Carolyn, 33 from CA asks:
My otherwise sweet, intelligent and well-behaved toddler becomes an absolute possessed monster at naptime. I have striven to have a predictable routine for her stability and comfort. I have tried different things to help her feel good about laying down, however, nothing seems to work! She may lay right down with no fussing, then WHAMM-O! We spend the entire afternoon in a battle of wills.

Her manipulative tricks include screaming that she 'needs you, Mommy!' and 'I need a hug!' - when that fails, she actually throws things across the room, and has even broken things before (lamp, cassette player).

My dilemma is that while I have tried everything I have seen on Nanny 911/SuperNanny, I am torn between a) feeling like I need to address it when she throws/breaks something and b) ignoring her completely (not feeding into it). I know this is a classic power struggle and that her tantrum and throwing is designed to get me to come into the room. She has stated outright that she is fine with getting a spanking when she throws something, because that makes me come into the room.

But am I doing the right thing to ignore when she is throwing things around the room like a little demon? Or am I wrong to go in and swat her butt, but not talk? Am I wrong to turn her around and march her back into our room and put her back in her bed, the twenty-odd times she gets up?

I'm dreading each naptime and each bedtime... this is not good. I want to replace these destructive, negative, counter-productive cycles with postive and productive ones.

Stacy Says:
Wow, Carolyn, you've got a handful! (I know, they call me Mrs. Obvious) I actually had to give this alot of thought. It seems you've tried all the approaches--ignoring, not talking, marching her back in there, even spanking but THIS child isn't responding to any of it. By the way, I don't think you should ever spank without talking. Always give a reason--I think it establishes a trusting relationship with your child--they know that when they get disciplined it's for a reason that you as the parent have made clear.

If she's actually telling you she just wants you to come in there--is she just wanting cuddling? Affection? Our daughter sometimes can't get to sleep without us holding her. She just loves to be hugged when she goes to sleep--when she's awake she's all over and into everything, but as she gets sleepy she wants her mommy or daddy. And against lots of "expert" advice, we just lay down with her for naps--occasionally at bedtime if it's necessary. For our own sanity, we didn't want to spend entire afternoons and evenings in a battle of wills. And it's something she seems to crave and so we let her have that.

I will say however, the tantrum with throwing and breaking things...Oh no, she doesn't get away with that. You have to discipline that behavior which it sounds like you are doing a great job of. While Supernanny might do some good, I'm skeptic to alot of her tactics. (I mean really, keep putting her back to bed 20-something times--who has that kind of time?) Your daughter is coming right out and telling you she just wants you in there and doing anything and even enduring pain to get you in there. She wants your attention even if it's negative. Are you away from her alot? Have you noticed her being an overly affectionate child? Does she have to split her time with you with siblings? She might just crave extra hugs and cuddles and so for that reason I suggest laying down with her. If for no other reason you've tried everything else.

Try giving her that extra affection and attention and that might put an end to the tantrums. However, I don't advise giving into her WHILE she's having a tantrum. Maybe as she gets ready for a nap say, "Mommy will lay down with you." See if she calms down with that assurance that you're gonna be beside her. Let me know if it helps!

Besides this weekend being the start of Spring Break, Good Friday and Easter, this Mom is heading out with hubby and baby to move west. Back to California!!!! Please, please, please pray that I don't lose my mind on this journey. My husband and I made this move before (from CA to NC) but never have I ever tried this with a 10 month-old. Lord, help us.

I should be back the end of next week if all goes well. So I'm not purposely ignoring anyone, I'll answer any questions when I get back into a stable environment with the same bed, a coffee pot and a 'puter. Hope everyone has a blessed Easter!

This was posted as a comment but sounded like a question to me...
I am grandmother to a 3-1/2 year old girl. She is beautiful, intelligent, loving and a delight except for frequent temper tantrums. My son finally obtained custody of her after fighting for her for 3 years. With the help of witnesses who came forward on his behalf, it was proven that the child was neglected and abused since she was 6 months old! FOC wanted to leave her with her mother!!!!!!! and the judge finally made the final decision. We have had custody of her since February 15th and things go fairly well except for frequent temper tantrums. There are days she is tantrum free and cooperative but most days it is a real challenge. Discipline is a time-out chair with her sitting for 3 minutes at a time. Her mother used to sit her in time out and leave her there all day. I don't believe in spanking her and talking civilling to her does not work. Help!!!!!

Stacy Says:
I think the real problem here is the fact that this little girl is going through a tremendous change and adjustment right now. She's going from a hurtful, scary environment (which is what she knows as normal) to a loving environment that to her is foreign. At this moment she needs to know she is loved and cared for in order to cope with this hard time. Honestly, I would ask her pediatrician to recommend a counselor or psychologist for her. She's acting out in the only way she knows how--by tantrums. And she obviously did not get proper discipline at home with her mother. Granted, 3 1/2 year olds don't have the same mental capacity as adults, but she knows enough to know the pain of being neglected and abused. She's reacting similar to how a teenageer might start rebelling by mouthing off to his/her parents. A professional might be able to understand why she's acting like this and what might be the most appropriate way to approach the tantrums.

While I am a firm believer in spankings, I don't think they would be appropriate for her after just leaving an abusive environment. Plus the fact you don't believe in them--never do/say/follow something YOU don't believe in. I would seek the help of a professional to plan out a proper discipline for her that shows her you love her and care for her but still doesn't allow her to run wild. She CRAVES your love and also your discipline. Kids need to know their boundaries and be held accountable to them. This has to be incredibly confusing and difficult for her and I would imagine lots of adults seeking counseling during this time--she deserves the same! God Bless!

Kylie, 29, from Queensland asks:
Hi Stacy. Just wondering if you have heard much about Angel Care monitors with the sensor pad. Trying to get a bit of feed back on this item before I go and spend $200 on it. Is there many mums that worry about these items? Thank you, Kylie.

Stacy Says:
I had never heard of this monitor until you mentioned them. For those of you that don't know what they are, they are these sensor pads that you can put under the mattress that senses the breathing movements of the baby. If there is no movement after 20 seconds, the alarm sounds.

To be honest, I'm not really sure how I feel about these. For me, I was paranoid enough with just the regular baby monitor in my ear. But that's just me. Do I think your baby is worth the $200? Absoultely. Do I know if the product is reliable? Nope, I don't. The tesimonials given on the website were of parents with sick children and I think in that case, it might be a wonderful product. However, every mother and father is terrified of SIDS (Sudden Infant Death Syndrome) and unfortunately we do not have any clear evidence of the cause of SIDS. I'm sure this product was created to prevent this horrible thing from happening. However, if you visit this site, there are good tips on how to prevent SIDS without spending $200.

So, Kylie, to answer your question, I have no idea if this is a good quality product, but if it would ease your fears, go for it! You will learn soon, there is no expense you would spare for your child. And since YOU are the mom, YOU get to make the choice of what you spend your money on. I actually saw a baby wipe warmer while I was pregnant that I thought was ridiculous. But after Hannah was born, she would scream every time that cold wipe hit her butt and it broke my heart. I ended up buying the warmer. Yes, I'm a sucker for her happiness. Who knows, put it on the baby shower list and maybe someone will buy it for you!

Marci, 31, from Massachusetts asks:
I am 8 weeks pregnant and I am gonna be flying to Las Vegas on April 16 for my wedding. I panic on flights--is there something I can take that wont hurt the baby to relax me and not get me air sick? I am so nauseous already. Please help. Thanks.

Stacy Says:
The first trimester is a very crtitical time for your baby. The brain, heart, lungs and organs are all developing into a tiny, little baby. So this is the time when it's crucial to protect your baby from substances which could ultimately be toxic.

That being said, before I found out I was pregnant I had an out-patient, simple surgery done and was on Vicodin for the pain. When I found out I was pregnant I FREAKED OUT and thought I was gonna horriffically and irreversible damage my baby. Well, when I went to see the OB-GYN she calmed my fears. Saying the amount that I took was minimal and my baby would be fine, which she is.

There is some antianxiety medicine like Xanax or Ativan that can relax you when you fly. Ask your doctor what would be safe for you and if he/she can prescribe it for you (like a one time dose wihout refills). If they would prefer you not take anything--it's time for the Jedi mind trick. You just have to calm yourself down, telling yourself it's for the good of your baby, the plane ride is only a few hours out of your life, and when you get off the plane you will be MARRYING THE MAN YOU LOVE! You can do it! Now, on the way back you have to think of some new self pep-talks, but the baby will still be the most important!

Gina, 21, from Minnesota asks:
Hi, I'm 6 months pregnant. My older sister has a cat that had been urinating in the corner of her living room on the carpet. She has cleaned that area numerous times with carpet cleaner/etc. But it always just smelt like urine in her townhome. She does have a weiner dog that still is in the process of getting potty trained. But I thought it was her weiner dog the whole time that made her townhome smell like urine. I go over to her place quite often. But is there anyway that inhaling that urine in the carpet can harm my fetus?

Stacy Says:
Excellent question, Gina. (Not that I particularly enjoy talking about cat urine, but you get my point). Toxoplasmosis is an infection caused by a parasite that lives in raw meat, in cats who eat raw meat and their feces (poo-poo). Not in the urine and you can't get it by inhaling it. So even though your sister's apartment smells like urine, (which I gotta say is kinda nasty--does she not notice it?) you can't get the infection from that. And I don't think you're playing in the kitty litter so you should be okay.

Just be very careful over there about dealing with the cat. Always be sure to wash your hands after handling the cat, before you eat and just in general. Personally, I would recommend carrying some of that wash-free antibacterial sanitizer, but that's just me being extra careful. Some might say paranoid. Especially since the chance of infection is greater in the third trimester. Now, after the baby is born is another story. The little booger will put his/her hands on EVERYTHING and so it might be real easy for him/her to get this infection. You will have to be extremely vigilant or invite your sister over to your house.