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Monday, July 31, 2006
His aunt got in the middle
Sarah, 18, from Arizona asks:
My boyfriend and I broke up a month ago. The story is that he was in love with me for 7 years, then he came down to visit for my friends graduation (his cousin) and then when we did start going out (I gave him a chance) everything was great until he broke up with me 2 weeks later. Well anyways, his aunt got in the middle and pretty much told him to break up with me, so he did, but he says he still does care about me and the stuff she said was stuff I don't recall him saying (well, she was over exaggerating) so now I don't know what to do. I'm lost on why he did that and I'm not sure what he's thinking. If he still does care then what is going on? Please help.
VictorM's advice:
For 7 years he fantasize abut how perfect you are. Then, in two weeks, reality stepped in. So he did the right thing -- he broke up with you. That's what dating is all about. People find out about each other and when they don't think it's a match, the break up and try again with someone else.
Once a guy breaks up with you, translate everything he says into "blah blah blah...". There is no point burning bridges or hurting anyone's feelings any more than one has to, so guys will say anything to get away with the minimal guilt. "I care for you" is just babble.
So Sarah... forget the 7 years, forget the aunt, forget the 2 weeks, forget what he says now. It's over! He's moving on and so should you.
Tags: advice, dating, relationship, question, answer, boyfriend, girlfriend
My boyfriend and I broke up a month ago. The story is that he was in love with me for 7 years, then he came down to visit for my friends graduation (his cousin) and then when we did start going out (I gave him a chance) everything was great until he broke up with me 2 weeks later. Well anyways, his aunt got in the middle and pretty much told him to break up with me, so he did, but he says he still does care about me and the stuff she said was stuff I don't recall him saying (well, she was over exaggerating) so now I don't know what to do. I'm lost on why he did that and I'm not sure what he's thinking. If he still does care then what is going on? Please help.
VictorM's advice:
For 7 years he fantasize abut how perfect you are. Then, in two weeks, reality stepped in. So he did the right thing -- he broke up with you. That's what dating is all about. People find out about each other and when they don't think it's a match, the break up and try again with someone else.
Once a guy breaks up with you, translate everything he says into "blah blah blah...". There is no point burning bridges or hurting anyone's feelings any more than one has to, so guys will say anything to get away with the minimal guilt. "I care for you" is just babble.
So Sarah... forget the 7 years, forget the aunt, forget the 2 weeks, forget what he says now. It's over! He's moving on and so should you.
Tags: advice, dating, relationship, question, answer, boyfriend, girlfriend
Tangled up since September
kim, 24, from virginia asks:
My friend and I have been tangled up since September. In that time my ex broke us up into friends again, then my friend started to be more serious with me, then backed off again, then started things up with me, and then backed off. We have been through a lot together. He always has to touch me when I am around and he always wants to know how I am doing or what is going on in my life. We are great together when we are together and he has admitted to being scared. My question is, should I get up and walk or resign another year to his insecurities? I do love him and I don't want to lose him, but it hurts so much.
VictorM's advice:
What makes you think his insecurities will last a year?
Anyway, if he can get close to you when he wants to, and get back off again knowing you'll take him back, why should he stop? He has a good thing going. Maybe they are insecurities, maybe they are doubts, maybe he just wants to play the field from time to time and keep you handy. You have been an enabler of that behavior. Sure, the problem could be his insecurities, but I'm leaning more towards it being you accepting the behavior.
Tell him how you feel about him. Tell him the yo-yo game is over. Tell him to make up his mind. Count to ten. Get an answer. Whatever the decision, make it stick!
Tags: advice, dating, relationship, question, answer, boyfriend, girlfriend
My friend and I have been tangled up since September. In that time my ex broke us up into friends again, then my friend started to be more serious with me, then backed off again, then started things up with me, and then backed off. We have been through a lot together. He always has to touch me when I am around and he always wants to know how I am doing or what is going on in my life. We are great together when we are together and he has admitted to being scared. My question is, should I get up and walk or resign another year to his insecurities? I do love him and I don't want to lose him, but it hurts so much.
VictorM's advice:
What makes you think his insecurities will last a year?
Anyway, if he can get close to you when he wants to, and get back off again knowing you'll take him back, why should he stop? He has a good thing going. Maybe they are insecurities, maybe they are doubts, maybe he just wants to play the field from time to time and keep you handy. You have been an enabler of that behavior. Sure, the problem could be his insecurities, but I'm leaning more towards it being you accepting the behavior.
Tell him how you feel about him. Tell him the yo-yo game is over. Tell him to make up his mind. Count to ten. Get an answer. Whatever the decision, make it stick!
Tags: advice, dating, relationship, question, answer, boyfriend, girlfriend
Sunday, July 30, 2006
Not ready for a relationship
Jade, 25, from Indiana asks:
What does it mean when a guy says he is not ready for relationship, but he constantly calls me everyday. This is giving me mixed signals.
VictorM's advice:
There are no mixed signals here, just you not grasping the obvious. He's very clear: he's not interested in you for a serious relationship, but he enjoys your company / sex / cooking / cleaning or whatever else you two share. And since you're not in a relationship he's free to mingle with others at will.
Tags: advice, dating, relationship, question, answer, boyfriend, girlfriend
What does it mean when a guy says he is not ready for relationship, but he constantly calls me everyday. This is giving me mixed signals.
VictorM's advice:
There are no mixed signals here, just you not grasping the obvious. He's very clear: he's not interested in you for a serious relationship, but he enjoys your company / sex / cooking / cleaning or whatever else you two share. And since you're not in a relationship he's free to mingle with others at will.
Tags: advice, dating, relationship, question, answer, boyfriend, girlfriend
He's a great dad
Britney, 29, from Canada asks:
I am in a long distance relationship with a man who has two kids. It is difficult for us to get together and sometimes I feel I'm putting more effort into the relationship than he is. He is a great dad and always puts his kids first which I think is great but I'm wondering how I fit into the picture?
VictorM's advice:
I don't know where you fit in, but he has his priorities right and a man like that is worth waiting for. Unless the kids' mom is still very much in the picture.
But have you asked him that question? I have a sneaky suspicion he's better qualified than me to answer you. Once he gives you an answer, maybe I can go over it and tell you what he really means.
Tags: advice, dating, relationship, question, answer, boyfriend, girlfriend
I am in a long distance relationship with a man who has two kids. It is difficult for us to get together and sometimes I feel I'm putting more effort into the relationship than he is. He is a great dad and always puts his kids first which I think is great but I'm wondering how I fit into the picture?
VictorM's advice:
I don't know where you fit in, but he has his priorities right and a man like that is worth waiting for. Unless the kids' mom is still very much in the picture.
But have you asked him that question? I have a sneaky suspicion he's better qualified than me to answer you. Once he gives you an answer, maybe I can go over it and tell you what he really means.
Tags: advice, dating, relationship, question, answer, boyfriend, girlfriend
The hottest thing around
tina, 19, from nigeria asks:
I met a friend of my uncle's about a month ago. This guy looked at me as if I was the hottest thing around. I've only seen him once since that encounter and the look was still there. Can the look fade just because he hasn't seen me in a while? Do I still have a chance to get him when I see him? Hopefully in the next two weeks?
VictorM's advice:
Do you know how many girls any guy sees in any given day that he thinks is the hottest thing around? Studies show it's about 72 (yeah, I just totally made that up) but you get the idea -- tons, heaps, many!
If you're going to expect something from him based on a look of lust, well, yeah, I'm sure your hotness isn't going to go away in 2 weeks. But unless there is something more substantial coming from him, you may just be someone nice to look at but that's it. You know, like Jessica Simpson.
Tags: advice, dating, relationship, question, answer, boyfriend, girlfriend
I met a friend of my uncle's about a month ago. This guy looked at me as if I was the hottest thing around. I've only seen him once since that encounter and the look was still there. Can the look fade just because he hasn't seen me in a while? Do I still have a chance to get him when I see him? Hopefully in the next two weeks?
VictorM's advice:
Do you know how many girls any guy sees in any given day that he thinks is the hottest thing around? Studies show it's about 72 (yeah, I just totally made that up) but you get the idea -- tons, heaps, many!
If you're going to expect something from him based on a look of lust, well, yeah, I'm sure your hotness isn't going to go away in 2 weeks. But unless there is something more substantial coming from him, you may just be someone nice to look at but that's it. You know, like Jessica Simpson.
Tags: advice, dating, relationship, question, answer, boyfriend, girlfriend
I thought he was into me
sefa, 19, from ghana asks:
There was this particular guy I was interested in and my best friend thought he was into me too. The problem was she had her idea based on the fact that he remembered a skirt I had worn two weeks previously in great detail. We also rubbed each other the wrong way on most occasions. Did he really like me at all?
VictorM's advice:
I wouldn't know from what you told me. And I can't even say if he liked the skirt because maybe he remembers it for being ugly. Or maybe he'd like to borrow it some day.
Don't blame your friend for making up stuff... after all, she's a girl! :-p
You rubbed each other the wrong way... um... there's a little clue here. That's not typically how it goes when people like each other, but some friction isn't necessarily a bad thing either. So forget the guessing and talk to him. Oh, and stop rubbing him the wrong way -- it's not working well for you.
Tags: advice, dating, relationship, question, answer, boyfriend, girlfriend
There was this particular guy I was interested in and my best friend thought he was into me too. The problem was she had her idea based on the fact that he remembered a skirt I had worn two weeks previously in great detail. We also rubbed each other the wrong way on most occasions. Did he really like me at all?
VictorM's advice:
I wouldn't know from what you told me. And I can't even say if he liked the skirt because maybe he remembers it for being ugly. Or maybe he'd like to borrow it some day.
Don't blame your friend for making up stuff... after all, she's a girl! :-p
You rubbed each other the wrong way... um... there's a little clue here. That's not typically how it goes when people like each other, but some friction isn't necessarily a bad thing either. So forget the guessing and talk to him. Oh, and stop rubbing him the wrong way -- it's not working well for you.
Tags: advice, dating, relationship, question, answer, boyfriend, girlfriend
Saturday, July 29, 2006
Busy chasing him
gina, 24, from canada asks:
I know this guy who I have seen a few times and I really like him a lot. I was just wondering if you had any tips on how to let him know I think he is special with out looking like a stalker? I don't want to jump into anything, I like to take it slow. I also like a guy to chase me but for some reason I'm busy chasing him... Any ideas about how I can turn this around?
VictorM's advice:
Showing interest is hardly being a stalker.
You want him to chase you? Simple: pay him two compliments and call me in the morning.
Make the compliments short and direct, like: "[his name], you make me laugh" or "that shirt looks great on you, [his name]". Then, step back and watch him want to be around the girl that makes him feel good about himself.
Tags: advice, dating, relationship, question, answer, boyfriend, girlfriend
I know this guy who I have seen a few times and I really like him a lot. I was just wondering if you had any tips on how to let him know I think he is special with out looking like a stalker? I don't want to jump into anything, I like to take it slow. I also like a guy to chase me but for some reason I'm busy chasing him... Any ideas about how I can turn this around?
VictorM's advice:
Showing interest is hardly being a stalker.
You want him to chase you? Simple: pay him two compliments and call me in the morning.
Make the compliments short and direct, like: "[his name], you make me laugh" or "that shirt looks great on you, [his name]". Then, step back and watch him want to be around the girl that makes him feel good about himself.
Tags: advice, dating, relationship, question, answer, boyfriend, girlfriend
Breathing heavy
jennifer, 22, from winnipeg asks:
I have this guy friend that has told me before that he liked me but already has a girlfriend. Well the other night I asked him if he wanted to go for a walk. Well we went to his place and nothing really happened because I wouldn't let it but he was breathing heavy and I know he wanted more. I asked him what I am supposed to think and all he said was "sorry, bad night". What do you think that means?
VictorM's advice:
It means he got turned on by you, then realized he should not have come on to you. The "bad night" just meant he lacked the willpower he knows he should have had (if nothing else so he doesn't come across as scum to you).
But word of advice (and pardon my language): quit being a cockteaser! Sure, it's his responsibility to be faithful to his girlfriend but that doesn't excuse you from doing the right thing. Going to his place was hardly an innocent move on your part.
Tags: advice, dating, relationship, question, answer, boyfriend, girlfriend
I have this guy friend that has told me before that he liked me but already has a girlfriend. Well the other night I asked him if he wanted to go for a walk. Well we went to his place and nothing really happened because I wouldn't let it but he was breathing heavy and I know he wanted more. I asked him what I am supposed to think and all he said was "sorry, bad night". What do you think that means?
VictorM's advice:
It means he got turned on by you, then realized he should not have come on to you. The "bad night" just meant he lacked the willpower he knows he should have had (if nothing else so he doesn't come across as scum to you).
But word of advice (and pardon my language): quit being a cockteaser! Sure, it's his responsibility to be faithful to his girlfriend but that doesn't excuse you from doing the right thing. Going to his place was hardly an innocent move on your part.
Tags: advice, dating, relationship, question, answer, boyfriend, girlfriend
One night stand
Skits, 22, from USA asks:
I had a one night stand with a friend of mine last weekend. We basically grew up around each other. I will admit when I was younger I did like this guy and some of my family thinks he likes me, if not be completely in love with me. Thing is, this guy is a big player. He has had several other woman he would call on a lonely night. I don't want to be anything other than just a sex relationship with him. But I don't know if he wants more or what. I would like to know two things, what are some signs that a guy might like you more than just for sex and secondly, I want to see him again when he comes home this Saturday. Last weekend, the night after we had sex, I let myself into his house under the false pretext of needing to find my wallet before he left in the morning, this was at around 3 am. I went to his room and awoke him, he grabbed my arm and tried to pull me into bed. I did end up staying with him again that night, but he seemed eager to push me out the door the next morning. Do you think it would be okay to go to his house again and just let myself in or is this being too rude? I don't think he minded at all last time. Thank-you.
VictorM's advice:
Yeah, I don't think he'll mind... unless his bed is already occupied. Know what I mean?
I'll end my answer here but I'm sure some of the regulars will tell you what I would have told you if you had asked me my opinion about your plans.
Tags: advice, dating, relationship, question, answer, boyfriend, girlfriend
I had a one night stand with a friend of mine last weekend. We basically grew up around each other. I will admit when I was younger I did like this guy and some of my family thinks he likes me, if not be completely in love with me. Thing is, this guy is a big player. He has had several other woman he would call on a lonely night. I don't want to be anything other than just a sex relationship with him. But I don't know if he wants more or what. I would like to know two things, what are some signs that a guy might like you more than just for sex and secondly, I want to see him again when he comes home this Saturday. Last weekend, the night after we had sex, I let myself into his house under the false pretext of needing to find my wallet before he left in the morning, this was at around 3 am. I went to his room and awoke him, he grabbed my arm and tried to pull me into bed. I did end up staying with him again that night, but he seemed eager to push me out the door the next morning. Do you think it would be okay to go to his house again and just let myself in or is this being too rude? I don't think he minded at all last time. Thank-you.
VictorM's advice:
Yeah, I don't think he'll mind... unless his bed is already occupied. Know what I mean?
I'll end my answer here but I'm sure some of the regulars will tell you what I would have told you if you had asked me my opinion about your plans.
Tags: advice, dating, relationship, question, answer, boyfriend, girlfriend
Why are guys different around each other?
confused, 19, asks:
Why do guys act so different when they are around other guys? There are these two guys at work who I was friends with 'till today. When I'm alone with each one of them, they're usually helpful, and nice. But today, I had to do work with both of them, and then they started telling me that they wanted me to go out drinking with them (even though they knew that I don't drink because it's against my religion... and then they started talking about sex and stuff. THEN they started saying things like "and is that against your religion as well?" about random things like sleeping.. and I told them to stop and that it wasn't funny and then I walked away (I'm glad I did, but I know I should've done that even earlier) ... why do guys do that?
VictorM's advice:
When the guys are alone with you, you're the audience; when they're together, the other guy is the audience. They each want to come across to the other as being a bad-ass and tough guy. Being sensitive and understanding will not score "he's a real man" points with the other guy. Of course, the need to impress the other guy let's you know that they are both either immature or jerks.
Tags: advice, dating, relationship, question, answer, boyfriend, girlfriend
Why do guys act so different when they are around other guys? There are these two guys at work who I was friends with 'till today. When I'm alone with each one of them, they're usually helpful, and nice. But today, I had to do work with both of them, and then they started telling me that they wanted me to go out drinking with them (even though they knew that I don't drink because it's against my religion... and then they started talking about sex and stuff. THEN they started saying things like "and is that against your religion as well?" about random things like sleeping.. and I told them to stop and that it wasn't funny and then I walked away (I'm glad I did, but I know I should've done that even earlier) ... why do guys do that?
VictorM's advice:
When the guys are alone with you, you're the audience; when they're together, the other guy is the audience. They each want to come across to the other as being a bad-ass and tough guy. Being sensitive and understanding will not score "he's a real man" points with the other guy. Of course, the need to impress the other guy let's you know that they are both either immature or jerks.
Tags: advice, dating, relationship, question, answer, boyfriend, girlfriend
Friday, July 28, 2006
Going on a cruise
Ashlyn, 16, from West Vrgina asks:
I email and send my guy mail and he never answers my questions. Also do you think when we both turn 18 he would like to go on a cruise?
VictorM's answer:
Why don't you email him and ask?
(Folks, I don't make these questions up, honest! I'm not that creative.)
Tags: advice, dating, relationship, question, answer, boyfriend, girlfriend
I email and send my guy mail and he never answers my questions. Also do you think when we both turn 18 he would like to go on a cruise?
VictorM's answer:
Why don't you email him and ask?
(Folks, I don't make these questions up, honest! I'm not that creative.)
Tags: advice, dating, relationship, question, answer, boyfriend, girlfriend
He's bored with sex
sabrina, 21, from FL asks:
My boyfriend and I have been together only two years and he is bored with having sex with me. He never wants to, he says he is tired or isn't in the mood or isn't feeling well. NO GUY has ever been bored with me before, I'm pretty open to anything in the bed room and in general love to have sex. I don't understand, plenty of guys want me, but I don't want them, I want him and nothing I have done has worked. Any ideas? Or maybe just what I should do, maybe I should just back off but this has been going on for like 5 months.
VictorM's advice:
This has nothing to do with you as a sex partner. Guys generally are happy with sex as long as the female is breathing. So remove yourself as the problem -- you're not to blame.
It's not unusual for guys or girls to go through a sexual slump. Lots of factors can contribute to that: stress, worry, drugs/alcohol, depression, familiarity with the sex partner, health factors, work pressure, etc. but five months seems too much for someone in your age group.
The sensible thing to do is to remove your own pleasure from the equation for now and to consider that there is something wrong with him. Focus on what you can do to help him understand why he feels the way he does. It's not normal to go on such a long dry spell (I'm assuming your first 18 months with him were normal in this respect). So, as a girlfriend concerned for his well-being (not her sexual gratification) talk him into seeking professional help.
His situation is most likely something that you will not be able to fix for him. Don't even try! Just encourage him to seek professional help. And yes, for now, back off.
Tags: advice, dating, relationship, question, answer, boyfriend, girlfriend
My boyfriend and I have been together only two years and he is bored with having sex with me. He never wants to, he says he is tired or isn't in the mood or isn't feeling well. NO GUY has ever been bored with me before, I'm pretty open to anything in the bed room and in general love to have sex. I don't understand, plenty of guys want me, but I don't want them, I want him and nothing I have done has worked. Any ideas? Or maybe just what I should do, maybe I should just back off but this has been going on for like 5 months.
VictorM's advice:
This has nothing to do with you as a sex partner. Guys generally are happy with sex as long as the female is breathing. So remove yourself as the problem -- you're not to blame.
It's not unusual for guys or girls to go through a sexual slump. Lots of factors can contribute to that: stress, worry, drugs/alcohol, depression, familiarity with the sex partner, health factors, work pressure, etc. but five months seems too much for someone in your age group.
The sensible thing to do is to remove your own pleasure from the equation for now and to consider that there is something wrong with him. Focus on what you can do to help him understand why he feels the way he does. It's not normal to go on such a long dry spell (I'm assuming your first 18 months with him were normal in this respect). So, as a girlfriend concerned for his well-being (not her sexual gratification) talk him into seeking professional help.
His situation is most likely something that you will not be able to fix for him. Don't even try! Just encourage him to seek professional help. And yes, for now, back off.
Tags: advice, dating, relationship, question, answer, boyfriend, girlfriend
Thursday, July 27, 2006
Afraid to kiss
kk, teens, from volusia county, fl asks:
I'm a girl and my boyfriend has tried to kiss me 4 times! He knows I haven't had my first kiss. I want to kiss him but I don't know how to kiss him. Two times he put tongue and lips on mine and I got scared and pulled away. The other 2 times I pulled away from him before he got too close to me.
VictorM's advice:
Stop pulling away, unless he has fangs or a mouth like a crocodile. He may be a lousy kisser (sounds like he is, if he's coming at you with tongue) but he won't bite, your mouth won't explode, and trust me on this: you will figure it out what to do. Besides, just by the mere fact that you're a girl, you're already a better kisser than he'll ever be (unless you smoke, which makes kissing you yucky).
Tags: advice, dating, relationship, question, answer, boyfriend, girlfriend
I'm a girl and my boyfriend has tried to kiss me 4 times! He knows I haven't had my first kiss. I want to kiss him but I don't know how to kiss him. Two times he put tongue and lips on mine and I got scared and pulled away. The other 2 times I pulled away from him before he got too close to me.
VictorM's advice:
Stop pulling away, unless he has fangs or a mouth like a crocodile. He may be a lousy kisser (sounds like he is, if he's coming at you with tongue) but he won't bite, your mouth won't explode, and trust me on this: you will figure it out what to do. Besides, just by the mere fact that you're a girl, you're already a better kisser than he'll ever be (unless you smoke, which makes kissing you yucky).
Tags: advice, dating, relationship, question, answer, boyfriend, girlfriend
He slept with a good friend of mine
Jenna, 29, from Nevada asks:
I used to live across the country and moved about 2 years ago. I got involved with a guy that lives there after I moved here. We are really into one another but it's long distance. Recently he slept with a really good friend of mine, and I am devastated. They all hang out all the time still and I'm out here. I don't want it to end but I am mad at both of them. He says he wants to work it out. I was thinking of going to see him, though I don't want to see her. Is that weird? Should I try and work it out with him?
VictorM's advice:
Work what out with him? It's not like you and him have a problem. He slept with her. He probably still does. She's probably not the only one (if he made no bones about sleeping with a good friend of yours what do you think will stop him from sleeping with others?)
What, exactly, do you expect to work out, other than prolonging the agony of being with a man you can't and shouldn't trust?
For the sake of your sanity, your dignity, and your peace of mind, ditch this guy and find one worthy of your attention. Seeking to work things out with this guy reeks of desperation, not love.
Tags: advice, dating, relationship, question, answer, boyfriend, girlfriend
I used to live across the country and moved about 2 years ago. I got involved with a guy that lives there after I moved here. We are really into one another but it's long distance. Recently he slept with a really good friend of mine, and I am devastated. They all hang out all the time still and I'm out here. I don't want it to end but I am mad at both of them. He says he wants to work it out. I was thinking of going to see him, though I don't want to see her. Is that weird? Should I try and work it out with him?
VictorM's advice:
Work what out with him? It's not like you and him have a problem. He slept with her. He probably still does. She's probably not the only one (if he made no bones about sleeping with a good friend of yours what do you think will stop him from sleeping with others?)
What, exactly, do you expect to work out, other than prolonging the agony of being with a man you can't and shouldn't trust?
For the sake of your sanity, your dignity, and your peace of mind, ditch this guy and find one worthy of your attention. Seeking to work things out with this guy reeks of desperation, not love.
Tags: advice, dating, relationship, question, answer, boyfriend, girlfriend
He freaked out we had sex
amanda, 23, from winter park asks:
Well, I've been dating this guy for 2 months and things were great. He has a 2 year old daughter, which I'm fine with, we went out one night and that's where the problems began. Let's just say it was a "party" night all night. Well the next day he calls me freaking out saying my father gonna find out, that I'm pregnant, and he just wouldn't stop saying stuff about my dad, how's he's a fireman and has all these people and my dad gonna come after him. I tried to tell him nothing bad is going to happen he was just so freaked out that we had sex. And it was agreed that if I am pregnant that I'm going to abort, because we can't have kids, he has one and I'm too scared. So, for the next week we talked everyday. I'll called him an hour after he went but he didn't answer. So he calls me first thing in the morning, what happened? Why did you call me? What's wrong? I told him to forget it, I'll call you later, but he wouldn't let it go, so he told me I ruined his birthday and we should take a break. Both of us agreed just to be friends but things went way too fast over 2 months, I still care about him, I told him all I want is you to be a good father, and do whatever makes you happy. I just don't know what to do I really think it's because we care a lot each other and want the best of both world's. But why does he freak out on me when I tell him I have it under control?
VictorM's advice:
So the guy is a worrywart. There are much worst qualities in a guy. You, on the other hand, are treating the possibility of being pregnant very cavalierly, talking about abortion as if it was as simple as spitting out chewing gum.
Given the circumstances, his concerns seem more properly placed than your "I have everything under control" because the truth is, you don't have anything under control. If you did, you wouldn't be wondering if you're pregnant even when you're too scared to have children.
Tags: advice, dating, relationship, question, answer, boyfriend, girlfriend
Well, I've been dating this guy for 2 months and things were great. He has a 2 year old daughter, which I'm fine with, we went out one night and that's where the problems began. Let's just say it was a "party" night all night. Well the next day he calls me freaking out saying my father gonna find out, that I'm pregnant, and he just wouldn't stop saying stuff about my dad, how's he's a fireman and has all these people and my dad gonna come after him. I tried to tell him nothing bad is going to happen he was just so freaked out that we had sex. And it was agreed that if I am pregnant that I'm going to abort, because we can't have kids, he has one and I'm too scared. So, for the next week we talked everyday. I'll called him an hour after he went but he didn't answer. So he calls me first thing in the morning, what happened? Why did you call me? What's wrong? I told him to forget it, I'll call you later, but he wouldn't let it go, so he told me I ruined his birthday and we should take a break. Both of us agreed just to be friends but things went way too fast over 2 months, I still care about him, I told him all I want is you to be a good father, and do whatever makes you happy. I just don't know what to do I really think it's because we care a lot each other and want the best of both world's. But why does he freak out on me when I tell him I have it under control?
VictorM's advice:
So the guy is a worrywart. There are much worst qualities in a guy. You, on the other hand, are treating the possibility of being pregnant very cavalierly, talking about abortion as if it was as simple as spitting out chewing gum.
Given the circumstances, his concerns seem more properly placed than your "I have everything under control" because the truth is, you don't have anything under control. If you did, you wouldn't be wondering if you're pregnant even when you're too scared to have children.
Tags: advice, dating, relationship, question, answer, boyfriend, girlfriend
Wanting him back
Molly, 20, from Ca. asks:
Why does my ex-boyfriend of 9 months ignore my phone calls? He would tell me he wanted to marry me, we didn't break-up on very bad terms either and our break-up was mutual. It's been a few months now and I want him back. Did he already move on?
VictorM's advice:
If indeed he's ignoring your phone calls, yeah, I'd say he's moved on.
But are you sure he's ignoring your calls and just not getting them? If you want him back you should make an effort to see him in person and get a direct answer, otherwise, you'll always wonder. But... be prepared for disappointment.
Tags: advice, dating, relationship, question, answer, boyfriend, girlfriend
Why does my ex-boyfriend of 9 months ignore my phone calls? He would tell me he wanted to marry me, we didn't break-up on very bad terms either and our break-up was mutual. It's been a few months now and I want him back. Did he already move on?
VictorM's advice:
If indeed he's ignoring your phone calls, yeah, I'd say he's moved on.
But are you sure he's ignoring your calls and just not getting them? If you want him back you should make an effort to see him in person and get a direct answer, otherwise, you'll always wonder. But... be prepared for disappointment.
Tags: advice, dating, relationship, question, answer, boyfriend, girlfriend
Attracted to coworker
Rachel, 21, from NSW asks:
I have had an attraction to a guy I work with for six months, but he had a girlfriend, they broke up a week ago, then I seen him out on Saturday night, and he kissed me then told me he had been wanting to do that for ages. I really like him, but don't know where to go from here because I am his boss. Should I tell him how I feel or wait for him to chase me?
VictorM's advice:
Normally I would say let him chase you, but you being his boss may deter him from doing much chasing. But I'm sure you can find ways to encourage him.
Tags: advice, dating, relationship, question, answer, boyfriend, girlfriend
I have had an attraction to a guy I work with for six months, but he had a girlfriend, they broke up a week ago, then I seen him out on Saturday night, and he kissed me then told me he had been wanting to do that for ages. I really like him, but don't know where to go from here because I am his boss. Should I tell him how I feel or wait for him to chase me?
VictorM's advice:
Normally I would say let him chase you, but you being his boss may deter him from doing much chasing. But I'm sure you can find ways to encourage him.
Tags: advice, dating, relationship, question, answer, boyfriend, girlfriend
Wednesday, July 26, 2006
Fighting constantly
Amanda, 19, from Southern California asks:
I've been living with my boyfriend for 2 years. We fight constantly whenever I do not agree with him. His 15 year old brother recently moved in and I do not like it. I want to be with him, not his brother. It just seems like it is not my house. He says he wants to break up all the time but then always says he's sorry when he wants to have sex. I love him and I don't know what I would do without him. Please help!
VictorM's advice:
You don't know what you would do without him? How about... be happy? Find a grown-up that doesn't fight over little things? Have peace and quiet? I'm sure there are many other good things you could do without him.
But if you still can't think of anything, then stop disagreeing with him. Do all he says. Give him sex every time he wants it. He'll live happily ever after. And since you love him, you'll be happy if he's happy, right?
Tags: advice, dating, relationship, question, answer, boyfriend, girlfriend
I've been living with my boyfriend for 2 years. We fight constantly whenever I do not agree with him. His 15 year old brother recently moved in and I do not like it. I want to be with him, not his brother. It just seems like it is not my house. He says he wants to break up all the time but then always says he's sorry when he wants to have sex. I love him and I don't know what I would do without him. Please help!
VictorM's advice:
You don't know what you would do without him? How about... be happy? Find a grown-up that doesn't fight over little things? Have peace and quiet? I'm sure there are many other good things you could do without him.
But if you still can't think of anything, then stop disagreeing with him. Do all he says. Give him sex every time he wants it. He'll live happily ever after. And since you love him, you'll be happy if he's happy, right?
Tags: advice, dating, relationship, question, answer, boyfriend, girlfriend
Afraid to kiss him
Debby, 43, from San Clemente asks:
I have been seeing someone for a few months and have been having a sexual relationship with him. We both have talked about feeling that we are in love and a little scared about it, so I feel this is going to be a very long term relationship. My problem is that we are both shy when it comes to greeting each other or saying goodbye. I would like to perhaps kiss him but am afraid to. He has a way of avoiding my eyes at these moments and I feel somewhat confused and hurt. I asked him and he said that I should be more aggressive. Does it sound like something to work on or be worried about?
VictorM's advice:
Sounds like nothing to worried about. He's basically telling you to do what you want to do. If you want to kiss him, kiss him. He told you so (when he said for you to be aggressive). Now, you may be asking, why doesn't he kiss you? Everyone is different. Obviously it's not a big deal to him. Since this is something you want to do... go ahead and kiss him!
Tags: advice, dating, relationship, question, answer, boyfriend, girlfriend
I have been seeing someone for a few months and have been having a sexual relationship with him. We both have talked about feeling that we are in love and a little scared about it, so I feel this is going to be a very long term relationship. My problem is that we are both shy when it comes to greeting each other or saying goodbye. I would like to perhaps kiss him but am afraid to. He has a way of avoiding my eyes at these moments and I feel somewhat confused and hurt. I asked him and he said that I should be more aggressive. Does it sound like something to work on or be worried about?
VictorM's advice:
Sounds like nothing to worried about. He's basically telling you to do what you want to do. If you want to kiss him, kiss him. He told you so (when he said for you to be aggressive). Now, you may be asking, why doesn't he kiss you? Everyone is different. Obviously it's not a big deal to him. Since this is something you want to do... go ahead and kiss him!
Tags: advice, dating, relationship, question, answer, boyfriend, girlfriend
Ex-boyfriend keeps imposing
Beth, 29, from Windsor asks:
I recently broke up with my boyfriend and he's still imposing on my life. He had become friends with my brother and now they have moved in together. He recently partied at my other brother's and slept over. He's mentioning going on my family vacation with my family. I know he enjoyed being with them but short of appearing to be a witch, how do I get everyone, him included, to consider my feelings about this?
VictorM's advice:
You're the one who broke-up with him, so getting him to consider your feelings may not be easy. In fact, it may have the opposite affect; he may enjoy seeing you annoyed. It's your family that you should talk to and explain the situation. Unless they are morons, they should understand that having him around is not a good thing. Let your feelings be known to them and hope they react like good family members should.
Tags: advice, dating, relationship, question, answer, boyfriend, girlfriend
I recently broke up with my boyfriend and he's still imposing on my life. He had become friends with my brother and now they have moved in together. He recently partied at my other brother's and slept over. He's mentioning going on my family vacation with my family. I know he enjoyed being with them but short of appearing to be a witch, how do I get everyone, him included, to consider my feelings about this?
VictorM's advice:
You're the one who broke-up with him, so getting him to consider your feelings may not be easy. In fact, it may have the opposite affect; he may enjoy seeing you annoyed. It's your family that you should talk to and explain the situation. Unless they are morons, they should understand that having him around is not a good thing. Let your feelings be known to them and hope they react like good family members should.
Tags: advice, dating, relationship, question, answer, boyfriend, girlfriend
Tuesday, July 25, 2006
Feeling left out
mary, 24, from chicago asks:
The guy I have been dating has a child by his ex and I feel left out. How should I be reacting to this?
VictorM's advice:
Tell him how you feel. But be prepared to tell him how you'd like to be included. If you'd like to be involved in more activities with his son, say so. If you want him to spend less time with his son, well... I hope he dumps you. But hey, at least you'll know where you stand.
Tags: advice, dating, relationship, question, answer, boyfriend, girlfriend
The guy I have been dating has a child by his ex and I feel left out. How should I be reacting to this?
VictorM's advice:
Tell him how you feel. But be prepared to tell him how you'd like to be included. If you'd like to be involved in more activities with his son, say so. If you want him to spend less time with his son, well... I hope he dumps you. But hey, at least you'll know where you stand.
Tags: advice, dating, relationship, question, answer, boyfriend, girlfriend
Hooked up with one of his friends
Christina, 18, asks:
This kid and I met about 7 months ago and we hung out about 10 times and hit it off (well I was really liking him and he was liking me too because he would call and want to hang out and so on) Then I found out that he was dating someone else in the mean time. But as of a month ago they broke up for good!! So... the other week we hang out with each other and all of his friends and he was very shy and not himself and at that time I wasn't feeling him because his other friend was hitting on me and I went for him ( I have no fricken clue why in the world I would do that--and yes I regret it big time) in other words, we just hook up no sex or anything. But now a couple of weeks have went by and I still really do like this kid from the beginning. But I don't know if he still likes me anymore because he knows that I hooked up with one of his friend. What should I do?? Still go for him? Or move on?
VictorM's advice:
Do not assume he lost interest in you just because of that. Go for him as if nothing ever happened with the other guy. If the topic comes up, say exactly what you told me above, that you regret it. If that event is a problem for him, let him be the one to tell you that, otherwise assume there is no issue there. If it turns out it's something he can't get over, well, at least you'll know for certain, and you'll also know he's an idiot.
Tags: advice, dating, relationship, question, answer, boyfriend, girlfriend
This kid and I met about 7 months ago and we hung out about 10 times and hit it off (well I was really liking him and he was liking me too because he would call and want to hang out and so on) Then I found out that he was dating someone else in the mean time. But as of a month ago they broke up for good!! So... the other week we hang out with each other and all of his friends and he was very shy and not himself and at that time I wasn't feeling him because his other friend was hitting on me and I went for him ( I have no fricken clue why in the world I would do that--and yes I regret it big time) in other words, we just hook up no sex or anything. But now a couple of weeks have went by and I still really do like this kid from the beginning. But I don't know if he still likes me anymore because he knows that I hooked up with one of his friend. What should I do?? Still go for him? Or move on?
VictorM's advice:
Do not assume he lost interest in you just because of that. Go for him as if nothing ever happened with the other guy. If the topic comes up, say exactly what you told me above, that you regret it. If that event is a problem for him, let him be the one to tell you that, otherwise assume there is no issue there. If it turns out it's something he can't get over, well, at least you'll know for certain, and you'll also know he's an idiot.
Tags: advice, dating, relationship, question, answer, boyfriend, girlfriend
He won't let go
Stefany, 22, from Toronto asks:
It's been a couple month since me and my ex have broken up.. and he still sends me emails and instant msgs and calls me telling me how sorry he is and how I was his first love and only love and how everything is his fault.. and he thinks about me every morning when he wakes up and every night when he goes to sleep.. and I'm over him and he keeps asking me if i ever loved him .. and that he knows I hate him and I've told I'm moving on.. I'm over him and don't want to talk to him.. my mom and sister want me to get the police to talk to him.. I don't think it's necessary he would never hurt me.. but I just don't know what to do.
VictorM's advice:
He wants your attention. If he can't get good attention, he'll take negative one. Any contact with you is better than no contact at all. And you seem to have too much contact with him as is. You must end all contact with him. You must ignore him 100% no matter what. Change your username or block his account, change your phone number, refuse to give him the time of day. Ignore him, ignore him, ignore him.
Tags: advice, dating, relationship, question, answer, boyfriend, girlfriend
It's been a couple month since me and my ex have broken up.. and he still sends me emails and instant msgs and calls me telling me how sorry he is and how I was his first love and only love and how everything is his fault.. and he thinks about me every morning when he wakes up and every night when he goes to sleep.. and I'm over him and he keeps asking me if i ever loved him .. and that he knows I hate him and I've told I'm moving on.. I'm over him and don't want to talk to him.. my mom and sister want me to get the police to talk to him.. I don't think it's necessary he would never hurt me.. but I just don't know what to do.
VictorM's advice:
He wants your attention. If he can't get good attention, he'll take negative one. Any contact with you is better than no contact at all. And you seem to have too much contact with him as is. You must end all contact with him. You must ignore him 100% no matter what. Change your username or block his account, change your phone number, refuse to give him the time of day. Ignore him, ignore him, ignore him.
Tags: advice, dating, relationship, question, answer, boyfriend, girlfriend
Brother's best friend
jessica, 26, from montreal, canada asks:
I slept with my brother's best friend now I am really confussed. I got his number off my mom and called him. I told him that if it was a one night stand that it was fine but if he wanted to go out sometime it's cool. He mentioned maybe we could go for dinner and drinks and at that point he had to get off the phone ( he was at work and had a soccer game after). He told me he had my number and would call me back later on (it's been a day) and I have not heard from him. What is the deal?
VictorM's advice:
My guess is he has already called you by the time you read this.
If he didn't call yet, telling him "if it was a one night stand that it was fine" was a mistake. Might have made you sound like an easy lay.
Tags: advice, dating, relationship, question, answer, boyfriend, girlfriend
I slept with my brother's best friend now I am really confussed. I got his number off my mom and called him. I told him that if it was a one night stand that it was fine but if he wanted to go out sometime it's cool. He mentioned maybe we could go for dinner and drinks and at that point he had to get off the phone ( he was at work and had a soccer game after). He told me he had my number and would call me back later on (it's been a day) and I have not heard from him. What is the deal?
VictorM's advice:
My guess is he has already called you by the time you read this.
If he didn't call yet, telling him "if it was a one night stand that it was fine" was a mistake. Might have made you sound like an easy lay.
Tags: advice, dating, relationship, question, answer, boyfriend, girlfriend
He blushes
Shelley, 34, from England asks:
I really really fancy this guy and am unsure if he fancies me. He pays me subtle or veiled compliments, always smiles and stares at me but if I look at him he quickly looks away. He asks loads about me and makes excuses to touch me (not in a sleazy way). When I compliment him he blushes and looks down and tells me I am sweet. I would love to ask him out but I need a guy's opinion.
VictorM's advice:
Ask him out. He likes you. He will say yes (unless the blood rushes to his face so fast that he faints).
But first, make sure he's not married or attached, unless you're into that sort of thing.
Tags: advice, dating, relationship, question, answer, boyfriend, girlfriend
I really really fancy this guy and am unsure if he fancies me. He pays me subtle or veiled compliments, always smiles and stares at me but if I look at him he quickly looks away. He asks loads about me and makes excuses to touch me (not in a sleazy way). When I compliment him he blushes and looks down and tells me I am sweet. I would love to ask him out but I need a guy's opinion.
VictorM's advice:
Ask him out. He likes you. He will say yes (unless the blood rushes to his face so fast that he faints).
But first, make sure he's not married or attached, unless you're into that sort of thing.
Tags: advice, dating, relationship, question, answer, boyfriend, girlfriend
Monday, July 24, 2006
Mass, maybe
cindy, 27, from manila philippines asks:
I invited a guy that I like to attend a mass with me and he answered me that he will try. What does it means?
VictorM's advice:
Oh that is a smart answer by him. He gets a gold star.
He didn't say yes, he didn't say no. "Will try" implies he has other commitments and therefore a good excuse for not going if he's not inclined to go to mass. But it leaves the door open to seeing you again under other circumstances. Meanwhile, he can weight the pros and cons and decide if he will be busy or not without burning any bridges with you.
Tags: advice, dating, relationship, question, answer, boyfriend, girlfriend
I invited a guy that I like to attend a mass with me and he answered me that he will try. What does it means?
VictorM's advice:
Oh that is a smart answer by him. He gets a gold star.
He didn't say yes, he didn't say no. "Will try" implies he has other commitments and therefore a good excuse for not going if he's not inclined to go to mass. But it leaves the door open to seeing you again under other circumstances. Meanwhile, he can weight the pros and cons and decide if he will be busy or not without burning any bridges with you.
Tags: advice, dating, relationship, question, answer, boyfriend, girlfriend
Asking a girl out
phil, 12, asks:
How do I get a girl to go out with me?
VictorM's advice:
You club her over the head and drag her by the hair.
Oops! Wrong millennium.
You tell her you have condoms and have been tested for STDs.
Oops! Wrong age.
OK, here's the best answer I can think of: Ask her nicely.
Tags: advice, dating, relationship, question, answer, boyfriend, girlfriend
How do I get a girl to go out with me?
VictorM's advice:
You club her over the head and drag her by the hair.
Oops! Wrong millennium.
You tell her you have condoms and have been tested for STDs.
Oops! Wrong age.
OK, here's the best answer I can think of: Ask her nicely.
Tags: advice, dating, relationship, question, answer, boyfriend, girlfriend
Irritating fiancee
Smita, 26, from Wembley asks:
I am engaged to a man I have been seeing for nearly two years, however, recently we only seem to argue and I don't even know if i still love him. All of a sudden everything he does irritates me. Sometimes I think it's organising the wedding and buying a house that is causing the problems and other times I think it's problems with our actual relationship. I don't really feel needed or wanted anymore. Any advice?
VictorM's advice:
It's not unusual for stress to being about the feelings you described. In your case, planning a wedding AND buying a house are probably as stressful situations as couples get. On top of that, the concept of "cold feet" can manifest itself in any different ways, and this could be your way.
It's possible that he's so worried about these events that he's concentrating too much on them and not enough on you. Some people just aren't very good under stress and he may be adding more stress to your life.
I'm focusing in your statement that this happened "all of a sudden". I doubt very much that it's his behavior that's causing you grief; I believe it's your reaction to things. Maybe you're the one not handling the stress very well.
I suggest taking one night alone, no phones, no money talk, no house or wedding talk, and discuss your feelings with him. Please, do not say: "Everything you do irritates me." You need to use passive voice if you want positive feedback. Say things like: "I feel irritated by everything." "I don't feel needed." Give him a chance to prove he can bring about positive feelings from you. Maybe the feelings you feel for each other are being drowned by all the stress. Give them a chance to come to the surface and breath. Maybe you'd even want to sat aside at least a day a week when everything else disappears and you two burn candles, listen to soft music, massage each other, nibble on each other's toes (hey, this might be your thing, who are we to judge?) whatever it takes to connect you two with each other.
Let's not discuss if this approach fails. We want to think positive thoughts!
Tags: advice, dating, relationship, question, answer, boyfriend, girlfriend
I am engaged to a man I have been seeing for nearly two years, however, recently we only seem to argue and I don't even know if i still love him. All of a sudden everything he does irritates me. Sometimes I think it's organising the wedding and buying a house that is causing the problems and other times I think it's problems with our actual relationship. I don't really feel needed or wanted anymore. Any advice?
VictorM's advice:
It's not unusual for stress to being about the feelings you described. In your case, planning a wedding AND buying a house are probably as stressful situations as couples get. On top of that, the concept of "cold feet" can manifest itself in any different ways, and this could be your way.
It's possible that he's so worried about these events that he's concentrating too much on them and not enough on you. Some people just aren't very good under stress and he may be adding more stress to your life.
I'm focusing in your statement that this happened "all of a sudden". I doubt very much that it's his behavior that's causing you grief; I believe it's your reaction to things. Maybe you're the one not handling the stress very well.
I suggest taking one night alone, no phones, no money talk, no house or wedding talk, and discuss your feelings with him. Please, do not say: "Everything you do irritates me." You need to use passive voice if you want positive feedback. Say things like: "I feel irritated by everything." "I don't feel needed." Give him a chance to prove he can bring about positive feelings from you. Maybe the feelings you feel for each other are being drowned by all the stress. Give them a chance to come to the surface and breath. Maybe you'd even want to sat aside at least a day a week when everything else disappears and you two burn candles, listen to soft music, massage each other, nibble on each other's toes (hey, this might be your thing, who are we to judge?) whatever it takes to connect you two with each other.
Let's not discuss if this approach fails. We want to think positive thoughts!
Tags: advice, dating, relationship, question, answer, boyfriend, girlfriend
Sunday, July 23, 2006
He does all the work
AJ, from OR asks:
When my boyfriend and I have sex, he does all the work. What can I do to make it funner and more pleasurable for him?
VictorM's advice:
What makes you think he doesn't love doing all the work? For many guys it's better if they do all the work because they can control the pace and it helps them last longer. This way he can pause, slow down, or speed up as he needs to.
Since you two are having sex I hope you have the maturity to talk about it. You should be able to ask him what pleases him the most. Every guy is different. Some like doing all the work, some like variation. You two should talk and discuss what you like most. Don't shy away from stating the things that please you. For many guys, knowing they are pleasing you is most of the pleasure they need. And don't be afraid to experiment (just make sure that if you try hanging from the ceiling fan, it's strong enough to hold the weight -- having a ceiling fan fall on your head is not fun!)
Now, some guys don't like to talk much during sex. If this is the case with him, you two should talk at some other time. Guys like having sex, and they like to talk about sex. So bringing it up should not pose a problem.
But if he still insists on driving, let him as long as you're pleased.
Tags: advice, dating, relationship, question, answer, boyfriend, girlfriend
When my boyfriend and I have sex, he does all the work. What can I do to make it funner and more pleasurable for him?
VictorM's advice:
What makes you think he doesn't love doing all the work? For many guys it's better if they do all the work because they can control the pace and it helps them last longer. This way he can pause, slow down, or speed up as he needs to.
Since you two are having sex I hope you have the maturity to talk about it. You should be able to ask him what pleases him the most. Every guy is different. Some like doing all the work, some like variation. You two should talk and discuss what you like most. Don't shy away from stating the things that please you. For many guys, knowing they are pleasing you is most of the pleasure they need. And don't be afraid to experiment (just make sure that if you try hanging from the ceiling fan, it's strong enough to hold the weight -- having a ceiling fan fall on your head is not fun!)
Now, some guys don't like to talk much during sex. If this is the case with him, you two should talk at some other time. Guys like having sex, and they like to talk about sex. So bringing it up should not pose a problem.
But if he still insists on driving, let him as long as you're pleased.
Tags: advice, dating, relationship, question, answer, boyfriend, girlfriend
Stomach Stalker
papergirl, 35, from US asks:
A guy that I work with often looks at my stomach area while we are talking. I think this is an odd place to focus...Is this a way not to make eye contact or is it a sexual thing?
VictorM's advice:
If your stomach is showing, it clearly is a sexual thing. With today's fashions, a nice stomach is the new cleavage.
If your belly is not showing, then I don't know, it could a way to avoid eye contact, but knowing guys, he probably sees something sexual about it anyway. With guys, it almost always comes back to that.
Unless... um... *how to be politically correct here*... do you have a beer belly? Do you look pregnant even if you're not? Because if that's so, he could just be wondering if you're pregnant.
Tags: advice, dating, relationship, question, answer, boyfriend, girlfriend
A guy that I work with often looks at my stomach area while we are talking. I think this is an odd place to focus...Is this a way not to make eye contact or is it a sexual thing?
VictorM's advice:
If your stomach is showing, it clearly is a sexual thing. With today's fashions, a nice stomach is the new cleavage.
If your belly is not showing, then I don't know, it could a way to avoid eye contact, but knowing guys, he probably sees something sexual about it anyway. With guys, it almost always comes back to that.
Unless... um... *how to be politically correct here*... do you have a beer belly? Do you look pregnant even if you're not? Because if that's so, he could just be wondering if you're pregnant.
Tags: advice, dating, relationship, question, answer, boyfriend, girlfriend
He stares at me
Kerry, 26, from CT asks:
There is this guy at work he stares at me, comes by my cube and starts clearing his throat. He sometimes comes up behind me and he says somethings that he likes me. But I gave him my cell and we talk here and there at work but he never asked me out. Is he playing me or is he shy?
VictorM's advice:
He says he likes you, so shyness doesn't seem to be a problem.
Some people really hate the idea of going out with coworkers. He may be reluctant to ask you out because of that. Maybe that should be a topic of informal conversation between you two so you can get an idea where he stands on the issue.
I just hope he doesn't gag himself to death.
Tags: advice, dating, relationship, question, answer, boyfriend, girlfriend
There is this guy at work he stares at me, comes by my cube and starts clearing his throat. He sometimes comes up behind me and he says somethings that he likes me. But I gave him my cell and we talk here and there at work but he never asked me out. Is he playing me or is he shy?
VictorM's advice:
He says he likes you, so shyness doesn't seem to be a problem.
Some people really hate the idea of going out with coworkers. He may be reluctant to ask you out because of that. Maybe that should be a topic of informal conversation between you two so you can get an idea where he stands on the issue.
I just hope he doesn't gag himself to death.
Tags: advice, dating, relationship, question, answer, boyfriend, girlfriend
Saturday, July 22, 2006
His cousin told me
Megan, 21, from fort myers asks:
I like a guy and he likes me too, but he doesn't tell me yet, I know that because his cousin told me. What should I do? I want to go out with him but I don't want to tell him that I like him.
VictorM's advice:
Fine, don't tell him you like him. Tell his cousin.
Tags: advice, dating, relationship, question, answer, boyfriend, girlfriend
I like a guy and he likes me too, but he doesn't tell me yet, I know that because his cousin told me. What should I do? I want to go out with him but I don't want to tell him that I like him.
VictorM's advice:
Fine, don't tell him you like him. Tell his cousin.
Tags: advice, dating, relationship, question, answer, boyfriend, girlfriend
He doesn't call! He doesn't call!
crystal, 16, from british columbia asks:
I think my guy and I are ready to move into a way more serious relationship. We have been going out for three months and everything is great except for one detail: he NEVER calls me..ever! I have even made him promise and he always makes excuses as to why he didn't call. When I don't see him or I'm not talking to him on the phone, I kill myself wondering why and thinking of reasons and explainations. I start getting frusterated and angry about the situation but when I talk to him, I can't bring myself to get mad at him even though I feel so passionatly about the subject. I feel like I'm doing the effort in everything and I even told him that once, he said he would try to change it and he understood... I don't think he understands how I feel. Why isn't he calling? Why doesn't he call even when I threaten to get mad? Why doesn't he care? Is he just inexperienced and doesn't realize?? HELP!
VictorM's advice:
Oh Crystal, you're acting like a baby! He doesn't call! He doesn't call! He doesn't call! (Are you stopping your feet when you say that?)
Tell him that from this day forward he never has to call you. That you understand he hates the phone and in no way that affects how much you know he loves you. Free him from that responsibility and your life will be wonderful.
(Plus, I bet you a Moosehead, he'll start calling.)
Tags: advice, dating, relationship, question, answer, boyfriend, girlfriend
I think my guy and I are ready to move into a way more serious relationship. We have been going out for three months and everything is great except for one detail: he NEVER calls me..ever! I have even made him promise and he always makes excuses as to why he didn't call. When I don't see him or I'm not talking to him on the phone, I kill myself wondering why and thinking of reasons and explainations. I start getting frusterated and angry about the situation but when I talk to him, I can't bring myself to get mad at him even though I feel so passionatly about the subject. I feel like I'm doing the effort in everything and I even told him that once, he said he would try to change it and he understood... I don't think he understands how I feel. Why isn't he calling? Why doesn't he call even when I threaten to get mad? Why doesn't he care? Is he just inexperienced and doesn't realize?? HELP!
VictorM's advice:
Oh Crystal, you're acting like a baby! He doesn't call! He doesn't call! He doesn't call! (Are you stopping your feet when you say that?)
Tell him that from this day forward he never has to call you. That you understand he hates the phone and in no way that affects how much you know he loves you. Free him from that responsibility and your life will be wonderful.
(Plus, I bet you a Moosehead, he'll start calling.)
Tags: advice, dating, relationship, question, answer, boyfriend, girlfriend
Prior relationship with one of his friends
Kendyl, 27, from New Zealand asks:
I have been texting a guy for 3 months now (he got my number from a mutual friend) and he is witty, intelligent, charming, flirts with me and it is great! The trouble is I had a casual relationship going with one of his friends prior to texting him and he brought this up during the one phone conversation that we had and seemed to judge me for it and said that I've got so much going for me, why would I be with this guy? Recently he mentioned finally wanting to meet up but I'm wondering why would a guy want to text a girl for months before meeting, particularly a girl who has a history with his friend. He said he waited so long before deciding to meet because he just got out of a relationship and didn't want to be a part of the "dramas" between me and his friend, of which there are none. Is he just toying with me or is he interested? I feel like I'm being interviewed to be his girlfriend.
VictorM's advice:
There was something about you that bothered him somewhat, and he took the time to digest that information. Frankly, the guys you have dated are a good indication of the kind of person you are. I don't know all the details, but I see nothing wrong with him doing what he's doing.
Having said that, do NOT let him hang that over your head from now on. If he mentions it again, put a stop to it, and do it firmly. Your past is your past and if he wants to live there, he can do it without you. If this becomes a whiny point with him, you do NOT want to be with this guy.
Tags: advice, dating, relationship, question, answer, boyfriend, girlfriend
I have been texting a guy for 3 months now (he got my number from a mutual friend) and he is witty, intelligent, charming, flirts with me and it is great! The trouble is I had a casual relationship going with one of his friends prior to texting him and he brought this up during the one phone conversation that we had and seemed to judge me for it and said that I've got so much going for me, why would I be with this guy? Recently he mentioned finally wanting to meet up but I'm wondering why would a guy want to text a girl for months before meeting, particularly a girl who has a history with his friend. He said he waited so long before deciding to meet because he just got out of a relationship and didn't want to be a part of the "dramas" between me and his friend, of which there are none. Is he just toying with me or is he interested? I feel like I'm being interviewed to be his girlfriend.
VictorM's advice:
There was something about you that bothered him somewhat, and he took the time to digest that information. Frankly, the guys you have dated are a good indication of the kind of person you are. I don't know all the details, but I see nothing wrong with him doing what he's doing.
Having said that, do NOT let him hang that over your head from now on. If he mentions it again, put a stop to it, and do it firmly. Your past is your past and if he wants to live there, he can do it without you. If this becomes a whiny point with him, you do NOT want to be with this guy.
Tags: advice, dating, relationship, question, answer, boyfriend, girlfriend
He does not want to be a father
Mollie, 19, from Louisiana asks:
I was wondering what to do with my boyfriend he is about to be 24 years old and I will be turning 20 in a couple of months and he has a son with another woman. His ex girlfriend the mother of his child has made my life hell just because I am dating her ex but she also has 2 other kids by other guys. When I first started dating him everything was great I was ok with him having a kid but with all the baby momma drama stuff that came with it I just don't want to deal with it anymore. Also his parents who he STILL lives with will get his son when it isn't his turn and that would ruin our plans. He does not want his son. He will fake sick not to get him he says he does not want to be a father to him he can't even tell me he loves the kid but he does pay 400 dollars a month for child support and he'll see him once a month but his parents act like their more his sons parents and it drives us crazy... He tried to tell his parents he does not want his son and I do understand that's wrong but he doesn't want to play with him and that will only hurt in when he notices that more in the long run. He will tell his parents that he does not want him then they will talk him in to keeping him and they blame me for not wanting him and I don't want a kid I see that now but I NEVER asked him to pick between us NEVER!! How do I get my boyfriend to be a man and stick up to his parents and telling him that he does not want his son but he will keep paying for him without him being talked into spending time with him...and letting his parents think that I'm the reason hes doing this when I'm NOT!!
VictorM's advice:
A better question is, how can I turn my boyfriend into a real man, one with decency and dignity because he lacks all of it?
Mollie, from my point of view a man who doesn't want his own son is a rotten creep. I'll say no more.
Tags: advice, dating, relationship, question, answer, boyfriend, girlfriend
I was wondering what to do with my boyfriend he is about to be 24 years old and I will be turning 20 in a couple of months and he has a son with another woman. His ex girlfriend the mother of his child has made my life hell just because I am dating her ex but she also has 2 other kids by other guys. When I first started dating him everything was great I was ok with him having a kid but with all the baby momma drama stuff that came with it I just don't want to deal with it anymore. Also his parents who he STILL lives with will get his son when it isn't his turn and that would ruin our plans. He does not want his son. He will fake sick not to get him he says he does not want to be a father to him he can't even tell me he loves the kid but he does pay 400 dollars a month for child support and he'll see him once a month but his parents act like their more his sons parents and it drives us crazy... He tried to tell his parents he does not want his son and I do understand that's wrong but he doesn't want to play with him and that will only hurt in when he notices that more in the long run. He will tell his parents that he does not want him then they will talk him in to keeping him and they blame me for not wanting him and I don't want a kid I see that now but I NEVER asked him to pick between us NEVER!! How do I get my boyfriend to be a man and stick up to his parents and telling him that he does not want his son but he will keep paying for him without him being talked into spending time with him...and letting his parents think that I'm the reason hes doing this when I'm NOT!!
VictorM's advice:
A better question is, how can I turn my boyfriend into a real man, one with decency and dignity because he lacks all of it?
Mollie, from my point of view a man who doesn't want his own son is a rotten creep. I'll say no more.
Tags: advice, dating, relationship, question, answer, boyfriend, girlfriend
Friday, July 21, 2006
Admiration
Joan, 49, from Colorado asks:
What does it mean when a guy says to you "you have my admiration?"
VictorM's advice:
It's a compliment, that's what it is. Probably not one soliciting romance. Last time I remember using that expression I was referring to Mother Teresa.
Tags: advice, dating, relationship, question, answer, boyfriend, girlfriend
What does it mean when a guy says to you "you have my admiration?"
VictorM's advice:
It's a compliment, that's what it is. Probably not one soliciting romance. Last time I remember using that expression I was referring to Mother Teresa.
Tags: advice, dating, relationship, question, answer, boyfriend, girlfriend
Magic question
Marce, 18, from south africa asks:
I met a wonderful guy a while back and he asked for my number. We speak to each other on a daily basis and see each other at least twice a week. I want to know if he really is interested but I don't want to do it in way that might make him feel cornered. I do believe some feelings exist because if I don't speak to him for the day he still makes an effort to keep in touch. How do I suss out if he wants things to develop or just remain the same? Is there some magic question I could ask? No, seriously what do I say to him without sounding desperate for a relationship?
VictorM's advice:
If he's interested he won't feel cornered. But please, do NOT think relationship yet. What's the rush? Get to know him better. Try to spend time with him alone, go to the mall, to the movies, stuff like that. Give him time to sweep you off your feet. That's what guys like to do.
No, there is no magic question. But if you're really impatient, this one comes close: "Well, are you gonna kiss me or what?" Guys find that magical.
Tags: advice, dating, relationship, question, answer, boyfriend, girlfriend
I met a wonderful guy a while back and he asked for my number. We speak to each other on a daily basis and see each other at least twice a week. I want to know if he really is interested but I don't want to do it in way that might make him feel cornered. I do believe some feelings exist because if I don't speak to him for the day he still makes an effort to keep in touch. How do I suss out if he wants things to develop or just remain the same? Is there some magic question I could ask? No, seriously what do I say to him without sounding desperate for a relationship?
VictorM's advice:
If he's interested he won't feel cornered. But please, do NOT think relationship yet. What's the rush? Get to know him better. Try to spend time with him alone, go to the mall, to the movies, stuff like that. Give him time to sweep you off your feet. That's what guys like to do.
No, there is no magic question. But if you're really impatient, this one comes close: "Well, are you gonna kiss me or what?" Guys find that magical.
Tags: advice, dating, relationship, question, answer, boyfriend, girlfriend
Distant on the phone
skimgirl, 20, from florida asks:
My boyfriend and I have been separated for a couple months due to his vacationing in California with his family. Since we have been apart, he seems very distant on the phone. Our conversations are short because he contributes little to them. I know he hasn't found another girl over there and think that maybe I am over-thinking it all. What do you think?
VictorM's advice:
I think you're over-thinking. Instead, cut the phone calls short yourself. After all, he's on vacation and who the heck wants to talk on the phone too much? Certianly not a healthy, sane, real guy, that's for sure. So, say hello, wish him a good time, and go to the mall... or buy a good book and go to the beach.
Tags: advice, dating, relationship, question, answer, boyfriend, girlfriend
My boyfriend and I have been separated for a couple months due to his vacationing in California with his family. Since we have been apart, he seems very distant on the phone. Our conversations are short because he contributes little to them. I know he hasn't found another girl over there and think that maybe I am over-thinking it all. What do you think?
VictorM's advice:
I think you're over-thinking. Instead, cut the phone calls short yourself. After all, he's on vacation and who the heck wants to talk on the phone too much? Certianly not a healthy, sane, real guy, that's for sure. So, say hello, wish him a good time, and go to the mall... or buy a good book and go to the beach.
Tags: advice, dating, relationship, question, answer, boyfriend, girlfriend
Thursday, July 20, 2006
He gives mixed signals
jinky, 18, from miami, FL asks:
I'm classmates with a guy who gives me mixed signals. We are both in different relationships but we're spending a lot of time together because of school. He is sweet when it's just us but distant when in class. His girlfriend and my boyfriend are not from the same school. He buys me lunch, sings (in a funny way), has invited me to study with him. But we do talk about our girlfriend and boyfriend in passing. Does he like me?
Victor's answer:
If you think there's mixed reasons for his actions, meaning, you think he likes you as more than a co-student, why are you spending lunch time with him? I would think that considering you have a boyfriend you'd have nipped any such development in the butt.
But from what you described, what's so mixed about those signals? He's a friendly co-student. He enjoys your company. So far that's all it implies. But the onus is on you to distance yourself if you think otherwise. You don't wait for the other person to do the right thing; you should take that initiative yourself.
Tags: advice, dating, relationship, question, answer, boyfriend, girlfriend