Boobs story submitted by vav from nyc:

I was talking to my girlfriend on the phone as she was rushing from work to get on the subway. As we were talking she told me to hold on and after a few seconds I heard her laughing, and calling herself an idiot.

She told me she was rushing and started looking for her cell phone and couldn't find it. She thought she left it at work and told me to hold so she could search her bag for it. It was then she realized that she had the phone in her hand all along and was talking to me.

And to think, this is the woman I want to marry! :)

Boobs and potato chips:

KITTANNING, Pa. - A man intentionally drove a delivery van loaded with potato chips through the lobby of a state police barracks... Roy Thomas Chaivarlis, 31, of Yatesboro, was charged with aggravated assault, risking a catastrophe, driving under the influence and related offenses following the crash... Police said they have dealt with Chaivarlis previously and that Chaivarlis said he hated the state police.

There's a candidate for anger management.

Boobs with a crane:

PHILADELPHIA (AP)— A man hired a crane to uproot half a dozen newsstands that were not his and move them to street corners where he had sought, but had not received, permits to do business, officials said... John Rocco, chairman of the Newsstand Association of Philadelphia, said he got phone calls from members who showed up for work to find their businesses gone, looked into it, and called police when he learned about the crane, calling the theft of the newsstands candy, magazines and all "outrageous."

Boobs with guns

DUNEDIN, Fla. - A father fed up with his son for spending too much time on the computer, allegedly fired shots at the monitor, authorities said. Joseph angenderfer, 44... allegedly told deputies he was angry that his son had neglected the laundry and was spending all his time playing computer games. He told deputies the gun accidentally fired and the bullet hit the wall a few feet from where his son, Tim, was sitting.

People who love guns are such nice people. Of course this was an accident. :-p

Boobs in the chimney:

HAYWARD, Calif. - Police arrested a man who spent five hours naked and stuck in the chimney of his stepmother's California home. Police say Michael Urbano locked himself out of the house early Saturday morning and decided to get in on a cable TV wire through the chimney. He told police he thought taking off his clothes would help ease his way down the chimney. But the cable wire broke, and Urbano fell, getting stuck about three-quarters of the way down. He was freed when a firefighter pushed him up to safety.

Boobs in the buff:

OAKLAND, Calif. - A carpenter who keeps his clothes clean by working in the nude was arrested after a client returned home early and found him building bookcases in the buff. Percy Honniball, 50, was charged with misdemeanor indecent exposure this week for the October incident. He told officers he stripped before crawling under the client's house to do electrical work because he didn't want to soil his clothes, police said.

Carpenter... bare butt... splinters.

Boobs story submitted by Tara

This is long but totally worth it. And totally true. Read up!

When I was 16 and dating my HS sweetheart, a group of our friends went to see another friend in a play at the local community college in January. The boyfriend wasn't feeling very well and suddenly a few minutes into the play, got up and walked out very quickly. I let him go, and didn't worry too much about it. Lots of time passed and he hadn't returned. I thought of going to look for him, but knew it would piss him off. He was an ass and always told me to leave him alone and that I wasn't his mother if I would go look for him. Well, it was a really long play and it had an intermission like 1.5 hours later. He still hadn't showed up.

I started freaking out. Where the hell could he be? I called him, but his phone started vibrating in his coat next to me. I asked his best friend to check the bathrooms. Nowhere to be found. He couldn't have gone far, he left his coat, car keys, and phone in his coat at his seat. Eventually, his best friend, his best friend's girlfriend, and I all walk out to see if his car is still there.

We walk across the parking lot until we see him, huddled up against a snow mound by a car. He SCREAMS and won't let anyone but me come near him. Has me bring him his coat, keys, and phone. I come up to him and am like "WOAH, WTF?"

He had sh!t himself. Diarrhea. bad. FROZEN to him. All down his legs, all over his pants and shirt, all over his shoes.

He hadn't been able to make it to the bathroom, had freaked out, and ran out the nearest exit. Was the locked out, and had no way of getting back in without going into the public entrance. He instead huddled in the snow for almost 2 hours with his own sh!t frozen to him.

I had to drive him home. THAT SMELL was the worst thing in the entire world. He was frozen solid and miserable, so of course he wanted the heat on. I nearly threw up on him during that 15 minute ride.

He even made me walk into his house first to worn his dad. That was possibly the most awkward conversation I've ever had.

Boobs in the principal's office:

INGLEWOOD, Calif. (AP)— A principal trying to prevent walkouts during immigration rallies inadvertently introduced a lockdown so strict that children weren't allowed to go to the bathroom, and instead had to use buckets in the classroom, an official said. Worthington Elementary School Principal Angie Marquez... apparently misread the district handbook and ordered a lockdown designed for nuclear attacks.

Boobs with guns:

ORLANDO, Fla. (AP)— A DEA agent who accidentally shot himself in the foot while demonstrating gun safety to school children is suing the agency, saying video of the incident has made him the joke of the Internet. Lee Paige was making a presentation to children at the Orlando Youth Minority Golf Association on April 9, 2004, when he shot himself. Moments before the shooting, the 14-year agency veteran was displaying his firearm and telling students he was the only one in the room professional enough to handle a gun.

All I can say is, I wanna see that video.

Boobs in South Africa

JOHANNESBURG (Reuters) - It's a "factual reality" that beans make you break wind, says South Africa's advertising watchdog. A TV advert for sweet onions showed a rugby player eating beans that made him smell "stinky." The advert claims that "with sweet onions there are no tears, no burn and definitely no stink." The country's Dry Bean Producers Organization complained about the advert on the basis that the "stinky" charge was untrue but the Advertising Standards Authority threw out the charge and said it was widely known that beans produce gas.

Submitted by Jilly

Extracted from this opinion piece:

I don’t know if it’s something in the air, but lately it seems our fair county has had its share of downright dumb criminals.

The most recent incident involved three Benedictine College students who were arrested Wednesday on multiple charges of criminal damage.

Apparently, this trio of young men, two of whom play football for Benedictine College, thought it would be fun to use a slingshot and marbles on Sunday night to bust out vehicle and business windows in the Atchison and Rushville, Mo., areas.

I bet they don’t think it’s so funny now that they had some time to think about their actions after spending time behind bars.

While I’ll be the first to admit that I did my fair share of stupid things during my college years, none came close to the reckless acts police say were committed by these three young men.

Whatever would possess these men to damage other people’s property is beyond me, especially considering that some of the property belongs to the Atchison County Sheriff’s Office. Oops.

...

Another incident that boggles the mind is the recent arrest and conviction of a 36-year-old Lancaster man to 40 months in state prison without the possibility of early release following 29 prior convictions since 1987.

Yes, that’s 29 convictions on everything from drugs to battery during a 19-year span. It’s hard to believe that someone could still be free, roaming the streets after 29 criminal convictions.

Corey Walker’s most recent run-in with the law came during a traffic stop when he was arrested on charges of possessing cocaine. A crack pipe with drug residue was found in his possession.

While most would learn from their mistakes, it seems Mr. Walker enjoys spending time in jail. After pleading no contest and awaiting sentencing, he was caught smoking a cigarette in the jail, which is also a crime.

Now, Mr. Walker will have a little more than three years to get his life in order.

While history tells us he won’t change, we can always hope. If not, Mr. Walker will likely spend much of the rest of his life as a number in the state prison system.

Boobs with diapers:

MOUNT PLEASANT, Wis. - A small stretch of this Wisconsin village might want to change its name to "Mount Unpleasant" now that the diaper dumper has struck gain.
Residents along Braun Road report 12 to 15 of the used adult diapers have shown up in the grassy ditch, apparently dumped in the middle of the night. Similar activity had been reported to The Journal Times of Racine in January before it stopped, at least temporarily.

Baby, is that you doing this?

Boobs on the phone:

BUFFALO, N.Y. - A teenage girl acknowledged making about 1,000 fake 911 calls from her cell phone, laughing, taunting and saying, "You can't catch me," police said Monday. Police said some of the calls made this month lasted several minutes, and one lasted an hour. The girl was charged over the weekend with two counts of misdemeanor falsely reporting an incident for allegedly making six fake 911 calls from a local church phone Saturday.

Boobs at the chiropractor

COLUMBUS, Ohio - A chiropractor who claims he can treat anyone by reaching back in time to when an injury occurred has attracted the attention of state regulators. The Ohio State Chiropractic Board, in a notice of hearing, has accused James Burda of Athens of being "unable to practice chiropractic according to acceptable and prevailing standards of care due to mental illness, specifically, Delusional Disorder, Grandiose Type." Burda denied that he is mentally ill. He said he possesses a skill he discovered by accident while driving six years ago.

And to think, someone who knows nothing about this has an appointment with him tomorrow.

Boobs in the Australian police:

An Australian federal police officer has been suspended for consulting a clairvoyant as part of an investigation into a death threat made to the country's prime minister... The officer, whose identity has not been released, reportedly consulted clairvoyant Elizabeth Walker after inquiries into the threat to Prime Minister John Howard hit a dead end.

Didn't Nancy Reagan or even Ronald Reagan do something similar, or am I mixing stories?

Boobs in the housing market, submitted by The Oracle, from NYC:

A few years ago, I was house hunting with my wife and 4 year old son. After seeing a few open houses, we came upon this one that sat at the end of a long driveway. Half way into the driveway, I stopped the car and told my wife: "This is the ugliest house I've ever seen. Let's skip it, OK?". My wife agreed and just as I was about to leave, the owners came out waving at us to come in. We felt bad and decided to go in.

Once we got inside and were gathered in the living room, my 4 year old son blurted out: "My daddy said this is the ugliest house he's ever seen."

Boobs in the highway, submitted by Baby, from Wisconsin:

The other day my grandma and I were sharing blonde moments when she started laughing and said, "Wait until you hear about your Aunt."On the way through the Illinois tolls, my aunt had a hard time deciding if she should go through the automatic lane or the manual lane. At the last second she cut through a few lanes of traffic to get over to the manual. After that stunt, my uncle practically screamed, "What are you doing!? You're going to get us killed." My aunt said with assurance, "Well, this is a manual transmission lane, right?"

Boobs in California, submitted by anthonynee, from New Jersey:

I've lived all my life in New Jersey, where it was ingrained in my head that to head to the ocean you have to drive East. It's a no-brainer: beaches = east.

Last year I went to California. I was in Sacramento and was headed to San Francisco. For those of you who don't know American geography, Sacramento is inland and San Francisco is right by the ocean.

So, I was coming down a highway into I-80 and it came upon me rather suddenly. In a flash, I had to make a quick decisions, East or West. The way my brain worked was San Francisco = ocean = East. So I headed East. I was driving for over 30 minutes when I got suspicious that I wasn't seeing more populated areas when it dawned on me I was headed in the wrong direction.

Shhhh, don't tell anyone.

Boobs and Nigerian soccer:

LAGOS, Nigeria - Soccer referees in Nigeria can take bribes from clubs but should not allow them to influence their decisions on the field, a football official said... Fanny Amun, acting Secretary-General of the Nigerian Football Association, said bribery was common in the Nigerian game. “We know match officials are offered money or anything to influence matches and they can accept it”... “Referees should only pretend to fall for the bait, but make sure the result doesn’t favor those offering the bribe” Amun said.

Jack Abramoff and Tom DeLay should be sent to Nigeria. They'd fit right in.