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Tuesday, February 06, 2007
He has become friends with a girl he works with
Tonya, 26, from waynesboro pa asks:
My boyfriend and I have been together 6 years. We live together in a house we bought together. We talk about the future, about getting married and having a child. Recently he has become friends with a girl he works with. She calls him on the phone to chat and he calls her. He promises they are just friends and I have nothing to worry about. He has never given me a reason not to trust him before. Should I continue to trust him and this new friendship?
VictorM's advice:
Yes, you should, until you have reason to believe otherwise.
I bet she's understanding with him about you. If you start being obnoxious with him about her, whose company do you think he might feel more inclined to seek? Besides, there's little you can do about the fact that he probably spends more time with her than with you. If the time he spends with you is fun and rewarding, you'll have less to worry about.
Having said that, exchanging private phone numbers with a coworker of the opposite sex and using that number to call each other frequently is a little bit unnerving, particularly if he finds her attractive. His promise, by the way, that they're just friends should be totally ignored -- he'd give you that answer even if they weren't just friends. What you have to do is follow your gut. I'm sure that having lived with him for 6 years you will know, even better than him, if his friendship with her starts crossing the line. If it does, I'm sure you'll recognize the twinkle in his eyes when he talks about her. Don't ask him to stop talking about her -- that will be your best gauge of what he thinks of her.
Regardless of what happens, if your boyfriend has any brains he'll soon realize that these friendly calls must stop; nothing good will come from nurturing a friendship like this, particularly if you have already expressed your concern. If you don't see a change shortly, worry that either he's getting too attached to her or that he's a moron when it comes to treating you right.
My boyfriend and I have been together 6 years. We live together in a house we bought together. We talk about the future, about getting married and having a child. Recently he has become friends with a girl he works with. She calls him on the phone to chat and he calls her. He promises they are just friends and I have nothing to worry about. He has never given me a reason not to trust him before. Should I continue to trust him and this new friendship?
VictorM's advice:
Yes, you should, until you have reason to believe otherwise.
I bet she's understanding with him about you. If you start being obnoxious with him about her, whose company do you think he might feel more inclined to seek? Besides, there's little you can do about the fact that he probably spends more time with her than with you. If the time he spends with you is fun and rewarding, you'll have less to worry about.
Having said that, exchanging private phone numbers with a coworker of the opposite sex and using that number to call each other frequently is a little bit unnerving, particularly if he finds her attractive. His promise, by the way, that they're just friends should be totally ignored -- he'd give you that answer even if they weren't just friends. What you have to do is follow your gut. I'm sure that having lived with him for 6 years you will know, even better than him, if his friendship with her starts crossing the line. If it does, I'm sure you'll recognize the twinkle in his eyes when he talks about her. Don't ask him to stop talking about her -- that will be your best gauge of what he thinks of her.
Regardless of what happens, if your boyfriend has any brains he'll soon realize that these friendly calls must stop; nothing good will come from nurturing a friendship like this, particularly if you have already expressed your concern. If you don't see a change shortly, worry that either he's getting too attached to her or that he's a moron when it comes to treating you right.
Labels: coworker, friendship, relationship
Thursday, January 04, 2007
I have history with this guy
Courtney, 17, from Canada asks:
Okay just to warn you...this is gonna be a long one...well I'm a little bit confused right now. See, I have history with this guy, we've known each other since the third grade and he always used to drag me through puddles and jump on me in the snow. I thought he hated me but it turned out to be the opposite. We were best friends in grade five then had a fling in the summer the same year. We kept it a secret and decided to break it off after summer was over. When we got to high-school, we acted like strangers in the hallway. The last girlfriend he had was in grade 8 and I went through a few. He started talking to me after I broke up with my long term boyfriend. It was completely out of the blue to say the least and now we're good friends (in secret) and we can talk about anything and everything. It's hard to explain all the important stuff in between all this, but I want to know, coming from a guy's perspective...Do you think he might still have feelings for me?
VictorM's answer:
I think there's a very good chance of that. Even more, I think it's quite likely. It's natural that both of you had a few partners. At your ages, focusing on one person for too long is not the norm. Now, you're starting to mature and the attraction is coming back. But with a guy you can never rule out that he thinks you'll just be easy.
The one thing I don't understand is why keep the friendship a secret? Is it your choice or his? Is this a case of wanting to eat the cake and keeping it too?
Okay just to warn you...this is gonna be a long one...well I'm a little bit confused right now. See, I have history with this guy, we've known each other since the third grade and he always used to drag me through puddles and jump on me in the snow. I thought he hated me but it turned out to be the opposite. We were best friends in grade five then had a fling in the summer the same year. We kept it a secret and decided to break it off after summer was over. When we got to high-school, we acted like strangers in the hallway. The last girlfriend he had was in grade 8 and I went through a few. He started talking to me after I broke up with my long term boyfriend. It was completely out of the blue to say the least and now we're good friends (in secret) and we can talk about anything and everything. It's hard to explain all the important stuff in between all this, but I want to know, coming from a guy's perspective...Do you think he might still have feelings for me?
VictorM's answer:
I think there's a very good chance of that. Even more, I think it's quite likely. It's natural that both of you had a few partners. At your ages, focusing on one person for too long is not the norm. Now, you're starting to mature and the attraction is coming back. But with a guy you can never rule out that he thinks you'll just be easy.
The one thing I don't understand is why keep the friendship a secret? Is it your choice or his? Is this a case of wanting to eat the cake and keeping it too?
Labels: advice, friendship, relationship
