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Saturday, February 10, 2007
We hit it off right away
Bonnie, 43, from Ontario, Canada asks:
I met a guy who joined our Department at work last summer. We hit it off right away and seem to bring out the best in each other. We are always making each other laugh and love to be around each other. We became friends very quickly and he is always teasing me and I catch him staring at me across the room all the time. He is always watching me closely. He has told other people in the company when they ask him why he is single that he is a heartbreaker and doesn't want to be in a bad relationship. Lately he brushes against me and pokes me, little touchy feely things but not in a sexual fashion. I have invited him to go do things and he has come to my place for a housewarming party before. How do I really know if he is interested in me? Reg is very special to me and he seems to bring out the best in me. Now I am very sociable and laugh all the time, I am always happy when he is around. He is always complimenting me and we share lunches. Do you have any advice for keeping the magic or perhaps helping it to grow. Do you think he is gun shy perhaps?
VictorM's answer:
The first thing to consider is that he may be reluctant to take things to the next level because you are coworkers. Some people have a big problem with that and prefer to keep a certain distance even with someone they really like. This should be a topic of conversation at some point between you two. Then you'll have a better idea of his interest in you.
I don't buy the gun shy reason. People walk away from others only if they feel they are not the ideal partner. He's single because he's never found someone worth taking a risk. That might change with you, it might not. Time will tell.
Don't rush him. I always say that two people should move into a relationship at the pace of the slowest one (usually the male). The other one is wise to exercise patience.
I met a guy who joined our Department at work last summer. We hit it off right away and seem to bring out the best in each other. We are always making each other laugh and love to be around each other. We became friends very quickly and he is always teasing me and I catch him staring at me across the room all the time. He is always watching me closely. He has told other people in the company when they ask him why he is single that he is a heartbreaker and doesn't want to be in a bad relationship. Lately he brushes against me and pokes me, little touchy feely things but not in a sexual fashion. I have invited him to go do things and he has come to my place for a housewarming party before. How do I really know if he is interested in me? Reg is very special to me and he seems to bring out the best in me. Now I am very sociable and laugh all the time, I am always happy when he is around. He is always complimenting me and we share lunches. Do you have any advice for keeping the magic or perhaps helping it to grow. Do you think he is gun shy perhaps?
VictorM's answer:
The first thing to consider is that he may be reluctant to take things to the next level because you are coworkers. Some people have a big problem with that and prefer to keep a certain distance even with someone they really like. This should be a topic of conversation at some point between you two. Then you'll have a better idea of his interest in you.
I don't buy the gun shy reason. People walk away from others only if they feel they are not the ideal partner. He's single because he's never found someone worth taking a risk. That might change with you, it might not. Time will tell.
Don't rush him. I always say that two people should move into a relationship at the pace of the slowest one (usually the male). The other one is wise to exercise patience.
Labels: coworker, relationship
Tuesday, February 06, 2007
He has become friends with a girl he works with
Tonya, 26, from waynesboro pa asks:
My boyfriend and I have been together 6 years. We live together in a house we bought together. We talk about the future, about getting married and having a child. Recently he has become friends with a girl he works with. She calls him on the phone to chat and he calls her. He promises they are just friends and I have nothing to worry about. He has never given me a reason not to trust him before. Should I continue to trust him and this new friendship?
VictorM's advice:
Yes, you should, until you have reason to believe otherwise.
I bet she's understanding with him about you. If you start being obnoxious with him about her, whose company do you think he might feel more inclined to seek? Besides, there's little you can do about the fact that he probably spends more time with her than with you. If the time he spends with you is fun and rewarding, you'll have less to worry about.
Having said that, exchanging private phone numbers with a coworker of the opposite sex and using that number to call each other frequently is a little bit unnerving, particularly if he finds her attractive. His promise, by the way, that they're just friends should be totally ignored -- he'd give you that answer even if they weren't just friends. What you have to do is follow your gut. I'm sure that having lived with him for 6 years you will know, even better than him, if his friendship with her starts crossing the line. If it does, I'm sure you'll recognize the twinkle in his eyes when he talks about her. Don't ask him to stop talking about her -- that will be your best gauge of what he thinks of her.
Regardless of what happens, if your boyfriend has any brains he'll soon realize that these friendly calls must stop; nothing good will come from nurturing a friendship like this, particularly if you have already expressed your concern. If you don't see a change shortly, worry that either he's getting too attached to her or that he's a moron when it comes to treating you right.
My boyfriend and I have been together 6 years. We live together in a house we bought together. We talk about the future, about getting married and having a child. Recently he has become friends with a girl he works with. She calls him on the phone to chat and he calls her. He promises they are just friends and I have nothing to worry about. He has never given me a reason not to trust him before. Should I continue to trust him and this new friendship?
VictorM's advice:
Yes, you should, until you have reason to believe otherwise.
I bet she's understanding with him about you. If you start being obnoxious with him about her, whose company do you think he might feel more inclined to seek? Besides, there's little you can do about the fact that he probably spends more time with her than with you. If the time he spends with you is fun and rewarding, you'll have less to worry about.
Having said that, exchanging private phone numbers with a coworker of the opposite sex and using that number to call each other frequently is a little bit unnerving, particularly if he finds her attractive. His promise, by the way, that they're just friends should be totally ignored -- he'd give you that answer even if they weren't just friends. What you have to do is follow your gut. I'm sure that having lived with him for 6 years you will know, even better than him, if his friendship with her starts crossing the line. If it does, I'm sure you'll recognize the twinkle in his eyes when he talks about her. Don't ask him to stop talking about her -- that will be your best gauge of what he thinks of her.
Regardless of what happens, if your boyfriend has any brains he'll soon realize that these friendly calls must stop; nothing good will come from nurturing a friendship like this, particularly if you have already expressed your concern. If you don't see a change shortly, worry that either he's getting too attached to her or that he's a moron when it comes to treating you right.
Labels: coworker, friendship, relationship
Saturday, December 30, 2006
He always writes me these cute e-mails
Macy, 23, from St.George asks:
So this guy at my worked said he "liked me" but it was on the internet and he always writes me these cute e-mails but at work he flirts with so many other girls and he barely talks to me. I think he's shy but my best friend says that he might be embarrassed to talk to me. What should I do? I like him a lot but I'm not really sure if he likes me. Should I ask him out or will he think I'm a freak.
VictorM's advice:
It's entirely possible he's told lots of other girls that he "likes them" and sends them cute emails. But that he flirts with other girls at work and not you suggests that he does like you. Trust me, in guy logic, this makes sense.
Of course, that you are coworkers could be complicating things. But if you're willing to take a chance, it would be wiser to ask him to go to some event with you. For example: "Hey, I'm going to see *pick a movie you know he wants to see*, would you like to come along?" Once you get him out of the office and away from the internet you might get a better sense of what his intentions are.
Don't be too obvious about your attentions. If he's not interested in you the same way you are about him it would turn things awkward for both of you at work.
So this guy at my worked said he "liked me" but it was on the internet and he always writes me these cute e-mails but at work he flirts with so many other girls and he barely talks to me. I think he's shy but my best friend says that he might be embarrassed to talk to me. What should I do? I like him a lot but I'm not really sure if he likes me. Should I ask him out or will he think I'm a freak.
VictorM's advice:
It's entirely possible he's told lots of other girls that he "likes them" and sends them cute emails. But that he flirts with other girls at work and not you suggests that he does like you. Trust me, in guy logic, this makes sense.
Of course, that you are coworkers could be complicating things. But if you're willing to take a chance, it would be wiser to ask him to go to some event with you. For example: "Hey, I'm going to see *pick a movie you know he wants to see*, would you like to come along?" Once you get him out of the office and away from the internet you might get a better sense of what his intentions are.
Don't be too obvious about your attentions. If he's not interested in you the same way you are about him it would turn things awkward for both of you at work.
Sunday, December 17, 2006
He was grabbing at his ear
marie, 22, asks:
There is this guy that I work with that I like. He is always nice to me and I thought that maybe he liked me too but now I'm not so sure. He will start a conversation with me, has asked me questions about my financial and social life, and I know it's not just him being polite because he will be the one to keep the conversation going. I notice him looking at me occasionally. We walked past each other the other day and when I looked up he was looking at me so I looked back and then away (not down). What makes me think that he does like me is that sometimes wherever I am at he is at. Actually, I've noticed this a fair bit lately. He is an outgoing guy, so he does talk to a lot of people but me and him have a few things in common. I've noticed that while he was talking to me he was grabbing at his ear and this is supposed to be a sign that he is at least attracted. And sometimes when I'm around I've noticed that he can become louder than usual and he acts like an idiot. Then sometimes he completely avoids me. What do you make of this? Sorry for the length.
VictorM's advice:
Grabbing his ear means he's attracted to you? Um... I never heard that, but maybe you're right... well, assuming he doesn't have gout (that can cause itchy ears.)
OK, because he changes his behavior around you it's quite likely that he likes you, but you are his coworker and that's a good enough reason for a lot of people to keep their feelings to themselves. That could be the case with him. Some days he's more adventurous, some days he doesn't want to risk his job and maybe even yours.
Do you think him acting like an idiot around you is a turn on? Don't answer that.
There is this guy that I work with that I like. He is always nice to me and I thought that maybe he liked me too but now I'm not so sure. He will start a conversation with me, has asked me questions about my financial and social life, and I know it's not just him being polite because he will be the one to keep the conversation going. I notice him looking at me occasionally. We walked past each other the other day and when I looked up he was looking at me so I looked back and then away (not down). What makes me think that he does like me is that sometimes wherever I am at he is at. Actually, I've noticed this a fair bit lately. He is an outgoing guy, so he does talk to a lot of people but me and him have a few things in common. I've noticed that while he was talking to me he was grabbing at his ear and this is supposed to be a sign that he is at least attracted. And sometimes when I'm around I've noticed that he can become louder than usual and he acts like an idiot. Then sometimes he completely avoids me. What do you make of this? Sorry for the length.
VictorM's advice:
Grabbing his ear means he's attracted to you? Um... I never heard that, but maybe you're right... well, assuming he doesn't have gout (that can cause itchy ears.)
OK, because he changes his behavior around you it's quite likely that he likes you, but you are his coworker and that's a good enough reason for a lot of people to keep their feelings to themselves. That could be the case with him. Some days he's more adventurous, some days he doesn't want to risk his job and maybe even yours.
Do you think him acting like an idiot around you is a turn on? Don't answer that.
Labels: coworker, signs, work romance
Wednesday, December 13, 2006
I noticed he stares at me
Caz, 22, from Tyne and Wear asks:
I like this guy at work, we have previously been in training when we first started at our work in October. It was only for a week but our group got on really well and we are all friends now. The same group started training for a new department last week and I noticed I liked him more than a friend. It wasn't until then that I noticed he stares at me, I smile back etc. and thought it was often enough to think he might like me too! My gay guy friend (who's in the training group) has noticed the stares as well, thinks he may like me also but when he quietly suggested today to him we make a lovely couple he reacted a bit shocked at the suggestion and didn't really say much so now I'm left wondering how he feels. What should I do?
VictorM's advice:
The first thing you should do is tell your gay friend to mind his ownbutt business. You're no longer in middle school!
The guy may like you, but since you're in a work environment, it doesn't surprise me he was taken aback by your friend's comment and may not be ready to make a move on you and risk his job.
Staring at you doesn't mean he likes you, it just means he likes staring at you. So unless there's more than stares, you have no way of knowing how he feels.
Try to keep things cool at work -- it really isn't the best place to start romances, especially when you're trainees. If you have opportunities to spend time with him away from work, do that. If he's interested in you he will look for those opportunities too, if he's not interested, he will offer excuses.
Of course, don't discount he may be more interested in your gay friend.
I like this guy at work, we have previously been in training when we first started at our work in October. It was only for a week but our group got on really well and we are all friends now. The same group started training for a new department last week and I noticed I liked him more than a friend. It wasn't until then that I noticed he stares at me, I smile back etc. and thought it was often enough to think he might like me too! My gay guy friend (who's in the training group) has noticed the stares as well, thinks he may like me also but when he quietly suggested today to him we make a lovely couple he reacted a bit shocked at the suggestion and didn't really say much so now I'm left wondering how he feels. What should I do?
VictorM's advice:
The first thing you should do is tell your gay friend to mind his own
The guy may like you, but since you're in a work environment, it doesn't surprise me he was taken aback by your friend's comment and may not be ready to make a move on you and risk his job.
Staring at you doesn't mean he likes you, it just means he likes staring at you. So unless there's more than stares, you have no way of knowing how he feels.
Try to keep things cool at work -- it really isn't the best place to start romances, especially when you're trainees. If you have opportunities to spend time with him away from work, do that. If he's interested in you he will look for those opportunities too, if he's not interested, he will offer excuses.
Of course, don't discount he may be more interested in your gay friend.
Tuesday, December 12, 2006
I like this guy at work. He has a girlfriend
Alicia, 25, from Rhode Island asks:
I like this guy at work. He has a girlfriend and he knows that I like him. I was upfront with him about my feelings. We ended up fooling around once and after that he said he loves his girlfriend and he only did that for me. We didn't talk much after that until recently. He is always flirting with me and touching me. If I don't see him at work for a few days, he will say he has missed me. The other day he asked me when I was going to invite him over and I said never you have a girlfriend and made it clear to me we are just friends. He said to me that he wished he never said that. I just don't get it. I don't know if he's playing with my head. In my mind I want him to like me because he has my heart. I really enjoy his company I just don't know what he wants from me. I don't know what to do.
VictorM's advice:
You're counting on him being so into you that he dumps this girlfriend he supposedly loves to be with you. And you'll live happily ever after... until he cheats on you, that is. What else do you expect from a guy who cheats on his girlfriend and flirts with another girl?
If you get him, you lose! You'll be on your way to being an unhappy woman with some cheating man.
What he wants from you is simple: his ego inflated (not to mention other parts of his body). He toys with you because he can, yet another sign of a man you should avoid.
I like this guy at work. He has a girlfriend and he knows that I like him. I was upfront with him about my feelings. We ended up fooling around once and after that he said he loves his girlfriend and he only did that for me. We didn't talk much after that until recently. He is always flirting with me and touching me. If I don't see him at work for a few days, he will say he has missed me. The other day he asked me when I was going to invite him over and I said never you have a girlfriend and made it clear to me we are just friends. He said to me that he wished he never said that. I just don't get it. I don't know if he's playing with my head. In my mind I want him to like me because he has my heart. I really enjoy his company I just don't know what he wants from me. I don't know what to do.
VictorM's advice:
You're counting on him being so into you that he dumps this girlfriend he supposedly loves to be with you. And you'll live happily ever after... until he cheats on you, that is. What else do you expect from a guy who cheats on his girlfriend and flirts with another girl?
If you get him, you lose! You'll be on your way to being an unhappy woman with some cheating man.
What he wants from you is simple: his ego inflated (not to mention other parts of his body). He toys with you because he can, yet another sign of a man you should avoid.
Labels: cheat, cheater, coworker, flirt
