laura, 16, from starbuck asks:

I like this guy and he knows and he is always staring and smiling at me. He tells all his friends that I like him. How do I know if he likes me too without asking him. I am too shy.

VictorM's advice:

Since he knows you like him, he can afford to be all cocky and stuff around you. But what difference does it make if you knew that he liked you? I mean, let's assume I have the ability to read everyone's mind and I told you with all certainty that he's crazy about you. What next? What would you do?

Whatever it is that you would do, do it anyway!


Tags: advice, dating, relationship, question, answer, boyfriend, girlfriend

Brittney, 15, from usa asks:

A little over a year ago I went out with this guy Mike for about 5 1/2 months. I ended it when I found out that he cheated on me. But I'm still deeply in love with him and I don't know what to do. Should I stay friends with him? How do I get over him?

VictorM's advice:

You should not stay friends with him. I'm not saying you should be his enemy or be rude to him, but stay away. Staying friends will only make getting over him more difficult and painful. It will not be easy for you to see him with another girlfriend, and if he wants to, he can make your life very miserable.

To get over him you have to give yourself more time. Make new friends, go to new places, find new hobbies, and above all, avoid being around him. Focus on things that make you happy. If you like to paint, paint. If you like to read, read. Keep your mind occupied with fun things. Meanwhile, don't be shy about dating other guys even if they are nowhere near your ideal. Actually, going out with guys you aren't too crazy about isn't bad because this way there is no pressure, and who knows, some of them might make you laugh and experience things you wouldn't otherwise. Eventually, you'll run into another guy that will make your heart skip a beat. And then you'll go... Mike who?

By the way, feel very proud about breaking up with him even if it wasn't easy. That shows courage and determination and I'm sure with those qualities you will continue to do what's best for you.

Tags: advice, dating, relationship, question, answer, boyfriend, girlfriend

Brittany, 16, from NC asks:

OK, Here's my problem: I like this guy that I work with a lot. A LOT A LOT!!! We are really compatible and call each other all the time and have like 2 hour long conversations. He's 19 and I'm 16 and we hang out on our days off. Here's the big problem.... he has a girlfriend.... or at least he says he does. Everybody at work doesn't believe him. He hasn't told anyone her name. NOT EVEN HIS MOTHER!!! Kinda fishy huh? So what does it mean? Does he not like me? I'm kinda worried!

VictorM's answer:

If he spends that much time with you, I don't believe he has a girlfriend. Guys usually like to brag. So, why could he be saying he has a girlfriendt? The one good reason I can think of is to slow you down. Maybe he wants to take it slow and just enjoy your company without the hassles of it being a relationship. But, someone who carries such a lie is a risk. Either way, this is not a good sign. If he's telling the truth about having a girlfriend, why is he spending so much time with you? If he's lying, well... lies are not exactly the quality you want in a guy.

Right now you're giving him what he wants at the expense of what you want. So call his bluff -- stop hanging out with him. Tell him you feel uncomfortable spending so much time with someone else's boyfriend. He'll have to either accept your decision (in which case, he's either telling the truth and/or doesn't have a romantic interest on you), or he'll tell you he's been lying.

Either way ot goes, you'll get more resolved this way than just tagging along now.


Tags: advice, dating, relationship, question, answer, boyfriend, girlfriend

Hannah, 16, from Kansas asks:

Oh so this guy and I went on a date, and it wasn't bad, there was definatally chemistry. So he sent me text messages and I sent him some we had great conversations. BUT we never really talked in person. I didn't know (but found out later) that my friend talked to his best friend and she said that he is definitely interested in me but he is just shy. So I began a few convo's (text messaging) On Wednesday I began one and later on he said we should hang out on Friday and go see a movie, he said he'd call me. Well Friday rolled around and, no call. So around 6pm I texted and asked if we were still doing something the conversation went as follows: me: hey do you still wanna do something tonight. him: well I haven't really heard of anything going on tonight. me:ok so...are we not doing anything? him: well I don't know I'll call some people and then I'll call you. me: ok cool. About 45 minutes passed. me: if it would be easier we could just go see a movie or something. him: sorry but I don't get paid till Monday. me: oh well if that's the problem I'll pay or we could just do something some other time. him: ok we'll hang out some other time. so...what's the deal? Is he still interested? Please tell me, truthfully, I'm desperate I don't know whether I should make the next move or wait for him

Victor's advice:

As I was reading your submission I was convinced that he just wasn't interested in you, but once he said he just didn't have the money, I was inclined to give him the benefit of the doubt. I can totally understand how he could be embarrassed that he didn't have the money. That's a much bigger issue for most guys than you can imagine. And you offering to pay wouldn't help either.

I say try it one more time and invite him to something that's totally free. But if gives you the run-around again, then you have to take the hint that he simply isn't interested in you and doesn't have the courage to tell you.


Tags: advice, dating, relationship, question, answer, boyfriend, girlfriend

emma, from new york asks:

There is a guy I work with who instant messages me every day at work and calls me on his way home everyday. He is in the next state and we work for the same company. We talk about work as well as our personal lives. Does he like me as only a friend or is he interested in me on another level?

VictorM's answer:

Are you kidding? I can't imagine a guy doing all that just to be friends. The dude is aiming for some hanky-panky.


Tags: advice, dating, relationship, question, answer, boyfriend, girlfriend

Anonymous asks:

I fell in love with my best friend but he doesn't like me, he likes another girl who doesn't like him. How can I get him to notice me?

VictorM's advice:

First, stay his friend. Second, stop acting like his friend. "Huh?" you say? Let me explain.

Continue to see him and spend time with him, but stop acting like just a friend. That is, do what you would otherwise do to be noticed by any guy you like, such as dressing more girly/sexy, wearing make-up, wearing perfume, standing a little closer to him. Make him realize that in addition to being a friend, you are very much a member of the opposite sex too.

Don't confess your feelings for him, but do enough to make him feel a little uncomfortable around you... in a good way, if you get my drift.


Tags: advice, dating, relationship, question, answer, boyfriend, girlfriend

shyanne, 16, asks:

I was just wondering if a guy talks to a girl all of the time about her interests, offers to take her out, keeps looking into her eyes when she has been checking him out first, laughs at her jokes, makes excuses to talk to her and remembers things she's told him about, what does this mean?

VictorM's advice:

It means he wants her to have his babies!

This boy is madly in love with you her.


Tags: advice, dating, relationship, question, answer, boyfriend, girlfriend

vero, 24, from quebec asks:

First of all I met this guy 3 months ago and he is the guy that when I see him I get butterflies in my tummy and freeze over. Well, we slept together too fast. I think like on the second or third time we saw each other. It was incredible. Anyhow he keeps calling me during the weekend to see me but never asks me to go out but he asks me to move in with me and tells me that he is interested in me and said that we get along great and we will see where it goes. I know I think pretty bad that he has something for me but too egotistic or afraid but he lets me know that he thinks often of me and since the first time he still got the shivers but we play this kind of game that we don't tell each other what's really going on. So I was wondering what should I do about it. I have 2 kids and he is 31 and lets me know that he doesn't want to get into a relationship cause of all the hassles it brings. Why doesn't he ask me out? He tells me that he is not seeing anyone and not sleeping with anyone.

VictorM's advice:

Some guys will do the minimum to get sex, and once they do, they do the minimum to keep it going. As long as you give him what he wants, he'll keep doing it. That includes possible lies such as wanting to live with you and having no other girls.

He doesn't ask you out because he has no interest in you as a girl to have a relationship with. But you can't complain too much, after all, he's let you know he's not interested in a relationship. You can't quibble with his sincerity in this one regard, even if he seems to be laying about other things.

If you're not happy with the arrangements, change them. But continuing the current routine and expecting different results is insane. Maybe it's time to ask him out and see what happens. Or better yet, find butterflies with someone else.


Tags: advice, dating, relationship, question, answer, boyfriend, girlfriend

Mary, 33, from usa, asks:

Hi, I met a guy before. We both had interest in each other, but no commitment yet. I found out that he had other girls whom he was interested at the same time. We did have sex, but things didn't work out fine after. I miss him now. Should I contact him and start over again for a pure friendship and forget everything in the past?

VictorM's advice:

What have you got to lose? Nothing. The worst that happens is you find out he's not interested, so you're no worst off than you are now. So yes, call him. You will always wonder what he might have said if you had called him, so go ahead, call him and remove that doubt from your life. Maybe he's missing you too. Just don't get your hopes too high.


Tags: advice, dating, relationship, question, answer, boyfriend, girlfriend

Caitlyn, 11, from P.S.L , FL asks:

Here is my question. I have liked this guy since the first day of school. He is funny cute and we have so so much in common! Everyone calls him my boyfriend and he doesn't really say anything! Also, we make each other laugh and I really really wanna go out with him!! These are my questinos: how do I ask him out and do you think he likes me a little more than a friend?THANK YOU SO MUCH!!!

VictorM's advice:

I don't know Caitlyn, boys around your age aren't quite as mature as girls so it's possible he's just not ready for the "going out" bit. Maybe it's fun to talk about it, but I'm not sure he's ready for it.

My advice is for you to continue to be his friend and make each other laugh. Things have a habit of happening when the time is right. He'll let you know if he likes you and is ready to go out. Somethings are not worth rushing. I'm sure your parents would agree.


Tags: advice, dating, relationship, question, answer, boyfriend, girlfriend

lynne, 37, from san francisco asks:

Are long distance relationships worth it?

VictorM's answer:

Another episode of simple answers:

No!

(Look here for my reasons)

Tags: advice, dating, relationship, question, answer, boyfriend, girlfriend

Nikki, 30, from Minneapolis, MN asks:

Should I be concerned? Should I ask him if he is done looking online before going into a relationship with him? I met this guy online and we've been going out for 4 weeks. I know it's too soon in the dating process to ask him questions. Actually, I kind of ask him questions like "Do you just want to be friend or do you want a more intimate relationship with me? He replied back saying that he's interesting in me more than just a friend, and he's dating one person at a time only, he has other female friend, potential friends online. The fact that he's online every night chatting really bothers me. To me, cheating online is just as bad as cheating with someone in person. I think he still keeps his option open. He did not say he want us to date exclusively and I'm sure he has no intention of taking his profile offline anytime soon and maybe never. What do you think?

VictorM's advice:

I assume that when you say you have been going out for 4 weeks, that means dating in person.

He signed to the onlinda dating service for a certain amount of time and sounds like he's going to use his subscription to meet as many women as possible. I can understand using online dating services to meet someone and date her a couple of times while still dating others as part of the service. Love at first sight is mostly a fantasy. He's not closing all doors available to him and that's smart.

How long you should put up with it, is up to you. I think 4 weeks, however, is more than enough time. Stop seeing him and tell him to call you when he's done searching. Otherwise, you're wasting your time if you want a serious relationship.


Tags: advice, dating, relationship, question, answer, boyfriend, girlfriend

loz, 17, from florida asks:

hey, i wanted your thoughts on this situation. i started talking to this guy online coz i thought he was cool, he didnt wana give out his email at first and then he asked me for mine when he couldnt resit. we hit it off straight away, he asked if i was single and i was, asuming he was too i sed and you? but he replied no. i was shocked, y flirt? so he asked me for my advice how to dump her as she was related to the family and it was just complicated, so i gave him my advice and within days he dumped her, this wasnt just because of me, he wasn't interested in her as he lost attraction for her. he's been having exams recently so hasn't been able to talk with me, but wheneva he does i am so happy, i'd take all those sweet things he tells me, i'd get upset when he doesn't reply online to me so i would tell my friends and they would make me forget him and block him but then i would unblock him after a few days thinking he may block me and it would be over, so we’d start talking once again and i would get to back where I was again. the thing which gets to me is that although he says he has exams and can't sign my online blogs with comments, i look at his 'girl - friends' blogs and he's gone and signed theirs with the kind of same comments he put on mine ages ago. the fact i saw this i felt he was being like this 'flirty' with all girls, the fact he is 1 year younger doesnt make it easier making me think he may want me as i am older and it maybe a fantasy. I don’t know if he’s a player but he does live like on a island halfway across the world, and I can’t meet him until next year, it seems unreal to even think of a relationship but I can’t stop it, my other friends from that country tells me boys are players but some are not, and seeing those messages made me tell my friends about it and they told me to ask him if he is like this with all girls like saying sweet stuff, I am not even with him and I felt a bit awkward, he got a bit shocked and surprised that I thought such a thing and was upset at the fact he thought I didn’t trust him. He waits online for me up to 3 hours, and I didn’t even come on so he rang me and I missed the calls so he was a lil upset, he said he would not wait again but as a joke because we know he would, I mean we have one year to wait till we meet, but he really wants to meet which I don’t mind I told him to find someone, or go to a party and get ‘lucky’ but he said he is already lucky to whom he is very attracted to but then he says stuff like only time will tell what will happen (as we are just friends at the moment). He rings me and I ring him and he said the other day he would wait and when I go we are going to meet, go to his house etc he even said I mayb invited to his b-day party. Even if I went out with him people from that country are narrow minded and will judge us for going out, I don’t think one year makes a difference, but I think its because I am girl going out with someone younger, and they’ll just judge me and pass comments, and I don’t like that, but it will not stop me from saying yes if he asked me out, and he doesn’t mind having an older gf as I asked, and even my friends says he looks my age and I told him and he was like “oh I bet u asked your friends that on purpose so that they would say that about us as I’m younger, just admit it ;):p”. There’s lots more too but its just too long. If you need more info just ask. What do you think? And also does he like me? Thank you

VictorM's advice:

I didn't edited your submission on purpose. I felt it was a good idea to let everyone read exactly what you wrote.

A few observations:

You are terribly immature for your age.

At least online, all boys are players. That explains all the comments in the other blogs and all the bullshit about waiting for you and inviting you to his birthday party. It's all nonsense.

Does he like you? I don't know. Guys will chat with girls they like and with girls they can feel cool with. They'll even chat with girls they don't like just to practice.

I think you should turn off your computer, go to the mall, and find a real boyfriend there.


Tags: advice, dating, relationship, question, answer, boyfriend, girlfriend

Confused :(, 18, from Canada asks:

My boyfriend and I have been together since I was 14 (he 16). He is now 20 and I am not 18. We're still in a very deep romantic and involved relationship, we grew up together, we are both Catholics and have a strong relationship without giving into lust. We have been through a lot in our four years almost five together. He grew up in a very poor home, I grew up in a upper middle class home. He has moved out and been trying to make it on his own. His younger brother my age tried to commit suicide because he didn't want to live at home anymore. His mom is mentally unstable. His dad works 14 hour days. He himself is working really hard to support himself through college. I know he has a lot going on. But I feel like sometimes he puts me into the back-burner. He ignores me at times, sometimes gets angry at me for trivial reasons, I suspect that he's taking out his frustrations on me. I hate the fact that it affects our love. We have been trying really hard to spend quality time together. But every two or three days after he visits his brother in the hospital or if he's really stressed out he will be a different person towards me. What worries me is, is this how it will always be when he is stressed out? Is this how he will treat me when things are not going smoothly? Thanks in advance.

VictorM's advice:

Most likely he will continue to be that way unless something is done about it. With his background it's understandable that he is thrown off-balance sometimes. It would be great if he saw you as a source of support, not a punching bag for his problems.

This is a case for a professional therapist to help, but unfortunately it sounds like he can't afford it. It's too bad. He really needs the help.

Absent professional help, you can try to help by first realizing that although he takes it out on you, it has is no reflection of his feelings for you; he's just handling the stress in an improper way. It's nothing personal.

You need to talk to him when he's calm and let him know how you feel about it. Just talk about your feelings; do not blame him for anything, do not put him on the defensive. Practice the conversation to yourself using "I" and not "you". Tell him things like, "I want to help...", "I feel hurt when...", "I think it's important to tell you that...", and don't be afraid to tell him that unless he makes an effort to see you as support, you fear your relationship may be in jeopardy. Face it, if he doesn't change his behavior, it will be.

Don't expect for him to get it right away. He'll have some relapses, but you should see some improvement. Next time he dumps on you, ask him to please think of what you talked about, and if he doesn't stop, walk away from him! You have to break the pattern of being the dumping ground for his problems. How often you will be willing to do this and still stay with him is up to you, but you better prepare yourself to put some limit to it.


Tags: advice, dating, relationship, question, answer, boyfriend, girlfriend

laura taylor, 15, from midland, michigan asks:

There's this boy I'm totally head over heels for and he says he loves me but I'm not sure. We have fought like normal relationships do. But his mom hates me. It's not an issue with him or so he claims. And I live in Midland and he lives in Flint!!!! What am I supposed to do? We're perfect for each other (well i think so.) He says that after he breaks up with girls he forgets them, but there's just something about me that he just can't get over me and move on. How do I know if this is true or false. I have lied to him before and he says he has cheated on pretty much all of his girlfriends but not me!!! We are currently not together. We want to start dating again but I live and hour away and his mom hates me!! So every time I call and talk to him I say my name is Jessica but my name is really Laura. What do I do. I love him to pieces!!! Oh and his name is Curtis. HELP!!!

VictorM's advice:

You're perfect for each other, but you're lying to him about your name? What's up with that? His mom hates you but you live an hour away. How does she know you enough to hate you? And whoopee, you have a boyfriend who has cheated on all his other girlfriends and is probably proud of it, and you think this is cool? And then, you're so much in love with each other but you're not together.

Have you ever even met this guy?

You're not in love; you just need attention. I say put the pacifier back in your mouth and write back when you grow-up.


Tags: advice, dating, relationship, question, answer, boyfriend, girlfriend

Vicki, 50, from Alabama asks:

Why do men want sex on the first date???

VictorM's advice:

Viagra. It lasts about 4 hours. No time to waste -- those pills are expensive.


Tags: advice, dating, relationship, question, answer, boyfriend, girlfriend

sabrina, 19, asks:

There's this guy I like and just recently I've become a lot more obvious about it. Not because I wanted to but because my feelings couldn't be controlled anymore. We used to talk all of the time and now we don't talk anywhere as often but when we do I act normal. He was always the first one to come and talk to me and he still does but not as often. Or he'll come and stand next to me or not talk to me at all and then come and ask me for something. I'm so tired of this. He's acting this way because he doesn't like me the same does he? Another thing I noticed is he used to have use heaps of eye contact and now he doesn't. Should I just get over it because there's nothing there?

VictorM's advice:

Once you became obvious about your feelings he knows he can play games with you. That's what's been happening. You were more entertaining when he thought of you as a worthy conquest. Now that he knows he could have you for the taking, the challenge is gone.

Yes, move on. He's not interested. Of course, once you show no interest... he may come around. But chances are he'll still just be playing games.


Tags: advice, dating, relationship, question, answer, boyfriend, girlfriend

JC, 28, from Miami asks:

I went out on first date with a guy and it went well. After the date he hinted at plans to take me out again and also asked my parents if they approve of us dating. He also gave me his phone number and asked for mine. It's been four weeks and he hasn't called although we live in the same aprtment complex and talk or say Hi pretty much everday. I'm wondering why he won't call.

VictorM's answer:

Another episode of simple answers to simple questions:

He's not interested in you anymore.


Tags: advice, dating, relationship, question, answer, boyfriend, girlfriend

Amy, 26, from new york asks:

I just got a new job. And one of our major clients seems interested in me. But I don't feel the same way. Our company is very small and I know he is very important to make our company grow in the future. How should I deal with this situation? Please advise!

VictorM's advice:

You should ignore his importance to the company. Trust me, if your company thinks it'll be better off dumping you, they will. Company loyalty is a waste. There's nothing wrong wanting to preserve your job, but it should never come at the expense of your integrity.

You should be polite, pleasant, and helpful with the client. If he makes a move on you, decline sternly. It's possible this person will back off. If he insists or he makes you uncomfortable, don't wait! Write the events down: what he said/did, dates and times, places, and names of anyone who might have witnessed it. DOCUMENT, DOCUMENT, DOCUMENT! Then talk to your manager, tell him/her the situation and ask for advice. If they are a good company to work for they will do the right thing. If they look the other way or try to blame them, you can go one level higher, but you might as well just look for another job.


Tags: advice, dating, relationship, question, answer, boyfriend, girlfriend

Meg, 15, from Mass asks:

I know my boyfriend loves me a lot and we have been going out for 1 year now and all but he confuses me a lot. He always gets grounded for so much like his grades for instance. And he can't hang out with me as much. And ever since high school started he seems to be showing less affection. He never calls me or talks to me online but if he finds out that I'm sad and all and that I might break it off... he calls me and IMs me OUT of his way. But all the other times he really doesn't. He tells me he cares and he loves me and my friends talk to him too and he said he couldn't ever be without me. He always plays his games seems like he never has time to be with me or call to talk and see how I am. He is so sweet to me.. I just don't know and this weekend it was our 1 year and he was grounded and he didn't even make an effort to call... message me, or nothing. And he was allowed.

VictorM's advice:

Look, some guys aren't the most attentive. If he isn't now, chances are he'll only get worse. If you think he'll get better, you're wrong. So, either do something about his lapses of attention (such as truly breaking up with him), or enjoy the good times and find a hobby or something else to do with your friends when he doesn't pay too much attention to you.

I know that's not what you want to hear. You want a magic wand to fix him and make him perfect. Well... get to the back of the line -- there are a few million women ahead of you. And you know what? They're wasting their time -- there is no magic wand. The closest thing to it is putting your foot down or moving on.


Tags: advice, dating, relationship, question, answer, boyfriend, girlfriend

Anonymous, 17, from VA asks:

Do You Think It Would Be Alright To Get My Boyfriend That I Have Been Dating For Almost 3 Years A Ring For Christmas? He Gave Me One For Our 2 Year Anniversary And I Just Wanted To Know If It Wouldn't Be Too Weird And He Wouldn't Get The Wrong Idea Or Think I Was A Freak Or Something???

VictorM's advice:

You should give your boyfriend a gift you think he will like based on knowing him, not based on what you would like to give him hoping he would like it. There's nothing wrong with giving a guy a ring if that's something you have reason to believe he would like.

You don't have to come out and ask him directly, but does he wear rings? Have you ever heard him compliment someone's ring or mention liking a particular ring? If the answer is yes go for it, but don't give him something just because you found it on sale.


Tags: advice, dating, relationship, question, answer, boyfriend, girlfriend

katlyn, 15, from california asks:

I like this boy but I don't know if he likes me back. What should I do? And what if he ask me out and people say he's not the right guy for me? How can I find out if he is really the right guy for me?

VictorM's advice:

The only way to know if he's the right guy for you is by going out with him. Just be careful and aware of the things he's interested in. If he's too grabby for your taste, or wants to do things you're not comfortable doing and doesn't back off, he's the wrong guy for you. Other than that, you give him a chance until such time as you're no longer interested or you think he's not right for you.

If you're not sure how he feels about you, no big deal. You should first aim to be his friend; this is the best way to catch his attention and spark his interest. Be friendly, smile, give him small but sincere compliments. See where it leads.


Tags: advice, dating, relationship, question, answer, boyfriend, girlfriend

Shara, 11, from st neots asks:

I like this boy called Kierion and he fancies me too. He asked me out really loudly last week but I didn't say anything and he hasn't asked me out again. I really like him and I keep thinking about him and I can't sleep. What do I do?

VictorM's advice:

Well, you didn't say anything so you scared him. He probably won't ask again because he's afraid you'll turn him down. You could pretend you didn't hear it and say to him, what did you ask me the other day? If he asks you out again, now you can say yes. After checking with your parents, of course.


Tags: advice, dating, relationship, question, answer, boyfriend, girlfriend

Jorja, 22, from BC asks:

I am currently living with my boyfriend of 3 years. We have shared an apartment for almost 2 of these 3 years. I love him, but lately I have not been feeling the passion I felt for him when we started dating. I find myself looking (but never touching) at other guys, and in particular one guy that I work with that I can't seem to get out of my mind. Living with my boyfriend is great, and like I said I do really love him, but is that enough? What should I do?

VictorM's advice:

Being faithful and in love doesn't mean you don't find other people attractive; it's resisting the temptations that make the difference. After three years it's not uncommon to see passion decrease. And it's not at all unusual to think of other guys. You two probably have become too comfortable with each other. You see your boyfriend around the house in non-flattering situations. The guy at work, you see him only at his best.

If you love your boyfriend enough, put that love to good use and encourage him to do things that will add spice back to your relationship. Maybe he needs to join a gym, buy new clothes, not look like a slob around the house, take up a new hobby, find new interests, wear new cologne.

And by the way, don't discount that he may be feeling the same way about you. Spicing each other's lives should be the goal. To do that, you need to express yourselves like adults (but do NOT mention that you think of other guys! Never do that -- guys don't handle that well.)

So, in a nutshell: look to improve what you have; don't feel guilty for being curious about what you don't have; and don't forget that a good relationship requires constant work.


Tags: advice, dating, relationship, question, answer, boyfriend, girlfriend

liz, 19, from Nogales AZ asks:

Me and my boyfriend we've been going out for 1 year and a couple of months. At first he was sweet with me but like I have broken up with him a lot of time and this time I broke up with him again but we got back together. He lives in Tucson and he got a job and there's this girl that works with him at the same job and I think she's the one that changed him. He doesn't tell me sweet things on the phone or in person like how pretty are you, I miss you, I wanna be with you, anything like that. Why does he do that? Could it be my fault or the girl at his work because he spends more time with her at work that with me. He tells me that he loves me but in order for him to tell me that, I sometimes have to tell him to tell me that he loves me. And we're always arguing. I don't know what to do. I don't wanna brake up with him again. I really do love him a lot with all my heart but this is tearing me apart. Please help me. I don't know what to do anymore.

VictorM's advice:

One of the most common thing about guys is how they take their girlfriends/wives for granted by ceasing to do and say the nice things you mention. So that he has stopped saying those things that doesn't mean he likes the other girl or that he feels any less for you; it may just mean he's gotten to that lazy stage that so many guys get.

You really should worry a lot more about the constant fighting. There's nothing that makes another girl more attractive than having a bickering girlfriend. I have no idea if you have good reasons to fight, but even if you do, it's a sign that something between you two isn't all that good. You're hopelessly overlooking major flaws that will prevent you from being happy.

You should analyze why you two fight so much and see if you can change that. If you can't, then you're both wasting your time. If you can, the other girl will mean nothing and who knows, maybe the sweetness will come back.


Tags: advice, dating, relationship, question, answer, boyfriend, girlfriend

Edens, 23, asks:

Hi! I was with my ex boyfriend for about 4 years and I broke up with him over the summer because things were getting real ugly. He was quite abusive, physically and mentally. Every time I tried breaking up with him, he always tried contacting me again, and somehow we always got back together. I finally couldn't take it anymore, and I broke up with him and saying that I cheated on him (even though I never did). Because I just didn't know what else to say because I tried everything else to break up with him. I moved out of my apartment, changed number, etc. But he still emailed me constantly. Most of his emails were threatening me and saying really mean things about me and my family. I don't know what else to say. My friends told me to ignore him, but I'm just really scared. Should I tell him to stop? Should I put a restraining order on him?

VictorM's advice:

Asking him to stop will not work; it'll just let him know he's getting what he wants.

A restraining order is something you should absolutely do. By itself it may not stop him but it lays the ground work for legal action, if needed. There's no guarantee he will be scared by a restraining order, but it works quite often. Above all, it lets him know that you will not deal with him, that he will have to deal with the authorities if he persists. So, yes, get a restraining order.

I hope you saved his emails and any voice mails, as proof. But from now on, do not deal with him directly, let a lawyer or the authorities do it.


Tags: advice, dating, relationship, question, answer, boyfriend, girlfriend

janice, 25, asks:

Is it true that if you think that someone likes you they probably do? What are some of the signs besides them asking you out?

VictorM's answer:

No, it's not true. Even if in some cases you'd be right, you won't know if they like you the same way you'd like them to like you. Guys are quite likely to give those signals to girls they find attractive even if they'd want nothing more than a one-night stand. The other common misconception is that a guy who likes you, likes only you. The ability to feel attracted to many girls at once is not at all at odds with being a guy.

The best way to tell if a guy likes you if he changes his behavior because of you, and only you. For example, if a guy flirts with you and flirts with other girls, chances are he just likes to flirt. But if there's a group of friends talking and he's talkative with that group, but he talks less when you arrive, that's a change of behavior. Does he blush around you but not other girls? Does he go out of his way to be where you are but doesn't do that for other girls? That's how you tell.


Tags: advice, dating, relationship, question, answer, boyfriend, girlfriend

hannah, 18, from Delaware asks:

I don't know if this guy likes me or not. We met a year ago. We get along well we always joke around laughing. He has mostly just girl friends. Some people say he's gay -- I know he is not! He has never had a girlfriend. In your advice don't bring up he's gay, just let's say he is not. Well he has a group of friends he hangs around with for a while and met me and my friends about a year ago. And when he is with his 1st group of friends he sorta ignores me. But then makes excuses like they made me sit with them. He is always making fun of me and laughing at me jokingly. But it seems like when he's bored he calls me to talk but when I need him it's a different story. He always knows I'll forgive him so he takes advantage of it. He tells me a lotta things and is honest with me with the mean truth. One time we were online and just joking around and he wrote i <3 u... could that mean anything? And then one night on the phone when he called he was bored and I was talking about his last name and said did anyone ever make fun of your last name and he was like kinda and then said "Hey don't make fun of my last name it could be yours one day". What do these things mean? Do you think he likes me. Or what do you think I should do? Please help!

VictorM's advice:

He wrote "i <3>this guy is gay! how cute! :-p

He knows you like him. You forgive his lack of attention. He has you by the balls, pardon the expression, and he can afford to toy with you. Does he like you? He likes you but there's no indication he likes you as a girlfriend. In fact, quite the opposite. He avoids you in certain company. What do you think that means?

I think you should look for a guy that clearly and surely is interested in you.

And by the way, you don't know if he's gay or not. There is no way for you to know. Even if you had sex with him, that still doesn't mean he's not gay. I'm not saying he is, but get off that naive cloud of yours.


Tags: advice, dating, relationship, question, answer, boyfriend, girlfriend

Bryanna, 29, from pa asks:

I've been hanging with a guy for a couple of weeks and we've had sex. He keeps calling me and spent the night, but no touching? Is he interested? Is it cool to ask him?

VictorM's advice:

I'm assuming that since you have had sex, when you say "no touching" you mean he's not warm with you.

Showing affection is not something that all guys do. That doesn't mean he's not interested. The question is, would you be interested in such a man?

If it bothers you, you may want to bring it up and get his feelings on the subject. But if you bring it up, don't start with "Why don't you..." That will put him on the defensive right away. Instead, ask, "What's your thoughts on..."


Tags: advice, dating, relationship, question, answer, boyfriend, girlfriend

Andrea, 19, from Mexico asks:

Hi! I'm studying medicine and every time I meet a guy I think they get scared when I tell them what I study because everyone knows that it is a career that takes a lot of time and effort. Now I am afraid to tell them that I'm going to be a doctor. Do you think guys are scared to date girls that study medicine?

VictorM's advice:

I think lots of guys get easily intimated by girls such as yourself. I've worked in South America and Mexico long enough to know that your society is still very much male-oriented. For a man there to be going out with a girl who is more successful than him is not easy on him.

If you're just interested in casual dating, you may omit that piece of information, however, if you're looking for a serious relationship, would you really want a guy to whom you'd have to hide that information? I don't think so. Be truthful, be proud of yourself, and when you attract a guy, let it be one that has the character to accept you for being smart and successful.


Tags: advice, dating, relationship, question, answer, boyfriend, girlfriend

hailey, 18, from blackpool asks:

I'm at university and live with a few flatmates. There is one particular flatmate who's quite shy and quiet, whenever I see him we always smile at each other and say hi but we haven't really had a proper conversation yet. Recently I've seen him standing in the doorway watching me wash up and he grabbed my waist in the kitchen in a playful way. Does this guy like me? And should I make a move on him as he seems so shy?

VictorM's advice:

Nothing you said indicates he does not like you, so it's possible he likes you. Does that mean he wants a relationship with you? Not necessarily. But you won't know unless things get a little more interesting between you two.

Shyness isn't always the reason why a guy doesn't make a move. If you like him, be a little more direct when flirting with him, but let him make the move.


Tags: advice, dating, relationship, question, answer, boyfriend, girlfriend

Heather, 17, from Australia asks:

I don't understand, maybe I'm just prone to being ignorant or I'm hanging onto a good thing but I truly don't understand why he's done it. About three months ago, I met one of my friends stepbrothers, however we'd talked like once or twice because strangely I sat next to him for a month or two when he was at my school last year. Aside from that I'd never really talked to him before, so it was great to get to know him better. I found out that he had also been dumped not long ago for rumour, after being with his last girlfriend for about 6 months, I was in a similar situation - hanging out with one of my male friends, my boyfriend saw us laughing and talking and accused it of being more and never got over it so we ended it after being together about a year. Well this new guy got became very attached to me pretty fast, very affectionate towards me, sometimes simply watching me was enough for him, I remember him telling me about how suprised he was at the way he felt towards me and that the attraction was very confusing for him. Not long before we'd gotten together he'd had a massive fall out at his house where his stepdad hit him and his uncle and aunty took him in and his stress levels have become very high as they're not exactly any better - trying to tell him what to do with his life and shape himself, his aunty even suggested to him to break up with me a few times...But after about two months or so, he stopped trying to get in contact with me and eventually called me to tell me he was coming over. He came to my house and explained to me that he doesn't have the same feelings for me anymore but told me I was beautiful and a great/wonderful person and that he still wants to be really close friend... I was trying to stay concealed with myself, but I couldn't help myself and I let a few tears slide and he gave me a hug telling me it would be okay - which didn't seem too great considering the situation. He ended up in tears before he left saying "I hope we can still be friends." That night he was talking to me he told me about he can't have a relationship because of all the stress and that if it all clears up we can give it another go, but when I told people about that they said, once you've been put in the 'friend-zone' you usually don't come out for guys.. But his stepsister (my friend in the first place) suspects him of still liking his exgirlfriend and the fact that she's talking to him again is giving him false hope that they'll get together. Should I just give up?

VictorM's advice:

Another episode of very simple answer...

Yes!


Tags: advice, dating, relationship, question, answer, boyfriend, girlfriend

carin, 24, from s.a. asks:

Lately it seems everything I do is wrong.

VictorM's advice:

It happens to everyone. We have cycles when that seems to be the case. If we could learn to recognize when we're in one of those cycles and refrained from making decisions, life would be great, but unfortunately, that's not so easy.

So... eat some chocolate, go to bed early, read a good book, and your good decisions cycle will come around. Heck, maybe it started already since you decide to write to me. :)


Tags: advice, dating, relationship, question, answer, boyfriend, girlfriend

vivian, 28, from america asks:

How do guys show a girl that they really like her?

VictorM's answer:

Well, to know if a boy likes you, look in his heart. To find out if he really likes you, you have to look lower by about two feet.


Tags: advice, dating, relationship, question, answer, boyfriend, girlfriend

Aine Moira, 18, asks:

My boyfriend and I have been dating each other for 2 1/2 years, knowing each other for 7. I understand that trust is the key to a happy, healthy relationship -but sometimes it's so hard for me to allow myself to believe him when he says he wants only me. Other than this problem, we have a great relationship. We're very supportive of one another and want to be a part of each other's lives. We push each other to achieve our goals, we're able to happily agree AND disagree on different issues, and we both love spending quality time with one another. But I guess I should get back to the trust issue- I'm not sure why I have this problem... As a child, my parents had a very tumultuous and dysfunctional relationship (much like our familial relations.) My dad was married to another woman, while my mother played the role of the "other" woman.. 10 years and 3 children later, his wife divorced him, he had bought us a home and was being the best father he could be. His childhood was rough, as he had to start working as a young child to take care of his 3 younger brothers, 1 sister, mother, and alcoholic father. -which didn't exactly equip him with all the "right ideas" of raising children. While he made sure we understood the importance of knowledge, individuality, and good work-ethic, he didn't actually prepare us for life emotionally - especially me, being the middle-age, painfully shy sister (of 2 brothers.) Growing up, I wasn't allowed to have any friends and especially not boyfriends... to this day, he doesn't know that I'm with this guy, whom I'll refer to as "Tom." My father had heard wind that Tom gave me a lift after school everyday from one of my schoolmates. (My parents were always working, therefore never home to know how I got there.. which I felt/feel guilty about, but I was only 16.) I never even let Tom in my house! He just dropped me off everyday (as opposed to taking an hour-long bus ride, where a certain group of boys always harassed me.) Anyway, my father heard about it, and kicked me out of the house! He kicked me out! He completely discredited me as not only a daughter, but as a human being with "morals." I think a lot of parents would have enjoyed having me as a daughter- I was "a good, obedient little girl" on almost all subjects besides the whole "you're not on this earth to make friends/money is your only real friend" bit. I made straight A's, had all AP honors classes, and took extra coursework. I even ASKED if I could get a job to save money for college, which he wouldn't allow. I lived with my grandmother for a month (whom raised me those first 10 years), before my mom was able to talk him into letting me come back- as long as I followed the even stricter rules. Home, bus, school, school, bus, home. I guess I shouldn't complain about it- other people have childhoods 500 times worse, I wasn't abused, and I always had a family and shelter...Anyway, I think my whole childhood had an impact on who I am... but I don't want it to be necessarily permanent. I find myself with an extremely low self-esteem, inadequate social skills, and a needy personality. I don't want to live my life trying to fill a particular role to satisfy others, but I do want to be a good partner. I really care about Tom, but I'm not independent enough. We've discussed the latter part a number of times, and he of course knows about my family life... but I don't really know if he connects the two.

(I try to not bring up the past, because I feel so selfish doing that. ya know? -I don't want to live in the past saying "me, me, me. I had an unhappy childhood.") He recently decided to break up with me, because he said that he needs time to grow as an individual, and maybe in 10 or so years, we can maybe try and work things out when we're more mature, so that we don't begin to drive one another crazy. (but always stay in contact and tell the other if we move/change #'s.) But this has just been tearing