I was browsing around looking for information on singles scams and came across an article on MSNBC from last year that, while not exactly what I was looking for, nevertheless caught my attention.

In this story, they cover two people who “fell in love” with online chatters. During the courtship, for one reason or another, they were asked to cash checks for these people. One woman wound up being scammed for $2,700. A guy was out $15,200. Fifteen thousand freaking dollars!!!

I can understand getting duped for a while by someone online who is not quite what they claim to be. But getting scammed for that sort of money I don’t understand. Is it that people are so desperate for love that they’ll do anything for anyone that appears to reciprocate their affection, or are these just cases of people being utterly gullible and naïve?

So-called Nigerian scams, where victims are ultimately tricked into sending money to the African country using some irreversible method like a wire transfer, are common. The Secret Service and other U.S. agencies have issued warnings on the scams, also known as "419" or "advance-fee" frauds. But the seductive flavor of this type of the scam — known to some as "sweetheart scams" — and the incredible patience shown by the scammer reveal just how far con artists will go to trick their marks.

Hey, I hope now you don’t feel so bad when you found out that the Angelina Jolie you had been talking to for months was really only Jennifer Anniston.


Tags: singles, distance, relationship, scam, dating, con, nigeria, online, overseas

magpie, I answered your question over at the Ask A Real Guy blog.

I had not yet turned 40 and had been separated for only a few weeks. The furthest thing from my mind was dating; I was still contemplating reconciliation. But there she was, a next-door neighbor of my wife’s best friend.

She looked to me to be in her mid 20’s. Blonde, athletic, great shape and very pretty face. She was somewhat timid but friendly. I was comfortable with her because she was nice to talk you and the thought of going out with her didn’t even cross my mind. But then, during the conversation, she mentioned a movie she wanted to see and my wife’s best friend said to her: “Why don’t you go to the movies with Victor?” We were both put on the spot and neither one said no.

So, I had my first date in over 20 years.

The evening was not very eventful. We saw the movie. I drove her home. I was pleased the night was over. I wasn’t sure this date was a good idea because like a moron I was still thinking reconciliation was possible, totally ignoring the obvious that if my wife’s best friend was pushing me to date, the writing on the wall was plain and clear.

Eventually I saw this girl a couple more times. I learned that she was only 20. At first that didn’t faze me too much -- the idea of word getting around I was dating a 20-year-old girl was good for my ego. But reality stroke big time one day when we were sitting by the pool. I asked what her last name was and she said “Zimmerman”. I said: “Oh, that’s Bob Dylan’s real last name.” She said: “Who’s Bob Dylan?” Ouch!

Well, I didn’t see her after that. I eventually decided to take dating a little more serious -- I moved up to the 25 years old group.

But, I have to confess; sometimes when I hear a Bob Dylan song I remember her sitting by the pool in her bikini and regret that I let her youth bother me. And the hardest part is that in my memory she's forever young – and I’m not.

Do you have all kinds of rules about who to date? Do you often break these rules? NewYorkMoments has a very funny and insighful series of posts dealing with that topic.

On-line Dating Tales Episode III, Part I

Rules are made to be broken.. Not always true. Starting in high school, one of my best friends and I started a list of rules that went something like this:

1. Don’t date men who are into NASCAR
2. Don’t date men who snort cocaine
3. Don’t date men who are too attached to their car
4. Don’t’ date men who have been to prison
5. Don’t’ date men who wear pinky rings (OK, not verbatim, but you get the picture)…and the list went on and on and on. Over the years, on occasion, we broke the rules and would date some type of man off the Do Not Date list. We always regretted it, because the reasons behind the rules were always sound.

After I broke up with Mr. 3.5 Inches, I went on a dating blitz and met most of the men on Internet dating sites. Very quickly I developed The Rules Of On-line Dating.

Want to see her rules? Hop on over to here.

Do you have your own rules? Let's hear them.

Singles Story submitted by RachelOne, 37, KS:

Excerpt from an article by Curtis Sittenfed:

The customer service crush can spring into existence just about anywhere:
restaurants, banks, video rental stores, even airplanes. My personal favorite is the over-the-phone computer-help-desk guy. As your hard drive melts down, you're so vulnerable and emotional, and he's so clinical and competent -- how can you not become smitten? The customer service crush is the girl at the dry cleaner's with the French accent, the guy at Kinko's whose dirty, shaggy hair is dirty and shaggy in a good way. These people are extra friendly to us (or maybe alluringly unfriendly), and their place of employment can provide an automatic common interest: You drink coffee? Oh my God, I drink coffee, too! Or, as 29-year-old Rich, a Web content manager living in Boston, puts it about the Eastern Mountain Sports (EMS) store employee who struck his fancy, "I think a lot of it was that she could talk about tents with great ease. Had I met her under other circumstances, it might not have prompted me to go back three times and leave a note."

Come on, be honest, who can identify with this? Have you experienced a customer service crush?

Site: Love Happens - Help your friends find love

From the people who run the site:

In June 2005 we started LoveHappens, a living, growing community where everyone helps everyone find love. It's not a dating site. It's a community and a whole new way to meet and introduce people. We're all building the network because we all believe we can create a lot more love in this world than there is today. And we're sincere about that. We want people to get on LoveHappens and stay here until they find the person of their dreams. It's free to join and introduce people. If you meet someone, we ask that you pay dues of just $20 a month for 6 months to send emails (we make just enough to keep the service going). After that it's free forever.

I suggest you first go to the How it Works page. It has a nice graphical representation of the options available (either as a Helper or Looker). It also includes the links to register.

Once you register you can take a "FREE PhD-certified TrueMatch personality test".

If you add a photo, be aware that it must be approved and won't show for a while (they say 24 to 48 hours).

Submitted by John V, 25, NYC:

That’s funny you guys posted that [see post below]. Freaked me out when I saw it cause my friends and I did that over the summer. Not those two sites, but political dating. We did it just for kicks but I thought you might be interested in we what we found. By the way, we did it cause the services were free.

One of my friends and I are liberals. Another friend is conservative (poor guy!) We’re all in our mid 20’s and from the New York City area. Anyway, we decided that for kicks we the liberals would pretend to be conservatives and date conservative women and the conservative guy would date liberals and then we’d compare notes.

I’ll make this short and just tell you the things that surprised me the most. I dated 2 girls and my friend dated one. All three girls said they weren’t that much into politics. Turns out all three only went for the conservative blog because they figured they would more easily find guys that are well off than on the liberal blogs. They also didn’t want to deal with the artsy, poet, or vegan types. None of the three were that religious. In fact, none of them went to church. They were spiritual, they said.

I’m not saying this is any kind of valid survey. It was only 3 girls, after all.

My advice is don’t go into these sites thinking you’re going to meet the stereotype of either side. If politics is that important I think these sites might help but frankly, who wants to have a relationship without some healthy friction? I can’t stomach the Christian Right wing fanatics or the Rush Limbaugh, Sean Hannity like jerks, but other than those, it’s all fair play.

If you have to pay, I would think that other more traditional dating services would work best.

PS. I’ll ask my conservative friend to write about his experience. We talked about it but I’d prefer him giving you his own version if he wants to.

There are many dating parameters that one looks for when seeking someone to date. Age, race, religion, gender are obvious and common ones. Many dating services add profile analysis and try to find people who meet certain attributes. One parameter that seems to be gaining popularity these days is political ideology.

We're going to talk abut two websites that offer you the option of dating either other liberals or other conservatives, depending on your preference. The two websites and some information about them follows.

Conservative Match - Sweethearts not bleeding hearts. The place for Conservative Singles, Conservative Events, and more. Find people who share your cultural, political and religious values. With a culture that is often hostile to conservative values our goal is to provide alternative resources.

Some of the features they offer include events, forums, two-way matching, private chat (for members), profiles and photos. If you are gay, don't bother -- they won't accept you. If you're Catholic notice this: "If you are divorced according to the civil laws of your jurisdiction but not free to marry in the Catholic Church you may still use the website, however since the Church requires you not to be involved in a romantic relationship without an annulment, you may not use the site for purposes of romantic activities. "

Democratic Singles Network - Your politics say much about you! At Democratic Singles Network you'll meet progressive people with visionary world views - Democrats, Greens, Activists - Left-Thinkers of all flavors are what you'll find at this dating site. It's Free to join and initiate contact with thousands of liberal singles!

On this site's home page, on the left side menu they include two important links, one for pricing, and one for features. It'll tell you basically what you need to know.

The conservative site's Terms of Use is lengthy while the liberal one is brief. But both offer basically the same features. The sites are well designed and easy to navigate.

I didn't register with either of them, so I can't speak to how they actually work. If you have any experience with either one, please let us know.

This pretty much happens to everyone. Th date is going along great, and then something happens that you know it's all over. Sometimes it's a small thing, sometimes it's not, but you know it's over. Here are a couple of stories taken from here:

He was cute. Very cute. He made me laugh. He tipped well. He loved movies and music, and admitted to liking the cheesy stuff we all deny. He had great teeth. We talked about everything -- family, travel, careers, college, even bad past dates and, ironically enough, the deal breakers. I was smitten. Then, while he was laughing at one of my more amusing stories, those great teeth of his moved. I was startled and perplexed; I wondered, "Did that really just happen?" No, I assured myself as I took a bite of my crème brûlée. But then it happened again, though more pronounced this time; they slid down just far enough to reveal his empty gums. I stared. He noticed. He explained that he had played hockey in college and had sustained a particularly nasty shot to the mouth, requiring him to get dentures. I feigned sympathy and averted my gaze. The check came. He paid. I tried to envision kissing him. I couldn't. He called. I didn't call back. I'm terrible, I know
-- Anonymous

Here's another one:

In the early 1970s I was engaged to a man who had just graduated from a military college, which was fairly brave of me considering the anti-military climate in the U.S. at that time. He was sent to Fort Sill, Okla., for his first tour of duty, and a few months later I went to visit him for two weeks. This trip took place over my mother's dead body; she felt I was shaming my family in our East Coast community by staying with a man to whom I was not yet married. ("No one will know unless you tell him," I said in smart-alecky response.) At first, the reunion was wonderful. He pampered me and took me dancing at the officer's club. But then it happened. One evening he left his shoes under the coffee table in the living room. The next day when he returned home from work, he was barely in the door when he said to me -- pointing in the direction of the shoes -- "What are those?"
"Your shoes," I said.
And then he delivered unto me the fatal deal breaker: "I expect my things to be picked up and put away by the time I get home," he said.
Soon after, I broke the engagement. And for years thereafter I reminded my mother that had I not gone to Oklahoma to visit my beloved second lieutenant, I would have ended up married to him. And divorced from him.
-- Kathryn Wise

So, have you got such deal breakers? Share.