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Monday, April 02, 2007
I wasn't happy
Bek, 14, from TX, asks:
My cousin and I have been REALLY close since we 1st met when I was 3. Now, she's 15, and has a boyfriend. Thing is, he used to...and still does, like me. Since they've been going out, he's flirted with me non-stop. They were both thinkin about breaking up because they hadn't really talked to each other since they started going out, but Wednesday, he barely talked to her and she was freaking out saying that she didn't wanna break up with him now. After a while, they worked things out....but I wasn't happy. I had been hoping that they would go ahead and break up. I'm thinking, either I'm jealous of her, or I'm pissed because she always talks about her boyfriend. What in the world am I gonna do? I don't even feel like I wanna be around her...or her boyfriend because of the simple fact that both of us might start flirting......:S
VictorM's advice:
You're jealous of her. That's an intuitive reaction that you can't help feeling. It's understandable why you feel the way you do. But that doesn't mean that you shouldn't try to fight what you do about it. If you and her are so close, you should try to rise above your selfish feelings and focus on her happiness.
For now, try to keep a little distance from her, specially if he's going to be around. The odds are you won't have to do this that long because sooner rather than later they will break-up. After all, a guy who flirts as much as he does isn't going to stick with one girl too long. And they have already been on the ropes.
Bottom line: don't think just of yourself; that's not what good friends do.
My cousin and I have been REALLY close since we 1st met when I was 3. Now, she's 15, and has a boyfriend. Thing is, he used to...and still does, like me. Since they've been going out, he's flirted with me non-stop. They were both thinkin about breaking up because they hadn't really talked to each other since they started going out, but Wednesday, he barely talked to her and she was freaking out saying that she didn't wanna break up with him now. After a while, they worked things out....but I wasn't happy. I had been hoping that they would go ahead and break up. I'm thinking, either I'm jealous of her, or I'm pissed because she always talks about her boyfriend. What in the world am I gonna do? I don't even feel like I wanna be around her...or her boyfriend because of the simple fact that both of us might start flirting......:S
VictorM's advice:
You're jealous of her. That's an intuitive reaction that you can't help feeling. It's understandable why you feel the way you do. But that doesn't mean that you shouldn't try to fight what you do about it. If you and her are so close, you should try to rise above your selfish feelings and focus on her happiness.
For now, try to keep a little distance from her, specially if he's going to be around. The odds are you won't have to do this that long because sooner rather than later they will break-up. After all, a guy who flirts as much as he does isn't going to stick with one girl too long. And they have already been on the ropes.
Bottom line: don't think just of yourself; that's not what good friends do.
Labels: best friends, break-up, jealousy
Wednesday, February 21, 2007
I finally got him
Jessica, 18, from New York asks:
So I got with the guy I having been trying to get and I finally got him. Well, now we are having trust issues and it is all me. I mean, I have like no trust in him because of my past relationship and he gets pissed at me but he wants to work it out with me. He came out and told me how he felt about me before I felt about him. I don't know what to do. I love him and he loves me. Please help me.
VictorM's advice:
I'm assuming your previous boyfriend cheated on you and now you don't trust the new guy because you fear the same thing will happen again. Is that right?
Well, as the saying goes, once biten, twice shy. It's understandable how you feel. On the other hand, the current guy has NOTHING to do with the previous one, so it's understandable if his patience runs out. Having a jealous partner is very draining.
I'm afraid I can't say anything that will change how you feel. You will continue to make his life unpleasant, he will eventually get fed up, you will break-up and you'll start the cycle all over again with another guy.
The sad part is you will never understand that being suspicious will NEVER stop a guy from cheating on you IF he wants to. All you're doing is training him to be more sneaky if he wants to cheat. And yes, many guys will cheat on their partners, many won't. A great accomplishment is not in knowing in advance which is which -- you will never know until it's too late; it's having the confidence to live a good life, treat your partner with respect, and accept that if he cheats on you, he, not you, is the loser. And that if he does, there is NOTHING you could have done to prevent it. NOTHING!
So I got with the guy I having been trying to get and I finally got him. Well, now we are having trust issues and it is all me. I mean, I have like no trust in him because of my past relationship and he gets pissed at me but he wants to work it out with me. He came out and told me how he felt about me before I felt about him. I don't know what to do. I love him and he loves me. Please help me.
VictorM's advice:
I'm assuming your previous boyfriend cheated on you and now you don't trust the new guy because you fear the same thing will happen again. Is that right?
Well, as the saying goes, once biten, twice shy. It's understandable how you feel. On the other hand, the current guy has NOTHING to do with the previous one, so it's understandable if his patience runs out. Having a jealous partner is very draining.
I'm afraid I can't say anything that will change how you feel. You will continue to make his life unpleasant, he will eventually get fed up, you will break-up and you'll start the cycle all over again with another guy.
The sad part is you will never understand that being suspicious will NEVER stop a guy from cheating on you IF he wants to. All you're doing is training him to be more sneaky if he wants to cheat. And yes, many guys will cheat on their partners, many won't. A great accomplishment is not in knowing in advance which is which -- you will never know until it's too late; it's having the confidence to live a good life, treat your partner with respect, and accept that if he cheats on you, he, not you, is the loser. And that if he does, there is NOTHING you could have done to prevent it. NOTHING!
Labels: boyfriend, cheating, jealousy
