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Thursday, March 22, 2007
What to do about a lazy boyfriend
Alisha, 21, from Athens, WV asks:
How do you get your boyfriend more involved in a girl's life? He is too lazy to do much of anything with me and he spends most of his time sleeping or on a computer and doesn't like spending time with me. What do I do?
VictorM's advice:
You mean, besides dumping his lazy ass?
If I could motivate guys like your boyfriend I'd make a fortune, but I can't. However, you can try, provided you aren't too lazy yourself. It will require work and patience on your part.
Here's the plan: stop bothering him about his laziness. From today on start making plans to go out with your friends to movies, mall, parties, etc. Ask your boyfriend to come along. When he declines, say: "OK, honey, have a nice time", and go. When you come back, make sure you tell him how much fun it was, kiss him, be nice to him, ask him if he had a nice time. Continue to do this. Don't be afraid to include guys in the group of friends you go out with. If he gets angry, just keep telling him you'd prefer for him to come, but if he doesn't want to, you will not be stuck at home.
Maybe he will get the message and start going out with you, maybe he won't. But either way, you will have a much better idea of what kind of man he is.
But you have to realize one other thing. If you stay with him without seeing significant change, you are equally lazy. In fact, you're worse. At least he's satisfied sleeping and being on the computer; you're not. You really have more reason to make a change than he does. If you can't bring yourself up to dump him if he doesn't change, you're the bigger loser!
One other thing... consider that even of what I suggested works, you will most likely have to behave this way for the rest of your life. Do you really want that? Because the odds he'll ever change on his own are mighty slim. Think about that.
How do you get your boyfriend more involved in a girl's life? He is too lazy to do much of anything with me and he spends most of his time sleeping or on a computer and doesn't like spending time with me. What do I do?
VictorM's advice:
You mean, besides dumping his lazy ass?
If I could motivate guys like your boyfriend I'd make a fortune, but I can't. However, you can try, provided you aren't too lazy yourself. It will require work and patience on your part.
Here's the plan: stop bothering him about his laziness. From today on start making plans to go out with your friends to movies, mall, parties, etc. Ask your boyfriend to come along. When he declines, say: "OK, honey, have a nice time", and go. When you come back, make sure you tell him how much fun it was, kiss him, be nice to him, ask him if he had a nice time. Continue to do this. Don't be afraid to include guys in the group of friends you go out with. If he gets angry, just keep telling him you'd prefer for him to come, but if he doesn't want to, you will not be stuck at home.
Maybe he will get the message and start going out with you, maybe he won't. But either way, you will have a much better idea of what kind of man he is.
But you have to realize one other thing. If you stay with him without seeing significant change, you are equally lazy. In fact, you're worse. At least he's satisfied sleeping and being on the computer; you're not. You really have more reason to make a change than he does. If you can't bring yourself up to dump him if he doesn't change, you're the bigger loser!
One other thing... consider that even of what I suggested works, you will most likely have to behave this way for the rest of your life. Do you really want that? Because the odds he'll ever change on his own are mighty slim. Think about that.
Labels: boyfriend, he's lazy, laziness
