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Friday, February 23, 2007
My ex-boyfriend and I are friends
Lianne, 20, from Belize asks:
My ex-boyfriend and I are friends, it's been a year and a half since he ended our 2 year relationship. We see a lot more of each other lately and he recently asked me "what's up with us?". We are at a point of "taking it slow" or "working it out" or "see where this leads"... I understand why he is confused and apprehensive about getting back together. What do you think?
VictorM's answer:
He ended the relationship for a reason. What do you think changed that makes you now the one he wants to be with? Face it, he hangs around because he hasn't found another yet. You aren't "taking it slow" or "working things out"; you're stuck and you're going nowhere.
Exes are evil. The sooner you're out of each other's life the better.
My ex-boyfriend and I are friends, it's been a year and a half since he ended our 2 year relationship. We see a lot more of each other lately and he recently asked me "what's up with us?". We are at a point of "taking it slow" or "working it out" or "see where this leads"... I understand why he is confused and apprehensive about getting back together. What do you think?
VictorM's answer:
He ended the relationship for a reason. What do you think changed that makes you now the one he wants to be with? Face it, he hangs around because he hasn't found another yet. You aren't "taking it slow" or "working things out"; you're stuck and you're going nowhere.
Exes are evil. The sooner you're out of each other's life the better.
Labels: advice, answer, dating, ex-boyfriend, ex-girlfriend, exes
I'm friends with an ex of mine
diana, 22, from wa asks:
I'm friends with an ex of mine. He recently asked me why I don't date. We both haven't dated for a couple of years. When I told him that I'm commitment phobic then he starts to argue with me about it. Trying to prove I'm not. He eventually stopped trying to disprove it. He went on to ask what I'd say to him caring about me before and never stopped caring. That he wanted to get back together and have a serious relationship. I told him no. To which he then said he only asked to see my response. Then Friday he just messaged me to see why I had a good night the night before. I told him that I had guys buy me drinks at my friend's birthday celebration at P.J. pockets casino. Which I've never had happen before so to me it was a good night. He just said sweet then stopped chatting. I'm curious, what's going on here with him? Seeing he tries to say the feelings gone and argues over stupid things like he did when we dated. I do not have feelings for him yet he deludes himself as him being the real reason why I'm single.
VictorM's advice:
What's going on? He would like to get back with you, that's what's going on. Maybe he still has feelings for you maybe he doesn't; his typical male ego is the one in control here. For him to accept you that don't care for him would send him into a virtual depression.
Exes are evil. The sooner you're out of each other's life the better.
I'm friends with an ex of mine. He recently asked me why I don't date. We both haven't dated for a couple of years. When I told him that I'm commitment phobic then he starts to argue with me about it. Trying to prove I'm not. He eventually stopped trying to disprove it. He went on to ask what I'd say to him caring about me before and never stopped caring. That he wanted to get back together and have a serious relationship. I told him no. To which he then said he only asked to see my response. Then Friday he just messaged me to see why I had a good night the night before. I told him that I had guys buy me drinks at my friend's birthday celebration at P.J. pockets casino. Which I've never had happen before so to me it was a good night. He just said sweet then stopped chatting. I'm curious, what's going on here with him? Seeing he tries to say the feelings gone and argues over stupid things like he did when we dated. I do not have feelings for him yet he deludes himself as him being the real reason why I'm single.
VictorM's advice:
What's going on? He would like to get back with you, that's what's going on. Maybe he still has feelings for you maybe he doesn't; his typical male ego is the one in control here. For him to accept you that don't care for him would send him into a virtual depression.
Exes are evil. The sooner you're out of each other's life the better.
Labels: advice, dating, ex-boyfriend, exes
Wednesday, January 31, 2007
Tell him!
Jessica, 22, from New York asks:
Well the guy who I was going to tell I had feelings for while he told me first how he felt about me and I don't know what to say to him. Should I tell him how I feel since he told me how he felt? I really need some help here.
VictorM's advice:
Yes, go ahead and tell him how you feel. Well, unless you hate his guts and he makes you vomit. In that case, you might want to smooth out how you express yourself.
Well the guy who I was going to tell I had feelings for while he told me first how he felt about me and I don't know what to say to him. Should I tell him how I feel since he told me how he felt? I really need some help here.
VictorM's advice:
Yes, go ahead and tell him how you feel. Well, unless you hate his guts and he makes you vomit. In that case, you might want to smooth out how you express yourself.
Labels: advice, answer, dating
We started talking about us one night
sam, 27, from lost asks:
I have been dating this guy for over a year. We started talking about us one night and he said he had to go. He told me just to give him new years be with him for new years. I told him I would but I needed him to make a decision on if he wanted to be with me or I had to go. He agreed. When the ball fell he kissed me and I asked. He said he couldn't. Later that night we talked on the phone. Things got emotional again and I told him I loved him. He said for reasons in his past that I shouldn't. I never asked. He said I love you for the first time then he hung up on me. He won't answer none of my calls or explain or tell me anything. I was ready to let it go until I hear him say it. If he loves me why won't he be with me? If he didn't want to be with me why say I love you?
VictorM's answer:
No, he doesn't love you. And you really can't complain -- he was direct with you about that. As for the last "I love you", that was nothing. It really means I care for you but I'm not in love with you. Heck, how many people (let's see a show of hands) say "I love ya" when they end a chat or phone call? It's just a term of endearment under certain circumstances. That's how he meant it.
Leave the guy alone. He gave it a try for a year and realized he's not into you. He just didn't want to be alone for New Year's.
I have been dating this guy for over a year. We started talking about us one night and he said he had to go. He told me just to give him new years be with him for new years. I told him I would but I needed him to make a decision on if he wanted to be with me or I had to go. He agreed. When the ball fell he kissed me and I asked. He said he couldn't. Later that night we talked on the phone. Things got emotional again and I told him I loved him. He said for reasons in his past that I shouldn't. I never asked. He said I love you for the first time then he hung up on me. He won't answer none of my calls or explain or tell me anything. I was ready to let it go until I hear him say it. If he loves me why won't he be with me? If he didn't want to be with me why say I love you?
VictorM's answer:
No, he doesn't love you. And you really can't complain -- he was direct with you about that. As for the last "I love you", that was nothing. It really means I care for you but I'm not in love with you. Heck, how many people (let's see a show of hands) say "I love ya" when they end a chat or phone call? It's just a term of endearment under certain circumstances. That's how he meant it.
Leave the guy alone. He gave it a try for a year and realized he's not into you. He just didn't want to be alone for New Year's.
Labels: advice, answer, dating
Thursday, January 25, 2007
A little strange
Jen, 29, from Boston asks:
I've been dating a guy for a few months, and the last month has been a little strange. We haven't seen each other much (we've both been out of town, sick, and whatnot) but I was unsure if he wanted to keep seeing me. Once we did see each other again he was very affectionate, romantic, and everything seemed good. However, I just found out that he had a birthday a couple of weeks ago and he never said anything to me about it. What the hell is going on in his head?
VictorM's advice:
I don't know what you mean by strange, but my guess is that he had plans for his birthday, maybe with his pals, and you didn't figure in those plans. That's easy to understand why considering you haven't seen each other much and you were unsure if he still wanted to see you. Obviously, this is not a serious relationship yet. Why should he have to tell you everything about his life at this point? He doesn't!
I know, as a girl you would tell him every minute detail of your plans to the point of him sticking needles in his eyes, but guys don't think or behave that way. So don't take it personally.
This says to me you don't rate very seriously in his life, at least not yet. That may change, it may not. But it doesn't sound abnormal to me. He may be strange, but omitting you from his birthday doesn't make him so.
I've been dating a guy for a few months, and the last month has been a little strange. We haven't seen each other much (we've both been out of town, sick, and whatnot) but I was unsure if he wanted to keep seeing me. Once we did see each other again he was very affectionate, romantic, and everything seemed good. However, I just found out that he had a birthday a couple of weeks ago and he never said anything to me about it. What the hell is going on in his head?
VictorM's advice:
I don't know what you mean by strange, but my guess is that he had plans for his birthday, maybe with his pals, and you didn't figure in those plans. That's easy to understand why considering you haven't seen each other much and you were unsure if he still wanted to see you. Obviously, this is not a serious relationship yet. Why should he have to tell you everything about his life at this point? He doesn't!
I know, as a girl you would tell him every minute detail of your plans to the point of him sticking needles in his eyes, but guys don't think or behave that way. So don't take it personally.
This says to me you don't rate very seriously in his life, at least not yet. That may change, it may not. But it doesn't sound abnormal to me. He may be strange, but omitting you from his birthday doesn't make him so.
Labels: advice, answer, dating
Saturday, January 20, 2007
Time for the first date
Marlene, 39, from Washington, DC asks:
I really like this guy I volunteer with. I noticed him on the first day. I have been there for a year and have caught him noticing me and trying to get my attention too. We just started talking. How much longer before we actually date?
VictorM's advice:
As long as it takes one of you to make the first move and ask the other one out. What are you waiting for?
I really like this guy I volunteer with. I noticed him on the first day. I have been there for a year and have caught him noticing me and trying to get my attention too. We just started talking. How much longer before we actually date?
VictorM's advice:
As long as it takes one of you to make the first move and ask the other one out. What are you waiting for?
Labels: advice, asking a guy out, dating
Sunday, December 31, 2006
Some kind of back-up plan
Sharon, 30, from United States asks:
I have been seeing this guy for about 4 months now. A month and a half into "dating" we had the talk about where things were and we both agreed that we wanted to date each other but also date other people. Go forward another month and half and we have another talk about where this whole dating thing is headed. He said he tried to have a relationship with me (I didn't even realize this) but that he just isn't ready but still wants to date to see where this is going but also date other people still. So does he like me or am I just some kind of back-up plan? We always have fun together and I can tell he likes me by the little things he does, but after 4 months shouldn't you know whether or not you want to be in a relationship with someone?
VictorM's advice:
Why should he feel so secure about a relationship with you when just a few weeks ago you were willing to date other guys too? So now that you have reached a conclusion, he should too, on your timetable? Doesn't work that way. I'm not convinced you're a back-up plan -- you might be -- but I'm more inclined to believe he's not convinced about your feelings for him.
My suggestion, if you really are ready to commit to him and you want him to commit to you, is to say to him that you are now sure he's the one, and since you reached that conclusion, you can't be a part-time lover. If he still needs to date other people, fine, but he can't date you. Basically, he'll have to shit or get off the pot about you.
If he decides to continue to play the field, then you have your answer -- you've been nothing but a back-up plan. If, however, he is willing to commit to you, well... name your first born after me.
I have been seeing this guy for about 4 months now. A month and a half into "dating" we had the talk about where things were and we both agreed that we wanted to date each other but also date other people. Go forward another month and half and we have another talk about where this whole dating thing is headed. He said he tried to have a relationship with me (I didn't even realize this) but that he just isn't ready but still wants to date to see where this is going but also date other people still. So does he like me or am I just some kind of back-up plan? We always have fun together and I can tell he likes me by the little things he does, but after 4 months shouldn't you know whether or not you want to be in a relationship with someone?
VictorM's advice:
Why should he feel so secure about a relationship with you when just a few weeks ago you were willing to date other guys too? So now that you have reached a conclusion, he should too, on your timetable? Doesn't work that way. I'm not convinced you're a back-up plan -- you might be -- but I'm more inclined to believe he's not convinced about your feelings for him.
My suggestion, if you really are ready to commit to him and you want him to commit to you, is to say to him that you are now sure he's the one, and since you reached that conclusion, you can't be a part-time lover. If he still needs to date other people, fine, but he can't date you. Basically, he'll have to shit or get off the pot about you.
If he decides to continue to play the field, then you have your answer -- you've been nothing but a back-up plan. If, however, he is willing to commit to you, well... name your first born after me.
Labels: date other people, dating, relationship
Wednesday, December 27, 2006
The dog and the funeral
julia, 32, from new jersey asks:
This guy was working at the record shop, we hung out a couple times a couple months back. Now he quit the shop. When I went in there a few days before his last day, he asked me out. We went out, had fun. He paid. He said we would have to do this again, before he leaves town for xmas. I went to the shop a couple days later, on his last day, he wanted to go out again the next week. He called a couple days later needing help, his uncle died and he needed me to watch his dog at my house and probably longer since he is moving back home and his parents said no dog. I say okay, he comes over we talk a bit then he goes home. He goes to funeral, he came back in town for a day before leaving for xmas vacation for a few days, he came over gave me a present for watching the dog, we went to the room where the dog was, let the dog roam, and we talked about different things. He always asks how I've been. When he left in a little bit, he said he wanted to go out to eat when he came back (since we didn't get to go because of funeral) to town in a few days. Does he like me?
VictorM's answer:
He keeps asking you out, you have fun, you dog-sat for his dog... I think you're heading straight to relationship heaven... unless... let me get this straight: he's moving back to his parent's who won't allow him to have a dog. OK, so what's going to happen to the dog? Are you keeping it? For how long?
He either likes you or he needs a dog sitter. Well, it could be both but how will you know? I sure as heck don't. I wouldn't rule anything out.
Hey, at least he didn't have a boa constrictor as a pet.
This guy was working at the record shop, we hung out a couple times a couple months back. Now he quit the shop. When I went in there a few days before his last day, he asked me out. We went out, had fun. He paid. He said we would have to do this again, before he leaves town for xmas. I went to the shop a couple days later, on his last day, he wanted to go out again the next week. He called a couple days later needing help, his uncle died and he needed me to watch his dog at my house and probably longer since he is moving back home and his parents said no dog. I say okay, he comes over we talk a bit then he goes home. He goes to funeral, he came back in town for a day before leaving for xmas vacation for a few days, he came over gave me a present for watching the dog, we went to the room where the dog was, let the dog roam, and we talked about different things. He always asks how I've been. When he left in a little bit, he said he wanted to go out to eat when he came back (since we didn't get to go because of funeral) to town in a few days. Does he like me?
VictorM's answer:
He keeps asking you out, you have fun, you dog-sat for his dog... I think you're heading straight to relationship heaven... unless... let me get this straight: he's moving back to his parent's who won't allow him to have a dog. OK, so what's going to happen to the dog? Are you keeping it? For how long?
He either likes you or he needs a dog sitter. Well, it could be both but how will you know? I sure as heck don't. I wouldn't rule anything out.
Hey, at least he didn't have a boa constrictor as a pet.
Labels: dating, relationship
