Amber, 25, from AL asks:

My best friend of 5 years is engaged to marry her boyfriend of 4 years. She says she loves him dearly and cannot imagine the rest of her life without him. She was my maid of honor at my wedding and she wants me to be in hers too. So I am helping her plan her wedding. At the same time - she is also with another man anytime she is not with her fiance. They go out on dates, they have sex, they do the sweet sappy love letters and text messages to each other. He even bought her a star for christmas and spent another $300 on her for a spa treatment package. She says that she loves guyB dearly and cannot imagine the rest of her life without him. So I am stuck in the middle of helping her plan her wedding with guyA while she is also in love with guyB. She says she wishes she could just have them both and not have to make a decision. She says she knows it's wrong but she just can't stop - "when I'm with guyB I just can't tell him no". What is a best friend to do? I can't tell her anything - she won't hear it. I tried to tell her that I don't want to be a part of it anymore - that I can't sit down with her and help her plan her wedding while she is also telling me about being with this other man. But after telling her that - she doesn't want to be friends anymore. She says I'm judging her - and abandoning her and that I'm just a fair-weather friend. I don't know what else to do - it breaks my heart to see her do this to herself and to her loved one(s). Should I just chalk this up to a friend lost?- ExBestFriend

VictorM's advice:

People who do wrong are always the ones to accuse others of being fair-weather friends, isn't it?

The truth is you have a right to be the judge of who qualifies as your friend and who doesn't. She's clearly, by her own admission, doing wrong. You have every right to not want to be part of it. Indeed, I think you owe it to yourself to insist you will not be part of the wedding under the current conditions.

Basically, she's a user of people. She's using guyA, guyB, and she wants to use you under the guise of friendship -- don't let her!

Labels: best friends, cheat, wedding

kaylaa, 23, from canada asks:

How do I make my boyfriend trust me again after I cheated on him?

VictorM's advice:

By finding a new boyfriend and not making the same mistake again.

But if you want to try with this guy, your best course of action is to forge ahead without talking any more about the past. I assume you already apologized and promised it would never happen again. If you continue to let him beat you over the head with it, he will, and the topic will stay fresh in your lives. That's not a good thing. So, stop talking about it! If he brings it up, tell him you already apologized, you already admitted you made a mistake, you have learned from it, and you just want to move on with your life with a fresh start. This is impossible if he keeps bringing it up. Tell him you're done talking about it. Be assertive!

Cheating is a sign of weakness. He wants to see strength in you -- show it by starting with him.

Labels: advice, answer, boyfriend, cheat, trust

Meg, 31, from Canada asks:

I dated this guy a year ago, I have known him for 10 years when we got together. It was like he was the missing puzzle. I have three children and he has one. We dated years ago, we would talk about future stuff like a long term relationship, he would always bring this topic up. He told me he loved me first, but as time went on I found out he cheated on me. I broke up with him and we talked a bit after. I was really mad and hurt so I let him know. He told me I really like you a lot but I'm not ready for the long term relationship. Now I hear from friends that he is asking about me, like if they have talked to me and asking how I'm doing and what I have been up to and so on. I wanna know if he is checking to see if I'm seeing anyone or if I'm still mad at him. I'm getting the feeling that maybe he wants to call or talk to me but then again I could be wrong, that's why I'm asking you because guys are so hard to read :)

VictorM's answer:

Do you still look fine? Boobies and butt still in place? If the answer is yes, he wants some of that again. See Meg, guys are like open books. :)

Of course he still likes you and wants to know if you're still available. Does that mean he's ready to call you? Maybe not. He may feel that the events that led to the break-up ruined everything. But he's at least thinking about getting back together or wishing he could. Just because he cheated on you doesn't mean he's not fond of you or is in love with you still -- he probably is. But he may also have a girlfriend or a wife and is just naturally curious about you or willing to cheat on her with you.

Would you go back with him if he wanted to? I have no idea, neither does he. See, women are the ones that are hard to read.

Labels: cheat, ex-boyfriend

amber, from va asks:

I posted here before in regards to my boyfriend. You were right, he ended up being caught by one of my friends and he finally told me he has been seeing another girl the whole time we have been dating. Then to make it worse, like a dummy I wanted to know why. He ended up telling me she was better in bed than me. He said I didn't know enough, blah, blah. I am so upset because I love him. I feel like he couldn't love me if he could cheat and couldn't love me if he thinks I suck in bed. It has given me a complex. It hurts to hear the one you love tell you someone else is better than you. What do I do other than cry? I have never been through this before. Thanks for listening to me. btw-- he keeps telling me he messed up and he doesn't want to lose me. I am scared if i stay, he would do it again.

VictorM's advice:

You are right about one thing: asking him why was a dumb question. Guys don't tell the truth when asked that question. They usually lie so as not to hurt the girl's feelings. Your guy, however, was a bigger coward. He was only thinking of himself when he talked about you in bed. He saw it as a way to justify his actions, but clearly he's lying.

Cheaters don't cheat because they are not satisfied with their partner or because someone else is better, whatever that means; they cheat because they can't control their lust. Cheating is all about the cheater, not the partner. He tried to make you the "bad guy" and that sucks big time. So don't fall pray to his words of deceit and try not to let it affect your opinion about yourself.

You'd be making a huge mistake to go back with him; he will cheat on you again.

Take your chances with someone new even if it will take some time to get over this jerk.

Labels: cheat, cheater, guilt

Alicia, 25, from Rhode Island asks:

I like this guy at work. He has a girlfriend and he knows that I like him. I was upfront with him about my feelings. We ended up fooling around once and after that he said he loves his girlfriend and he only did that for me. We didn't talk much after that until recently. He is always flirting with me and touching me. If I don't see him at work for a few days, he will say he has missed me. The other day he asked me when I was going to invite him over and I said never you have a girlfriend and made it clear to me we are just friends. He said to me that he wished he never said that. I just don't get it. I don't know if he's playing with my head. In my mind I want him to like me because he has my heart. I really enjoy his company I just don't know what he wants from me. I don't know what to do.

VictorM's advice:

You're counting on him being so into you that he dumps this girlfriend he supposedly loves to be with you. And you'll live happily ever after... until he cheats on you, that is. What else do you expect from a guy who cheats on his girlfriend and flirts with another girl?

If you get him, you lose! You'll be on your way to being an unhappy woman with some cheating man.

What he wants from you is simple: his ego inflated (not to mention other parts of his body). He toys with you because he can, yet another sign of a man you should avoid.

Labels: cheat, cheater, coworker, flirt