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Friday, March 23, 2007
Talk about his ex
Jenny, 33, from Texas asks:
Is it okay for a boyfriend to talk about his ex girlfriend quite often?
VictorM's answer:
It depends how often he talks about her, what he says, and how long ago their break-up was.
It's normal for him to want to talk about her because she was an important part of his life no matter how things ended. If the break-up was recent, the more common such talk is. If the break-up was years ago, then it means he's having a hard time letting go.
I'm not quite sure how to answer your question other than to say that under certain circumstances it is normal and nothing to worry about... for a while anyway. This can't go on for ever.
I'd also say that total silence about an ex is more worrisome; it means he's keeping it inside instead of getting her out of his system, which is what he's doing when he talks about her.
I suggest you let him babble about her for now. By letting him talk you'll get a better sense of when he's gotten her out of his system. That'll be when he stops talking about her.
However, if he talks in glowing terms about her, just rips his balls right off! :)
Is it okay for a boyfriend to talk about his ex girlfriend quite often?
VictorM's answer:
It depends how often he talks about her, what he says, and how long ago their break-up was.
It's normal for him to want to talk about her because she was an important part of his life no matter how things ended. If the break-up was recent, the more common such talk is. If the break-up was years ago, then it means he's having a hard time letting go.
I'm not quite sure how to answer your question other than to say that under certain circumstances it is normal and nothing to worry about... for a while anyway. This can't go on for ever.
I'd also say that total silence about an ex is more worrisome; it means he's keeping it inside instead of getting her out of his system, which is what he's doing when he talks about her.
I suggest you let him babble about her for now. By letting him talk you'll get a better sense of when he's gotten her out of his system. That'll be when he stops talking about her.
However, if he talks in glowing terms about her, just rips his balls right off! :)
Labels: boyfriend, ex-girlfriend, talking about ex
Monday, February 26, 2007
My ex-boyfriend is ignoring me
sue, 24, from georgia asks:
I was wondering why my ex-boyfriend is ignoring me, because a month ago we were speaking then all of a sudden he cut off all contact with me and when he sees me he doesn't even speak.
VictorM's answer:
The first thing that came to my mind was that he must have found a girlfriend. While I think that's probably the real reason, you can't discount that he just grew some common sense and decided, rightly, that staying too close to an ex is generally a bad idea. Consider yourself lucky he's doing this.
I was wondering why my ex-boyfriend is ignoring me, because a month ago we were speaking then all of a sudden he cut off all contact with me and when he sees me he doesn't even speak.
VictorM's answer:
The first thing that came to my mind was that he must have found a girlfriend. While I think that's probably the real reason, you can't discount that he just grew some common sense and decided, rightly, that staying too close to an ex is generally a bad idea. Consider yourself lucky he's doing this.
Labels: ex-boyfriend, ex-girlfriend, not talking
Friday, February 23, 2007
My ex-boyfriend and I are friends
Lianne, 20, from Belize asks:
My ex-boyfriend and I are friends, it's been a year and a half since he ended our 2 year relationship. We see a lot more of each other lately and he recently asked me "what's up with us?". We are at a point of "taking it slow" or "working it out" or "see where this leads"... I understand why he is confused and apprehensive about getting back together. What do you think?
VictorM's answer:
He ended the relationship for a reason. What do you think changed that makes you now the one he wants to be with? Face it, he hangs around because he hasn't found another yet. You aren't "taking it slow" or "working things out"; you're stuck and you're going nowhere.
Exes are evil. The sooner you're out of each other's life the better.
My ex-boyfriend and I are friends, it's been a year and a half since he ended our 2 year relationship. We see a lot more of each other lately and he recently asked me "what's up with us?". We are at a point of "taking it slow" or "working it out" or "see where this leads"... I understand why he is confused and apprehensive about getting back together. What do you think?
VictorM's answer:
He ended the relationship for a reason. What do you think changed that makes you now the one he wants to be with? Face it, he hangs around because he hasn't found another yet. You aren't "taking it slow" or "working things out"; you're stuck and you're going nowhere.
Exes are evil. The sooner you're out of each other's life the better.
Labels: advice, answer, dating, ex-boyfriend, ex-girlfriend, exes
Monday, February 12, 2007
The ex came into the coffee shop
meg, from Canada asks:
I wrote before and it was about an ex. Last week the ex came into the coffee shop where my friend and I were. I haven't talked to him since we broke up. Anyway, we talked for about 2 hours, he was telling me he was buying another house in 6 months. My friend asked where in town or in the country he said country. When we were dating I told him that I love to live in the country. He asked how my kids were doing, talked about work, then it got kinda weird like showing us his tattoo which was on his chest, and saying he has been working out, asked if i was still working at the bar, told him I had another job and he was like oh yeah where, my cell phone was on the table and he grabbed it and was looking at it and I asked him what he was doing and he was like I'm looking at the pictures that you took and I was like no you're not and took my phone from him. He said WHY WHO DO YOU HAVE PICS OF which I thought was weird because I'm not with him. I wanna know why after all this time almost a year would he come in and sit down, what does he want from me? Did he do this because he wanted to see if I would tell him to get lost or to find out if i was seeing someone so he could try again, or was he just in the area and thought he would stop in to say hi, lol thanks
VictorM's answer:
Meg, he's your ex, not your enemy. Exes run into each other from time to time. People buy houses in the country, they are nosey, playful, boastful... it's just the way it is. Life is not a romance novel where everything is done for a reason. He saw you, stopped in, talked for a while, and he moved on. There's no mystery, no plot, no rhyme or reason... just humans relating to each other.
I wrote before and it was about an ex. Last week the ex came into the coffee shop where my friend and I were. I haven't talked to him since we broke up. Anyway, we talked for about 2 hours, he was telling me he was buying another house in 6 months. My friend asked where in town or in the country he said country. When we were dating I told him that I love to live in the country. He asked how my kids were doing, talked about work, then it got kinda weird like showing us his tattoo which was on his chest, and saying he has been working out, asked if i was still working at the bar, told him I had another job and he was like oh yeah where, my cell phone was on the table and he grabbed it and was looking at it and I asked him what he was doing and he was like I'm looking at the pictures that you took and I was like no you're not and took my phone from him. He said WHY WHO DO YOU HAVE PICS OF which I thought was weird because I'm not with him. I wanna know why after all this time almost a year would he come in and sit down, what does he want from me? Did he do this because he wanted to see if I would tell him to get lost or to find out if i was seeing someone so he could try again, or was he just in the area and thought he would stop in to say hi, lol thanks
VictorM's answer:
Meg, he's your ex, not your enemy. Exes run into each other from time to time. People buy houses in the country, they are nosey, playful, boastful... it's just the way it is. Life is not a romance novel where everything is done for a reason. He saw you, stopped in, talked for a while, and he moved on. There's no mystery, no plot, no rhyme or reason... just humans relating to each other.
Labels: advice, answer, ex-boyfriend, ex-girlfriend
Wednesday, January 24, 2007
Talking to Ex
Emma, 24, asks:
My boyfriend still talks to his ex once in a while. Is this ok?
VictorM's answer:
Yes, it's totally fine. It's actually a good thing. Ending a relationship without anger and rancor is good and a reflection of maturity and civility, qualities you should appreciate in him.
My boyfriend still talks to his ex once in a while. Is this ok?
VictorM's answer:
Yes, it's totally fine. It's actually a good thing. Ending a relationship without anger and rancor is good and a reflection of maturity and civility, qualities you should appreciate in him.
Labels: boyfriend, ex-girlfriend
Sunday, January 07, 2007
Trust issues with men
Cary, 32, from Chicago, IL asks:
I have been dating this guy for four (4) months, and I had explained that I had trust issues with men in the past and was going to therapy and trying to change my ways. I did accept the fact that he has a close female friend, which did take some time, however, it was his ex-girlfriend that was the next problem for me. Until recently, he invited me over his place and had thirty pictures scattered on his bed, eight of which were of he and his girlfriend (one picture of himself touching her breast). I don't mind that he has pictures of her, but to have them scattered on his bed in bird's eye view, caught me off guard. Again, if he respected me, why didn't he put away the picture knowing I was coming over?
VictorM's answer:
Come on!!! This guy is rude to the core. You shouldn't accept that he has pictures of his ex around, much less spread out as you describe. The ex is gone and so should her pictures. Even if you had not told him about your issues, having those pictures out was plain stupid; but after what you told him, that was plain cruel.
This guy has a sadistic streak. I'm not kidding! Dump him or you're going to regret it many times over.
I have been dating this guy for four (4) months, and I had explained that I had trust issues with men in the past and was going to therapy and trying to change my ways. I did accept the fact that he has a close female friend, which did take some time, however, it was his ex-girlfriend that was the next problem for me. Until recently, he invited me over his place and had thirty pictures scattered on his bed, eight of which were of he and his girlfriend (one picture of himself touching her breast). I don't mind that he has pictures of her, but to have them scattered on his bed in bird's eye view, caught me off guard. Again, if he respected me, why didn't he put away the picture knowing I was coming over?
VictorM's answer:
Come on!!! This guy is rude to the core. You shouldn't accept that he has pictures of his ex around, much less spread out as you describe. The ex is gone and so should her pictures. Even if you had not told him about your issues, having those pictures out was plain stupid; but after what you told him, that was plain cruel.
This guy has a sadistic streak. I'm not kidding! Dump him or you're going to regret it many times over.
Labels: advice, answer, boyfriend, ex-girlfriend, pictures
Sunday, December 10, 2006
Apology
Nicole, 22, from Utah asks:
Hi, my ex has been gone for a little over 2 years now and I have been trying to find him. He doesn't keep in contact with his family hardly at all anymore and I guess he got into drugs real bad after he left. Does the drugs thing mean that he was really hurt and he is trying to deal with it? Also, I was wondering, how do I know if he even wants to be found by me? It is driving me nuts and I have to apologize to him. Please help me.
VictorM's advice:
Leave your ex-boyfriend alone. Your quest to find him and apologise is fueled by selfishness. Your aim is to free yourself from guilt, not based on concern for him, even if you think it is.
He got into drugs because of his lack of willpower and/or self-destructive personality. To believe his downfall is because of you is either excessive guilt or narcissism.
You two broke-up. He went his way. What he does or doesn't do is none of your fault and none of your concern now. Keep it that way.
Hi, my ex has been gone for a little over 2 years now and I have been trying to find him. He doesn't keep in contact with his family hardly at all anymore and I guess he got into drugs real bad after he left. Does the drugs thing mean that he was really hurt and he is trying to deal with it? Also, I was wondering, how do I know if he even wants to be found by me? It is driving me nuts and I have to apologize to him. Please help me.
VictorM's advice:
Leave your ex-boyfriend alone. Your quest to find him and apologise is fueled by selfishness. Your aim is to free yourself from guilt, not based on concern for him, even if you think it is.
He got into drugs because of his lack of willpower and/or self-destructive personality. To believe his downfall is because of you is either excessive guilt or narcissism.
You two broke-up. He went his way. What he does or doesn't do is none of your fault and none of your concern now. Keep it that way.
Labels: apology, drugs, ex-boyfriend, ex-girlfriend, guilt
