(Extracted from an article at queendom.com)

Increase your attractiveness tenfold with Venus Pheromone Fragrance Additive.

This blurb is advertising a perfume that has been enhanced by scientists... The makers exaggeratedly extol the bewitching power of this fragrance, but scientists admit that the added pheromones may give the wearer an increased sense of wellbeing.

What are pheromones, you ask? We all have seen the affect of pheromones on animals. A dog that pees on a fire hydrant is leaving pheromones behind to claim territory. A female dog in heat releases pheromones that will attract all male dogs living within a radius of several miles. Ants leave behind pheromones to mark a fast trail to an unsuspecting group of picnickers.

In our species, pheromones may be responsible for that 'physical chemistry' we experience with certain people. Pheromones are biochemicals that are secreted in our sweat and unconsciously perceived by tiny receptors in our nasal passages... Pheromones also deliver messages about a person's sexual state and general health. Studies have shown that pheromones play a role in helping us choose a mate whose genetic resistance to disease complements our own.

Watch it... don't go around sniffing people's crotches.

(From sexuality.org)

• The best dating advice, the one piece of wisdom which gets repeated countless times but which is unfortunately rarely heeded, is to get to a point where you LIKE your life and its direction before trying to include someone else in it. Two of the biggest things people find
  attractive in potential partners are self-confidence and self-assuredness, both of which flow from this.
  
• If you want a partner because you're lonely, then the fact that you're lonely will make you come across as desperate, and lower the ease with which you can get into a relationship as well as (possibly) the quality of the people you'll be able to attract. If your basic social
  needs aren't being met right now, then if nothing else use volunteer work to meet them, so that you already have a full life, filled with something you believe in, before taking the step of including someone else.
  
• If you find yourself constantly thinking "What is this person thinking of me?" or "What could I say or how could I act to impress him or her more," rather than "Wow, I'm really curious why she's interested in X or Y or Z" or "I'm enjoying this conversation" or even "Hey, the food is great here!" then you're probably indulging in insecurity rather than actually enjoying yourself. And life is too short not to enjoy yourself :)
  
• Don't pretend to be anyone other than yourself. In addition to the fact that people are better at picking up on insincerity than you think, faking it just isn't fun.
  
• Know what your goals in life are, and why they're important to you.
  
  

Tags: dating, singles

After the last post I tried to get some information about eHarmony and remembered I had conducted an "interview" with a girl who's using the system. I searched my files and found the chat. This is only a few weeks old:

VictorM: Can you explain the basic process?
Answer: At the beginning, you take a psychological test. It takes you a good 45 minutes to an hour. Then they match you with people. This is all free. When you want to communicate with someone, there are several stages of communication. And that's where you have to start paying.

Once a guy makes contact, the guy get to ask the girl questions. The questions are prewritten by eharmony, but he can choose from 20 types of questions. They're multiple choice but you can also answer in your own words at the bottom. Then when you've answered them, the girl gets to ask her own 5 questions out of the same 20 prewritten.

After the guy answers them, then she gets to send her must haves/can't stands. Basically where you say I must have someone into hygiene, someone who is interested in children, someone who doesn't do illegal drugs, someone who isn't mean, stuff like that. You get to pick 10 out of 20 for those too. And then when he reads them he has to send the same to you.

Then there's the self written questions where you really get to know someone, and they have to answer in an essay form. That's as far as I've gotten with any of my matches. But I've only been doing it for two days.

VictorM: Do they match you geographically too?
Answer: Yes they do, but you have a choice, you can choose to keep it regional, national, or even international. I have mine set for regional, but I somehow got someone from Alaska, but he said in his profile he's willing to relocate for love.

VictorM: And have you had to pay anything yet?
Answer: You have to pay for the very first communication. It's $60 a month!!! But they have a 7 day trial. Every once in a while they send out a coupon, 3 months for 60 bucks.


Tags: dating, singles, eharmony

Submitted by P, Over 21, from Connecticut:

The nasty underside of E-harmony is that there is no NO complaint process! They can give you no dates whatever, and well, here's my most recent e-mail to them:

"You sent me people from MA, NY, RI, but NOONE within a 30 mile radius of my area. I have over a hundred closed matches of people that are hours away, and absolutely no-one appropriate!! Then you re-upped my service AGAIN, and when I complained, said that I hadn’t complained within 7 days, and didn’t “Qualify” for a refund. There was NOONE, NOONE, who-so-ever in my matches. Then you sent me in response to my complaints, another two month extension of what I didn’t want in the first place!! The Final insult is to sent me a garbageman, needing major dental repair, and an idiot, who has his tongue sticking out at me in his introductory photo!

How can you justify that you are in any way whatsoever, meeting the conditions of your ads. You cannot support my area – that’s that. You have some nerve suggesting a garbageman as an appropriate match for me, and I have repeatedly sent mail to you.

Complaining that your 29 point system is not meeting any rational needs. I’m writing to each and every complaint service and online dating comparison to tell them how badly I’ve been treated. Especially that dubious re-signup, with 7-day “catch-me” – If you do not write me and assure me that I will receive a refund, I give you my word of honor that as many people as I can possibly reach, and they are many; will know why they should NEVER give their credit card or their trust to e-harmony.

I have not dealt with eHarmony, but some of the services they advertise in Google Ads sound very dubious to me. I don't know P at all, don't know if s/he has a legitimate beef or not, but posted this as a warning to anyone who pays upfront -- you can always get screwed.


Tags: dating, singles, eharmony

In a conversation with a bunch of guys, this question came up: What is the number one thing that would be a turnoff about a woman who otherwise after a few dates seemed fine?

My very first reaction was to say smoker. No matter how appealing she might have been, if I find out she’s a smoker that’s a no-no. But then, after some more thought, I added racist. No, said the guys, it has to be just one thing. Why does it have to be just one thing? Because we said so, was the answer. That’s a dumb answer I said.

I’ll spare you how long this went on, but you should get a good idea why generally we guys grunt, don’t talk. Guys talking far too often leads to stuff like this.

Anyway, if I had to pick just one thing – dumb as it sounds – I would pick... er... this is dumb because how about dishonest? Promiscuous? Serial killer? Soccer hater? You get the idea why this is dumb. So I refused to answer. I grunted and walked away.

But, just between you and me, I’ll stick to something tangible -- after all, what if she’s accused of being a serial killer but it turns out she’s innocent? I’ll stick with smoker. A female who is a smoker these days is someone I would walk away from no matter how much I might have liked her initially.


Tags: dating, singles

When corresponding online and planning a first date, here are some tips from sexuality.org

• Replies should be more than just a few sentences, but likewise shouldn't be a multi-page tome. Include their name so they don't think it's a form reply, and of course comment on or ask a question about something they included in their profile.
  
• Proceed only as quickly as you're comfortable proceeding. Never give someone your last name, everyday e-mail address, personal web site address, home address or phone number, employer information, or any other personally identifying information, just right off the bat (and a tip: be sure that you don't have an automated signature line in your
  e-mail program which would inadvertently include this information in your replies to someone).
  
• Trust your instincts. If you have a nagging fear that someone may be unsafe, or if you have nagging suspicions that they're lying about something, yet you don't have these same fears about everyone you meet, then they're probably based on something real.
  
• First dates should generally be in a public place - a coffee shop is usually best. You should arrange to have your own transportation, so your date doesn't have to pick you up at home.
  
• It's always good advice to let a close friend know where you'll be, when you expect to be back, and whom you'll be seeing (perhaps providing that person with all the identifying information for that person which you have). The "safe call" helpful in some circumstances - you agree to call your friend back at a certain time to let them know everything is OK, but if you don't call them they're supposed to assume something has gone wrong.
  
• Remember that people like to talk about themselves, particularly with someone who genuinely seems interested in them. Seeing someone for the first time is exciting, it's getting a little glimpse into a whole life as complex as your own but which has followed a completely different course. It's an experience to be savored, like a fine wine.

Tags: dating, singles

Some people can be a bit impatient, no? Look at this guy who is a lawyer:

John Claassen, 36, from Emeryville, Calif., filed a civil rights suit... claiming eHarmony is discriminating against him because of his marital status. The still-wed Claassen seeks $12,000 in civil penalties from the Web site... "If I had my druthers, I'd be divorced by now. I'm emotionally in a different state than I am legally." Legally, Claassen and his wife of eight years have been separated since last May. Claassen is still technically married, although he expects his divorce to become final within two months... "I just think I've got the right as an individual trying to recover from something that wasn't the high point in my life... If that includes dating now, why can't I?"

This freaking guy can't wait two months or try one of the many other dating sites on the internet that would accept him? I don't want to jump to conclusions, but can we say "asshole"?

But, hey, maybe his salary is in seven figures. NewYorkMoments, are you reading this?


Tags: dating, singles

On my last post I mentioned when I was a teenager liking a girl but not having the nerve to talk to her. And if you recall the movie “Indecent Proposal”, with Robert Redford and Demo Moore, there’s a scene where Redford’s characters explains he’s making the indecent proposal because once he saw this girl at a train station and he didn’t say anything to her. He just saw her ride away. He promised that would never happen again.

How often does that happen to you? You see someone that tickles your fancy and for fear of sounding stupid or because you can’t think of what to say, s/he just vanishes. You’re left behind to curse yourself for another lost opportunity.

One of the things I read that seems quite sensible is this: Say Anything. The idea is that when you’re faced with a situation as described above, just say anything. It doesn’t matter how dumb or silly it will sound. Saying anything is a lot better than watching that person slip away.

If you think about is, “Great day, isn’t it?” isn’t nearly as dumb as silence.



Tags: dating, singles