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Friday, December 15, 2006
How do you stop loving someone
lisarenee, 35, from los angeles asks:
How do you stop loving someone you love deeply but feel is really not into you ? I guess I am seeking an emotional painkiller of the natural kind. My emotions are taking too much out of me over this guy and I just want the pain to stop quickly and smoothly. Can one attain such a state of being quickly ? Please give this your best guy effort, you've been so helpful in the past! Thank you :(
VictorM's advice:
No, it doesn't happen quickly, but take consolation from knowing that good and decent people hurt the most; if you weren't the caring kind you wouldn't hurt.
I suggest you do three things.
One, change. Change your hairstyle, your clothes, the places you go to, the friends you have (if they were his friends too), remove all reminders of him (pictures, rings, ticket stubs, gifts he gave you, etc.), find new hobbies, listen to new music. In short, change!
Two, make a list of his most wonderful qualities, that which you most admired about him. Rank them. Assign numbers in order of most admired. The one at the top of the list, work on yourself to be more like that. For example, if you liked most that he was outgoing, do whatever it takes to be more outgoing (chances are you are not). You don't have to become like him, just enough of a change to make that attribute a less significant attraction. See a therapist if you have to. By changing yourself you change who you're attracted to.
Three, don't think there's anything wrong with you for feeling sad, hurt, depressed. You're entitled to those feelings. If you need to cry, cry! If you feel sad and want to have moments alone, do it. Don't listen to anyone who tells you otherwise. Just don't become a prisoner of your feelings. Fight to reduce the number of times they overcome you. But those feelings are what makes you human. Accept your tough luck but also focus your energy on changing your luck.
How do you stop loving someone you love deeply but feel is really not into you ? I guess I am seeking an emotional painkiller of the natural kind. My emotions are taking too much out of me over this guy and I just want the pain to stop quickly and smoothly. Can one attain such a state of being quickly ? Please give this your best guy effort, you've been so helpful in the past! Thank you :(
VictorM's advice:
No, it doesn't happen quickly, but take consolation from knowing that good and decent people hurt the most; if you weren't the caring kind you wouldn't hurt.
I suggest you do three things.
One, change. Change your hairstyle, your clothes, the places you go to, the friends you have (if they were his friends too), remove all reminders of him (pictures, rings, ticket stubs, gifts he gave you, etc.), find new hobbies, listen to new music. In short, change!
Two, make a list of his most wonderful qualities, that which you most admired about him. Rank them. Assign numbers in order of most admired. The one at the top of the list, work on yourself to be more like that. For example, if you liked most that he was outgoing, do whatever it takes to be more outgoing (chances are you are not). You don't have to become like him, just enough of a change to make that attribute a less significant attraction. See a therapist if you have to. By changing yourself you change who you're attracted to.
Three, don't think there's anything wrong with you for feeling sad, hurt, depressed. You're entitled to those feelings. If you need to cry, cry! If you feel sad and want to have moments alone, do it. Don't listen to anyone who tells you otherwise. Just don't become a prisoner of your feelings. Fight to reduce the number of times they overcome you. But those feelings are what makes you human. Accept your tough luck but also focus your energy on changing your luck.
Labels: emotions, missing, pain
