What Boobs!

Creamy salad dressing

2007-05-26T00:00:00.000-04:00

A judge has ordered a 17-year-old to pay a $750 fine and perform 120 hours of community service for contaminating salad dressing with semen and returning it to a suburban Chicago high school's cafeteria... [Marco] Castro... admitted taking a bottle of ranch salad dressing from the school cafeteria to the bathroom and ejaculating into it, and then returning it to the cafeteria where juniors and seniors eat lunch... There were no reported cases of illness following the incident.

There's a blonde joke here waiting to be made.

Fiance's Van Dumped in Harbor

2007-05-21T00:00:00.000-04:00

Boobs and anger:

WHITEHAVEN, England (May 18) - Plans for the wedding have been sunk - along with the prospective groom's clothes, CDs, DVDs and his van.

Police in northwestern England have arrested Emma Thomason, 24, after she allegedly packed her partner's possessions into his van, drove to the harbor and left off the hand brake Sunday. She was charged with aggravated vehicle-taking without consent and released on bail.

The incident reportedly followed an argument between Thomason and Jason Wilson, 24, her partner of seven years and the father of her two children.

Tags: angry fiance, van dumped, boobs

My Pepper Spray Beats Your Pepper Spray

2007-05-16T11:39:00.000-04:00

Boobs with pepper spray:

HOT SPRINGS, Ark. -- Police said Lawanda Diane Clay, 38, produced a can of pepper spray when two officers were investigating a disturbance complaint... Clay refused to drop the can, and Cpl. Carl Holland used his own pepper spray on her, police said. Clay responded by allegedly spraying Holland and then the other officer, Patrick Langley, police said... Clay was originally going to be charged with disorderly conduct, according to police. She now faces felony battery and drug charges, plus misdemeanor charges.

Tags: pepper spray, boobs, stupid criminals

He's not dying, after all

2007-05-07T15:20:00.000-04:00

Boobs in the hospital

LONDON (Reuters) - A British man who went on a wild spending spree after doctors said he only had a short time to live wants compensation because the diagnosis was wrong and he is now healthy -- but broke.
John Brandrick, 62, was diagnosed with pancreatic cancer two years ago and told that he would probably die within a year.
He quit his job, sold or gave away nearly all his possessions, stopped paying his mortgage and spent his savings dining out and going on holiday.

Brandrick was left with little more than the black suit, white shirt and red tie that he had planned to be buried in when it emerged a year later that his suspected "tumor" was no more than a non-life threatening inflammation of the pancreas.

Curry that tasted like crap

2007-05-01T17:31:00.000-04:00

Boobs and dog shit:

A disgruntled wife has admitted feeding her husband a curry containing dog excrement after their relationship broke down.
Jill Martin, 47, pleaded guilty at Paisley Sheriff Court to culpable and reckless conduct against former husband Donald Martin...
At first she claimed she had laced the dish with arsenic but then confessed she had added dog excrement instead.
The court heard that the couple had been married for 21 years but in recent years their relationship "had hit an all time low".

Next time you tell your wife her cooking tastes like shit, pay attention to her face. If she's grinning, you better reach for toilet paper instead of a napkin.

Tags: boobs, dog shit, curry, dog excrement, bad marriage

He just wanted a new belt

2007-04-25T00:00:00.000-04:00

Boobs and alligators

Police arrested a man who picked up a dead alligator and tried to butcher it on his front lawn, saying he only wanted a new belt. Benjamin Hodges, 35, said he found the dead gator floating in the Hillsborough River on Sunday and took it home in a shopping cart. He figures it was 4 feet or 5 feet long. Just as Hodges flopped the carcass on the ground and started to cut it open, officers showed up and arrested him. An anonymous caller had reported him to the state wildlife agency... “I didn’t think there was anything illegal about skinning a dead gator,” he told The Tampa Tribune.

And to think this state decides who's president of the United States. And this guy probably votes.

Tags: boobs, stupid people, odd news, alligator

Novelty phone causes stir at post office

2007-04-20T21:08:00.000-04:00

Boobs at the post office

Telephones typically ring, not tick, so a man who went to the post office to pick up a novelty phone he ordered over the Internet was alarmed that the package was ticking.
It turned out that the phone - shaped like Winnie the Pooh - had a feature the customer didn't know about: An incoming call causes Winnie's head to spin, and the feature apparently had been activated during shipping.

The ticking that prompted evacuation of the Wright City post office Thursday morning was Winnie's head repeatedly hitting the side of the package, said Cpl. Julie Scerine, a spokeswoman for the Missouri Highway Patrol.

Good thing this didn't happen during an election or the nations warning system would have gone to orange.

Tags: boobs, winnie the pooh, phone ring, odd news

Man loses leg trying to swipe cash machine

2007-04-14T13:33:00.000-04:00

Boobs and the ATM machine

Gregory Daniels, 48, was arrested Tuesday on suspicion of burglary for the attempted heist from Pomona Ranch Market, police said.

Authorities say Daniels and another man drove up to the market about 3 a.m., smashed a window, wrapped a chain around the ATM and used the pickup to rip it from the floor. After loading the cash machine into the truck, the pair drove off.
Officers chased the truck into a residential neighborhood, where the men drove into a dead-end street. Daniels’ alleged accomplice fled, but police said Daniels wasn’t able to escape.
“Daniels was on the ground near the vehicle in an attempt to flee from officers,” Sgt. E. Vazquez said. “However, he was unsuccessful, as his prosthetic leg fell off.”

Tags: boobs, Dumb Criminal

Shooting a Building

2007-04-14T13:04:00.000-04:00

Boobs with guns:

A Japanese man angry that a new apartment building put his house in the shade was arrested after shooting about a dozen bullets at it with a competition rifle... "He felt the building management didn't take a sincere attitude toward his complaints that the building was keeping sunlight from reaching his house."

Maybe he just wanted to shoot some holes to allow the sun to shine through?

Hey, I've seen worse lawyer defenses.

Tags: boobs

Driving a Horse

2007-04-05T11:53:00.000-04:00

Boobs on a horse:

Officer John Seals found Melissa Byrum York, 40, of Henagar on horseback on a nearby road and attempted to stop her. Seals asked the woman repeatedly to get off the horse, but she kept trying to kick the animal to make it run, the chief said.

"She wouldn't stop. She kept riding the horse and going on," Gregg said.

After ramming the police car with the horse and riding away, the woman tried to jump off but caught her foot in a stirrup, Gregg said. The officer took the woman into custody and discovered that she had crystal methamphetamine, a small amount of marijuana, pills and a small pipe, the chief said.

York was charged with DUI for allegedly riding the horse under the influence of a controlled substance. She was also charged with drug possession, possession of drug paraphernalia, resisting arrest, assault, attempting to elude police and cruelty to animals.

Gregg said the horse, which belonged to York, "wasn't in the best of health, but it's still alive."

Gin and Tonic and a Steak

2007-04-01T00:00:00.000-04:00

Boobs and a steak

The gin and tonic bandit went to the same restaurant each Wednesday, ordered two drinks and a rib-eye steak, then skipped out on his $25.96 bill... Each Wednesday night for four weeks running, the same man came into the same O'Charley's restaurant and ordered the two drinks and the steak, restaurant manager Teresa Tolbert told police.

At the end of each meal, the wait staff would present him with his bill for $25.96, and he would excuse himself to use the restroom, then skip out without paying.

The man appeared a fifth time Wednesday night, but the restaurant was ready for him, police said.

When his server presented the bill, he again claimed he needed to use the bathroom. But when he walked out of the restaurant, four employees were waiting for him. They confronted him about the unpaid bill, which he offered to pay with a check, police said.

After Tolbert told him the restaurant didn't accept checks, the man "got nervous and ran," according to the police report.

Officer Randy Gehlhausen caught up with the man as he was trying to open his car door. The diner struggled with Gehlhausen, who wrestled him to the ground and handcuffed him.

That's a whole lot of underwear

2007-03-29T00:00:00.000-04:00

Boobs and panties:

A man was charged with theft and burglary after police said they found 93 pounds of women’s panties, brassieres and other underwear at his home. Investigators believe Garth M. Flaherty, 24, took as many as 1,500 undergarments from apartment complex laundry rooms before he was caught, police Cmdr. Chris Tennant said... Police found enough underwear in his bedroom to fill five garbage bags, Tennant said. “He said he had a problem,” Tennant said.

He had a problem? What, he was out of bags?

He'd kill to have sex... really, he would

2007-03-23T10:21:00.000-04:00

Boobs and dead animals:

A 20-year-old man received probation after he was convicted of having sexual contact with a dead deer. The sentence also requires Bryan James Hathaway to be evaluated as a sex offender and treated at the Institute for Psychological and Sexual Health in Duluth, Minn... He was found guilty in April 2005 of felony mistreatment of an animal after he killed a horse with the intention of having sex with it. He was sentenced to 18 months in jail and two years of extended supervision on that charge as well as six years of probation for taking and driving a vehicle without the owner's consent.

The guy killed a horse to have sex with it and they sent him to prison? Like that is going to help? I don't know who the bigger boobs are, this sick bastard or the people who didn't send him to a mental institution in the first place.

And now, because of their stupidity there's probably a little Bambi somewhere without its mommy. (awwwww... *tear, tear*)

A Cup of Urine

2007-03-20T19:42:00.000-04:00

Boobs and a cup of urine:

An eighth-grader faces expulsion after admitting he put urine in a teacher's coffee pot, officials said. The Wilson Middle School teacher noticed that the coffee had an unusual odor Friday and reported it to the principal, Muncie Community Schools officials said. A student who overheard classmates discussing it also reported the incident to officials... Urine was found in the locker of the eighth-grade boy, who admitted to putting some in the coffee, authorities said.

With pranks like this, this kid has a future working for the RNC during elections.

Stinking Champion

2007-03-20T19:38:00.000-04:00

Boobs and stinking sneakers:

Thirteen-year-old Katharine Tuck's sneakers are equal opportunity offenders. They smell as bad as they look. Now, the Utah seventh grader is $2,500 richer because of it: On Tuesday, she out-ranked six other children to win the 32nd annual National Odor-Eaters Rotten Sneaker Contest, stinking up the joint with a pair of well-worn 1 1/2-year-old Nikes so noxious they had the judges wincing... "I'm so proud of the little stinker," said her mother, Paula Tuck.

Doesn't it bring tears to your eyes to see a mom so proud of her daughter?

No Celery At Chelsea Soccer Matches

2007-03-18T12:56:00.000-04:00

Chelsea boobs and celery

LONDON (Reuters) - Chelsea warned their fans on Friday against throwing celery during matches, saying it was a criminal offence and that anyone caught lobbing the popular salad vegetable could be banned... Though apparently a growing problem with it landing on the pitch, Chelsea fans have been throwing celery among themselves, and singing an unprintable song about the vegetable, for more than two decades.

Ah well, you know I had to find the "unprintable song". Here it goes:

Celery, Celery,
If she don't come,
I'll tickle her bum,
With a lump of celery...

If she doesn't want to come (to the soccer game), she's going to get tickled. What's unprintable about that?

Sticky Situation

2007-03-17T11:00:00.000-04:00

Boobs and sticky stuff

A 91-year-old German man was rescued Tuesday from a sticky situation.

The retiree from the eastern city of Magdeburg had been taking advantage of good spring weather to re-tar the roof of his garden house when he slipped and became glued to the structure himself.

Rescuers were able to free the man, whose name was not released, by prying him loose - bit by bit - from the gooey mess.

"Good spring weather"... another victim of global warming.

How Did They Find Him So Easily?

2007-03-17T10:39:00.000-04:00

Boobs commiting crimes

Authorities in Iowa say a burglar left a calling card behind when he broke into an apartment.

They found a Corrections Department identification card they think the burglar used to jimmy a lock.

That led them to a former inmate, who was arrested at a Bettendorf motel. He'd been released from prison in January after serving a little over two years for burglary.

This guy must be a Republican. How do I know? Because Democratic felons want to vote; Republican ones want to keep stealing. Duh!

Imposter sits in on defense meetings

2007-03-16T08:01:00.000-04:00

Boobs in Australian uniforms:

CANBERRA (Reuters) - A truck driver who was once jailed for armed robbery posed as an army officer, mixed with the top brass and talked his way into high-level security meetings... Peter Bennett, 54, started his 10-month fantasy military career in September 2005 when he wore formal military dress to gain entry to an air force base dinner, where he chatted to Australia's air force chief, Air Vice-Marshal Geoffrey Shepherd... and was issued with a defense force identity card. "To his boot straps, he was simply a cheeky civilian with a good tailor and a foot locker brimming with confidence that enabled him to parachute behind friendly lines,"... Bennett had tried to join the army in 1971, but was rejected as medically unfit to serve.

They should hire this guy, for something, anything. In the USA he'd probably become the spokesperson for the White House.

Wasn't me, was the unicorn

2007-03-16T00:00:00.000-04:00

Boobs behind the wheel:

A man told police not to blame him for crashing his truck into a light post - it was that unicorn behind the wheel... Phillip C. Holliday Jr. initially denied driving the truck... Holliday, 42, pleaded not guilty Tuesday to felony charges of criminal endangerment and drunken driving... Holliday has five drunken-driving convictions. District Judge Gregory Todd kept his bail at $100,000 despite his lawyer arguing that Holliday's last such conviction was 14 years ago.

He should have just said his last name was Kennedy -- he'd go scot-free.

98-year-old Mexican woman has admirer

2007-03-02T00:00:00.000-05:00

Boobs in Mexico

MEXICO CITY - A 98-year-old Mexican woman has filed a legal complaint against a suitor 50 years her junior who she said tried to kiss her and threatened to kill her if she didn't let him move in with her. Maria de Jesus Flores, a widow for the past half-century with four grown children in the United States, got to know Manuel Martinez, 48, when he started delivering her groceries. But he began propositioning her to the point of harassment... "He said he couldn't live without me, that he loved me, but that's not for me.... I can't have sexual relations any more, I'm 98," she said, adding that she suspected that what Martinez really wanted was for her to support him financially.

Bite your tongue or else...

2007-03-01T00:00:00.000-05:00

Boobs with scissors

MILAN (Reuters) - A Milan teacher cut a unruly 7-year-old pupil's tongue with scissors to silence him, police and school officials said on Tuesday. The child, of North African origin, needed to go to hospital for five stitches to close the wound... Police are trying to find out whether the injury was inflicted intentionally or was a joke gone wrong.

Bank robber nabbed 30 feet from bank

2007-02-28T00:00:00.000-05:00

Boobs robbing a bank

The thief had the bank-robbing part down, putting his finger in his pocket to simulate a gun at a northeast Nevada bank on Tuesday. It was the getaway that proved a bit more difficult. The suspect, identified as Keith Woodall, 65, made it only about 30 feet outside the downtown branch of the Great Basin Bank in Elko before police nabbed him... Woodall was in possession of the money when he was apprehended and no weapon was found... he told one officer, "I just wanted to go back to jail."

Text messages land teacher in hot water

2007-02-27T00:00:00.000-05:00

Boobs and marijuana:

A middle school teacher trying to buy pot was arrested after she sent text messages to state trooper instead of a dealer... Trooper Trevor Pervine was at dinner with his wife and parents celebrating a birthday when his phone started buzzing with messages about a marijuana purchase... Pervine responded to set up a meeting... Authorities say Ann Greenfield, 34, arrived at the meeting point and found Pervine and other law enforcement officers waiting for her.
"She learned her lesson. Program your dealers into your phone."

End of long-winded eulogies

2007-02-24T00:00:00.000-05:00

Boobs and dead Aussies:

Keep it short, and don't mention sex or drunkenness -- those are the new rules for eulogies at funeral masses in Australia's Catholic church. An increase in the number of inappropriate comments at funeral masses has prompted Australia's most senior Catholic, Cardinal George Pell, to impose a five-minute deadline on eulogies and deem some areas of a person's life off limits... On not a few occasions, inappropriate remarks glossing over the deceased's proclivities (drinking prowess, romantic conquests etc) or about the Church (attacking its moral teachings) have been made at funeral masses," Pell's new guidelines say... The new guidelines say anecdotes, poems or songs, might be better kept for services at the cemetery or crematorium, or for a vigil prayer service the night before a funeral.