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Thursday, November 23, 2006
Three choices
A guy is dating three women and can't decide which one to marry. He gives each $1,000 to see how well they can manage money. The first one spends $800 and puts $200 in the bank. The second one spends $200 and puts $800 in the bank. The third one puts the whole $1,000 in the bank.
Which one does he end up marrying?
The one with the biggest boobs, of course.
Which one does he end up marrying?
The one with the biggest boobs, of course.
Labels: dating joke, stupid men joke
Monday, November 20, 2006
Aussie love story
Dazza is driving over the Sydney Harbour Bridge one day, when he sees his girlfriend Shazza about to throw herself off.
Dazza slams on the brakes and yells, "Shazza what in the blazes d'ya think ya doin'?"
Shazza turns around with a tear in her eye and says, "G'Day, Dazza. You got me pregnant, so now I'm gunna kill meself".
Dazza gets a lump in his throat when he hears this. "Shazza", he says "Fair dinkum love, not only are ya a top root, but you're a real sport too!" and drives off.
Dazza slams on the brakes and yells, "Shazza what in the blazes d'ya think ya doin'?"
Shazza turns around with a tear in her eye and says, "G'Day, Dazza. You got me pregnant, so now I'm gunna kill meself".
Dazza gets a lump in his throat when he hears this. "Shazza", he says "Fair dinkum love, not only are ya a top root, but you're a real sport too!" and drives off.
Labels: australia joke, dating joke, stupid men joke
Thursday, November 16, 2006
Top ten things not to say on your Anniversary
10. I stopped caring about anniversaries when you stopped caring about cooking.
9. Today is our what?
8. Okay, let's celebrate, but do we have to celebrate together?
7. I thought we only celebrated important events?
6. You can celebrate anniversaries with your next husband.
5. You don't like what I pick out, so I thought why bother.
4. I got you a present worth a dollar for every time you were nice to me this year. Here's a $5 gift certificate for McDonald's.
3. If you want me to pretend like I care about our anniversary, I will.
2. You want to go out to dinner? Okay, okay, I'll take you to Pizza Hut if it'll shut ya up.
1. I thought you only had to celebrate anniversaries while you were still in love.
9. Today is our what?
8. Okay, let's celebrate, but do we have to celebrate together?
7. I thought we only celebrated important events?
6. You can celebrate anniversaries with your next husband.
5. You don't like what I pick out, so I thought why bother.
4. I got you a present worth a dollar for every time you were nice to me this year. Here's a $5 gift certificate for McDonald's.
3. If you want me to pretend like I care about our anniversary, I will.
2. You want to go out to dinner? Okay, okay, I'll take you to Pizza Hut if it'll shut ya up.
1. I thought you only had to celebrate anniversaries while you were still in love.
Labels: husband joke, stupid men joke, top ten list joke
Wednesday, November 15, 2006
Marriage is...
Marriage is a rest period between romances.
Marriage is a three ring circus: engagement ring, wedding ring, and suffering.
Marriage is a trip between Niagara Falls and Reno.
Marriage is an institution--but who wants to live in an institution?
Marriage is bliss. Ignorance is bliss. Ergo...
Marriage is like a hot bath. Once you get used to it, it's not so hot.
Marriage is a three ring circus: engagement ring, wedding ring, and suffering.
Marriage is a trip between Niagara Falls and Reno.
Marriage is an institution--but who wants to live in an institution?
Marriage is bliss. Ignorance is bliss. Ergo...
Marriage is like a hot bath. Once you get used to it, it's not so hot.
Labels: couples joke, marriage joke
Sunday, November 12, 2006
Roadblock
One day, Bubba and Earl were driving down the road, drinking a couple of beers. The passenger, Bubba, said, "Lookey thar up ahead, Earl. It's a po-leece roadblock. We're gonna get busted fer drinkin' these here beers!"
"Don't worry, Bubba," Earl said. "We'll just pull over and finish drinkin' these beers, peel off the labels and stick 'em on our foreheads, then throw the bottles under the seat."
"What fer?" asked Bubba.
"Just let me do the talking, okay?" said Earl. They finished their beers, threw the empty bottles under the seat and slapped the labels on their foreheads.
When they reached the roadblock, the sheriff asked, "Have you boys been drinking?"
"No sir," replied Earl. "We're on the patch!"
"Don't worry, Bubba," Earl said. "We'll just pull over and finish drinkin' these beers, peel off the labels and stick 'em on our foreheads, then throw the bottles under the seat."
"What fer?" asked Bubba.
"Just let me do the talking, okay?" said Earl. They finished their beers, threw the empty bottles under the seat and slapped the labels on their foreheads.
When they reached the roadblock, the sheriff asked, "Have you boys been drinking?"
"No sir," replied Earl. "We're on the patch!"
Labels: cops joke, drunk joke, redneck joke, stupid men joke
