Tags: dating, singles

My current guy is a big time anime fan. He doesn't even watch regular TV anymore, and rarely goes to the movies. This is all fine with me, he's got his interests, and of course I have mine. I'm more into South Park, Harry Potter, sushi, 80's teen movies, my iPod, traveling, really all kinds of stuff. What initially attracted us was a common interest in music which is still there.

However, he is concerned about our long term potential because I'm not into anime the way he is. I've sat down and watched some shows with him, I even liked one enough to ask for a copy, but I guess I haven't gushed with adoration over his anime collection. He's worried that if we don't share in that interest that we won't be able to go long term. He even pointed out that he's been watching some of my things and tried to get into the things that I'm into. However, I never asked for that.

I'm not looking for a carbon copy of myself, I don't want to date my clone. If we like some of the same things that's great, but there's something to be said for time apart as well as time together. I think most successful couples have some common interests, but they also have a life outside their relationship. He worries that we won't be able to sit down and watch the same thing on TV, and my only concern is that he's unable to compromise.

I don't like feeling like I have to like anime, and that I have to like it in order to keep someone I care about around. I would never expect anyone I date to suddenly be as addicted to South Park and Harry Potter as I am, or to suddenly feign a liking for Bjork when I know they can't take her voice. I don't expect that out of a relationship, but am I deluding myself? How important are common interests to a successful relationship?

By the end of their third date, Jay thought it was time. The first two dates had been wonderful. Julie seemed to get him, get his sense of humor, and really enjoy spending time with him. Their first time out, he had simply driven her to work in the morning — an hour-and-a-half commute from Fort Lee, N.J., to Manhattan, which gave them plenty of time to talk. A few nights later, they hopped around to a few different places and again had a great time.

"I just thought that, you know, by the third date, I should try to kiss her," says Jay, a salesman for an international transportation company. But when he leaned over, she turned away, leaving Jay bewildered and discouraged. After his divorce, most of his experiences "out there" had been awkward and frustrating, so he wondered, "Am I just not good with women?"

Jay's bewilderment drove him to seek answers — and a better "game." So, along with six other men in their mid-to-late 30s, Jay paid $1,600 to attend a "charm school," a three-day weekend boot camp in which a cadre of young and more socially successful men would teach them the secrets of wooing women. From the art of conversation to the subtle techniques of kinesthetics — or flirtatious touching — these seven men embarked on a quest to find their inner Adonis, to learn to be desirable, and then practice their skills in the night life of Manhattan.

Click here and follow their story. You might learn a thing or two.


Tags: dating, singles

A sign of things to come? I hope so:

For some, it would be unthinkable -- certain social suicide. But Gabe Henderson is finding freedom in a recent decision: He canceled his MySpace account.

No longer enthralled with the world of social networking, the 26-year-old graduate student pulled the plug after realizing that a lot of the online friends he had accumulated were really just acquaintances. He's also phasing out his profile on Facebook, a popular social networking site that, like others, allows users to create profiles, swap message and share photos -- all with the goal of expanding their circle of online friends.

"The superficial emptiness clouded the excitement I had once felt," Henderson wrote in a column in the student newspaper at Iowa State University, where he studies history. "It seems we have lost, to some degree, that special depth that true friendship entails."

Across campus, journalism professor Michael Bugeja -- long an advocate of face-to-face communication -- read Henderson's column and saw it as a "ray of hope." It's one of a few signs, he says, that some members of the tech generation are starting to see the value of quality face time.

I've been saying this for a long time, both here and at Ask A Real Guy. While I believe that "'interpersonal intelligence' -- knowing when, where and for what purpose technology is most appropriate" -- can be a benefit to meeting people, it is so if he leads to face to face meetings.


Tags: dating, singles