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Saturday, December 23, 2006
He ended up being caught by one of my friends
amber, from va asks:
I posted here before in regards to my boyfriend. You were right, he ended up being caught by one of my friends and he finally told me he has been seeing another girl the whole time we have been dating. Then to make it worse, like a dummy I wanted to know why. He ended up telling me she was better in bed than me. He said I didn't know enough, blah, blah. I am so upset because I love him. I feel like he couldn't love me if he could cheat and couldn't love me if he thinks I suck in bed. It has given me a complex. It hurts to hear the one you love tell you someone else is better than you. What do I do other than cry? I have never been through this before. Thanks for listening to me. btw-- he keeps telling me he messed up and he doesn't want to lose me. I am scared if i stay, he would do it again.
VictorM's advice:
You are right about one thing: asking him why was a dumb question. Guys don't tell the truth when asked that question. They usually lie so as not to hurt the girl's feelings. Your guy, however, was a bigger coward. He was only thinking of himself when he talked about you in bed. He saw it as a way to justify his actions, but clearly he's lying.
Cheaters don't cheat because they are not satisfied with their partner or because someone else is better, whatever that means; they cheat because they can't control their lust. Cheating is all about the cheater, not the partner. He tried to make you the "bad guy" and that sucks big time. So don't fall pray to his words of deceit and try not to let it affect your opinion about yourself.
You'd be making a huge mistake to go back with him; he will cheat on you again.
Take your chances with someone new even if it will take some time to get over this jerk.
I posted here before in regards to my boyfriend. You were right, he ended up being caught by one of my friends and he finally told me he has been seeing another girl the whole time we have been dating. Then to make it worse, like a dummy I wanted to know why. He ended up telling me she was better in bed than me. He said I didn't know enough, blah, blah. I am so upset because I love him. I feel like he couldn't love me if he could cheat and couldn't love me if he thinks I suck in bed. It has given me a complex. It hurts to hear the one you love tell you someone else is better than you. What do I do other than cry? I have never been through this before. Thanks for listening to me. btw-- he keeps telling me he messed up and he doesn't want to lose me. I am scared if i stay, he would do it again.
VictorM's advice:
You are right about one thing: asking him why was a dumb question. Guys don't tell the truth when asked that question. They usually lie so as not to hurt the girl's feelings. Your guy, however, was a bigger coward. He was only thinking of himself when he talked about you in bed. He saw it as a way to justify his actions, but clearly he's lying.
Cheaters don't cheat because they are not satisfied with their partner or because someone else is better, whatever that means; they cheat because they can't control their lust. Cheating is all about the cheater, not the partner. He tried to make you the "bad guy" and that sucks big time. So don't fall pray to his words of deceit and try not to let it affect your opinion about yourself.
You'd be making a huge mistake to go back with him; he will cheat on you again.
Take your chances with someone new even if it will take some time to get over this jerk.
Sunday, December 10, 2006
Apology
Nicole, 22, from Utah asks:
Hi, my ex has been gone for a little over 2 years now and I have been trying to find him. He doesn't keep in contact with his family hardly at all anymore and I guess he got into drugs real bad after he left. Does the drugs thing mean that he was really hurt and he is trying to deal with it? Also, I was wondering, how do I know if he even wants to be found by me? It is driving me nuts and I have to apologize to him. Please help me.
VictorM's advice:
Leave your ex-boyfriend alone. Your quest to find him and apologise is fueled by selfishness. Your aim is to free yourself from guilt, not based on concern for him, even if you think it is.
He got into drugs because of his lack of willpower and/or self-destructive personality. To believe his downfall is because of you is either excessive guilt or narcissism.
You two broke-up. He went his way. What he does or doesn't do is none of your fault and none of your concern now. Keep it that way.
Hi, my ex has been gone for a little over 2 years now and I have been trying to find him. He doesn't keep in contact with his family hardly at all anymore and I guess he got into drugs real bad after he left. Does the drugs thing mean that he was really hurt and he is trying to deal with it? Also, I was wondering, how do I know if he even wants to be found by me? It is driving me nuts and I have to apologize to him. Please help me.
VictorM's advice:
Leave your ex-boyfriend alone. Your quest to find him and apologise is fueled by selfishness. Your aim is to free yourself from guilt, not based on concern for him, even if you think it is.
He got into drugs because of his lack of willpower and/or self-destructive personality. To believe his downfall is because of you is either excessive guilt or narcissism.
You two broke-up. He went his way. What he does or doesn't do is none of your fault and none of your concern now. Keep it that way.
Labels: apology, drugs, ex-boyfriend, ex-girlfriend, guilt
