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Tuesday, October 31, 2006
I'm in love with a big liar
Nicole, 21, from Miami asks:
My name is Nicole and I'm in love with a big liar. I love my boyfriend so much, but he has been lying to me since day 1. He lied about his name, age, where he's from, etc. But every time I find out about the lies, I cry and it hurts me a lot, but then stay with him, and try to forget about it. But each lies comes up every day or week. What should I do? Help me!
VictorM's advice:
He's a compulsive liar. I suggest you google "compulsive liar" and see the wealth of information that comes up. None of it any good. Some studies suggest it's a physical ailment based on the amount of white and gray matter is in the prefrontal area of the brain. What this means is that you can't change him, he probably can't help himself, and based on our science today, he will NEVER change.
You can either accept that he will always be like this and that he's not just lying to you; in truth, he lies to everyone about everything and no amount of pleading that he doesn't have to lie to you will change anything. You also have to accept that the lying will get worse over time and it won't always be about little things. Or, you can walk away because this guy will make your life a living hell.
If you can't walk away from him, then don't complain about his lying -- you have no more willpower than him and while your weakness is different, it's still a major weakness!
Tags: advice, dating, relationship, question, answer, boyfriend, girlfriend
My name is Nicole and I'm in love with a big liar. I love my boyfriend so much, but he has been lying to me since day 1. He lied about his name, age, where he's from, etc. But every time I find out about the lies, I cry and it hurts me a lot, but then stay with him, and try to forget about it. But each lies comes up every day or week. What should I do? Help me!
VictorM's advice:
He's a compulsive liar. I suggest you google "compulsive liar" and see the wealth of information that comes up. None of it any good. Some studies suggest it's a physical ailment based on the amount of white and gray matter is in the prefrontal area of the brain. What this means is that you can't change him, he probably can't help himself, and based on our science today, he will NEVER change.
You can either accept that he will always be like this and that he's not just lying to you; in truth, he lies to everyone about everything and no amount of pleading that he doesn't have to lie to you will change anything. You also have to accept that the lying will get worse over time and it won't always be about little things. Or, you can walk away because this guy will make your life a living hell.
If you can't walk away from him, then don't complain about his lying -- you have no more willpower than him and while your weakness is different, it's still a major weakness!
Tags: advice, dating, relationship, question, answer, boyfriend, girlfriend
Monday, October 30, 2006
When he's drunk he shouts abuse
Laura, 19, from Jersey, asks:
I broke up with my long term boyfriend over 10 months ago because things were going too well and I'm not ready commit. When he's drunk he shouts abuse at me and gets aggressive and violent. I've tried everything and don't know what to do. Please help!!!
VictorM's advice:
The first thing you should do is feel very lucky that you broke up with him -- the boy is obviously a jerk. And no, the alcohol is not the reason; the alcohol simply unmasks his true personality.
I don't know why you're still hanging out in his circle of friends. You obviously can't stop him from drinking and from shouting abuses, but you can stop being in the vicinity. Sure, it would be nice if you didn't have to, but you'd be wise to seek new friends and new places to party.
Tags: advice, dating, relationship, question, answer, boyfriend, girlfriend
I broke up with my long term boyfriend over 10 months ago because things were going too well and I'm not ready commit. When he's drunk he shouts abuse at me and gets aggressive and violent. I've tried everything and don't know what to do. Please help!!!
VictorM's advice:
The first thing you should do is feel very lucky that you broke up with him -- the boy is obviously a jerk. And no, the alcohol is not the reason; the alcohol simply unmasks his true personality.
I don't know why you're still hanging out in his circle of friends. You obviously can't stop him from drinking and from shouting abuses, but you can stop being in the vicinity. Sure, it would be nice if you didn't have to, but you'd be wise to seek new friends and new places to party.
Tags: advice, dating, relationship, question, answer, boyfriend, girlfriend
He still talks about how much that girl hurt him
Claire, 18, from Arizona asks:
I have been with my boyfriend for three years. We're high school sweethearts, and we're each other's first loves. We had a very unique and mature relationship, but this year was when it got bad. I have an illness in my family, and it has been really hard this year. This summer, things got really bad with our relationship, and at the start of college, he dumped me. He had been hanging out with this one other girl for about a week, and I had asked him if he had feelings for her. He said no, and that they were just friends. But, when we broke up, he started hanging out with her more and developed strong feelings for her and wanted to pursue a relationship. She didn't want one, and messed with his mind for the month that he and I were broken up. He and I had remained friends in that time, and I helped him through his issues while getting on with my own life and being happy. Towards the end of his fling, he started to cuddle with me when we would hang out and tell me he missed me. Then, she left for two weeks and never talked to her again. During that time, he had a party while his parents were out of town, and invited me. I slept over and stayed in his room.. and he ended up pouring his whole heart and soul to me about how he had made a mistake and realized how great things are between us now, and sees how much I've changed. (I was a total bitch..) He had always made me happy, and he was my best friend.. I truly loved him.. and we just had some issues. We ended up talking for hours that night and decided that we'd try again. It's been about 2 weeks.. and he seems soo happy to be with me again. He acts so loving and sweet all the time now.. however, he still talks about how much that girl hurt him by leading him on. If he truly loves me and is happy with me, why is he still hurting from this girl? He says he's over her and it was just some stupid thing he tried and it was just something new, but that he really loved me and only wanted to be with me. Am I missing something? Wouldn't he not have these feelings of hurt if he was really happy with being with me?
VictorM's answer:
She turned him down. That's a huge bruise to his ego, one that doesn't go away easily, and one that you don't play a role in healing. The emotions that trigger love are not related to the emotions that feel rejection. Only if you had been the one to bruise him could you also be the one to heal him. Otherwise, this is between his feelings and her action.
This is not to say your concern is without merit. If, after all, only the bruiser can be the healer, you have to wonder what would happen if the other girl came calling. Would he drop you for her, or would rejecting her be the cure he needs? That I can not say.
You're justified to be bothered that he keeps bringing her up to you. Are you just a shoulder to cry over the one he couldn't have? Does he see you as the one he really loves are are you just safe to be with while he regroups? If he doesn't stop talking about her soon, you need to reconsider this relationship because it does NOT matter how he really feels about her; it matters how you feel about the whole matter. If you don't trust his feelings for you, you're not likely to be happy.
Tags: advice, dating, relationship, question, answer, boyfriend, girlfriend
I have been with my boyfriend for three years. We're high school sweethearts, and we're each other's first loves. We had a very unique and mature relationship, but this year was when it got bad. I have an illness in my family, and it has been really hard this year. This summer, things got really bad with our relationship, and at the start of college, he dumped me. He had been hanging out with this one other girl for about a week, and I had asked him if he had feelings for her. He said no, and that they were just friends. But, when we broke up, he started hanging out with her more and developed strong feelings for her and wanted to pursue a relationship. She didn't want one, and messed with his mind for the month that he and I were broken up. He and I had remained friends in that time, and I helped him through his issues while getting on with my own life and being happy. Towards the end of his fling, he started to cuddle with me when we would hang out and tell me he missed me. Then, she left for two weeks and never talked to her again. During that time, he had a party while his parents were out of town, and invited me. I slept over and stayed in his room.. and he ended up pouring his whole heart and soul to me about how he had made a mistake and realized how great things are between us now, and sees how much I've changed. (I was a total bitch..) He had always made me happy, and he was my best friend.. I truly loved him.. and we just had some issues. We ended up talking for hours that night and decided that we'd try again. It's been about 2 weeks.. and he seems soo happy to be with me again. He acts so loving and sweet all the time now.. however, he still talks about how much that girl hurt him by leading him on. If he truly loves me and is happy with me, why is he still hurting from this girl? He says he's over her and it was just some stupid thing he tried and it was just something new, but that he really loved me and only wanted to be with me. Am I missing something? Wouldn't he not have these feelings of hurt if he was really happy with being with me?
VictorM's answer:
She turned him down. That's a huge bruise to his ego, one that doesn't go away easily, and one that you don't play a role in healing. The emotions that trigger love are not related to the emotions that feel rejection. Only if you had been the one to bruise him could you also be the one to heal him. Otherwise, this is between his feelings and her action.
This is not to say your concern is without merit. If, after all, only the bruiser can be the healer, you have to wonder what would happen if the other girl came calling. Would he drop you for her, or would rejecting her be the cure he needs? That I can not say.
You're justified to be bothered that he keeps bringing her up to you. Are you just a shoulder to cry over the one he couldn't have? Does he see you as the one he really loves are are you just safe to be with while he regroups? If he doesn't stop talking about her soon, you need to reconsider this relationship because it does NOT matter how he really feels about her; it matters how you feel about the whole matter. If you don't trust his feelings for you, you're not likely to be happy.
Tags: advice, dating, relationship, question, answer, boyfriend, girlfriend
Sunday, October 29, 2006
He asked me for my number
ali, 18, from ireland asks:
I was with this guy from school at a night club and then he asked me for my number but when he texts me we only talk about rubbish! He hasn't said to me that he likes me or asked if I want to meet up. Is it too soon as we are only texting two days now? Should I text him first now? Please help.
VictorM's advice:
Sure. I don't see why not. But really, what else is there to talk about in text messages other than rubbish or very quick messages? If you want more interesting conversation talk on the phone, or better yet, get together in person. Generally guys hate texting and phones. So... get some face to face thing going.
Tags: advice, dating, relationship, question, answer, boyfriend, girlfriend
I was with this guy from school at a night club and then he asked me for my number but when he texts me we only talk about rubbish! He hasn't said to me that he likes me or asked if I want to meet up. Is it too soon as we are only texting two days now? Should I text him first now? Please help.
VictorM's advice:
Sure. I don't see why not. But really, what else is there to talk about in text messages other than rubbish or very quick messages? If you want more interesting conversation talk on the phone, or better yet, get together in person. Generally guys hate texting and phones. So... get some face to face thing going.
Tags: advice, dating, relationship, question, answer, boyfriend, girlfriend
Saturday, October 28, 2006
I don't want him to think I'm being pushy
Sarah, 21, from Australia asks:
Hi Victor,
A little while ago I developed feelings for a guy friend of mine. I asked him out, and we went out once (nothing physical happened though), but then he told me he was going through a tough time with family stuff and was really stressed with uni work, so he couldn't be in a relationship right now. We've stayed friends, and things haven't been awkward, but what I find strange is that although we get along same as ever when we're alone, both of us are hesitant to approach/talk to each other when we're around our other friends. I know that I'm doing it because I don't want them to know how I feel about him, and I don't want him to think I'm being pushy, but I don't know what to make of his behaviour. Any thoughts?
VictorM's advice:
Basically, he doesn't exactly know how to act with you around in a way that doesn't give you or your friends the wrong impression. I also think his problem is that he's not into you romantically. The family and university issues are just excuses to let you down without hurting your feelings. So now, if he acts to chummy with you, he's afraid he's sending you the wrong message; if he acts distant he's afraid they'll think he's mad at you. There doesn't seem to be that relaxed interchange between you two since that one date.
So, what to do to change that? If you agree with me and accept that he's not into you, and you can deal with that, tell him you understand that him being friendly will not be misunderstood. That may free him to be himself again. But... I wouldn't bet on it. You may just have to come to accept that your relationship has forever changed. Like toothpaste... once out you can't put it back in.
Tags: advice, dating, relationship, question, answer, boyfriend, girlfriend
Hi Victor,
A little while ago I developed feelings for a guy friend of mine. I asked him out, and we went out once (nothing physical happened though), but then he told me he was going through a tough time with family stuff and was really stressed with uni work, so he couldn't be in a relationship right now. We've stayed friends, and things haven't been awkward, but what I find strange is that although we get along same as ever when we're alone, both of us are hesitant to approach/talk to each other when we're around our other friends. I know that I'm doing it because I don't want them to know how I feel about him, and I don't want him to think I'm being pushy, but I don't know what to make of his behaviour. Any thoughts?
VictorM's advice:
Basically, he doesn't exactly know how to act with you around in a way that doesn't give you or your friends the wrong impression. I also think his problem is that he's not into you romantically. The family and university issues are just excuses to let you down without hurting your feelings. So now, if he acts to chummy with you, he's afraid he's sending you the wrong message; if he acts distant he's afraid they'll think he's mad at you. There doesn't seem to be that relaxed interchange between you two since that one date.
So, what to do to change that? If you agree with me and accept that he's not into you, and you can deal with that, tell him you understand that him being friendly will not be misunderstood. That may free him to be himself again. But... I wouldn't bet on it. You may just have to come to accept that your relationship has forever changed. Like toothpaste... once out you can't put it back in.
Tags: advice, dating, relationship, question, answer, boyfriend, girlfriend
Friday, October 27, 2006
Laid back country guy
andrea, 39, from central new jersey asks:
A co-worker has peeked my interest. As I say it, I think, shit where you eat? But I've been peeked so I will continue. The good thing is we don't have a lot of contact at work. We've hung out socially with other friends and he has a great sense of humor (as I do) and he really makes me laugh a lot. He is a laid back country guy and I am a Latina city girl who moved to the country. I don't have a problem being aggressive so rather than sit around trying to de-code his intentions (he flirts but he's not smooth) I decided to invite him over for dinner sat night. He said yes, he complimented me when he got there, we had great conversation, because I've come off as "tough" to quote him, I tried to be a little softer and more receptive, so I sat next to him on the couch which he responded to by being a little touchy. I wasn't sure how I felt about this since I hadn't even kissed him yet so I grabbed his hand and said, I'm not sure how to process this so could you chill out a little. Needless to say, he probably got shrinkage at that point and after a few movies (he stayed 8 hours and I wasn't irritated by it, which is a good sign.) He said he was leaving, I felt a little anxious that we hadn't kissed and he sort of started to sprint out the door, so I walked him to the door and then found myself at his car door where I leaned in and gave him a peck on the lips and said good night. During the evening he expressed how he liked aggressive women and he liked them to take the lead, he did not like rejection so I think to myself, lazy, insecure or is it a case of "he's got no game what so ever!" He left something behind but I had my doubts that he would call on Sunday (he lives near me) He came to my office and commented that he left something behind and I said, it's there when you want it. Spoke to him briefly, work related issues. Lots of eye contact. My question: Being from the city and doing most of my dating there, the men are much more direct and aggressive, could a country boy (he's 46) be so petrified of rejection or be so insecure (scary) that he can't step up his game? Please advise.
VictorM's advice:
Yeah, maybe it has something to do with the country boy thing, but really, who likes to be rejected? Your comment about him touching you might make him even more timid now. You may have to take the lead a little bit until he regains his confidence with you.
As for him not having game, well, that may be a problem if you're a player, but if you're looking for something steady, wouldn't it be a plus? Maybe you're too used to having to play that you're overlooking that he just likes you and is not into games.
Just let him be himself and you do what you do. Latinas aren't exactly the type that a lot of guys can handle, but oh lord, we know that you're the spice of life (sorry, all others, but that's a fact!) :) Give him a chance to find that out and the games may start where it really counts (need I say anything else?) ;)
Tags: advice, dating, relationship, question, answer, boyfriend, girlfriend
A co-worker has peeked my interest. As I say it, I think, shit where you eat? But I've been peeked so I will continue. The good thing is we don't have a lot of contact at work. We've hung out socially with other friends and he has a great sense of humor (as I do) and he really makes me laugh a lot. He is a laid back country guy and I am a Latina city girl who moved to the country. I don't have a problem being aggressive so rather than sit around trying to de-code his intentions (he flirts but he's not smooth) I decided to invite him over for dinner sat night. He said yes, he complimented me when he got there, we had great conversation, because I've come off as "tough" to quote him, I tried to be a little softer and more receptive, so I sat next to him on the couch which he responded to by being a little touchy. I wasn't sure how I felt about this since I hadn't even kissed him yet so I grabbed his hand and said, I'm not sure how to process this so could you chill out a little. Needless to say, he probably got shrinkage at that point and after a few movies (he stayed 8 hours and I wasn't irritated by it, which is a good sign.) He said he was leaving, I felt a little anxious that we hadn't kissed and he sort of started to sprint out the door, so I walked him to the door and then found myself at his car door where I leaned in and gave him a peck on the lips and said good night. During the evening he expressed how he liked aggressive women and he liked them to take the lead, he did not like rejection so I think to myself, lazy, insecure or is it a case of "he's got no game what so ever!" He left something behind but I had my doubts that he would call on Sunday (he lives near me) He came to my office and commented that he left something behind and I said, it's there when you want it. Spoke to him briefly, work related issues. Lots of eye contact. My question: Being from the city and doing most of my dating there, the men are much more direct and aggressive, could a country boy (he's 46) be so petrified of rejection or be so insecure (scary) that he can't step up his game? Please advise.
VictorM's advice:
Yeah, maybe it has something to do with the country boy thing, but really, who likes to be rejected? Your comment about him touching you might make him even more timid now. You may have to take the lead a little bit until he regains his confidence with you.
As for him not having game, well, that may be a problem if you're a player, but if you're looking for something steady, wouldn't it be a plus? Maybe you're too used to having to play that you're overlooking that he just likes you and is not into games.
Just let him be himself and you do what you do. Latinas aren't exactly the type that a lot of guys can handle, but oh lord, we know that you're the spice of life (sorry, all others, but that's a fact!) :) Give him a chance to find that out and the games may start where it really counts (need I say anything else?) ;)
Tags: advice, dating, relationship, question, answer, boyfriend, girlfriend
Took a course
sue, 46, from england asks:
Hi, I contacted you in August about my relationship. In case you don't remember me, I have been in this relationship for 16 yrs with an older man. He told me his wife had died of cancer. He sat down and cried about her death and how he had to bring is children up on his own. I have since found out his wife is alive and well. He keeps promising to get a divorce but it never happens. I have no money of my own and i haven't been out any where except to do the shopping not even on birthdays. When i ask him he just gets in a temper. He used to hit me so I am frightened of his temper. I am so unhappy but I am scared I can't make it on my own. Anyway, I took your advice and eventually persuaded my partner to let me do a course. I thought I could make friends and learn a skill so I could support myself. The first day I was terrified because I hadn't been out for so long but I enjoyed it. Now though my partner has joined the same course. The thing is as soon as he started working with a woman on the course he just ignored me, he just walked past me has if I didn't exist. I was so hurt. When I asked him he got into a temper and said all I wanted was a row. I should have expected it. When he is working I sometimes sit in the car to wait for him. If it is a woman he his working for and they ask about me he tells them I am just someone he is giving a lift to. Please advice me.
VictorM's advice:
Well, Sue, if you can't find a way to support yourself and can't break away from this abusive man, there's nothing I, or anyone for that matter, can do. And it's a shame too because the older you get the harder it will be. But unless it comes from you, nothing good will happen.
I applaud you for taking the course. As you can see, it can be done. When you conquer your fears good things can happen to you. Next, try getting a job, anything to support you.
But let's be real, are you really determined to walk away from this guy? I know you talk about it, but deep down inside, maybe you don't want to. He's a good excuse for everything bad that happens to you.
Tags: advice, dating, relationship, question, answer, boyfriend, girlfriend
Hi, I contacted you in August about my relationship. In case you don't remember me, I have been in this relationship for 16 yrs with an older man. He told me his wife had died of cancer. He sat down and cried about her death and how he had to bring is children up on his own. I have since found out his wife is alive and well. He keeps promising to get a divorce but it never happens. I have no money of my own and i haven't been out any where except to do the shopping not even on birthdays. When i ask him he just gets in a temper. He used to hit me so I am frightened of his temper. I am so unhappy but I am scared I can't make it on my own. Anyway, I took your advice and eventually persuaded my partner to let me do a course. I thought I could make friends and learn a skill so I could support myself. The first day I was terrified because I hadn't been out for so long but I enjoyed it. Now though my partner has joined the same course. The thing is as soon as he started working with a woman on the course he just ignored me, he just walked past me has if I didn't exist. I was so hurt. When I asked him he got into a temper and said all I wanted was a row. I should have expected it. When he is working I sometimes sit in the car to wait for him. If it is a woman he his working for and they ask about me he tells them I am just someone he is giving a lift to. Please advice me.
VictorM's advice:
Well, Sue, if you can't find a way to support yourself and can't break away from this abusive man, there's nothing I, or anyone for that matter, can do. And it's a shame too because the older you get the harder it will be. But unless it comes from you, nothing good will happen.
I applaud you for taking the course. As you can see, it can be done. When you conquer your fears good things can happen to you. Next, try getting a job, anything to support you.
But let's be real, are you really determined to walk away from this guy? I know you talk about it, but deep down inside, maybe you don't want to. He's a good excuse for everything bad that happens to you.
Tags: advice, dating, relationship, question, answer, boyfriend, girlfriend
Thursday, October 26, 2006
He shook my hand
Kerri, 25, from canada asks:
I met this guy on a online dating site and we went out on a date. At the end of the date he said he had a good time and shook my hand. Then he paused and said stay in touch. What does that mean, that he doesn't like me? I have him on my MSN messenger so I saw he was on so I logged in. I waited for him to start a conversation but he never did, so I started one with him. We chatted for a bit, then I had to go so I logged off. So is he into me or he is just being nice by chatting with me?
Victor's answer:
The hand shake is most likely more a reflection of his social skills than his opinion about you. As far as not messaging you when you came online, be aware that not everyone has MSN setup to inform them when new people log on. That is, if you weren't there when he came on, he may not be aware that you came online. There's other reasons why a guy might not message you right away: he may think it comes across as 'stalkish' or he may want to give you time to read emails and conduct whatever business you do online first; and of course, maybe he's not interested.
Make nothing of the handshake by itself. Lots of guys don't really know what to do on a first date. Kiss on the cheek? Kiss on the lips? Just say goodnight and walk away? It's a very awkward moment and sometimes people just have a knee-jerk reaction that they regret later.
On the other hand, most guys would NOT tell you if they're not interested. The "stay in touch" means nothing. It's something guys always say.
Bottom line is, at this point, don't assume he likes you, don't assume he doesn't. Just go forward until you get a more clear sign one way or the other.
Tags: advice, dating, relationship, question, answer, boyfriend, girlfriend
I met this guy on a online dating site and we went out on a date. At the end of the date he said he had a good time and shook my hand. Then he paused and said stay in touch. What does that mean, that he doesn't like me? I have him on my MSN messenger so I saw he was on so I logged in. I waited for him to start a conversation but he never did, so I started one with him. We chatted for a bit, then I had to go so I logged off. So is he into me or he is just being nice by chatting with me?
Victor's answer:
The hand shake is most likely more a reflection of his social skills than his opinion about you. As far as not messaging you when you came online, be aware that not everyone has MSN setup to inform them when new people log on. That is, if you weren't there when he came on, he may not be aware that you came online. There's other reasons why a guy might not message you right away: he may think it comes across as 'stalkish' or he may want to give you time to read emails and conduct whatever business you do online first; and of course, maybe he's not interested.
Make nothing of the handshake by itself. Lots of guys don't really know what to do on a first date. Kiss on the cheek? Kiss on the lips? Just say goodnight and walk away? It's a very awkward moment and sometimes people just have a knee-jerk reaction that they regret later.
On the other hand, most guys would NOT tell you if they're not interested. The "stay in touch" means nothing. It's something guys always say.
Bottom line is, at this point, don't assume he likes you, don't assume he doesn't. Just go forward until you get a more clear sign one way or the other.
Tags: advice, dating, relationship, question, answer, boyfriend, girlfriend
He owns a gas station
Nicole, 23, from Michigan asks:
There' s this guy that works at and owns a gas station. He's real friendly and every time I come in we converse and he ask me what I am doing that particular day. On some occasions he even compliments me. Is this guy just be doing his job and be friendly to a regular customer or is it possible that he may be interested in me?
VictorM's answer:
It's hard to tell; it could be either or it could be both. Guys generally are very attentive with women they find attractive even if the guys are married or attached; it doesn't mean they are interested in a relationship with the women.
It may not be easy for you to tell, but his he like that with other attractive women? Chances are that he is. That doesn't mean he may not be interested in you' I'm just saying you can't tell by his behavior as you described.
Tags: advice, dating, relationship, question, answer, boyfriend, girlfriend
There' s this guy that works at and owns a gas station. He's real friendly and every time I come in we converse and he ask me what I am doing that particular day. On some occasions he even compliments me. Is this guy just be doing his job and be friendly to a regular customer or is it possible that he may be interested in me?
VictorM's answer:
It's hard to tell; it could be either or it could be both. Guys generally are very attentive with women they find attractive even if the guys are married or attached; it doesn't mean they are interested in a relationship with the women.
It may not be easy for you to tell, but his he like that with other attractive women? Chances are that he is. That doesn't mean he may not be interested in you' I'm just saying you can't tell by his behavior as you described.
Tags: advice, dating, relationship, question, answer, boyfriend, girlfriend
Wednesday, October 25, 2006
All we ever seem to do is fight
Megan, 22, from Virginia asks:
My boyfriend and I have been going out for two and a half years. We've been living together for a little over a year. We have an eight month old daughter and we both love her very much. The problem is that all we ever seem to do is fight. He loves to go out with his friends, and I think it's too frequently. He flirts a lot, and I don't like it. He says he wants to marry me, but when I ask him about it he says he's not ready yet, but can't give me a reason. I feel like he doesn't want to marry me, or he doesn't want to be in the relationship with me. He may even just be here still for our daughter. How do I ask him about it all without putting an ultimatum on us or moving out? I love him very much and want everything to work out, and for us to stop fighting so much. Please help.
VictorM's advice:
It's possible the baby brought about a demand for responsibilities he wasn't ready to deal with. Going out with the guys and flirting may be his way to escape the responsibilities for a while. Flirting and going out with the guys doesn't mean he doesn't love you. I don't know if he does any more than just flirt (like, does he cheat?) and I can understand you not liking it, but fighting over it isn't fixing anything, is it?
Maybe he's there just for your daughter. But if you think of her, that's not a bad reason for him to stay.
Next time he wants to go with the guys, tell him to have a good time. Be nice about it. When he gets backs, just let him know you're happy he's back. Do it a few more times. I'm willing to bet that not only with the fighting stop, but... he may cut down the going out. Meanwhile, try to find fun things to do while he's gone. Get a hobby, get together with friends. Don't sit around the house and mope.
If you're willing to give him an ultimatum and risk life without him, why not give this a try? Not only will the chance of success be greater, but your daughter will be better of.
Tags: advice, dating, relationship, question, answer, boyfriend, girlfriend
My boyfriend and I have been going out for two and a half years. We've been living together for a little over a year. We have an eight month old daughter and we both love her very much. The problem is that all we ever seem to do is fight. He loves to go out with his friends, and I think it's too frequently. He flirts a lot, and I don't like it. He says he wants to marry me, but when I ask him about it he says he's not ready yet, but can't give me a reason. I feel like he doesn't want to marry me, or he doesn't want to be in the relationship with me. He may even just be here still for our daughter. How do I ask him about it all without putting an ultimatum on us or moving out? I love him very much and want everything to work out, and for us to stop fighting so much. Please help.
VictorM's advice:
It's possible the baby brought about a demand for responsibilities he wasn't ready to deal with. Going out with the guys and flirting may be his way to escape the responsibilities for a while. Flirting and going out with the guys doesn't mean he doesn't love you. I don't know if he does any more than just flirt (like, does he cheat?) and I can understand you not liking it, but fighting over it isn't fixing anything, is it?
Maybe he's there just for your daughter. But if you think of her, that's not a bad reason for him to stay.
Next time he wants to go with the guys, tell him to have a good time. Be nice about it. When he gets backs, just let him know you're happy he's back. Do it a few more times. I'm willing to bet that not only with the fighting stop, but... he may cut down the going out. Meanwhile, try to find fun things to do while he's gone. Get a hobby, get together with friends. Don't sit around the house and mope.
If you're willing to give him an ultimatum and risk life without him, why not give this a try? Not only will the chance of success be greater, but your daughter will be better of.
Tags: advice, dating, relationship, question, answer, boyfriend, girlfriend
I thought I was over him, until now
Helpless, 16, from USA asks:
My ex-boyfriend that I went out with for 3 years is moving in a week. I thought I was over him until I found out. Now I cry when I hear a song that reminds me of him. How do I get him to go back out with me? If I don't, how do I get over him?
VictorM's advice:
You were exes for a reason, right? Now that he's going away, why should you two go out again? Seems nutty to me. It probably does to him too.
Him moving away will make it easier for you to get over him. It would be harder if you saw him everyday. It's OK to cry because some pleasant memories will be no more, but it'll help if you find new songs to like, go to places you never went with him, start dating again -- don't wait for the perfect guy, just date for the sake of going out and having fun. It'll take time, but you will get over him.
Tags: advice, dating, relationship, question, answer, boyfriend, girlfriend
My ex-boyfriend that I went out with for 3 years is moving in a week. I thought I was over him until I found out. Now I cry when I hear a song that reminds me of him. How do I get him to go back out with me? If I don't, how do I get over him?
VictorM's advice:
You were exes for a reason, right? Now that he's going away, why should you two go out again? Seems nutty to me. It probably does to him too.
Him moving away will make it easier for you to get over him. It would be harder if you saw him everyday. It's OK to cry because some pleasant memories will be no more, but it'll help if you find new songs to like, go to places you never went with him, start dating again -- don't wait for the perfect guy, just date for the sake of going out and having fun. It'll take time, but you will get over him.
Tags: advice, dating, relationship, question, answer, boyfriend, girlfriend
Tuesday, October 24, 2006
All of a sudden he was gone
Kitty, 50, from tennessee asks:
I have been dating a guy for two months. He was refreshingly honest and we talked about everything. After the last time I saw him, he became depressed and said he wasn't over his -ex. They dated for a year and have been broken up for 8 months. He decided that he wanted to keep in touch but not see each other till he got over these feelings for her. And, he actually was working on it even with a shrink. We still talked DAILY. Then, all of a sudden he was gone. Did not call or email me. He had promised when this all happened he would not disappear. So, what do you think happened?
VictorM's answer:
Maybe he got abducted by aliens!
Actually, he's not interested in you. So, rather than deal with the hassle of telling you that, he simply disappears.
This has nothing to do with you; this is a very common male behavior.
Tags: advice, dating, relationship, question, answer, boyfriend, girlfriend
I have been dating a guy for two months. He was refreshingly honest and we talked about everything. After the last time I saw him, he became depressed and said he wasn't over his -ex. They dated for a year and have been broken up for 8 months. He decided that he wanted to keep in touch but not see each other till he got over these feelings for her. And, he actually was working on it even with a shrink. We still talked DAILY. Then, all of a sudden he was gone. Did not call or email me. He had promised when this all happened he would not disappear. So, what do you think happened?
VictorM's answer:
Maybe he got abducted by aliens!
Actually, he's not interested in you. So, rather than deal with the hassle of telling you that, he simply disappears.
This has nothing to do with you; this is a very common male behavior.
Tags: advice, dating, relationship, question, answer, boyfriend, girlfriend
He's going to meet another woman
Lee, 35, from South Dakota asks:
I am a 35-year-old single mother of 4 children. I just got divorced 6 months ago, but my relationship with my ex was long ago over. About 4 months ago, I decided that I was ready to start dating again. It's a scary world out there, but I did meet a very nice guy. We have been seeing each other for about 2 months now. He is 8 years older than me, and is a divorced single dad. Things seem to have been going so well. But, the other night he told me that he is going to meet with another woman who is more his age and he thinks that they could be soul-mates, as they have so much more in common. I have come to realize that I have very strong feelings for this man. How do I let him know without scaring him off? Should I just let him go out with this other woman without batting an eye and see what happens?
VictorM's advice:
You really have no choice, do you? He's acting mature by exploring all his possibilites to make sure he's making the best decision. It is in your best interests that he do this. The worst thing would be for him to stay with you but always wonder about the other woman. Maybe after having been with you, he'll come to realize she's not quite what he expected and you're the one that he likes best. If he comes back, chances are your relationship will get stronger. If he doesn't come back, you're better off for finding out now than later.
My suggestion is to say to him that you have feelings for him, that you hope he feels the same way about you, and that you think he should do whatever he needs to do to make sure he's happy.
Tags: advice, dating, relationship, question, answer, boyfriend, girlfriend
I am a 35-year-old single mother of 4 children. I just got divorced 6 months ago, but my relationship with my ex was long ago over. About 4 months ago, I decided that I was ready to start dating again. It's a scary world out there, but I did meet a very nice guy. We have been seeing each other for about 2 months now. He is 8 years older than me, and is a divorced single dad. Things seem to have been going so well. But, the other night he told me that he is going to meet with another woman who is more his age and he thinks that they could be soul-mates, as they have so much more in common. I have come to realize that I have very strong feelings for this man. How do I let him know without scaring him off? Should I just let him go out with this other woman without batting an eye and see what happens?
VictorM's advice:
You really have no choice, do you? He's acting mature by exploring all his possibilites to make sure he's making the best decision. It is in your best interests that he do this. The worst thing would be for him to stay with you but always wonder about the other woman. Maybe after having been with you, he'll come to realize she's not quite what he expected and you're the one that he likes best. If he comes back, chances are your relationship will get stronger. If he doesn't come back, you're better off for finding out now than later.
My suggestion is to say to him that you have feelings for him, that you hope he feels the same way about you, and that you think he should do whatever he needs to do to make sure he's happy.
Tags: advice, dating, relationship, question, answer, boyfriend, girlfriend
Monday, October 23, 2006
He slept with my best friend
Celia, 18, from Tennessee asks:
I'm upset. This guy I've like for 4 years has done something low. He slept with my best friend and I had to hear about it from someone else she told. We're not together, but I have a feeling that he's still screwing her. She tells me that she's not and that it only happened the 2 times she told me. I don't believe her tho. Plus, she's always dissin and talkin mess about him and it bugs me. And also, she has an STD and is trying to put it on him but she's screwin everybody. I find out new stuff and she's acting jealous when her fuck buddies ask about me and tries to make me look bad. What should I do about her and him and why did he do this when he DID know about us being best friends?
VictorM's advice:
You and him are just friends. He's free to have sex with her if he so chooses. I don't see how that's any of your business. After all, after four years it's clear that you're only a friend to him and it's not like she's doing it just to piss you off; she screws many others.
What you should do is not be like her. In the long run, you'll be a much happier person. Maybe you should consider finding another best friend.
Why did he have sex with her? Because he wanted to. He made no connection between her being your friend and how you'd feel. His penis did all the thinking. Period!
Tags: advice, dating, relationship, question, answer, boyfriend, girlfriend
I'm upset. This guy I've like for 4 years has done something low. He slept with my best friend and I had to hear about it from someone else she told. We're not together, but I have a feeling that he's still screwing her. She tells me that she's not and that it only happened the 2 times she told me. I don't believe her tho. Plus, she's always dissin and talkin mess about him and it bugs me. And also, she has an STD and is trying to put it on him but she's screwin everybody. I find out new stuff and she's acting jealous when her fuck buddies ask about me and tries to make me look bad. What should I do about her and him and why did he do this when he DID know about us being best friends?
VictorM's advice:
You and him are just friends. He's free to have sex with her if he so chooses. I don't see how that's any of your business. After all, after four years it's clear that you're only a friend to him and it's not like she's doing it just to piss you off; she screws many others.
What you should do is not be like her. In the long run, you'll be a much happier person. Maybe you should consider finding another best friend.
Why did he have sex with her? Because he wanted to. He made no connection between her being your friend and how you'd feel. His penis did all the thinking. Period!
Tags: advice, dating, relationship, question, answer, boyfriend, girlfriend
I'm not attracted to him
Clare, 20, from UK asks:
There is a guy that I'm friends with at university because we work for the same community organisation. Lately I have got the very strong impression that he likes me as more than a friend. This worries me because I like him as a friend but am just not attracted to him; I don't see him that way. In short, I'm just not interested. I would rather die than say anything to him because I may be overly sensitive and it could be nothing, but I'm pretty sure. How can I discourage him and give him the hint without hurting him and without saying anything directly?
VictorM's advice:
You may be right about his feelings for you, but then again, you can't be sure. So I wouldn't say a word right now. If he reveals his feelings for you or asks you out, the best answer is a direct and honest one that deals with your feelings and not with him, something like: "I'm flattered but I'd prefer that we stay friends".
If you want to discourage him, tell him you're a lesbian. (Just kidding. :))
Seriously, don't try to discourage him. Too often that backfires. The best you can do is not encourage him. Don't flirt with him, don't tease him, avoid going out alone with him; just be yourself, be friendly, be polite, and if he asks you out and you turn him down it will not be the end of the world for him. Most likely he'll feel proud of himself that he had the guts to ask you. Do NOT assume that a guy will be devastated if you turn him down.
Tags: advice, dating, relationship, question, answer, boyfriend, girlfriend
There is a guy that I'm friends with at university because we work for the same community organisation. Lately I have got the very strong impression that he likes me as more than a friend. This worries me because I like him as a friend but am just not attracted to him; I don't see him that way. In short, I'm just not interested. I would rather die than say anything to him because I may be overly sensitive and it could be nothing, but I'm pretty sure. How can I discourage him and give him the hint without hurting him and without saying anything directly?
VictorM's advice:
You may be right about his feelings for you, but then again, you can't be sure. So I wouldn't say a word right now. If he reveals his feelings for you or asks you out, the best answer is a direct and honest one that deals with your feelings and not with him, something like: "I'm flattered but I'd prefer that we stay friends".
If you want to discourage him, tell him you're a lesbian. (Just kidding. :))
Seriously, don't try to discourage him. Too often that backfires. The best you can do is not encourage him. Don't flirt with him, don't tease him, avoid going out alone with him; just be yourself, be friendly, be polite, and if he asks you out and you turn him down it will not be the end of the world for him. Most likely he'll feel proud of himself that he had the guts to ask you. Do NOT assume that a guy will be devastated if you turn him down.
Tags: advice, dating, relationship, question, answer, boyfriend, girlfriend
Sunday, October 22, 2006
I like him but I like another guy
shae lynn, 15, from tulsa asks:
Okay I am going out with this guy....I like him but I have a problem. I really like this other guy and I like him a lot! I was going to break up with my boyfriend because I thought it was wrong to like someone else but I don't know how to do it! How can I tell him I have feelings for someone else?
VictorM's advice:
If you like your boyfriend, do NOT tell him you have feelings for someone else. Just say you want to break up. Don't get all weepy and apologetic. Don't give him the corny "you're a great guy" bullshit. Just say the relationship isn't working for you and you are breaking up with him. He may ask what's wrong or what can he do to make things better, but just keep talking about your feelings. Just say you don't know, that the relationship isn't working out. No matter what he says or asks, stick to that: I don't know what it is but the relationship isn't working out for me. Period.
Let a few days or weeks go by before you make a move on the new guy. He may be a little reluctant to go out with you if you just broke up with the other guy. And, now that you're free, you may find out the new guy isn't so great after all.
Not being specific with the first guy and not rushing to the new guy gives you the elbow room you need to maneuver whichever way you want to go, including going back to your boyfriend if you realize you made a mistake.
Tags: advice, dating, relationship, question, answer, boyfriend, girlfriend
Okay I am going out with this guy....I like him but I have a problem. I really like this other guy and I like him a lot! I was going to break up with my boyfriend because I thought it was wrong to like someone else but I don't know how to do it! How can I tell him I have feelings for someone else?
VictorM's advice:
If you like your boyfriend, do NOT tell him you have feelings for someone else. Just say you want to break up. Don't get all weepy and apologetic. Don't give him the corny "you're a great guy" bullshit. Just say the relationship isn't working for you and you are breaking up with him. He may ask what's wrong or what can he do to make things better, but just keep talking about your feelings. Just say you don't know, that the relationship isn't working out. No matter what he says or asks, stick to that: I don't know what it is but the relationship isn't working out for me. Period.
Let a few days or weeks go by before you make a move on the new guy. He may be a little reluctant to go out with you if you just broke up with the other guy. And, now that you're free, you may find out the new guy isn't so great after all.
Not being specific with the first guy and not rushing to the new guy gives you the elbow room you need to maneuver whichever way you want to go, including going back to your boyfriend if you realize you made a mistake.
Tags: advice, dating, relationship, question, answer, boyfriend, girlfriend
Saturday, October 21, 2006
No titles
Tameka, 29, from Texas asks:
I have this guy friend well I guess he is a friend we really have no titles. We have been kicking as boyfriend and girlfriend just without the title. We go out together, he has taken me to his friend's home, we are sexually involved. But about two weeks ago he disappeared I didn't hear from him for about 4 days, where we would normally talk daily or even see each other every other day. Then he called me like all was well, he gave me money and we were back to normal. I want to ask this guy where do I stand with him. Am I just a fling or is this more? I don't want to scare him away cause I do care and want it to be more than just a fling. How do I ask him? Is this just a fling or is this more? What are your thoughts.
VictorM's advice:
You are just fling. And if he has it his way, it'll stay that way. I mean, why would he want to change anything? He has you when he wants to, you have sex but there's no commitment. He can disappear for 4 days and things are exactly as they were before. That's a sweet deal.
If you ask him where you two stand, what do you expect him to say? And if he says you are a couple, what exactly would you expect to change?
Look, this is very simple: if you want it to be more than just a fling, QUIT BEING JUST A FLING! Stop having sex until you are a couple with whatever that means to you. And if you scare him away? That means he was never going to be yours anyway, you're just company and a lay.
One last thing... he gives you money? What the hell does that mean? Why is he giving you money? I'm puzzled.
Tags: advice, dating, relationship, question, answer, boyfriend, girlfriend
I have this guy friend well I guess he is a friend we really have no titles. We have been kicking as boyfriend and girlfriend just without the title. We go out together, he has taken me to his friend's home, we are sexually involved. But about two weeks ago he disappeared I didn't hear from him for about 4 days, where we would normally talk daily or even see each other every other day. Then he called me like all was well, he gave me money and we were back to normal. I want to ask this guy where do I stand with him. Am I just a fling or is this more? I don't want to scare him away cause I do care and want it to be more than just a fling. How do I ask him? Is this just a fling or is this more? What are your thoughts.
VictorM's advice:
You are just fling. And if he has it his way, it'll stay that way. I mean, why would he want to change anything? He has you when he wants to, you have sex but there's no commitment. He can disappear for 4 days and things are exactly as they were before. That's a sweet deal.
If you ask him where you two stand, what do you expect him to say? And if he says you are a couple, what exactly would you expect to change?
Look, this is very simple: if you want it to be more than just a fling, QUIT BEING JUST A FLING! Stop having sex until you are a couple with whatever that means to you. And if you scare him away? That means he was never going to be yours anyway, you're just company and a lay.
One last thing... he gives you money? What the hell does that mean? Why is he giving you money? I'm puzzled.
Tags: advice, dating, relationship, question, answer, boyfriend, girlfriend
Friday, October 20, 2006
Is there a chance he'll ever love me?
Cindy, 23, from Canada asks:
My boyfriend and I have a 5 month old son together. We've been living together since Jan. '05, but have been on and off relationship-wise twice. We recently got back together late August. He has cheated on me before by having two internet relationships, and previously the problem between us was that he didn't know what he wanted from me, or any woman at all for that matter. Now we're taking things slowly, but I'm afraid to ask him how he feels about me.... I know he's not in love with me, but I've always hoped he would be eventually. I thought maybe with time... My question is, do you think there's a chance he ever will fall in love with me? We have a great time together, and our son has definitely brought us closer, but I just don't know if it's enough.
VictorM's advice:
It's possible. I'll let this verse from the Marc Anthony song "You Sang to me" speak to you:
All the while you were in front of me I never realized
I just can't believe I didn't see it in your eyes
I didn't see it, I can't believe it
Oh but I feel it
When you sing to me
How I long to hear you sing beneath the clear blue skies
and I promise you this time I'll see it in your eyes
I didn't see it, I can't believe it
Oh but I feel it
Sometimes, what we are looking for is right in front of our eyes and we don't see it. Sometimes we need to look around first to recognize it. Don't give up hope. Have fun together. Be a good friend. Be a good mom. Anything is possible when you're a good person and carry on with optimism and grace.
Tags: advice, dating, relationship, question, answer, boyfriend, girlfriend
My boyfriend and I have a 5 month old son together. We've been living together since Jan. '05, but have been on and off relationship-wise twice. We recently got back together late August. He has cheated on me before by having two internet relationships, and previously the problem between us was that he didn't know what he wanted from me, or any woman at all for that matter. Now we're taking things slowly, but I'm afraid to ask him how he feels about me.... I know he's not in love with me, but I've always hoped he would be eventually. I thought maybe with time... My question is, do you think there's a chance he ever will fall in love with me? We have a great time together, and our son has definitely brought us closer, but I just don't know if it's enough.
VictorM's advice:
It's possible. I'll let this verse from the Marc Anthony song "You Sang to me" speak to you:
All the while you were in front of me I never realized
I just can't believe I didn't see it in your eyes
I didn't see it, I can't believe it
Oh but I feel it
When you sing to me
How I long to hear you sing beneath the clear blue skies
and I promise you this time I'll see it in your eyes
I didn't see it, I can't believe it
Oh but I feel it
Sometimes, what we are looking for is right in front of our eyes and we don't see it. Sometimes we need to look around first to recognize it. Don't give up hope. Have fun together. Be a good friend. Be a good mom. Anything is possible when you're a good person and carry on with optimism and grace.
Tags: advice, dating, relationship, question, answer, boyfriend, girlfriend
Thursday, October 19, 2006
He laughs at her stupid jokes
aniau, 18, from midwest asks:
Help me please... I'm confused. I have a male friend. He is very illusive at times. He laughs at my stupid jokes and no one else does. And he always has this weird sparkle in his eyes when he smiles at me. I keep hearing that he tells these two immature people that I'm stalking him or something but he always tells me that he's not mad at me and not to believe anything anyone else says. He's not a conversationalist, yet he came up to me and stood through the awkward silence to talk to me when his main group of friends were over elsewhere. I love the dude and just told him 16 weeks ago. He should understand and I KNOW he does. He laughs at my stupidity all the time. My best friend says he definitely likes me but I'm just soooooooooo confused. I run away and he runs away. Yet we both come back and when he supposedly "Mad" at me he still laughs at me and tries to get me to notice him. I'm just sooooo confused...please help me victor!
VictorM's advice:
He likes you but you committed the cardinal sin of telling him that you like him. Big mistake. The end result of such a confession, more often than not, is exactly what's going on. He knows you like him so now seducing you is no longer a challenge. Guys are by nature competitive and like to work their charm on a girl, seduce her, and beat their chests that their manly prowess prevailed. You've eliminated that from the picture. Playing with you and keeping you off-balance (or as you say, confused) is more fun than being with you. This all because he knows he can get you anytime he wants to. All he has to do is say the word and you're his. He knows that. This is why he says negative things, then is friendly, pretends to be mad, etc. He pushes you away and then gets you back. It's all designed to boost his ego that he has control over you. For him, the journey is more fun than the destination.
Tags: advice, dating, relationship, question, answer, boyfriend, girlfriend
Help me please... I'm confused. I have a male friend. He is very illusive at times. He laughs at my stupid jokes and no one else does. And he always has this weird sparkle in his eyes when he smiles at me. I keep hearing that he tells these two immature people that I'm stalking him or something but he always tells me that he's not mad at me and not to believe anything anyone else says. He's not a conversationalist, yet he came up to me and stood through the awkward silence to talk to me when his main group of friends were over elsewhere. I love the dude and just told him 16 weeks ago. He should understand and I KNOW he does. He laughs at my stupidity all the time. My best friend says he definitely likes me but I'm just soooooooooo confused. I run away and he runs away. Yet we both come back and when he supposedly "Mad" at me he still laughs at me and tries to get me to notice him. I'm just sooooo confused...please help me victor!
VictorM's advice:
He likes you but you committed the cardinal sin of telling him that you like him. Big mistake. The end result of such a confession, more often than not, is exactly what's going on. He knows you like him so now seducing you is no longer a challenge. Guys are by nature competitive and like to work their charm on a girl, seduce her, and beat their chests that their manly prowess prevailed. You've eliminated that from the picture. Playing with you and keeping you off-balance (or as you say, confused) is more fun than being with you. This all because he knows he can get you anytime he wants to. All he has to do is say the word and you're his. He knows that. This is why he says negative things, then is friendly, pretends to be mad, etc. He pushes you away and then gets you back. It's all designed to boost his ego that he has control over you. For him, the journey is more fun than the destination.
Tags: advice, dating, relationship, question, answer, boyfriend, girlfriend
Wednesday, October 18, 2006
Getting over someone
didi, 26, from canada asks:
How do I get over someone I think he is the one, after a 3 year relationship?
VictorM's answer:
It's very hard. More than anything else, it's going to take time. Years, most likely. Meanwhile, what to do? Well, avoid contact with him if you can, do away with anything that reminds you of him (gifts, pictures, etc.) Find new restaurants, new bars, new friends, go to different places. Buy new clothes, treat yourself well (manicures, make-up, massages, etc.) Don't rush to date other guys but also, don't wait for another Mister Perfect. When you feel you're ready, go out with Mister Average. It's good to go out with guys where your expectations are low. You can relax and not feel pressured. Going out again with such guys get you adjusted to start dating again, to open yourself up to new possibilities.
Above all, don't feel bad that you feel bad. Feeling bad, missing him, etc. are all signs that you're a loving and caring person. But even if you do all of the above, it will still take a lot of time.
Tags: advice, dating, relationship, question, answer, boyfriend, girlfriend
How do I get over someone I think he is the one, after a 3 year relationship?
VictorM's answer:
It's very hard. More than anything else, it's going to take time. Years, most likely. Meanwhile, what to do? Well, avoid contact with him if you can, do away with anything that reminds you of him (gifts, pictures, etc.) Find new restaurants, new bars, new friends, go to different places. Buy new clothes, treat yourself well (manicures, make-up, massages, etc.) Don't rush to date other guys but also, don't wait for another Mister Perfect. When you feel you're ready, go out with Mister Average. It's good to go out with guys where your expectations are low. You can relax and not feel pressured. Going out again with such guys get you adjusted to start dating again, to open yourself up to new possibilities.
Above all, don't feel bad that you feel bad. Feeling bad, missing him, etc. are all signs that you're a loving and caring person. But even if you do all of the above, it will still take a lot of time.
Tags: advice, dating, relationship, question, answer, boyfriend, girlfriend
Tuesday, October 17, 2006
Sex Frequency and Male Anger
Sara, 36, from California asks:
My husband is very negative sometimes. (Road rage, snapping at customer service people etc.) Sometimes he calls me names, but not often. He says that he would be more positive and happy if we were intimate every other day rather than every 3 days. I don't think that he should get angry with me or other people just because he hasn't been 'getting any' for 36 hours, but perhaps I just don't understand because I am a woman. Is this normal?
VictorM's advice:
Your husband suffers from something with the technical name of "bullshit!" Not only is he unwilling to accept responsibility for his problem, he's trying to blame you for it. It's just an excuse on his part. If you had sex every other day he'd say it's because you don't have it everyday, or whatever other reasons he could think of to blame anyone but himself.
What he needs his anger management, not getting laid more often. I hope you can convince him he needs to see a therapist. If that doesn't work, buy him those Girls Gone Wild tapes and tell him to jack himself off until he reaches serenity.
Tags: advice, dating, relationship, question, answer, boyfriend, girlfriend
My husband is very negative sometimes. (Road rage, snapping at customer service people etc.) Sometimes he calls me names, but not often. He says that he would be more positive and happy if we were intimate every other day rather than every 3 days. I don't think that he should get angry with me or other people just because he hasn't been 'getting any' for 36 hours, but perhaps I just don't understand because I am a woman. Is this normal?
VictorM's advice:
Your husband suffers from something with the technical name of "bullshit!" Not only is he unwilling to accept responsibility for his problem, he's trying to blame you for it. It's just an excuse on his part. If you had sex every other day he'd say it's because you don't have it everyday, or whatever other reasons he could think of to blame anyone but himself.
What he needs his anger management, not getting laid more often. I hope you can convince him he needs to see a therapist. If that doesn't work, buy him those Girls Gone Wild tapes and tell him to jack himself off until he reaches serenity.
Tags: advice, dating, relationship, question, answer, boyfriend, girlfriend
Monday, October 16, 2006
No analyzing
Lee, 39, from New York asks:
What do you think of a guy who says to a woman that he is planning to start a relationship with " I want our relationship to grow with no expectation, no interpretation and no analyzing." Also he is so busy and he can be in touch once every few weeks?
VictorM's advice:
I think if I were you I'd say he wants a relationship with someone else. This guy has no idea what it takes to make a relationship work.
He doesn't want a lover, he wants a concubine.
Tags: advice, dating, relationship, question, answer, boyfriend, girlfriend
What do you think of a guy who says to a woman that he is planning to start a relationship with " I want our relationship to grow with no expectation, no interpretation and no analyzing." Also he is so busy and he can be in touch once every few weeks?
VictorM's advice:
I think if I were you I'd say he wants a relationship with someone else. This guy has no idea what it takes to make a relationship work.
He doesn't want a lover, he wants a concubine.
Tags: advice, dating, relationship, question, answer, boyfriend, girlfriend
Random letters on the computer
curious, 16, from canada asks:
There's this guy in one of my classes and I have the feeling that he might be interested in me. He hits me with stuff sometimes. He compliments my work. He tried to turn off my computer while laughing and he typed random letters all over my screen. He asks me questions about myself and asks me when I'm going to have a party and says that he's having one (I don't know if he suggesting for me to go or what.) He was looking at me and I asked him what he was doing and he said he was staring at me so that I'd stare back. When I talk to him he always smiles. I told him I went to church and he said that's hot and then said that he wants to go to church now. I'm so confused and curious... I dont know what do think. Can you help me?
VictorM's answer:
What's there to be confused about? The boy likes you. Duh!
Tell him you want to marry him, like, now!
Tags: advice, dating, relationship, question, answer, boyfriend, girlfriend
There's this guy in one of my classes and I have the feeling that he might be interested in me. He hits me with stuff sometimes. He compliments my work. He tried to turn off my computer while laughing and he typed random letters all over my screen. He asks me questions about myself and asks me when I'm going to have a party and says that he's having one (I don't know if he suggesting for me to go or what.) He was looking at me and I asked him what he was doing and he said he was staring at me so that I'd stare back. When I talk to him he always smiles. I told him I went to church and he said that's hot and then said that he wants to go to church now. I'm so confused and curious... I dont know what do think. Can you help me?
VictorM's answer:
What's there to be confused about? The boy likes you. Duh!
Tell him you want to marry him, like, now!
Tags: advice, dating, relationship, question, answer, boyfriend, girlfriend
Sunday, October 15, 2006
A staring psycho?
jadelle, 23, from london asks:
There's this guy that I go to university with. Since the start of our course he's been staring at me (don't know what to make of it). Not only that, I really like him. The first time I saw him I was going to make a move and sit beside him. Just my luck, this girl came and did. Since then they are always together but he totally ignores her. They never speaking, it's like she's just there watching him, watching me. Does he like me or what and why has he not said anything and doesn't he care that if I can presume that girl is there or is he just a staring psycho? Just after 2 year we managed 2 say an awkward "hi, hello" "hi are you okay?" to each other. Please get back to me, it's driving me crazy.
VictorM's advice:
Staring at you doesn't mean he likes you enough to want to do anything other than stare at you. Classes can be a pretty boring place and fixing his eyes on a pretty girl may be all he needs to get by the class. That's just one possibility. The other is that he likes you but is too shy to make a move.
So, we don't really know if he likes you, but we do know that you like him. That being the case, it's up to you to make a move and see where it goes. My guess is that if he stares at you that much he's just shy and the slightest little push from you he'll be talking to you.
How about asking him something about the class and saying you need his help. If you're a bit more courageous than that, ask him for coffee or tea.
You really should make a move because a shy guy may very well like you and not make a move in a lifetime.
Tags: advice, dating, relationship, question, answer, boyfriend, girlfriend
There's this guy that I go to university with. Since the start of our course he's been staring at me (don't know what to make of it). Not only that, I really like him. The first time I saw him I was going to make a move and sit beside him. Just my luck, this girl came and did. Since then they are always together but he totally ignores her. They never speaking, it's like she's just there watching him, watching me. Does he like me or what and why has he not said anything and doesn't he care that if I can presume that girl is there or is he just a staring psycho? Just after 2 year we managed 2 say an awkward "hi, hello" "hi are you okay?" to each other. Please get back to me, it's driving me crazy.
VictorM's advice:
Staring at you doesn't mean he likes you enough to want to do anything other than stare at you. Classes can be a pretty boring place and fixing his eyes on a pretty girl may be all he needs to get by the class. That's just one possibility. The other is that he likes you but is too shy to make a move.
So, we don't really know if he likes you, but we do know that you like him. That being the case, it's up to you to make a move and see where it goes. My guess is that if he stares at you that much he's just shy and the slightest little push from you he'll be talking to you.
How about asking him something about the class and saying you need his help. If you're a bit more courageous than that, ask him for coffee or tea.
You really should make a move because a shy guy may very well like you and not make a move in a lifetime.
Tags: advice, dating, relationship, question, answer, boyfriend, girlfriend
Saturday, October 14, 2006
Acts like he likes me
Stacy, 14, from Florida asks:
There is this boy who I have been friends with since we were 2. Our grandparents and parents grew up together. He acts like he likes me, like he puts his arm around me, a few times has tried to kiss me. But when we are at school he kind of ignores me. Does he like me or not???
VictorM's answer:
Yes he likes you. So why does he ignore you in school? I can think of two reasons:
One, peer pressure. He may fear being ridiculed by his friends, specially if it turns out you don't like him in return. Boys can really make fun of a guy that fails to "get the girl." So he's playing it safe at school so no one knows he likes you. This is normal for your age group.
Two, he likes other girls too and revealing he likes you would shut off any possibilities with other girls. Again, this is common of the age group because when boys start reaching the stage of being more sexually aware, they seldom want just one girl. Their bodies are like high power antennas that detect and desire any girl they find attractive.
So, he likes you, but he may not like ONLY you and/or he may not be confident enough yet to let it be known that he likes you.
Tags: advice, dating, relationship, question, answer, boyfriend, girlfriend
There is this boy who I have been friends with since we were 2. Our grandparents and parents grew up together. He acts like he likes me, like he puts his arm around me, a few times has tried to kiss me. But when we are at school he kind of ignores me. Does he like me or not???
VictorM's answer:
Yes he likes you. So why does he ignore you in school? I can think of two reasons:
One, peer pressure. He may fear being ridiculed by his friends, specially if it turns out you don't like him in return. Boys can really make fun of a guy that fails to "get the girl." So he's playing it safe at school so no one knows he likes you. This is normal for your age group.
Two, he likes other girls too and revealing he likes you would shut off any possibilities with other girls. Again, this is common of the age group because when boys start reaching the stage of being more sexually aware, they seldom want just one girl. Their bodies are like high power antennas that detect and desire any girl they find attractive.
So, he likes you, but he may not like ONLY you and/or he may not be confident enough yet to let it be known that he likes you.
Tags: advice, dating, relationship, question, answer, boyfriend, girlfriend
Friday, October 13, 2006
Intimate relationship with a co-worker
Cindy, 35, from Tennesse asks:
I have had a friendship and intimate relationship with a co-worker, this started several years ago, it started out with mutual interest and I think I came on too strong too soon. He eventually began to date someone else and so did I, but we still work with one another and the truth is I never got over him. He flirts at times, at times he's cold, I think he is very good at playing the game, but I do know that he cares for me at least on a friendship level and I know he stares at me a lot, we are not as close as we once were. How can I play it cool but get him to where he was before?
VictorM's advice:
He looks at you because whatever physical attraction was there didn't go away. He flirts because he knows he can, he's cold because he knows that will make you wonder -- it's that simple. He may like you but getting your attention means a boost to his ego.
I don't know that you can get him back, but having a boyfriend isn't exactly the sign that will send him chasing you.
Anyway, when he flirts, if you flirt back, stop doing it. When he's cold, ignore him. When he's friendly, be friendly but nothing more. Stay away from him. Reduce contact with him. If he wants you he'll have to chase you. If he doesn't chase you, you lost him. And if you lost him, it wasn't because you came on too strong before, it's because he was never into you.
Tags: advice, dating, relationship, question, answer, boyfriend, girlfriend
I have had a friendship and intimate relationship with a co-worker, this started several years ago, it started out with mutual interest and I think I came on too strong too soon. He eventually began to date someone else and so did I, but we still work with one another and the truth is I never got over him. He flirts at times, at times he's cold, I think he is very good at playing the game, but I do know that he cares for me at least on a friendship level and I know he stares at me a lot, we are not as close as we once were. How can I play it cool but get him to where he was before?
VictorM's advice:
He looks at you because whatever physical attraction was there didn't go away. He flirts because he knows he can, he's cold because he knows that will make you wonder -- it's that simple. He may like you but getting your attention means a boost to his ego.
I don't know that you can get him back, but having a boyfriend isn't exactly the sign that will send him chasing you.
Anyway, when he flirts, if you flirt back, stop doing it. When he's cold, ignore him. When he's friendly, be friendly but nothing more. Stay away from him. Reduce contact with him. If he wants you he'll have to chase you. If he doesn't chase you, you lost him. And if you lost him, it wasn't because you came on too strong before, it's because he was never into you.
Tags: advice, dating, relationship, question, answer, boyfriend, girlfriend
Thursday, October 12, 2006
She caught him with porn
Anna, 18, from VT asks:
I have been on and off with my boyfriend for three years. Porn has never been a problem, I caught him recently and I have no idea as to why he is looking at it, he never has before, he told me it is because the guys at work talk about the girls and he got curious. I'm really hurt, why did he randomly do this to me?
VictorM's advice:
"Why did he randomly do this to me?" To YOU?!?! Aren't we a bit self-centered here? I mean, does the world revolve around you? Come on, you have every right not to like that he looks at porn, and by all means let him know that, but he did nothing to you.
As to why he did it, well... I don't understand why you are asking. He gave you the answer: "because the guys at work talk about the girls and he got curious." Sounds like a pretty straight forward and plausible answer. Guys don't need to be in love to look at other women. They don't get emotionally involved with them. They look, and most, go on with their life like nothing happened.
If, however, he starts calling you Amber or Candy... then worry!
Tags: advice, dating, relationship, question, answer, boyfriend, girlfriend
I have been on and off with my boyfriend for three years. Porn has never been a problem, I caught him recently and I have no idea as to why he is looking at it, he never has before, he told me it is because the guys at work talk about the girls and he got curious. I'm really hurt, why did he randomly do this to me?
VictorM's advice:
"Why did he randomly do this to me?" To YOU?!?! Aren't we a bit self-centered here? I mean, does the world revolve around you? Come on, you have every right not to like that he looks at porn, and by all means let him know that, but he did nothing to you.
As to why he did it, well... I don't understand why you are asking. He gave you the answer: "because the guys at work talk about the girls and he got curious." Sounds like a pretty straight forward and plausible answer. Guys don't need to be in love to look at other women. They don't get emotionally involved with them. They look, and most, go on with their life like nothing happened.
If, however, he starts calling you Amber or Candy... then worry!
Tags: advice, dating, relationship, question, answer, boyfriend, girlfriend
Wednesday, October 11, 2006
Guys like shopping with girls
Ada, 27, from usa asks:
Hi, I am just wondering why guys like going shopping with girls and enjoy buying them many things. Does it mean make them proud by doing so? And they keep complaining girls are only materialistic. Only love their money.
VictorM's answer:
I don't know what planet you come from but except for liking to go to Victoria Secrets, most guys don't like shopping... unless, they want to get in your pants. Then guys would do anything, including shopping.
So, yeah, he's counting on you being materialistic and putting out based on how much he spends on you.
So, Ada... what goodies has he gotten you, and what did you do in return?
Tags: advice, dating, relationship, question, answer, boyfriend, girlfriend
Hi, I am just wondering why guys like going shopping with girls and enjoy buying them many things. Does it mean make them proud by doing so? And they keep complaining girls are only materialistic. Only love their money.
VictorM's answer:
I don't know what planet you come from but except for liking to go to Victoria Secrets, most guys don't like shopping... unless, they want to get in your pants. Then guys would do anything, including shopping.
So, yeah, he's counting on you being materialistic and putting out based on how much he spends on you.
So, Ada... what goodies has he gotten you, and what did you do in return?
Tags: advice, dating, relationship, question, answer, boyfriend, girlfriend
Not Ready For a Serious Relationship
lisarenee, 35, from los angeles asks:
What exactly does I'm not ready for a serious relationship mean? Also why would a guy want to ejaculate into someone if he feels this way and is in a circumstance (newly separated/filed for divorce already 2 months ago?) and hasn't been involved with the new lady for long that he isn't ready for a serious relationship with? Thanks..
VictorM's advice:
Not ready for a serious relationship = doesn't want to fuck only you.
Ejaculate into someone = he's been watching too much porn.
Bottom line, this guy wants you purely to satisfy his sexual desires and fantasies.
Tags: advice, dating, relationship, question, answer, boyfriend, girlfriend
What exactly does I'm not ready for a serious relationship mean? Also why would a guy want to ejaculate into someone if he feels this way and is in a circumstance (newly separated/filed for divorce already 2 months ago?) and hasn't been involved with the new lady for long that he isn't ready for a serious relationship with? Thanks..
VictorM's advice:
Not ready for a serious relationship = doesn't want to fuck only you.
Ejaculate into someone = he's been watching too much porn.
Bottom line, this guy wants you purely to satisfy his sexual desires and fantasies.
Tags: advice, dating, relationship, question, answer, boyfriend, girlfriend
Tuesday, October 10, 2006
Does he love her?
Juliette, 26, from Sydney asks:
I've known this guy for 2 years and has been in love with him ever since. We are also best friends. Six months after I've known him we started to kiss and we also had sex. We called each other almost every night since I've known him. I did make it clear to him that I really like him however he always refused to be with me. 7 months ago he started dating someone else. Despite that he is in a relationship with someone else he still call me everyday and almost every night. My questions are: 1. Does he love her? 2. Can a guy love someone but kiss and sleep with someone else? 3. Does he ever have any feelings for me? Thank you...
VictorM's advice:
1. He might love her. Nothing you said contradicts that, although his commitment to her may be questionable.
2. Yes, yes, yes.
3. He may have feelings of friendship for you, but nothing more. The sex with you means nothing. See two above. In fact, if you cut out all sex with him, I bet he would eventually stop calling you. And if you're not having sex now, the phone calls are intended to convince you to start again.
Either way you slice it, he's after sex with you and nothing more. Which, if true, doesn't mean answer number 1 is wrong because number 2 is right. Get it?
Tags: advice, dating, relationship, question, answer, boyfriend, girlfriend
I've known this guy for 2 years and has been in love with him ever since. We are also best friends. Six months after I've known him we started to kiss and we also had sex. We called each other almost every night since I've known him. I did make it clear to him that I really like him however he always refused to be with me. 7 months ago he started dating someone else. Despite that he is in a relationship with someone else he still call me everyday and almost every night. My questions are: 1. Does he love her? 2. Can a guy love someone but kiss and sleep with someone else? 3. Does he ever have any feelings for me? Thank you...
VictorM's advice:
1. He might love her. Nothing you said contradicts that, although his commitment to her may be questionable.
2. Yes, yes, yes.
3. He may have feelings of friendship for you, but nothing more. The sex with you means nothing. See two above. In fact, if you cut out all sex with him, I bet he would eventually stop calling you. And if you're not having sex now, the phone calls are intended to convince you to start again.
Either way you slice it, he's after sex with you and nothing more. Which, if true, doesn't mean answer number 1 is wrong because number 2 is right. Get it?
Tags: advice, dating, relationship, question, answer, boyfriend, girlfriend
Monday, October 09, 2006
He smiles a lot
Erin asks:
Wondering if you could help me. I have known this boy for three years are so. He teases me sometimes, makes me laugh. I was wondering if he likes me. He smiles at me a lot too. And yes he does seem to quiet down around me unless he has made a good joke (when that happens he won't be quiet until five minutes after the joke has ended.) After the first year we met he would always catch me staring at him. He would smile and turn away or stick his tongue out playfully then turn away. With much thanks, Erin.
VictorM's advice:
Yeah, he likes you and enjoys your company.
If I understood you correctly, he laughs at his own jokes and is not afraid to be goofy in front of you. That means he's very comfortable around you, which is another sign that he likes you.
But Erin, has this been going on for three years? And he hasn't asked you out? You didn't mention your age, so it's hard for me to guess what it all might mean but if he hasn't asked you out in all this time, maybe he likes you just as a friend. If you're both in your early teens, it wouldn't surprise me that he hasn't made a move, but if you're older, I would think something would have happened already if he was interested in something other than friendship.
Tags: advice, dating, relationship, question, answer, boyfriend, girlfriend
Wondering if you could help me. I have known this boy for three years are so. He teases me sometimes, makes me laugh. I was wondering if he likes me. He smiles at me a lot too. And yes he does seem to quiet down around me unless he has made a good joke (when that happens he won't be quiet until five minutes after the joke has ended.) After the first year we met he would always catch me staring at him. He would smile and turn away or stick his tongue out playfully then turn away. With much thanks, Erin.
VictorM's advice:
Yeah, he likes you and enjoys your company.
If I understood you correctly, he laughs at his own jokes and is not afraid to be goofy in front of you. That means he's very comfortable around you, which is another sign that he likes you.
But Erin, has this been going on for three years? And he hasn't asked you out? You didn't mention your age, so it's hard for me to guess what it all might mean but if he hasn't asked you out in all this time, maybe he likes you just as a friend. If you're both in your early teens, it wouldn't surprise me that he hasn't made a move, but if you're older, I would think something would have happened already if he was interested in something other than friendship.
Tags: advice, dating, relationship, question, answer, boyfriend, girlfriend
Sunday, October 08, 2006
One Week Rule
Teresa, 40, from AR asks:
I really like the advice you give. My question isn't about guys only but I hope you'll tell me what you think. Ok, you know how sometimes in everyday life we have a chance meeting with a person and there’s an attraction and interest for both parties, but circumstances don’t allow them to talk or exchange phone numbers. Well sometimes fate needs a little help so I would like to start a movement and perhaps call it the “one week rule”. The rule says that when two people meet and are attracted but don’t get each other’s name & number, etc. they both return one week later, same place same time. So if you catch the eye of that special person and you want to talk to him but you've got to run to catch your ride or whatever, well you get a second chance a week later. Do you think this is a good idea and how could I get it going?
VictorM's advice:
I think the One Week Rule is one weak rule. :) (Clever, huh?)
In the situations you described, I think a better rule is the "Say Anything" rule. If you see someone you like, talk to him/her. Say anything. Doesn't matter how dumb. Just say anything. See where it goes. No waiting. No fuss.
I think the flaw with your plan is that: 1) you don't know if the other person is as interested in you as you are in him/her; 2) you don't know if they are attached already; 3) you don't know if they are just passing through; 4) you don't know if they're gonna show up and what time. You could be wasting a lot of time.
So... Teresa, I say we trade mark Say Anything, write a book, make a movie, record a sing-along-song, and get the whole world to say anything at first sight. :)
Tags: advice, dating, relationship, question, answer, boyfriend, girlfriend
I really like the advice you give. My question isn't about guys only but I hope you'll tell me what you think. Ok, you know how sometimes in everyday life we have a chance meeting with a person and there’s an attraction and interest for both parties, but circumstances don’t allow them to talk or exchange phone numbers. Well sometimes fate needs a little help so I would like to start a movement and perhaps call it the “one week rule”. The rule says that when two people meet and are attracted but don’t get each other’s name & number, etc. they both return one week later, same place same time. So if you catch the eye of that special person and you want to talk to him but you've got to run to catch your ride or whatever, well you get a second chance a week later. Do you think this is a good idea and how could I get it going?
VictorM's advice:
I think the One Week Rule is one weak rule. :) (Clever, huh?)
In the situations you described, I think a better rule is the "Say Anything" rule. If you see someone you like, talk to him/her. Say anything. Doesn't matter how dumb. Just say anything. See where it goes. No waiting. No fuss.
I think the flaw with your plan is that: 1) you don't know if the other person is as interested in you as you are in him/her; 2) you don't know if they are attached already; 3) you don't know if they are just passing through; 4) you don't know if they're gonna show up and what time. You could be wasting a lot of time.
So... Teresa, I say we trade mark Say Anything, write a book, make a movie, record a sing-along-song, and get the whole world to say anything at first sight. :)
Tags: advice, dating, relationship, question, answer, boyfriend, girlfriend
Saturday, October 07, 2006
Blind date
shannon, 15, asks:
okay there is this guy....who is really nice! He told me he liked me and like him too! But that's not the problem! His sister sat us up on a blind date without either of us knowing it and we had a blast! We went to the fair and while we were on a sky lift he told me he liked me and he felt like we were going to end up dating! He asked me to go back to the fair with him again... I said yes and so now I am going to go! He still doesn't know I like him and he told me he likes me and I really want him to ask me out but I don't know how to kinda help him along. Can you help me please?
VictorM's advice:
Well, he asked you to the fair again, and you already know he likes you. But if he's smart, he won't ask you out yet. He'll take you on a few dates first just to make sure his attraction for you doesn't fade and that you're as much fun as he thinks.
The best you can do is have a blast each time you go out. But DO NOT tell him yet that you like him. He's having more fun trying to figure out if you do. Guys are like that, trust me.
So be a little patient. He's working at guy-speed. He'll get to asking you out when he's ready to.
Tags: advice, dating, relationship, question, answer, boyfriend, girlfriend
okay there is this guy....who is really nice! He told me he liked me and like him too! But that's not the problem! His sister sat us up on a blind date without either of us knowing it and we had a blast! We went to the fair and while we were on a sky lift he told me he liked me and he felt like we were going to end up dating! He asked me to go back to the fair with him again... I said yes and so now I am going to go! He still doesn't know I like him and he told me he likes me and I really want him to ask me out but I don't know how to kinda help him along. Can you help me please?
VictorM's advice:
Well, he asked you to the fair again, and you already know he likes you. But if he's smart, he won't ask you out yet. He'll take you on a few dates first just to make sure his attraction for you doesn't fade and that you're as much fun as he thinks.
The best you can do is have a blast each time you go out. But DO NOT tell him yet that you like him. He's having more fun trying to figure out if you do. Guys are like that, trust me.
So be a little patient. He's working at guy-speed. He'll get to asking you out when he's ready to.
Tags: advice, dating, relationship, question, answer, boyfriend, girlfriend
Friday, October 06, 2006
He wants booty again
Teresa, 40, from AR asks:
I was involved with a guy for almost a year, and ended up falling pretty hard even though he liked me only as a friend and for sex. So I quit seeing him. Now almost 6 months later, he wants to get back together. If I tell him that I want a real relationship, do you think it’s possible that he might too? Or will I always be a booty call in his mind? We both turned 40 and I’m ready to settle down and he seems to be tired of dating.
VictorM's advice:
It's possible he wants a relationship, but if he can get some booty and not have to commit, he will take that instead.
Is it possible that he went from liking you as a friend to having feelings for you during the six months he was away? Come on, that's not likely at all. Maybe he's tired of dating and you're like a safe port. You'll do for now, until he's ready to set sail again. Is that what you want?
If you have low expectations, hey, he's there for the taking while it lasts, but if you want a serious relationship, I doubt very much he's your guy. If you decide to give him a shot, just don't get your hopes too high.
Tags: advice, dating, relationship, question, answer, boyfriend, girlfriend
I was involved with a guy for almost a year, and ended up falling pretty hard even though he liked me only as a friend and for sex. So I quit seeing him. Now almost 6 months later, he wants to get back together. If I tell him that I want a real relationship, do you think it’s possible that he might too? Or will I always be a booty call in his mind? We both turned 40 and I’m ready to settle down and he seems to be tired of dating.
VictorM's advice:
It's possible he wants a relationship, but if he can get some booty and not have to commit, he will take that instead.
Is it possible that he went from liking you as a friend to having feelings for you during the six months he was away? Come on, that's not likely at all. Maybe he's tired of dating and you're like a safe port. You'll do for now, until he's ready to set sail again. Is that what you want?
If you have low expectations, hey, he's there for the taking while it lasts, but if you want a serious relationship, I doubt very much he's your guy. If you decide to give him a shot, just don't get your hopes too high.
Tags: advice, dating, relationship, question, answer, boyfriend, girlfriend