Ash, 17, from USA asks:

I wrote before about the guy that I told that his best friend told me that he wanted me to be his girlfriend. This guy just told me that he needs time and space away from me, postponed us getting together this weekend, and told me "He wants to call me." Should I move on now and just stop thinking about him?

VictorM's advice:

You should move on, even if you can't stop thinking of him. I say that for two reasons: one, if he's just giving you the run around and really isn't interested in you, the sooner you move on the better for you; two, if he likes you, playing hard to get is the best thing you do for him to feel motivated to chase you.

Boys go from not caring about girls to being girl-crazy when the hormone surge hits them. And when that happens, they have a hard time keeping their mind on one set of boobs girl. So they chase A, B, and C... Also, they need to prove to themselves and to their friends their ability to catch girls. A girl that already likes them is less of a challenge. It's not that they don't like her, but they feel they can keep her on the side, safe for a rainy day, so to speak. You know, by saying things like he wants to call you.

So, yeah, move on. Date other guys. You can't lose by doing this.

Labels: advice, answer, move on, playing hard to get

Lianne, 20, from Belize asks:

My ex-boyfriend and I are friends, it's been a year and a half since he ended our 2 year relationship. We see a lot more of each other lately and he recently asked me "what's up with us?". We are at a point of "taking it slow" or "working it out" or "see where this leads"... I understand why he is confused and apprehensive about getting back together. What do you think?

VictorM's answer:

He ended the relationship for a reason. What do you think changed that makes you now the one he wants to be with? Face it, he hangs around because he hasn't found another yet. You aren't "taking it slow" or "working things out"; you're stuck and you're going nowhere.

Exes are evil. The sooner you're out of each other's life the better.

Labels: advice, answer, dating, ex-boyfriend, ex-girlfriend, exes

Ash, 17, from USA asks:

I've known this guy since I was eight years old. A couple of weeks ago his best friend told me he wanted to ask me to be his girlfriend. So I went to the guy and asked him about it, and he sounded kind of mad at his friend but told me that he did want to ask me to be his girlfriend, but he needed time. So I gave him time and a week later he told me he changed his mind, saying that he wanted to nurture our friendship more, and that he was busy right now with work and school. He told me later he wants a relationship with me as much as I want one with him, and he always tells me that he wants me in his life. Does he really want a relationship with me or should I move on?

VictorM's answer:

You blew it when you approached him. You took the fun out of the conquest. At this age, more than anything else, boys like to do things to beat their chest and brag to their friends. Getting the one girl no one thinks he can get is such a thing. But when a girl is a sure thing, some of the fun is lost. That's what you became, the sure-thing. So he's torn between liking you and the male need for conquest.

You don't have to move on, but you should behave as if you are. I bet he'll chase then.

Labels: advice, answer, bragging, just friend, move on, relationship

julia, 32, from new jersey asks:

I wrote in about the dog that I was keeping for this guy a couple months ago. I still have the dog by the way. Anyway, we had gone out before I was keeping the dog. Well over a month ago, we were hanging out, he came over one night, was flirting back and forth, we kissed. Since then, we still hang out about once a week, but he has never tried to kiss me again, that was over a month ago. A couple weeks ago, he invited me to go to the movies, I went. But, when we talk on the phone, conversations last well over an hour, when he comes over to care for dog, he hangs out between 3 and 4 hours. Last time he was here, he was looking at me like he might like me. FYI, he is in school full time, works part time, doesn't have a lot of free time or money. I don't understand his behavior and neither do my friends.

VictorM's advice:

I remember your last question well. I'm surprised that between you and your friends you can't figure out what's so obvious. Think about it... he has a dog sitter for free and a companion when he chooses to, with no questions asked. Why would he want to change that? He kissed you once, realized you'd probably want more from him if the kissing, or more, continued, so he pulled back. He seems to enjoy your company, and he clearly wants you to keep the dog, so he's nice enough but not too nice.

Labels: advice, answer

clare, 22, asks:

Situation is I like an older man. He flirts with me sometimes and then not others. If I am talking to other people he brings himself into the conversation. And if he's talking to other people he brings me into the conversation. He makes exaggerated movements towards me sometimes. Like he'll pretend he's going to hurt me or something just playing around. He's told me about his friends and their marriages. He tries to make me laugh sometimes. I get eye contact sometimes but not other times. Then sometimes he can be louder and other times I'm lucky if I get a hello. He acts different around me now than what he used to. He was way more talkative with me. What's going on? Why is he acting this way?

VictorM's advice:

Too bad you didn't say how much older. I'm going to assume quite a bit older.

Chances are he's torn between responding to being smitten by your youth, looks, and/or personality and the reality that the age difference between you two is too wide. Sometimes his fantasy mind is acting up and he pays you attention, other times his reality mind takes over and he backs off.

There's a good chance that he thinks he doesn't stand a chance with you. If the age difference is one you think you can handle, you may want to give him strong signals that you like him. But don't dismiss that as much as he likes you, he may not want to get serious with someone as young as you.

Labels: advice, age difference, answer

Amanda, 18, from Jupiter, FL asks:

Hi. :] I have a boyfriend of 4 months, and I love him, and I have claimed to be in love with him. We both went through a lot of stuff to be together. But while we were in our talking stage I had many guy friends, and ended up liking one of them, his name is Mike. My boyfriend and Mike know each other and aren't friends but they are acquainted. For about 5 months while I was single, I started liking Mike. Even though I had no intentions of being with anyone except my current boyfriend, my feelings for Mike continued to grow. We hung out everyday, a group of us. (Him, me, his best friend, my best friend and many more). I always had fun, and I thought Mike was funny, and cute. We kissed a couple times and cuddled, but nothing pass that. He's a virgin, and has done nothing except kiss girl. He's never had an actual relationship, although he's older than I am. So about two months into me liking Mike, his best friend told me that Mike didn't like me. And of course I believed him. We all drifted apart for other reasons, and I gave up on Mike because I figured he didn't like me and I was wasting my time. Just recently, I saw Mike while I was out with my boyfriend the other day. He mentioned me coming to hang out with him and all my old friends and him missing me. Only this time when I looked at him, I saw him differently, and I think he felt the same way. I could actually take him seriously, and want to try a relationship with him. It turns out that Mike never said anything to his friend about not liking me. His friend made it all up because he didn't want us to get together. Mike just recently hung out with my bestfriend and a couple of our other friends and told her that he couldn't believe that his bestfriend had done that to him because he had liked me since the day we met. He was so mad that his bestfriend would screw him over like that. We've hung out a couple of times since, but nothing happened romantically, because I do have a boyfriend. So I don't know what to do now. I don't know how to approach him. If I should just talk to him about it, or wait to see if he talks to me. He's already admitted to me that he did liked me, and he knows that I liked him. I just don't know what to do because I still have a boyfriend. Please give me some advise on what to do! Thanks so much-Amanda

VictorM's advice:

You claim you're in love with your current boyfriend, but I don't believe it. Not only are you too interested in Mike but your language betrays you. Look: "I still have a boyfriend". The word "still" is a sign you're ready to move on. I bet you're only with him because he's a nice guy and you feel you owe him something.

Break-up with your current boyfriend and after you're single, hook up with Mike and see how it goes. If it works out, great, but if not, at least you won't wonder about it for the rest of your life. Regrets are the worst thing to carry into old age. You almost always regret what you don't do; you seldom regret what you do.

What are you still doing reading this? Stop reading and break-up with your boyfriend (well... maybe you'll want to wait till after Valentine's day).

Labels: advice, answer, best friends, boyfriend

chloe, high schoolean, from somewhere in the world asks:

So I haven't done a great job with the guy I like. I kinda went super straight forward and am sorta pushing something to happen and I keep sending him messages like "why hasn't anything happened since I told you I liked you" and stuff like that and we don't talk at school and we are super shy around each other. We really don't talk at all but I adore him so much and have liked him for over 4 months... and apparently around his friends he's normal but when we see each other and get out a hello we tend to look into each others eyes for like 5 sec. a slow 5 sec and then its awkward the rest of the night. Can anyone give me advice on how to win him over?

VictorM's advice:

He doesn't have to make a move. Why? Because he already knows you like him. It's like seeing a suspense movie and knowing the ending -- it takes some of the excitement off. Besides, you're putting too much pressure on the guy with those messages. Cut that out!

I suggest you try to just be his friend. Invite him to a movie, to the local hamburger joint, to go bowling (anything that you know he likes) and behave just like a friend. If he feels you're not an obsessive maniac he'll feel more relaxed talking to you.

My guess is that you're both around 15 and it's quite likely that he's not ready yet for a girlfriend, much less an aggressive one.

Labels: advice, answer, high-school, shy

meg, from Canada asks:

I wrote before and it was about an ex. Last week the ex came into the coffee shop where my friend and I were. I haven't talked to him since we broke up. Anyway, we talked for about 2 hours, he was telling me he was buying another house in 6 months. My friend asked where in town or in the country he said country. When we were dating I told him that I love to live in the country. He asked how my kids were doing, talked about work, then it got kinda weird like showing us his tattoo which was on his chest, and saying he has been working out, asked if i was still working at the bar, told him I had another job and he was like oh yeah where, my cell phone was on the table and he grabbed it and was looking at it and I asked him what he was doing and he was like I'm looking at the pictures that you took and I was like no you're not and took my phone from him. He said WHY WHO DO YOU HAVE PICS OF which I thought was weird because I'm not with him. I wanna know why after all this time almost a year would he come in and sit down, what does he want from me? Did he do this because he wanted to see if I would tell him to get lost or to find out if i was seeing someone so he could try again, or was he just in the area and thought he would stop in to say hi, lol thanks

VictorM's answer:

Meg, he's your ex, not your enemy. Exes run into each other from time to time. People buy houses in the country, they are nosey, playful, boastful... it's just the way it is. Life is not a romance novel where everything is done for a reason. He saw you, stopped in, talked for a while, and he moved on. There's no mystery, no plot, no rhyme or reason... just humans relating to each other.

Labels: advice, answer, ex-boyfriend, ex-girlfriend

Jessica, 15, from Alabama asks:

I have been dating this guy for about a month and we still haven't kissed. We are both pretty shy and I don't know if he is just too nervous to initiate it. I really want it to happen but how can I go about it without making it too awkward?

VictorM's advice:

Oh you can bet your last stick of lip gloss that he wants to kiss you, but man, that first kiss is so hard. I bet he's terrified of screwing up.

You can try some humor. Stand in front of him and say: "Kiss me, you fool" and smile.

Come on Jessica, go for it and let us know how it turned out.

Labels: advice, answer, first kiss

Bek, 18, from Pennsylvania asks:

Ok so, I like this kid, and he knows, but he's not weirded about it at all. We actually started hanging out more and more after he found out. Only problem is that he said that he doesn't have those feelings for me, yet sometimes he says that he doesn't want to ruin our friendship and also said someday in the future maybe we'll go out, because you never know what the future holds. He is really touchy-feely with me, example: always poking me playing with my hair, laying on me, putting his arm around me, and kissed me on the cheek like 5 times. I asked him about going to the prom and he said that he would go with me, but only as friends. I've been there for him through so much and I am the only girl, he says, that knows so much about him besides his mom and sister. I am really confused, I don't know if he likes me or not, perhaps he's in denial?

VictorM's advice:

I wouldn't call it denial, just not ready for romance with you yet. A romantic relationship implies sex (or at least making out), gifts, responsibility, commitment, etc. He may just not be ready for all of that yet. So whether it's conscienciously or subconsciously, he's just reacting to not being ready yet.

Often, the best relationships start exactly the way you describe. When a guy can show those kinds of feelings towards a girl without just wanting sex, those feelings are sincere and create a level of respect that give you a stronger foundation if and when a relationship develops. So, I say, enjoy what you have now and relax about the future. If it's meant to be, it will be, and if so, it'll probably be great. If not, you have a great friend. Either way, you win.

Labels: advice, answer, best friends, relationship, romance

Jami, 16, from Indiana asks:

I have been with this guy for now 2 years off and on.....now I am pregnant and due in March and he has been doing some drugs and he told me that I bitch too much so he needs his space but now he won't even talk to me. What does this mean? And when he told me that he said he didn't want to split up!

VictorM's answer:

I'm going to assume he's around your age. He's probably terrified of the idea of being a father. Just because he's not the one carrying the baby doesn't mean it doesn't affect him -- it does. I understand you need his attention, and rightly so, but he's having a hard time handling the responsibility, hence the "bitch too much" comment.

Asking for space is just a reflection of his inability to handle the situation. It's a reflection of his fears, not his feelings.

Labels: advice, answer, pregnant, space

Jessica, 22, from New York asks:

Well the guy who I was going to tell I had feelings for while he told me first how he felt about me and I don't know what to say to him. Should I tell him how I feel since he told me how he felt? I really need some help here.

VictorM's advice:

Yes, go ahead and tell him how you feel. Well, unless you hate his guts and he makes you vomit. In that case, you might want to smooth out how you express yourself.

Labels: advice, answer, dating

sam, 27, from lost asks:

I have been dating this guy for over a year. We started talking about us one night and he said he had to go. He told me just to give him new years be with him for new years. I told him I would but I needed him to make a decision on if he wanted to be with me or I had to go. He agreed. When the ball fell he kissed me and I asked. He said he couldn't. Later that night we talked on the phone. Things got emotional again and I told him I loved him. He said for reasons in his past that I shouldn't. I never asked. He said I love you for the first time then he hung up on me. He won't answer none of my calls or explain or tell me anything. I was ready to let it go until I hear him say it. If he loves me why won't he be with me? If he didn't want to be with me why say I love you?

VictorM's answer:

No, he doesn't love you. And you really can't complain -- he was direct with you about that. As for the last "I love you", that was nothing. It really means I care for you but I'm not in love with you. Heck, how many people (let's see a show of hands) say "I love ya" when they end a chat or phone call? It's just a term of endearment under certain circumstances. That's how he meant it.

Leave the guy alone. He gave it a try for a year and realized he's not into you. He just didn't want to be alone for New Year's.

Labels: advice, answer, dating

Shannon, 30, from: New Hampshire asks:

So this guy and I have been dating, not exclusively, for the last 4 months. He is best friends with my best friends husband and he tells her how he likes me a lot. Yet he won't commit because he doesn't know what he wants to do with work etc yet. He may move this summer. She tells me to just give him time. She is the second person to tell me this. I've been away on a business trip for the last week and before that he was helping a friend move out to California. We have talked every day and he even told me he missed me. He flew down this weekend to see me on my trip and again told me he missed me. So why won't he commit? Should I ask him? I sometimes feel that I want more then he does.

VictorM's advice:

By your own admission you're not even dating exclusively. Doesn't sound like you're that serious either. Anyway, so he likes you some. He misses you (a boiler plate expression that everyone says, which may or may not be true.) So he goes to visit you -- it's not like a person needs to be madly in love to enjoy another person's company.

I don't know if you want more than he does but clearly he's not sure about you yet, hence the talk about moving. If you feel the need to ask how he feels, there's a bad sign right there -- your relationship is not ready for commitment. So don't ask. Besides, you would never get a straight answer anyway.

Date the guy. Learn more about him. Find out what his plans are. Enjoy his company. Come summer if you're still not dating exclusively or if he doesn't change his mind about moving... you're not his "the one" or him yours.

Labels: advice, answer, commitment, relationship

Jen, 29, from Boston asks:

I've been dating a guy for a few months, and the last month has been a little strange. We haven't seen each other much (we've both been out of town, sick, and whatnot) but I was unsure if he wanted to keep seeing me. Once we did see each other again he was very affectionate, romantic, and everything seemed good. However, I just found out that he had a birthday a couple of weeks ago and he never said anything to me about it. What the hell is going on in his head?

VictorM's advice:

I don't know what you mean by strange, but my guess is that he had plans for his birthday, maybe with his pals, and you didn't figure in those plans. That's easy to understand why considering you haven't seen each other much and you were unsure if he still wanted to see you. Obviously, this is not a serious relationship yet. Why should he have to tell you everything about his life at this point? He doesn't!

I know, as a girl you would tell him every minute detail of your plans to the point of him sticking needles in his eyes, but guys don't think or behave that way. So don't take it personally.

This says to me you don't rate very seriously in his life, at least not yet. That may change, it may not. But it doesn't sound abnormal to me. He may be strange, but omitting you from his birthday doesn't make him so.

Labels: advice, answer, dating

kaylaa, 23, from canada asks:

How do I make my boyfriend trust me again after I cheated on him?

VictorM's advice:

By finding a new boyfriend and not making the same mistake again.

But if you want to try with this guy, your best course of action is to forge ahead without talking any more about the past. I assume you already apologized and promised it would never happen again. If you continue to let him beat you over the head with it, he will, and the topic will stay fresh in your lives. That's not a good thing. So, stop talking about it! If he brings it up, tell him you already apologized, you already admitted you made a mistake, you have learned from it, and you just want to move on with your life with a fresh start. This is impossible if he keeps bringing it up. Tell him you're done talking about it. Be assertive!

Cheating is a sign of weakness. He wants to see strength in you -- show it by starting with him.

Labels: advice, answer, boyfriend, cheat, trust

jen, 23, from fl asks:

Why won't my boyfriend be romantic with me?

VictorM's answer:

Don't take it personally -- he probably isn't romantic with any girl. Many guys are like that.

Maybe you should explain to him what your definition of "romantic" is. See, it's possible that he thinks he's romantic, but whatever he's doing is not what you'd like done. Start with clear communication, without blame. See where it goes.

Labels: advice, answer, boyfriend, romantic

(Note: Follow-up to yesterday's question.)

Jessica, 22, from New York asks:

Well the nice guy found out that he was making me jealous so he stoped flirting with other girls and he is really focused on me so know what do I do? Do I tell him I feel or what?

VictorM's advice:

No. Don't tell him how you feel. Enjoy his attention, treat him well, make him feel good around you, but let him work for you. Just enjoy his company and be patient. Rushing ruins things -- don't do it.

Labels: advice, answer

SHANNON, 33, from TENNESSEE asks:

I have been in a long term relationship for 16 years that has had many problems. I ask him to leave months ago. After I asked him to leave I started seeing a guy I work with. In the beginning it was great, after about 3 months he said he is in love with me. We were together every Saturday. Now all of a sudden he is acting very different he says he still loves me and he even introduced me to his son. My ex is still in the house for financial reasons only for 2 more weeks only. My new guy says that does not bother him. So why do you think he just changed all the sudden?

VictorM's answer:

Your new guy is acting different because no one can keep up the intensity of the first few weeks or months. It's only natural that things simmer down. You're not specific about what changes you're talking about so I can't be any more specific than this.

(Note: This question was modified after Tara's comment pointed out something obvious. Oh well... I was still in vacation mode. :)

Labels: advice, answer, ex-boyfriend

Jessica, 22, from New York asks:

My guy friend has been really nice to me... he tries to find ways to touch me and he tries to make me jealous with other girls. Does that mean he likes me or no?

VictorM's answer:

It means he wants and likes your attention. That's all it means. If he really liked you, other girls wouldn't come into the picture. Well, unless he's a moron.

Labels: advice, answer, guy friend

sarah, 22, from uk asks:

My boyfriend wants me to convince him that not everything come out of my mouth is a lie. How can I convince him that it well be better this time? I love him a lot and I don't want to lose him because I lied to him three times only to protect him from getting hurt.

VictorM's advice:

Stop telling lies. Duh!

You need to establish a pattern of telling the truth for him to believe you. You can tell him you learned from your mistakes and won't do it again, but that would be a lie -- the truth is you will lie again. Why? Because unless and until you learn to face the consequences of unpleasant truths your first impulse will be to lie.

You may stand a better chance at explaining why you lie and it's never with malice, but you will work on it. But if he's not mature enough to understand that you'll be a work in progress, you two are in for some rough times.

Labels: advice, answer, boyfriend, girlfriend, lies, lying

chris, 33, from united ststes asks:

How long should you wait to have sex?

VictorM's answer:

You're 33. I'd say right after you read this, go outside and offer to screw the first person that comes along. Life is slipping you by, my friend.

OK... OK... I suppose you meant after you start seeing someone, right? Well, the answer is simple: as soon as both of you are willing and ready. No sooner, no later. There is no timetable. For some people it happens the first night, for some not until after marriage.

Labels: advice, answer, sex

Danielle, 18, from Florida asks:

I've known this guy for about 12 years, I'm best friends with his sister. The guy is two years older than me also. I moved away a few years ago, and before i moved me and the guy at the most said hi and whats up. My first visit to my best friends house after i moved(i stay there for weekends occasionally, her family considers me family) the guy was hanging around me more, talking more and complimented my newly dyed hair. Each visit after that , it goes up a 'level'. My last visit a couple months ago, the guy kissed me on the lips several times while i was there, i was kind of in shock, didn't expect it at all. When i was there a few weeks ago, he had a girlfriend that i met several times that week, but whenever she wasn't around he would be slapping my butt or cuddling with me. One night she was is his room, me and his sister was in her room dancing around, he left his girlfriend came into his sisters room and started dancing with me from behind but i moved away a little because it felt wrong with the g/f 15 feet away. Also one day we went to dinner at his grandparents and i was sitting on one side of him and she was on the other and he was 'rubbing' my back with his fingers. My last night there we were playing a video game, just me and him, his sister was in her room, and we also had music on so once in while he paused the game and sang to me, then he got up and started dancing and put his shirt over my head, then later on he was giving me a playful lap dance. Later on i decided to go watch tv and as i was getting up to walk out, he kinda took his hand and held my hand gently so as we walked in opposite directions his hand softly rubbed against mine. I have no idea what to think of this. Over the years with the visits there has been cuddling, hugs, playful teasing, grabs/slaps my ass, rubs my legs, touches my knee and legs when he goes to sit next to me, or he'll squeeze my thigh. I live 4 hours away now so there wouldn't be any chance of actually dating him, if in fact he did like me. Please help me a.s.a.p. Thankss!

VictorM's answer:

He's horny as hell and wants to do you. Duh!

Sometimes... this is an easy "job".

Labels: advice, answer, best friends, flirt, horny

amy, 24, from california asks:

My man and I just got back together after a two month split. We had been together for 3 years. He had been angry and distant since I cancelled our wedding. We seemed to acknowledge where we went wrong but now he is giving me mixed signals. Is he scared? Or did he just stop caring altogether?

VictorM's advice:

Mixed signals? You cancelled the wedding and now you're wondering what he's feeling? If you don't know, I'd say you haven't acknowledge crap about what went wrong, you just think you have. There are no mixed signals -- he's just not sure about you. Nothing mixed about that.

Labels: advice, answer, break-up, mixed signals, wedding

KATRINA, 18, from west monroe asks:

What should you do to get a guy to be totally honest and open with you? And how do you know when a guy is playing games with your head.

VictorM's advice:

Guys really don't play games. Women just make-up that nonsense because they fail to recognise bullshit when they hear it. Guys aren't totally honest because, let's face, that would be a dumb thing to do -- we'd not get laid nearly as often. Besides, being totally honest would mean telling you that you do look fat in that dress, or those shoes look awful on you, or yes, the ex was better in bed than you. Please... total honesty is overrated and quite often, very cruel. Spare yourself the pain and learn to live with some grunts and well-intentioned misstatements.

Labels: advice, answer, honesty, playing games

Tara, 20, from Canada asks:

So I met this really sweet guy on a dating website. I have done it lots of times before, no big deal. Turns out we got to the same school. We see each other around all the time, but both of us are really shy people and neither of us actually have the guts to say anything. lol. He sent me an e-mail a little while ago and this is what he said: "hey i was wonderin if u wanted to actually meet eachother sometime over xmas or there after cause i really do want to get to know more about you so this is about the only way cause we are both nervous ppl, lolso what do u think?" It's after Christmas now and he hasn't said anything about meeting me. He still talks to be like he did before. I don't know if I should get on his case about it or just leave him alone and continue talking to him like usual. I have had a tendency in the past to scare guys away, with talking to them TOO much...kinda smothering, you get the idea. I really like this guy and I want to do it right this time. Can you give me some advice?

VictorM's advice:

I think a simple: "Hey, it's after Christmas. Still want to get together?" message seems appropriate. Go for it.

And don't worry about the smothering. It usually only happens if the guy is not the right guy for you. If he is, chances is he'll like the attention you give him.

Labels: advice, answer, asking a guy out

Tasha, 18, from usa asks:

Why do guys pretend like they don't like you when they really do? I mean they mad dog you and everything, but they tell all their friends how sexy they think you are. I really don't get guys.

VictorM's answer:

What's there not to get? We're as simple as animals come.

He mad dogs you because it's a way of getting your attention (and it's working, after all, you're writing to me about him, aren't you?) without getting humiliated if you reject him. He mentions to friends that you are hot hoping the word gets to you without him having to tell it to your face.

Basically, this guy is shy and afraid of rejection, but he likes you. See how simple we are?

You own him. Now go out there and mangle his poor little heart!

Labels: advice, answer, mad dog, stares

Jen, 25, from California asks:

Here it goes: I was with a guy for almost three years but the last six months off and on because we split on his terms but still remained friendly and would see each other every now and again (once a month maybe and no sex just hanging out). The last time together we had a great time (sex also) and I really wanted to talk about us getting back together but decided that I would do it the next day because it didn't seem like the right time to bring it up. I asked him to call me later that night and he never did. Much to my sadness I wrote him e-mails within the next month and he never responded. So now that I was hurt and sad I wrote one that said if this is the way it is then I would like my things back. I was hoping he would say something about us but instead I got my things in the mail later on that week. I don't understand what I did or why he acted this way. What do you think? I am sad that he couldn't just say how he felt. Thanks

VictorM's advice:

Classic case of girls thinking sex means something, and to guys it's just a fuck. But what exactly did you expect him to say? You had split-up before but remained friends. He has no other explanations or justifications to give you. You had sex with him of your own free will. He probably sensed you wanted more than what the understanding was -- that is, friends only -- and decided to cut out contact. Words are not necessary since there was nothing new.

I don't blame him. Really, females want to talk, talk, talk even when there's nothing to say. How suffocating!

Labels: advice, answer, ex-boyfriend, sex

Jacq, 17, from Mass. asks:

I have been friends with a guy for about 4 months now. I would say we have grown close, but not to the point where we call each other every week and hang out... we have totally different friends, well we only have two friends in common. He is in my art class and yesterday he sat next to me and he chose the color I had picked (there is only two of that color and another girl took it already. Then when I switched colors to finish another part of my project he looked kinda sad and he said. "You switched colors? Now I wanna use black." When we talk he looks right at me and he always tries to include me in his conversations and he always asks my opinions. I really like him now, he makes me laugh and feel good. But, I need to know if he likes me too before I start to like him where if he says "No." I will be devastated.

VictorM's advice:

Oh, quit being such a wuss! No one ever knows for sure if their heart will be broken or not. You have to take chances! You will not be devastated if he says no, and even if you are, you will recover. It'll be easier to deal with rejection than with regret. This I can assure you of!

Besides, this boy likes you.

Labels: advice, answer, asking a guy out, rejection

Rose, 20, from Minnesota asks:

I'm wondering if there is any appropriate way of telling an unavailable guy that you like him? I'm probably completely wrong, but I was thinking of emailing him, saying that hypothetically if he ever wanted to have lunch with me, I'd be thrilled. At this point, he isn't aware that I know he's dating someone, so I thought that wouldn't sound like I'm trying to break them up. Am I out of my mind, or is it possible to tactfully tell him I'm interested? If so, what should I do next?=) Rose

VictorM's advice:

He may be unavailable but he may also not be very serious about the girl. It's not up to you to assume that he is; it's up to him to tell you. So, go ahead and ask him for lunch, a movie, or anything you know he's interested in. Even if he's not willing to date you now because of another girl, that could change down the road. You really have nothing to lose. So... make a move.

Labels: advice, answer, asking a guy out

Alicia, 20, from Florida asks:

Hi, I have been dating my boyfriend for nearly 4 years. I love him with all of my heart, but for about a year now (since he had to emigrate for me) he's really become grumpy and sometimes unpleasant to be around. He no longer seems to be driven to do anything romantic or make me feel special in any way. I keep on trying, like taking him out to dinner or planning special evenings...but I never get anything in return. I feel as though I just try and try and try...but in the end it seems as though I'm pushing for nothing. I've tried speaking to him about it, and he promises to make an effort, but it has been a year and he hasn't. Even our sex life has decreased drastically. I don't think I am an unattractive girl at all, and I feel as though I deserve more, but I'm not sure what else to do...please give me some testosteronial advice!

VictorM's advice:

You're trying too hard and with the wrong person. As long as you make a stink over him, he gets lazier and more secure about the relationship. You need to jolt him out of this sense of stability. Don't make an issue of his behavior for a while. Instead, go out more often with friends, dress up a little sexier when you go out without him, etc. The only way he might snap out of this rut is if he feels he's losing you. Don't be rude, don't be cold, greet him with smiles, but be a little more distant, spend more time without him and mention how much fun you had each time you go out.

Try it for a while -- it'll work... or your money back.

Labels: advice, answer, boyfriend, lazy, relationship

Cary, 32, from Chicago, IL asks:

I have been dating this guy for four (4) months, and I had explained that I had trust issues with men in the past and was going to therapy and trying to change my ways. I did accept the fact that he has a close female friend, which did take some time, however, it was his ex-girlfriend that was the next problem for me. Until recently, he invited me over his place and had thirty pictures scattered on his bed, eight of which were of he and his girlfriend (one picture of himself touching her breast). I don't mind that he has pictures of her, but to have them scattered on his bed in bird's eye view, caught me off guard. Again, if he respected me, why didn't he put away the picture knowing I was coming over?

VictorM's answer:

Come on!!! This guy is rude to the core. You shouldn't accept that he has pictures of his ex around, much less spread out as you describe. The ex is gone and so should her pictures. Even if you had not told him about your issues, having those pictures out was plain stupid; but after what you told him, that was plain cruel.

This guy has a sadistic streak. I'm not kidding! Dump him or you're going to regret it many times over.

Labels: advice, answer, boyfriend, ex-girlfriend, pictures