Ask A Real Mom

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2007-03-07T17:00:00.000-05:00

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Kids, parents, and lack of sleep

2007-03-04T00:00:00.000-05:00

... a never-ending triangle:

Neil Newman, a clinical psychologist and psychoanalyst in Manhattan, treats parents and children over 5 years old, many of whom are struggling with sleep battles. “If I had to generalize,” he said, “I’d say it usually has something to do with separation or boundaries. It might be a problem of anxiety, but mostly the origin of the problem is the difficulty parents have in setting appropriate limits. It’s commonly believed in the mental health field that it’s important the children learn to sleep on their own. Not doing it often generalizes to other problems, because it’s about a fairly important way that parents say no to their child.”

In "Who's Bed Is It Anyway?" this issue is discussed in detail. Take a look -- you might learn something useful.

How to be a happier mom

2007-02-17T00:00:00.000-05:00

This article deals with the paradox where mothers rate being a mother as something that makes them very happy, yet, in other ways, the chores related to motherhood rate very low:

Ask a mom if she's happier now that she has a child and she'll usually say yes. In fact, around the world, children top the list of the most enjoyable things in life... Being the mom of a young child (especially one under 3) is rich and rewarding, but also a real strain on your mood... On their list of pleasurable activities, moms rank it lower than eating, exercising, or watching TV... In fact, kid care rates only slightly higher than housework, working, or commuting... One reason for the discrepancy between moms and experts: selective memory. When psychologists ask moms in a general way whether they like spending time with their kids, the overwhelming majority say they do because they're thinking of fun activities such as reading a book or playing in the park. When they're specifically asked to describe their actual daily routine, they remember the hours they spent struggling to get their child dressed or ready for bed.

The article offers 8 tips to focus on the positive -- and learn to make it a daily habit. The tips are: Admit when you're stressed, Get enough sleep, (Re)consider your priorities, Go with the flow, Savor the moment, Take the long view, Reconnect with your spouse, and Say thanks. Visit the article for more details about each tip.

Why Are Dutch Children Happy?

2007-02-16T00:00:00.000-05:00

A study by UNICEF has concluded that Dutch children are the happiest of 21 industrial nations. This article gives several reasons why Dutch children happy. Here are just some of those reasons:

Their parents go out of their way to please them, and teachers expect less of them than some of their European counterparts.

"If you take the percentage of young mothers in the labour force, it's not very high in comparison to comparable countries... There is a strong tendency for mothers to raise children or take a long time off work after children are born."... children are used to a "highly protective, highly positive caring environment."

The Dutch are famous for their liberal attitudes towards drinks, drugs and sex. "Because parents are more relaxed, the dynamics of the problems are less severe than in countries where they are seen as more of a serious issue."

Working the Mom Network

2007-02-14T09:33:00.000-05:00

Before I had kids, I never imagined how challenging it would be to make new mom friends -- or master the Art of Mom Networking. I'm not talking about socializing with friends you already know who happen to be mothers. I mean connecting with complete strangers so that your children will have friends and not grow up to be homebound deviant sociopaths. Count yourself lucky if you have the opportunity to meet interesting new moms in hospitable territory -- at a neighbor's house, through a mutual friend or at church. Breaking in cold to an already established group of bonded mothers can feel exactly like being back in junior high school -- and I don't mean that in a good way.

Read the rest of this article on the struggles of making new mom friends. It lists the obstacles you'll face, includes tips to go about it, and why it's important for your child that you do. Does this effort make sense to you? You be the judge.

Coping with a child's tantrum on a plane

2007-01-29T12:20:00.000-05:00

How do you avoid becoming the family that got kicked off an airplane after their crying 3-year-old refused to take her seat?

Experts say rewarding kids for cooperation, distracting them with simple games and telling them in advance what's going to happen can help. But at the end of the day, you may just have to take control, restrain the child, and comply with the rules.

This article gives your more information and 4 tips for parents.

World's Oldest Mom

2006-12-31T00:12:00.000-05:00

A 67-year-old Spanish woman became the world's oldest mother after she gave birth to twins in the northern city of Barcelona... The woman, whose identity has not been revealed by Sant Pau hospital, gave birth by caesarian section on Saturday having previously undergone in vitro fertilization in the United States... The mother and twins are all doing well though the babies are both in incubators, a hospital spokeswoman said. The hospital did not reveal the gender of the twins. The previous holder of the oldest mother record was 66-year-old Romanian citizen Adriana Iliescu who gave birth to baby Eliza Maria in Jan. 2005.

Colds and Ear Infections

2006-12-17T00:00:00.000-05:00

Do colds cause ear infections?

TIt does seem that way, but all colds are caused by viruses, while 90 percent of ear infections are caused by bacteria. So, why does your child seem to get an ear infection every time he has a cold? "Colds create mucus and fluid buildup in the ear tubes -- a perfect environment for ear infection -- causing bacteria to grow," says Ari Brown, M.D., coauthor of "Toddler 411: Clear Answers and Smart Advice for Your Toddler."

Kisses and a cold

2006-12-15T00:00:00.000-05:00

Should you not kiss your baby if you have a cold?

A peck on the lips probably won't hurt, says Neil Schachter, M.D., author of "The Good Doctor's Guide to Colds & Flu. " Unlike a sneeze or a cough, which bring forth viral-rich fluids from your airways, the saliva hanging out in your mouth harbors very little cold virus -- so it's surprisingly hard to pass the illness through kissing. The best way to keep your baby from catching your cold: Wash your hands often.

B.R.A.T. for diarrhea?

2006-12-13T00:00:00.000-05:00

Is the B.R.A.T. diet best for diarrhea?

A regimen of bananas, rice, applesauce, and toast used to be the standard prescription for thickening watery stools. While they work great, a plate full of rice, with banana for dessert, isn't always appealing to a sick kid. "Your child will feel better faster if you feed him what he'll actually eat," says Andrea McCoy, M.D., an associate professor of pediatrics at Temple University in Philadelphia, Pennsylvania. (Just avoid spicy and greasy foods and fruit juice.)

Treating mild fevers

2006-12-12T00:01:00.000-05:00

Is it best not to treat mild fevers?

It depends on how your child's feeling. Fevers do help fight infections by stimulating the immune system and killing bacteria and viruses that can't survive at higher-than-normal temperatures. But that's no reason to let your child be miserable. Try to strike a balance between keeping him comfortable and letting his body do its job, says Daniel Levy, M.D., clinical assistant professor of pediatrics at the University of Maryland School of Medicine in Baltimore. If he has a mild fever but seems especially cranky, lethargic, or in pain, giving him the right dose of acetaminophen or ibuprofen will likely make him feel (and sleep) better. If he's reasonably happy and energetic even though his temperature is 102 degrees, keeping an eye on him may be enough (just make sure he's well hydrated). The exception: Any fever in an infant under 6 months merits a call to the doc at once.

When are colds and flu most contagious?

2006-12-11T00:20:00.000-05:00

Are colds and flu most contagious before symptoms appear?

They spread most easily when symptoms are at their worst. That's because these infections are commonly passed through coughed-up or sneezed-out droplets containing the virus, or via hand-to-hand contact. While the likelihood of catching (or passing) something peaks when kids are most miserable, the risk persists as long as the drip does. So even if your kid's almost over it, give the other moms in your playgroup a heads up; they may decide to take a rain check.

(Answer by Rosemary Black, Marguerite Lamb, and Laura Flynn McCarthy from Parenting.com)

Greenish mucus

2006-12-10T00:38:00.000-05:00

Is it true that a greenish mucus means your child has something worse than a cold?

Not usually. While clear mucus is most common, green or yellow can also just be symptoms of a cold. However, discolored mucus plus a persistent high fever, decreased appetite, cough, or severe nasal congestion may be signs of a bacterial infection, which -- unlike a cold -- could require antibiotics. If you notice your child often has green or yellow mucus, there may be an underlying problem (enlarged adenoids, for instance) that's causing recurring bacterial infections. In that case, let your pediatrician be your sleuth.

(Answer by Rosemary Black, Marguerite Lamb, and Laura Flynn McCarthy from Parenting.com)

True or false: colds and fevers

2006-12-09T09:56:00.000-05:00

Caring moms want to know, is this statement true or false?

Feed a cold, starve a fever

This centuries-old saying, popularized by Mark Twain, simply isn't so. All sick kids (and adults) -- whether they've got a cold, fever, or both -- need nutrients and liquids to get better, says Leigh Ann Greavu, a dietitian in St. Paul, Minnesota. If your child doesn't feel like eating solids, then chicken noodle soup, juice, and even ice cream are good alternatives.

Taking Lexapro When Pregnant

2006-11-19T22:08:00.000-05:00

Kristy, 25 from Jackson, MS asks...
I am taking Lexapro 20 mg a day. Can this harm the baby? I feel bad for having to take it but without it I have severe panic attacks.

Stacy Says...
Like any other medication, Lexapro should be taken with caution simply for the fact we don't know enough of the long-term effects of Lexapro on the baby. We do know there are plenty of women who have had healthy babies after taking Lexapro.

But the concept remains, any medication you take, will cross the placental barrier and be given to your baby. Meaning there has to be a decision made to the risks/benefits ratio. If your panic attacks are so severe you are completely unable to function, I would continue taking the medication. If your panic attacks are infrequent and mild, maybe your doctor can prescribe a short-acting medication that you can take as needed, just for these 9 months. If you are willing AND able to suffer through the panic attacks for just a few months, then do that.

These are all questions YOU have to ponder and come to a decision about. Talk with your doctor about it. Both your OBGYN and the MD that prescribed the Lexapro and tell them your concerns. In the end make a decision that's best for your baby AND you. Your baby needs a healthy mommy as well!

Baby Blues

2006-11-13T00:22:00.000-05:00

Parents do a lot of guessing on what could be troubling a fussy baby. If he's crying, he may be hungry or tired. But could he be depressed?

"Babies can be depressed," said Dr. Jess Shatkin, director of education and training at New York University's Child Study Center. "It's not a terribly common phenomenon. We think maybe one in 40 or so — but it can certainly happen."

Although it's not very common, there are two telltale signs of baby depression, experts say.
First, depressed babies do not exhibit a lot of emotion. Second, depressed babies may have trouble eating or sleeping, and may be irritable. (Full story here)

Breast-Feeding and Intelligence

2006-10-31T00:01:00.000-05:00

Full article here:

Breast-fed children are more intelligent than their bottle-fed counterparts, but this has nothing to do with the content of the milk they receive, a study published in the British Medical Journal said... Researchers... found that mothers who breast-feed tend to be more intelligent... "When this fact was taken into account, most of the relationship between breast-feeding and the child's intelligence disappeared,"... "This research shows that intelligence is determined by factors other than breast-feeding,"... The researchers found that children who were breast-fed did better on IQ tests, but this was because their mothers were more intelligent, better educated and able to provide a more stimulating home environment. Part of the research methodology included testing pairs of siblings, for whom feeding habits differed. "Comparing two people from the same family like this is a good way of getting results that are less affected by family background. This confirmed the earlier results -- the breast-fed child was no more intelligent."

Smoking While Pregnant

2006-10-23T00:08:00.000-04:00

Shirley asks...
I'm 26 weeks and sometimes I still smoke. I want to stop but I can't seem to. What should I do to try to stop. I do want a healthy Baby!

Stacy Says...
You just have to quit. There's no magic words or secret potion. You have to love your baby more than you love your cigarettes. It's that simple. All other medications, patches, etc. can harm the baby as well. Be a loving, responsible mother and STOP SMOKING.

Adventures in Babysitting

2006-10-13T00:01:00.000-04:00

Full story here:

Angel Guerrero was taken by mistake Monday when the woman arrived at the school and took him without knowing what the child she was to care for looked like... The mix-up caused alarm when Angel's grandmother came to the school and was told someone had already picked him up. Police issued a missing child alert, and his name and picture were broadcast on several TV stations. Meanwhile, the baby sitter had no idea she picked up the wrong child until her employers returned home. "The baby sitter said 'This is your son,' and the parents said, 'No, this is not our son,'" Cannan said. When the parents saw Angel's picture on their TV screen, they immediately called police. School officials didn't notice the mix-up, Cannan said, because Angel willingly left with the woman. Meanwhile, the boy she was supposed to pick up waited for several hours until school staff called an uncle to pick him up. "There's a lesson here," Cannan said. "What an opportunity to tell parents to talk to their kids, and communicate with their caregivers. This young child was full of trust, and he sees an older, caring adult and just walked off with that person."

Anemia in Pregnancy

2006-09-05T07:11:00.000-04:00

Rachael, 32 asks...
Is it normal that your blood hcg counts can be lees than your previous test in 5th week?

Stacy Says...
I'm not really sure what you're asking. Hcg is the hormone that is produced when you're pregnant--it's what the pregnancy test checks for. This test is not repeated in later pregnancy. Hgb is the amount of hemoglobin in your body and is tested later in pregnancy. If you're asking about Hgb, then yes, it's completely normal.

Hgb measures the amount of grams of hemoglobin you have in your blood, Hct measures the percent of red blood cells you have in your blood. The amount of blood volume nearly doubles during pregnancy, making it hard for your body to keep up with the demand. Therefore, many women develop some form of anemia when pregnant.

To prevent this always be sure to take your prenatal vitamins--they contiain plenty of iron, folate acid and B12--all needed for the production of Hgb. Take them with some food to prevent upset stomach.

If your blood levels are too low, your practitioner might prescribe iron supplements. These should be taken on an empty stomach or with some orange juice (the calcium helps absorption). Personally, I always used it as an excuse for my dad to cook me his famous steaks--don't know if it's medically accepted as official treatment, but it sure was tasty!

Anemia in Pregnancy

2006-09-04T12:23:00.000-04:00

Flying While Pregnant

2006-08-26T14:13:00.000-04:00

Lai, 35 from Hertfordshire asks...
I'm 7 months pregnant and i'm going to travel to Italy and it would take 3 hours journey by plane. I'd like to know if the cabin pressure would affect my baby. Please give me some information about this if it's true. Thanks.

Stacy Says...
If you have been having a healthy, normal pregnancy, there is probably no problems with flying. Poorly controlled diabetics, placental abnormalities, hypertensive women should not be flying. If you do decide to fly, please keep these factors in mind:

Flying creates an increased risk for blood clots (due to inactivity) and pregnancy often causes circulation problems. To prevent this, get up often and stretch, walk the aisles, wiggle your feet, circle your ankles, etc. Wear loose clothing and maybe even invest in some compression stockings (like the kind nurses wear) to keep the blood flowing in your legs. Avoid crossing your legs and drink plenty of water.
Check with your doctor before leaving. Even obtain a note saying it's okay to fly. Many airlines have restriction regarding pregnant flyers. If you're a week from your due date or a month--double check with the airlines, too.
Don't be afraid to ask for an aisle seat, or the seat towards the front with more leg room. Chances are, either the airlines or possibly another traveler will take pity on the preggo lady and offer their seat. Hey, you gotta milk it while you can!
SPEAK UP if anything feels wrong. If you feel like you're having contractions, notify the crew! Wouldn't be the first time a medical problem happened on an airplane.

How Many Months??

2006-08-20T13:17:00.000-04:00

Nicola, 33 from Manchester asks...
I would like to know, if I am 25 weeks pregnant, how many months is that. It can be really confusing, I would say that I am 6 months pregnant. Is this right and when would you say you were 7 months.

Stacy Says...
Um, this is just basic math. Since there are 4 weeks in 1 month. 25 weeks divided by 4 would equal 6 months and 1 week. You would be 7 months at 28 weeks. I hope that helps.

Waking at 2am

2006-08-19T10:55:00.000-04:00

Midnight Runner, 36 from Maryland asks...
We have a 3 1/2 year old son who wakes up some nights between the hours of 2:30 to 6:00 am. When he wakes up he cries for his mom saying " Mommy I want you.. Being the mom that she is she quickly jumps out of bed to be by his side.. I on the other hand have to run downstairs to get him some milk..Is there any way to change this behavior or will he just outgrow this??

Stacy Says...
Well, is he waking up because he's hungry or are you getting the milk as a way to calm him down for sleep? If so, you might've created a viscous cycle. While he originally wanted just mommy, now he also gets some milk and so he might be waking up wanting the milk. Kids develop patterns real fast.

I'd suggest next time he does it to simply try to comfort him without milk. Some experts argue to let the kid cry it out. I can't stand for my baby, in the middle of the night, cry for me and not go. Maybe your wife can simply try to calm him down by hugging and cuddling him, asking him what's wrong--giving him reassurance that mommy and daddy are here, but not giving him the milk for comfort.

If that doesn't work and he keeps waking up, try letting him cry for 5 minutes. Maybe he might calm down without you there. Chances are by breaking the cycle, even one night, he'll stop awakening so distraught.

Pain in My Ribs

2006-08-18T13:16:00.000-04:00

Lianne, 23 from Glos asks...
For the last 5 days ive been getting a terrible pain in my ribs, I am assuming it is where the baby is lying but it never goes away and it is really causing me discomfort. Nothing I do helps, is there anything you can suggest? I have taken painkillers and the doctor cant see me until next week!

Stacy Says...
I really don't know what to tell you, Lianne. I need a bit more information, like, how far are you? If you're only 12 weeks then it could be a problem, but if you're 26 weeks or so, it's probably just the baby's position. Unfortunately, nothing can be done for that. I wouldn't recommend painkillers if the pain is coming from position, not an endogenous source (something other than position). If the pain is unbearable call your doctor's office and speak with the triage nurse. She might be able to help you more.