special in any way. I keep on trying, like taking him out to dinner or planning special evenings...but I never get anything in return. I feel as though I just try and try and try...but in the end it seems as though I'm pushing for nothing. I've tried speaking to him about it, and he promises to make an effort, but it has been a year and he hasn't. Even our sex life has decreased drastically. I don't think I am an unattractive girl at all, and I feel as though I deserve more, but I'm not sure what else to do...please give me some testosteronial advice!
VictorM's advice:
You're trying too hard and with the wrong person. As long as you make a stink over him, he gets lazier and more secure about the relationship. You need to jolt him out of this sense of stability. Don't make an issue of his behavior for a while. Instead, go out more often with friends, dress up a little sexier when you go out without him, etc. The only way he might snap out of this rut is if he feels he's losing you. Don't be rude, don't be cold, greet him with smiles, but be a little more distant, spend more time without him and mention how much fun you had each time you go out.
Try it for a while -- it'll work... or your money back.
Labels: advice, answer, boyfriend, lazy, relationship
Sunday, January 07, 2007
We've come to a bit of a stand still
Danielle, 19, from NY asks:
My boyfriend and I have been dating for about half a year now. I would classify it as a serious relationship, as we have talked about the future and everything. In the beginning of the relationship things were awesome, we were so in love, you know the deal. But I would say the past two months we've come to a bit of a stand still. He doesn't really take me out anymore, most of our time spent together is at home, he doesn't put in the effort and do those little things that he used to in the beginning etc, He's occasionally too tired to get physical. So the other day I had a talk with him, about maybe taking a break in our relationship. I thought maybe he was avoiding the talk because he didn't want to hurt me. Basically he freaked and said the thought of breaking up with me had never crossed his mind...Now he thinks that something is going on with me, or there is another guy involved "because this came out of nowhere." We are patching things up as I write this, so I'm pretty sure things will be okay but...I guess my question is what the hell should I think of this? Is this something that happens in all relationships? I wouldn't really know I guess. Does it get better, and is there a way to get past it? Basically I just don't know what to think about this confusing guy behavior. Insight appreciated.
VictorM's advice:
What's happening, unfortunately is far too common. Guys are notorious for getting lazy once they feel secure in the relationship. It's not a matter of being less in love, it's just they feel no need to keep working at it. Some guys get like this in months, same in years, but far too many get there sooner or later.
But just because it's common it doesn't mean you should settle for it. With such guys, the women need to keep lighting a fire under their lazy asses, trade the guy for another and hope the new one is better -- most often he isn't, or they can anticipate being unhappy.
What you do is up to you, but if you want to keep trying with this guy, let him think whatever he wants about the reason you brought this up. If he's not so secure in this relationship, he might realize he needs to work for you. Don't go out of your way to make him jealous, but make him wonder why you're wearing more perfume to work, or more make-up when going shopping. The problem is, you're likely to have to keep it up for the rest of your life unless this guy has some epiphany. Guys seldom get better at this; most often, it gets worse.
Just keep in mind that laziness, if not reversed, is an irreconcilable difference.
My boyfriend and I have been dating for about half a year now. I would classify it as a serious relationship, as we have talked about the future and everything. In the beginning of the relationship things were awesome, we were so in love, you know the deal. But I would say the past two months we've come to a bit of a stand still. He doesn't really take me out anymore, most of our time spent together is at home, he doesn't put in the effort and do those little things that he used to in the beginning etc, He's occasionally too tired to get physical. So the other day I had a talk with him, about maybe taking a break in our relationship. I thought maybe he was avoiding the talk because he didn't want to hurt me. Basically he freaked and said the thought of breaking up with me had never crossed his mind...Now he thinks that something is going on with me, or there is another guy involved "because this came out of nowhere." We are patching things up as I write this, so I'm pretty sure things will be okay but...I guess my question is what the hell should I think of this? Is this something that happens in all relationships? I wouldn't really know I guess. Does it get better, and is there a way to get past it? Basically I just don't know what to think about this confusing guy behavior. Insight appreciated.
VictorM's advice:
What's happening, unfortunately is far too common. Guys are notorious for getting lazy once they feel secure in the relationship. It's not a matter of being less in love, it's just they feel no need to keep working at it. Some guys get like this in months, same in years, but far too many get there sooner or later.
But just because it's common it doesn't mean you should settle for it. With such guys, the women need to keep lighting a fire under their lazy asses, trade the guy for another and hope the new one is better -- most often he isn't, or they can anticipate being unhappy.
What you do is up to you, but if you want to keep trying with this guy, let him think whatever he wants about the reason you brought this up. If he's not so secure in this relationship, he might realize he needs to work for you. Don't go out of your way to make him jealous, but make him wonder why you're wearing more perfume to work, or more make-up when going shopping. The problem is, you're likely to have to keep it up for the rest of your life unless this guy has some epiphany. Guys seldom get better at this; most often, it gets worse.
Just keep in mind that laziness, if not reversed, is an irreconcilable difference.
Labels: boyfriend, irreconcilable difference, lazy
