A young couple got married and left on their honeymoon.

Back at home for a few days, the bride called her mother.

"Well, how was the honeymoon?" asked the mother.

"Oh, Mama," she replied, "the honeymoon was wonderful! So romantic..." Suddenly she burst out crying. "But, Mama, as soon as we returned, Zach started using the most horrible language. He's been saying things I've never heard before! All these awful four-letter words! You've got to come get me and take me home! Please, Mama!"

"Tara, Tara," her mother said, "calm down! Tell me, what could be so awful? What four-letter words has he been using?"

"Please don't make me tell you, Mama," wept the daughter, "I'm so embarrassed! They're just too awful! You've got to come get me and take me home! Please, Mama!"

"Darling, baby, you must tell me what has you so upset. Tell your mother these horrible four-letter words!"

Still sobbing, the bride replied, "Oh, Mama ... words like dust, wash, iron, and cook..."

Labels: couples joke, husband joke, wife joke, women joke

Joke submitted by L Bell from CT

-- How was the Roman Empire cut in half?
-- With a pair of caesars.

Labels: one liner joke

Ecuador fan calls up his buddy and says, "Okay, I got tickets to the game, but it's right in the middle of the hardcore Poland section. If we cheer for Ecuador, we'll get the crap kicked out of us. So we'll have to be completely neutral. But, at least we'll see the game."

So their are watching the game and Ecuador scores a goal. The one guy is absolutely dying. He's just desperate to cheer, he can barely contain himself, but just in the nick of time his buddy whispers to him, "Dude, you're going to kill us both. Just get a grip."

He calms down, until the second half when Ecuador scores again. And he just can't help himself. He rips open his jacket, shows his Ecuador jersey, and screams "GOOOOOOOOOOL!" at the top of his lungs. He feels the first blow smash across his face, and everything goes black.

He wakes up in the hospital, and sees his friend by his bedside. "I'm sorry, I couldn't help myself." His friend says, "Well, I did warn you."

Then the guy asks his friend, "You seem all right. How did you get out of there with no bruises?" And the friend says, "Who do you think broke your nose?"

Labels: sports joke, stupid men joke

A man went into a pharmacy and asked to talk to a male pharmacist. The woman he was talking to said that she was the pharmacist and that she and her sister owned the store, so there were no males employed there.

She then asked if there was something she could help the gentleman with.

The man said, "This is embarrassing for me, but I have a permanent erection that causes me a lot of problems and severe embarrassment. I was wondering what you could give me for it?"

The pharmacist said, "Just a minute, I'll go talk to my sister."

When she returned, she said, "The best we can do is 1/3 ownership in the store and $5,000 in cash."

Labels: sex joke, women joke

1. So many men, so few who can afford me.
2. God made us sisters; Prozac made us friends.
3. If they don't have chocolate in heaven, I ain't going.
4. At my age, I've seen it all, done it all, heard it all...I just can't remember it all.
5. My Mother is a travel agent for guilt trips.
6. Princess, having had sufficient experience with princes, seeks frog.
7. Coffee, chocolate, men . . . Some things are just better rich.
8. Don't treat me any differently than you would the Queen.
9. If you want breakfast in bed, sleep in the kitchen.
10. Dinner Is ready when the smoke alarm goes off.
11. It's hard to be nostalgic when you can't remember anything.
12. I'm out of estrogen-and I have a gun.
13. Guys have feelings too. But like...who cares?
14. Next mood swing: 6 minutes.
15. I hate everybody...and you're next.
16. And your point is...?
17. I used to be schizophrenic, but we're OK now.
18. Warning: I have an attitude and I know how to use it.
19. Of course I don't look busy...I did it right the first time.
20. Do NOT start with me. You will NOT win.
21. You have the right to remain silent, so please SHUT UP.
22. All stressed out and no one to choke.
23. I'm one of those bad things that happen to good people.
24. How can I miss you if you won't go away?
25. Sorry if I looked interested. I'm not.
26. If we are what we eat, I'm fast, cheap and easy.
27. Don't upset me! I'm running out of places to hide the bodies.

This man is at work one day when he notices that his male co-worker is wearing an earring.

This man knows his co-worker to be a normally conservative fellow, and is curious about his sudden change in "fashion sense."

"Yo, Bob, I didn't know you were into earrings."

"Oh, yeah, sure," says Bob sheepishly.

"Really? How long have you been wearing one?"

"Ever since my wife found it in our bed!"