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Rose, 22
Groblersdal
Asks:

I'm a student doing a practical Year in Agriculture, I have the opportunity to walk into a good job after I graduate, but I'm also in love with a man 250km away, that wants to get married next year. I'm confused. What do I do?

Lee's Thoughts:

Are there no jobs where your man is? I'm confused.

I think it is blatantly obvious if you WANT to marry someone. If your job opportunities are better than his, why doesn't he move? Someone is going to have to sacrifice something if you are going to be together. Is either of you ready to do that?

Kelly, 16
Asks:

My boyfriend is jealous and he doesn't want me to have male friends or anything to do with them. He sometimes gets attitudes with me about little things. I don't know...I want to break up with him, but I'm scared of his reaction and what he will do.

Lee's Thoughts:

You should definitely NOT break up with him. You should definitely stay with him and have no guy (or other) friends that he disapproves of. Its HIS RIGHT to tell you who you should be friends with. You should listen to every word he says and be sure you act only in the specific way that he wants you to. You should be quiet and loving and faithful and hopefully he'll propose so that you can be married to this wonderful, generous, loving man and have this easy, dictated life for the rest of your days.....

(ahem...if anyone did NOT catch the sarcasm...I apologize for being so vague)

For my NON-sarcastic answer....This guy is scum. You can stay with him if you really want, but then you can never complain about him ever, because it was your decision to torture yourself with his insanity.

If you are truly fearful for your safety and he is truly a crackpot that would do something drastic because a girl doesn't want to be with him, be sure to tell your parents, tell your friends, tell a guidance counselor, tell SOME responsible adult that you are planning on breaking up with him and are concerned about his reaction.

Otherwise, who gives a flying potato what he will "do" or what his "reaction" will be???????

Get on with your life girl!!

Agirl, 16
Minnesota
Asks:

I like this guy, but he has a girlfriend. He has been giving me signals tho' and I heard him say that if they dump each other, he's going to ask me out. My question is, does he like me? Why would he say something like that if he wasn't planning to break up with her?

Lee's Thoughts:

I don't know if you've noticed this, but high school relationships last about 30 seconds each...a full five minutes if you are REALLY lucky. So, just hang on until lunchtime and they will probably be broken up.

I'm sure he does like you. Just remember if you ever date him, that he had a wandering eye while in a relationship before. He'll have a wandering eye again.

kcube, 35
Office
Asks:

I have crush on my 22 year co-worker who recently joined 3 months ago. It all started when she began hitching a ride home with me. For the 1st few session I treated her like a normal co-worker. The more I get to know the more I am attracted to her. It took me a week to overcome all of my insecurities before I dared even to asked her out.

Finally, I was able to sum all my courage and call her to tell her that I had very strong feelings for her. Unfortunately, she told me that is already attached. Now do not know how I can still face her at the office normally. This feeling for her is so difficult to flush out of my system since this is the first lady in so many years that I have had the courage to ask out. I still have the silly thought that I can wait some time maybe her relationship won't work, so that I may have a chance. How do get her out of the mind? Will a girl accept another man courtship if she only attached for a few months? I am emotional wreck now.

Lee's Thoughts:

It is totally classless to go after a girl AFTER she tells you that a) she's not interested and b) she has a boyfriend. Respect yourself enough to lay off. Relationships at work are very difficult and almost always frowned upon by management. So, you probably are better off.

Yes, you can always wait until/if she breaks up with this guy, but what kind of life is that? There are more fish in the sea my friend. She was attractive due to proximity, not because she is THE ONE.

Keep looking and keep up that courage. You did a great job giving her a call, now you know you can do it. Call up another girl you want to go out with. Call up two or three. You're a free man. Have fun!!

Christina, 16
Royal City
Asks:

What would you do if a guy hung up on you and didn't call back?

Lee's Thoughts:

That would depend on what was said before the hang up. Was I being an ass? (totally possible). Was he? Was it an argument? Was he being mauled by a bear and had to hang up?

Don't think about the hang up. Think about what happened before the hang up. Then decide what you need to doo.

confused, 15
Joliet
asks:

Ok, I am 15 and I like this guy. All my friends say he likes me, but I don't know. He just broke up with his girlfriend, but before he did, a girl asked him if he liked me. He didn't say no, but he said, "I have a girlfriend." He looks at me differently than he does to other girls and when we do get the chance to talk, we talk the whole period.

Today since he was dropping tech class, my friend asked him for a hug. He hugged her like he didn't want to (he used one hand) but when I asked him for one he was like, "Yeah you can have a hug" in a happy way (and hugged me with two hands). I don't know if he likes me. Please help.

Lee's Thoughts:

He's nice to you. He enjoys hugging you. He didn't say he DIDN'T like you. He talks to you for the whole period. What more evidence do you need? HE LIKES YOU!

He also wasn't going after other girls when he had a girlfriend, so he's a somewhat decent guy.

Go for it girl!!

Amber, 25
Alabama
Asks:

My best friend of 5 years is engaged to marry her boyfriend of 4 years. She says she loves him dearly and cannot imagine the rest of her life without him. She was my maid of honor at my wedding and she wants me to be in hers too, so I am helping her plan her wedding.

At the same time - she is also with another man anytime she is not with her fiance. They go out on dates, they have sex, they do the sweet sappy love letters and text messages to each other. He even bought her a star for Christmas and spent another $300 on her for a spa treatment package. She says that she loves guy B dearly and cannot imagine the rest of her life without him. So I am stuck in the middle of helping her plan her wedding with guy A while she is also in love with guy B.

She says she wishes she could just have them both and not have to make a decision. She says she knows its wrong but she just can't stop- "When I'm with guy B I just can't tell him no". What is a best friend to do? I can't tell her anything - she won't hear it. I tried to tell her that I don't want to be a part of it anymore - that I can't sit down with her and help her plan her wedding while she is also telling me about being with this other man. But after telling her that - she doesn't want to be friends anymore. She says I'm judging her - and abandoning her and that I'm just a fair weather friend. I don't know what else to do. It breaks my heart to see her do this to herself and to her loved one(s). Should I just chalk this up to a friend lost? ExBestFriend

Lee's Thoughts:

It's difficult when someone you've loved and stood by all of these years starts acting in an unacceptable manner. It forces you to decide about the person YOU will be and the a actions YOU will take.

If you help her plan this wedding and then stand up at the altar with her, the minister, and her ignorant and deceived fiance in front of a crowd of people....you are supporting her and her decisions. You are saying that its OKAY for her to falsely proclaim her love and loyalty to this man in front of GOD AND EVERYONE.

You are not stuck anywhere. You are an adult who freely chooses her life. If you choose to go along with this sham of a wedding and this sham of a life she is leading, you are no better than she.

She is an immature brat who has no business getting married. She has no idea what it takes to sustain a true, loving, and lasting marriage and she will never reap the benefits of one if she finds this acceptable behavior. Do you? Your decision in these next moments, and in these next months will DEFINE you and clearly show the kind of person YOU are. We already know what kind of person she is.

As I said in the beginning, I know its not easy to break off a friendship, but this is not a friend you want to have. If she were twisting the heads off puppies, your decision might be easier. But in this case, it is much easier to just go along with it, to help her plan the party, to wear a pretty dress, drink champagne and toast to the inevitable destruction of two lives. It's the FUN decision.

The HARD decision is to tell her in no uncertain terms that you can not and will not support or celebrate this marriage. Feel free to tell her you love her, you'll be there for her, but this is NOT the wedding or marriage you envisioned for her. YES you are being judgemental, because that's what friends do...they tell each other when they are making flat out BAD DECISIONS. I JUDGE people all the time. Through my JUDGEMENTS, I decide if they are worth my time, if they are people that inspire or disgust me.

Tell her a) You will not be able to participate as her maid of honor. b) If she doesn't tell her fiance about the other guy, you will. c) You'd really love to remain friends, but you completely understand if that is not possible.

It is the adult thing to do. It is what a TRUE FRIEND would do. It's what anyone who has any respect for marriage would do.

Now, what will you do?

Richard, 24
Alabama
Asks:

I work at my fathers tire company and about a year ago a girl came in to get some tires. We exchanged glances and spoke casually several times . Since then she has come back about 3 times for various reasons and we talk more and more "casual conversation" every time she visits. The last time she came into the store was a few days ago and I was out making deliveries. My dad told her I was out and that I would be back soon. She came in to drop off some money but ended up just hanging around for 45 minutes talking to my mom and dad in the office. I can't tell if she was waiting to see me of if she was just killing time. Every time she came in to the store she would always give me these looks, but me being so oblivious as to how women act, I don't know if she likes me or if she's just being social.

Lee's Thoughts:

Richard, ladies don't like tires, tire companies, or anything to do with car maintenance enough to hang around for 45 minutes if there isn't some ulterior motive.

She's totally flirting. The next time she comes in, ditch work and take her out to lunch. Even better yet, call her and ask her out to lunch. She'll LOVE IT!

Darran, 20
Nebraska
Asks:

I have been with this girl off and on from sixth grade. Everything was great. I couldn't have asked anything better. Then, four year's ago, I smoked pot and lied to her about it over and over. She left me for it.

I am so sorry for what I did, but now it's too late to take back. I love her so much, it ain't even worth trying to explain. I can't blame her. I know I hurt her. I lost all her trust , love, friendship and respect. All of her friends and her parents tell her I will never change, to move on. I love her and my little boy more than I could ever explain. I want to be a family again. At least be friends. So, I guess my question to you is can you help me.

Lee's Thoughts:

First, decide how important pot is to you. Do you need to have it? Is it worth giving it up if it will give you a chance to be with your family again? Make that decision for yourself and then proceed.

You also know that this is not a pot issue, its a trust issue. Trust is extremely difficult to win back once you have lost it, especially if you have defaced her trust REPEATEDLY. If you have told her many times that you have changed, and haven't, she would be stupid to take you back on yet ANOTHER promise. This may take years depending on your girlfriend and your commitment to changing.

So, first make the commitment to yourself about the person you want to be. You need to do this for yourself as much as her and your son. I wouldn't even tell her about your changes until you have made a plan for yourself and implemented them for at least a month or two. Stop smoking pot and any other self-destructive activities that have led you away from the life you want to lead. Work hard. Save money. Keep your apartment clean, full of food for your child, and free from people who would distract you from your goals and your path. Get a haircut (girls notice this stuff). Wear a clean shirt and treat her NICELY. Don't blame her if she thinks this is all just an act. She's used to the old you, not the new you. If you keep it up and make it a LIFE CHANGE, she'll notice and she'll appreciate it.

Once you've begun to live a life you are proud of, take her out to dinner, just as friends. Again, BE SWEET and explain to her your goals, what you've accomplished and that you hope to rekindle your friendship with her. (You can't expect her to fall over in love and marry you right away..so take it slowly).

Essentially, be nice and be proud of yourself. Like I said, this may take a while, but if you put in the effort, the rewards will be plentiful.

Jack, 44
BC Canada
Asks:

How would you handle this? You have a former boyfriend that you want to give another try. But you have some sexual feelings for some else. The ex gives the best blowjobs ever. The other doesn't do that stuff.

Lee's Thoughts:

Assuming for one second that blow-jobs are not the ultimate test of a lasting and fulfilling relationship. I'd just go out with both for a while and see which you connect with best. Why not? Just be open with both of them that you are not dating anyone exclusively right now. As long as you are honest, there's nothing to be guilty about. We're all adults, right?

As for the blowjobs, if one guy isn't doing it as great as he could. Give him some direction!! How else will he learn what you like and what you don't?