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Tuesday, April 03, 2007
Faithful and trustworthy relationship
Michelle pollard, 18, from Cincinnati oh, asks:
How can I make my baby's father wanna be in a faithful and trustworthy relationship?
VictorM's answer:
You can't. You simply can't. No magic wand, no voodoo doll, no vice around his testicles will make him be faithful unless it comes from him to want to be that way.
One thing I hope you understand is that your baby's father behavior is all of his doing, none of yours. It won't matter if you change your clothes, go on a diet, cook better... nothing. When a guy is bent on cheating, he will do so first and think of excuses later. It's a reflection of his value system, his desires, his lack of willpower, his selfishness... it's all about "me, me, me" for such people. It's greed, and greed comes from within.
So whatever you do, do not blame yourself. Make sure you get child support. Other than that... don't count on much from him.
How can I make my baby's father wanna be in a faithful and trustworthy relationship?
VictorM's answer:
You can't. You simply can't. No magic wand, no voodoo doll, no vice around his testicles will make him be faithful unless it comes from him to want to be that way.
One thing I hope you understand is that your baby's father behavior is all of his doing, none of yours. It won't matter if you change your clothes, go on a diet, cook better... nothing. When a guy is bent on cheating, he will do so first and think of excuses later. It's a reflection of his value system, his desires, his lack of willpower, his selfishness... it's all about "me, me, me" for such people. It's greed, and greed comes from within.
So whatever you do, do not blame yourself. Make sure you get child support. Other than that... don't count on much from him.
Labels: cheating, faithful, trustworthy
Wednesday, February 21, 2007
I finally got him
Jessica, 18, from New York asks:
So I got with the guy I having been trying to get and I finally got him. Well, now we are having trust issues and it is all me. I mean, I have like no trust in him because of my past relationship and he gets pissed at me but he wants to work it out with me. He came out and told me how he felt about me before I felt about him. I don't know what to do. I love him and he loves me. Please help me.
VictorM's advice:
I'm assuming your previous boyfriend cheated on you and now you don't trust the new guy because you fear the same thing will happen again. Is that right?
Well, as the saying goes, once biten, twice shy. It's understandable how you feel. On the other hand, the current guy has NOTHING to do with the previous one, so it's understandable if his patience runs out. Having a jealous partner is very draining.
I'm afraid I can't say anything that will change how you feel. You will continue to make his life unpleasant, he will eventually get fed up, you will break-up and you'll start the cycle all over again with another guy.
The sad part is you will never understand that being suspicious will NEVER stop a guy from cheating on you IF he wants to. All you're doing is training him to be more sneaky if he wants to cheat. And yes, many guys will cheat on their partners, many won't. A great accomplishment is not in knowing in advance which is which -- you will never know until it's too late; it's having the confidence to live a good life, treat your partner with respect, and accept that if he cheats on you, he, not you, is the loser. And that if he does, there is NOTHING you could have done to prevent it. NOTHING!
So I got with the guy I having been trying to get and I finally got him. Well, now we are having trust issues and it is all me. I mean, I have like no trust in him because of my past relationship and he gets pissed at me but he wants to work it out with me. He came out and told me how he felt about me before I felt about him. I don't know what to do. I love him and he loves me. Please help me.
VictorM's advice:
I'm assuming your previous boyfriend cheated on you and now you don't trust the new guy because you fear the same thing will happen again. Is that right?
Well, as the saying goes, once biten, twice shy. It's understandable how you feel. On the other hand, the current guy has NOTHING to do with the previous one, so it's understandable if his patience runs out. Having a jealous partner is very draining.
I'm afraid I can't say anything that will change how you feel. You will continue to make his life unpleasant, he will eventually get fed up, you will break-up and you'll start the cycle all over again with another guy.
The sad part is you will never understand that being suspicious will NEVER stop a guy from cheating on you IF he wants to. All you're doing is training him to be more sneaky if he wants to cheat. And yes, many guys will cheat on their partners, many won't. A great accomplishment is not in knowing in advance which is which -- you will never know until it's too late; it's having the confidence to live a good life, treat your partner with respect, and accept that if he cheats on you, he, not you, is the loser. And that if he does, there is NOTHING you could have done to prevent it. NOTHING!
Labels: boyfriend, cheating, jealousy
