Kate White has an article about 9 ways to meet a man. Most of it is fairly typical, and with few exceptions, it's fairly good advice to guys as well. The first point merits some consideration because it's the most useful, in my opinion:

Don’t develop hard-and-fast rules about the ways you’re willing to go about your search. Some women, for instance, have a policy against being fixed up. But you need to be flexible and willing to experiment with a variety of strategies, particularly if you find yourself in a drought. My theory has always been that a winning prospect only comes around every six to seven blind dates, so you may have to chitchat with five chumps in order to get there. You also need to be flexible about the places you go to meet guys. If you head to the same bars all the time, you’re going to see the same old guys—or the same type. There are always interesting new ways to meet men, and you need to keep your ear to the ground to hear what’s hot at a given moment. It keeps changing. One minute networking cocktail parties are all the rage, and the next something else is. I heard lately, for instance, that day spas are starting to offer times when singles can mingle.

Tags: dating, singles

I saw this question and answer at a Christian Dating website:

BUT BABE, I'M A BRAND NEW GUY

Dear Professor Theophilus:
I have a question that admittedly concerns my love life — I know you don't like that kind of question — though it has brought up questions about my faith. I've been seeing a man for several months, whom I met through a mutual friend. He's a great guy who regularly attends church and shares most of my beliefs. However, many of my friends have advised me not to see him any more because of things they discovered about his past.

They haven't met him yet, but they've found out is that he has a daughter from a previous marriage and was partially, if not mostly to blame for the divorce (he wasn't physically unfaithful, but "emotionally unfaithful"). With me, he was upfront about all this from the beginning. After the divorce — about a year ago — he recommitted his life to Christ. My friends don't believe he could change, and I realize I sound like a dumb and desperate woman claiming that he has. But if I can't believe God has changed his life, what does that say about my belief in the power of God? It seems like my friends are saying that once someone has sinned, he's irreparably messed up. Of course, in theory, they deny this — but, well, it just seems that they are being unfair to this guy by not considering who he is now.

I know that they only have my best interests at heart, but I'm so confused. What do you think? Am I searching for the answer I want to hear instead of searching for the truth? Am I being unfair to ask my friends to reconsider the guy once they meet him? Does God still change lives dramatically? And how can you tell when such a change is for real?

Reply:
My dear, here is how to know whether the man has really changed. If he stops dating you and returns to the wife and daughter whom he has betrayed, then he has. If he doesn't, he hasn't. This isn't about whether he's a great guy, because whatever greatness there may be in him is pledged to his wife, not to you. Don't you know what he promised her? "Until we are parted by death." And don't you know what Jesus taught? "What God has joined together, let no man separate." That means no woman either.

Grace and peace, PROFESSOR THEOPHILUS

Wow. Christians can't/shouldn't divorce and if they do they are persona non grata to other Christians? I was surprised by the answer. Is this so?

There's an amazing set of assumptions made by this guy: 1) that the first marriage was joined by God. Maybe it wasn't. 2) That the wife wants him back. Maybe she doesn't. And if that's so, what then?

I'm also curious what she meant by he was "emotionally unfaithful" to his wife.

I don't meant to turn this into a religious discussion, I was more interested in the feedback about dating divorced men, this Q&A being just one opinion.


Tags: dating, singles

Tags: dating, singles

I'm very happy with my current relationship. We have a lot in common, and what's different about us compliments each other. But there's one thing that bites, the distance factor. I live in Orlando, and he is about 170 miles away. I have a car that gets excellent fuel mileage (yay for VW diesels) and he drives a Jag that gets 20 mpg on a good day. I don't mind driving out to see him, but the inbetween time is difficult.

Of course nowadays having a long distance relationship is much cheaper. Cell phones almost always have nights and weekends, plus he signed up for the same company I have, so we have the whole mobile to mobile calling. We can talk any time, day or night, and it doesn't cost us more than we'd normally pay for a cell plan. We can even send each other sweet little text messages. But time spent on the phone and online does not equal time spend in person. As much as we talk, we miss out on a lot. Sometimes my silences are filled with body language that he cannot see, cannot read. Body language, and time spent touching, not necessarily sexual, but just simple touch, holding each other, holding hands, kissing, and just hugging, cannot be expressed over the phone.

And the time we do spend together is somewhat stressful. Are we doing enough special things, are we doing enough simple things? Time spent together is almost always special because we don't get enough of it during the week. But by that same token, I don't want my trips to see him to be taken for granted.

So long distance is a tentative situation. At some point we're going to have to break the distance. Sooner better than later, really. With people meeting on dating sites, or meeting at conventions, or on vacation, or simply by chance (like us), there are more and more long distance relationships going on. Moreso than our previous generations, who were known to grow up, go to school, fall in love, marry, and often move back to hometowns. As much as I would love to be with someone local, I wouldn't trade my sweetie for anything.