Jo, 22, from Idaho asks:

My husband and I have been together for three years, and we have a good sex but... Only every once and awhile and only in one direction can I have an orgasm, and they are great, but I would like to know how to get him as excited or make noises or something knowing that he is felling good? It is also hard for me to have an orgasm, and like I said I have to be in the same direction every time. Most of the time I just get to where it is starting to fell good and he comes and it is not enough for me, basically I am left hanging and he is satisfied. I want more!!! How do I get him to be more excited and have it last longer for him?

VictorM's advice:

OK, this is very simple: if he's hard, he's excited. Lots of guys don't make noises. No "Oh Gods", no "Yessssssss", no "Come on big boy bang me like a Brazilian drum during carnival" (oh well, that one is not so common) but anyway, don't worry about him making noises.

As for the rest, in terms of the positions and him ejaculating too soon, you really just have to talk to him and let him know these things. If you two are not mature enough to discuss sex and work to please the other, I'm not aware of any magic potion that will solve the problems. Talk to each other, before, during, and after sex. Discuss what you love to do, what turns you on, what turns you off, and together go on adventures exploring each others erogenous zones. And you don't need a map; getting lost and finding new ways is the most fun.


Tags: advice, dating, relationship, question, answer, boyfriend, girlfriend

Geraldine, 21, from New York asks:

What does it mean when a guys says this "You're perfect..you're everything I look for in a girl, but I am afraid that I will be an asshole to you..."?

VictorM's answer:

It really means he doesn't think you're so perfect, he's just saying it so you don't get all weepy on him. Either that or he really is an asshole.


Tags: advice, dating, relationship, question, answer, boyfriend, girlfriend

Jess, 14, from PA asks:

My boyfriend is a really nice guy. I was really good friends with him before we started dating. I have confronted him about kissing but he didn't seem to have answers to my questions. I asked him a question that was stated like "What would you do if I kissed you?" He didn't have a response. But he just smiled! Why hasn't he made a move yet? We have been going out for 2 months now. He hasn't done anything more than hugging me. Is he really interested in me? Should I just give him a while? Is he scared or too shy? I am just confused. Please reply!

VictorM's advice:

He's terrified! 14 is a very awkward stage for guys. I liken it to sitting in a racing car, all revved up and ready to go, but you're blindfolded.

Don't ask him about kissing you, just kiss him. He'll follow your lead. But be warned: you will be creating a monster! Once he gets over this hump, humping will be all he wants, night and day.


Tags: advice, dating, relationship, question, answer, boyfriend, girlfriend

Christine, 20, from Chicago asks:

I have been dating a guy for almost two years now. He is 22 and has no job. He use to work a small mall job but recently quit, only to spend time sitting at home all day long. He lives with his parents and plays video games all day long. He says he works for his dad doing some chores, but he never gets paid. He has no initiative to get a job and has failed out of two colleges. I, on the other hand, go to school full time and work two jobs so that I have money to pay the bills. I know he is immature but I love him. I am getting really sick of his lack of motivation though. I pay for everything we do, every movie, dinner, etc. I don't know what to do. I don't want to leave him because I know we are both still young and I care about him a lot, but I can't stand the thought of dating for years and it ends because he refuses to get a job or move out of his parents house. What can I do to motivate him and help him get a job?

VictorM's advice:

If you have to be the one to motivate him now, you'd be doomed to keep having to repeat the task over and over. Don't do it; he has to be the one to want to do it.

If he was in his 30's this would be a serious problem. At 22, while not a good thing, it's not hopeless. He may still come around and get going.

My guess is he's somewhat depressed over his lack of school success. Sitting around playing video games is an escape, and his parents and you are enablers. You can't control his parents but you can control yourself. Paying for things not only encourages his behavior but contributes to his lack of self-esteem. So, do the things you can do: save your money, go to places with your friends, do NOT rag on him for not working or not having money. Go about your life, show some sympathy that he doesn't have the money to come with you, but go with others or by yourself.

You might look for articles for him about how some people aren't very good in classroom settings but yet are very intelligent and go-getters if given another setting. Our society is too ingrained on a "learn at school or be a failure" mentality, but more and more studies show that many people have a hard time concentrating and learning in present classroom setting. Many hugely successful people are college drop-outs, like Bill Gates, Larry Ellison, and many others. Praise whatever skills he may have and encourage him to pursue those skills.

Give him some time. Don't give up on him just yet.


Tags: advice, dating, relationship, question, answer, boyfriend, girlfriend

Natalie Thomas, 19, from Scotland asks:

I started seeing a guy two months ago and we both felt that we were made for each other. He works off shore and after a month of us dating he went off to work for 3 weeks and they can't use their phones so I never heard from him. I went round to his the day he came back which was also his birthday and I bought him a watch so I brought it round. We watched the football and I ended up sleeping with him for the first time then we sat and snuggled up on the sofa. I called him the next day and got no answer. I then proceeded to leave him to get in contact with me but he never did so after 5 days I called him again and still got no answer. Then yesterday I got a text message to say that he had been on a bender with his mates and thought that I was getting too heavy too soon so it was over and that I could do a lot better than him cause he thought he treated me like dirt. And I never got his present back and it cost over £200. What a waste! Was I just a shag or is he just insecure?

VictorM's advice:

I don't think you were just a shag or that he's insecure. He gave you the answer but you're purposely overlooking it. He said you got too heavy too soon! Period! Full stop! There it is. He was straight and honest.

Why should he give you the watch back? You gave it to him for his birthday. It belongs to him. Giving this guy such an expensive watch after only a few weeks, in my view, supports what he said: you're in too heavy too soon.

Next time... take your time.


Tags: advice, dating, relationship, question, answer, boyfriend, girlfriend

Lauren, 16, from London, England asks:

Hi there, well, basically I just wanted to know if this guy that I fancy likes me back. You see, he's a waiter in my local pub and he's quite good friends with my dad. Now, I started liking him about a week ago. He talked to me for the first time. Actually, it wasn't like a proper conversation, he just said 'alrite, trouble?' I know, it's wasn't much but we both laughed. Anyway, I keep catching him glancing at me. Like one time, I went to the bar (to help my mum with the drinks) and as he was getting something behind the bar, he looked up at me and had this expression on his face like he was gonna say something. I just walked away because I wasn't sure what he was doing, I wasn't gonna stand there and look like a total idiot, waiting for him to talk to me but he had this look on his face like he was happy to see me or something. Now, he's caught me staring at him and I've caught him staring at me. I just get the feeling he likes me, you know, woman's instinct maybe but I don't want to base everything on what I feel because I've been wrong about this stuff in the past but this guy is older than guys I usually waste my time on. He's not a silly little high school boy, he's about 22 I reckon. So please help me out, I fancy the pants off him but I don't know where to start. I'm kind of shy when it comes to things like this and I'm getting the impression that he is too. What should I do? Should I tell my dad and maybe he'll tell him how I feel? Thanks.

VictorM's advice:

Noooooooo!!!!!! Don't tell your dad a thing! This is something that you and the boy have to resolve and you must keep everyone else out.

You don't even know his age and you haven't even had a conversation with the guy. For crying out loud, do you even know his name? Yeah, yeah, I'm sure you do, but try to make conversation with him about simple things. Ask him about the refereeing in World Cup, or about anything else you know he's interested in. Talk to the guy a little more before you plan to marry him. And, if it looks like he's going to say something to you... LISTEN! Don't walk away.


Tags: advice, dating, relationship, question, answer, boyfriend, girlfriend

janet thompson, 39, from redding, ca asks:

I am dating a very nice guy my age, no children has been in one serious relationship. We see each other about once a week. We go to dinner, laugh a lot and hang out for hours at one of our houses. He is moving to Reno for business opportunity, that is only 3 hours from here. We like each other and both agreed to keep it lite for now. My problem is that I am falling for him slowly. He seems to be into me but because of the move is holding back. I listen to everything he says, he is funny, we have a lot in common. How do I get this guy to fall for me so that maybe I can join him in Reno someday?

VictorM's advice:

"I shot a man in Reno, just to watch him die". Sorry, but I can't hear of Reno without those lyrics coming to mind. Anyway, I've been to Reno. Are you sure you want to live there? :)

What makes you think he hasn't fallen for you? It's possible he has. And if he has not, no gimmicks are going to chance that. You laugh, you like each other, you spend time together. Sounds like a good thing. Just be as you are.

You can keep visiting each other and the distance will make both of you reach some conclusions about your relationship. You may miss each other and want to be close to each other, or one of you may find life is fine without the other.


Tags: advice, dating, relationship, question, answer, boyfriend, girlfriend

Miranda, 23, from Canada asks:

So this guy I met.. we dated a few times then he said that he wasn't ready. Recently he asked me out again. We've now gone on a few dates and tonight he tells me the same thing. "I think I need you as a friend right now more then a girlfriend. But who knows what the future holds." Why does he keep doing this? And is there a good way to make it stop? If he likes me why doesn't he just be with me instead of playing games? I don't get it. HELP!!

VictorM's advice:

What games is he playing exactly? I don't see them. He likes going out on dates with you and likes your friendship. And of course, no one knows what the future holds. So what's the mystery?

You just want him to ask you to be his girlfriend, but face it, he doesn't think you're "it", hence no such question.

Yes, there is a way to make it stop: either stop going out with the guy or accept that he thinks of you as friendly material only. Case solved!


Tags: advice, dating, relationship, question, answer, boyfriend, girlfriend

chris, 23, from Australia asks:

I hope you can help. There's this guy who's always checking out my body, especially hips, he's always noticing me he also notices what I'm wearing, he makes eye contact I've caught him looking and then he's very good at quickly looking away when I catch him, other times he'll make direct eye contact with 'smiling eyes' and doesn't mind if I catch him, but when I'm up close and speaking to him directly he has for the most part a hard time holding eye contact for very long. One time I walked into his office when he wasn't expecting to see me and he got all nervous and was muddling up his words. The other day I needed to send him an sms and he had a smile from ear to ear. Help! chris

VictorM's advice:

I'm not sure what you need help with.

Everything you described could be because he's attracted to you, but it could also be that he just finds you attractive and is not interested in a relationship. Even if he's married, has a girlfriend, or even likes some other girl, that wouldn't preclude him from the reactions you mentioned.

If you like him, give him encouragement. If you don't like him, enjoy torturing him.


Tags: advice, dating, relationship, question, answer, boyfriend, girlfriend

Marie, 33, from Pittsburgh asks:

I have a guy friend who I hang out with all the time. Mostly with a group a few times just the two of us. ALL our friends say he likes me. But he has never tried to kiss me or anything. To complicate matters he and I work in the same small office and he was just promoted to be my boss. Our friends say if we didn't work together they think he would make a move. I think if he really cared for me he wouldn't let anything stop him. He is very shy, also. I really like him and don't want to ruin our friendship in anyway. What do you think should I move on or make the move myself?

VictorM's advice:

Oh boy, are you playing with fire. You work in the same small office and he's your boss. That's a recipe for trouble. I think between the two of you, he's thinking straight, you're not.

Forget what your friends thing. People often mistake enjoying someone's company for having romantic feelings.

You say IF he really liked you he would stop at nothing. I say IF you really care, you should quit your job there (after all, he has the better position) and then be open about your feelings. See, this "stopping at nothing" attitude is a two way street, it applies to you too.

So, do you care enough about him to ensure that he doesn't lose his job? If you're willing to switch jobs, talk to him about your feelings, otherwise, just enjoy the friendship.

charlotte, 18, asks:

This might be a strange question, but I just wanted to know. I have been with my fiancee for 2 and a half years. He is the only guy I have slept with. We are really close and love doing things together. When we have sex, he comes once and says he can't do it again till hours have passed. I just wanted to know, is this normal? How long does a guy have to wait before he can have another orgasm? I'm worried he could be hiding something from me or something may be wrong.

VictorM's advice:

"In sexual intercourse, the refractory period is a recovery phase after male ejaculation during which it is physiologically impossible for almost all men to experience sustained erection and additional ejaculations or orgasms. The penis may be hypersensitive and further sexual stimulation may even feel painful during this time frame. The refractory period varies widely between individuals, ranging from minutes to hours."

I don't know if you're exaggerating when you say hours, or it just feels that way. But it's safe to say that about one hour or so is not unusual. But taking longer could also be OK and not a sign of anything abnormal if, for example, he lasts a long time before he ejaculates and/or is not in good physical shape (couch potatoes and overweight men are more prone to taking longer to be ready again.)

Maybe you should get him to drink Red Bull. :) (Just kidding).

In any case, if it's really hours before he's ready again, and he's not overweight or out of shape, you should encourage him to see a doctor about it, just in case. Chances are there's nothing wrong and he's not hiding anything, but why not check with a professional anyway?


Tags: advice, dating, relationship, question, answer, boyfriend, girlfriend

joanie, 24, asks:

I've been seeing someone for a long time who I love more than anything. We both want to stay together forever. It seems like we were made for each other. But I dated someone else before, and after a year and a half, out of nowhere, they just fell out of love with me and we broke up. Now I get scared that the same thing will happen, even though I know it won't. We talk about it all the time. What can I do?

VictorM's advice:

Stop living in la-la-land. It could happen all over again and believing it won't happen is avoiding reality. Every relationship could end tomorrow, whether due to one partner falling out of love, falling in love with someone else, death, etc. Being in love with someone is taking a risk with your emotions. It is because it could end that you should do it with energy and live as if today is the last day of that relationship. And then you do it again tomorrow, and the day after and so on. Maybe it will last a lifetime, maybe it won't. But if you put your energies into that loving relationship one day at a time, you will have no regrets if or when it ends. Otherwise, if you're too cautious, you're just cheating yourself.

And just look at yourself. Did the ending of the last relationship prevent you from falling in love again? Of course not. You love this new guy and today he loves you back. Love recklessly today, I say, and to hell with worrying tomorrow!


Tags: advice, dating, relationship, question, answer, boyfriend, girlfriend

maria ramos, 27, from Washington, DC asks:

My boyfriend and I have been on and off (mostly on) for 11 years. We talk about marriage and being forever and kids, but he hasn't proposed. We spend a lot of time together, but I have suspected him of cheating and have actually caught him. I think that he's been cheating all along but he always has a good answer to defend himself. I am confused. I have a feeling he is playing me, but I love him so much. I can't imagine life without him. What do you suggest me to do? Stay with him? Will he ever truly commit to one person, ME?

VictorM's advice:

He has a good answer to defend himself when he cheats? Tell him to write a book -- he'll make millions! But actually, I don't believe you. You must just be terribly gullible and weak. You can't imagine life without him, so you put up with the abuse. He doesn't have any good answers; you just have lack of self-respect.

No, I don't think he'll ever stop cheating because why would he? He always comes up with "a good answer" and so he doesn't have to change his ways. He can have you and anyone else he hooks up with.

I suggest you look the other way and stop catching him, this way you won't have to pretend to believe all his bullshit, and you won't have to make any tough decisions.

Oh, one more thing: why would he propose to you? Guys usually like to marry someone they can respect.


Tags: advice, dating, relationship, question, answer, boyfriend, girlfriend

T.J., 16, from Iowa asks:

I have been going out with my girl friend for a few weeks now. Before I asked her out, I knew she was a bit flirtatious, but I hoped that it would stop after we started going out. After about a week, I couldn't take it anymore. So I talked to her about it. Everything worked out until a few days ago. She's back at it again, probably worse than before. I really like this girl, but I don't know what to do. Should I give her another chance? How much of it is her fault, and how much is it the other guys' fault?

VictorM's advice:

It's not the other guys' fault at all because even if they flirt with her she doesn't have to flirt back. It would be nice if the guys would respect you (if they are friends of yours) but the truth is they owe you nothing. It's really up to her.

Flirting, in this case, seems to be a sign of both immaturity and lack of respect for you. It doesn't mean she's not a nice girl, just one not ready for a serious relationship yet.

You can give her another chance, but she's not going to change just because you ask. Is she worth the aggravation? It's your call but consider that sometimes we run into the wrong person or the right person at the wrong time. You need to recognize when that happens and have the willpower to not sacrifice your self-respect because someone else lacks hers.


Tags: advice, dating, relationship, question, answer, boyfriend, girlfriend

Kate, 25, from UK asks:

My boyfriend has broken up with me saying he doesn't know what he wants but he loves me more than anything and always will. I don't understand it. Please help!

VictorM's answer:

He may not know what he wants, but he knows he doesn't want you. He just doesn't want to say it to your face. "He loves me... and always will" really means he just doesn't want to see you cry in front of him. Maybe he even thinks you're a nice person, but that's about it. Capiche?

Move on, Kate. Move on.


Tags: advice, dating, relationship, question, answer, boyfriend, girlfriend

arielle, 17, from euclid oh asks:

I've been dating this boy for 7 months and I am having his baby girl. Last night we got into an argument because he has started hurting my feelings lately and he doesn't seem to know it, like for example: we would be talking on the phone and he would bring up how he wants to get on this dating web site called myspace.com. Now I told him that it was for dating but he insisted that there was another part where you could communicate and let others hear your music, now because I know that on myspace.com no matter whether you're in the dating part or not girls will still send him invitations and show flix of other females who he could choose to date, so I kindly asked him not to go on that and he flat out tells me "NO! I'm going on it whether you say so or not" and this is not the first time he has said something like that to me. Another thing is he doesn't tell me he loves me like he did. In fact, he only says it once a month or if I say it to him then he will say it back, he has made it a habit to hang up on me when we argue instead of trying to work it out. I am trying my best to show him how much I love him, I cook for him when he comes over, I give him back rubs, I tell him I love him and kiss him every chance I get, I tell him how much I miss him when we haven't spoken all day, and I have never done this with past relationships but I've told him that I would like to marry him one day because I love him and he's the father of my unborn, I even try to be romantic to him still and I love him even though he does what he does and sometimes hurt my feelings. Also sometimes he tells me that he wants to get married when I ask him but he doesn't like to talk about it or he huffs and puffs, he also does that when I tell him I miss him, love him, need him, and care about him sometimes I think he won't realize how good I am to him unless I leave him but no matter how much I try not to call him I give in or he calls me and gets me back loving him. Last night we had an argument because I could tell our relationship is going down hill because we always seem to argue when I express my feelings to him so I offer to fix things and work it out so we can go back to how we use to be but he kept getting frustrated about it and I have been trying for the past month to make it work so last night I just threw my hands up and said forget it. He agreed and I hung up so basically we broke up last night. At least I think we did because he usually turns his phone completely off after we argue and goes to sleep but when I called him back 5 min later it rang he picked up and didn't say a word so I told him that I was still coming over to braid his mom's hair today and he was like ok call her when your ready, so I was like ok by and instead of him just hanging up he said I love you and I got quiet because I was shocked. That's something he hasn't said in a while and he said it again and I said it back and we hung up. Today I'm going over his house to do his mom's hair. What do you think i should do, ignore him or what? Do you think he loves me for real? I think I am the best girl from the last two because they cheated on him and broke his heart I have never and will never do such a thing and has completely showed him how much I love him. So now what? I just don't want to be wasting my time thinking he loves me when he doesn't. He knows I am attractive and so is he but he hates the thought of another guy trying to talk to me so does he have the courage to leave me or work it out what do you think? You're a guy. Put yourself in this situation. Am I doing anything wrong? Please help!

VictorM's advice:

Yes, you are doing something wrong: you're seeing the whole thing purely from a girl's perspective and expecting him to like the same things that you do. All the "wonderful" things you do for him, you do because that's what you'd like to be done for you. But guys are different. You need to consider what he likes and how he thinks before you jump to the conclusion that you're so wonderful.

MySpace is not a dating site, even if guys and girls may hook up. He's right; people go to that site for a lot of other reasons. The truth is, if he's bent on meeting other girls, he will, whether at that site of another. Your request was unreasonable and he put his foot down with you. Could he have said it better? Of course. But you both sounds amazingly immature, so you'll get these bumps on the road.

You didn't break-up. You had a little spat. You shouldn't ignore him. He said he loved you and it's time for you to look beyond this silly argument.

Get used to a few things. Guys don't go around saying "I love you" as much as girls do. It's a fact. If he doesn't see you one day he knows he'll see you the next, so saying "I missed you" often is a girl's thing. Guys are much more practical. Don't take it personally and get used to it.

From a guy's point of view you seem too uptight and too clingy. Ease up on all the need for attention and for verbalizing your feelings and just have fun with him. Do fun things, go to fun places, laugh, and relax. (Yeah, I know... I'm asking for a minor miracle.)


Tags: advice, dating, relationship, question, answer, boyfriend, girlfriend

toni mapp, 27, from southend on sea asks:

My boyfriend always tells me that he loves me but doesn't really show it. He works away so I don't see him much so why doesn't he show me he loves me? He does work hard and I know his tired but I just need to feel more loved. What shall I do?

VictorM's advice:

I don't know what you mean by showing he loves you. What are you looking for? Flowers? Gifts? Romantic dinners? In any case, most guys are very practical and don't feel the need to show or say the obvious. Maybe you need to be clear with him that there are certain things you'd love for him to do/say. But please, don't say it as if you're reprimending him or complaining. Do it as a way of helping him get more sex attention from you.


Tags: advice, dating, relationship, question, answer, boyfriend, girlfriend

Jess, 27, from New Zealand asks:

I have been seeing a guy for 2 months but nothing was official as to whether we were together so I asked him where I stood and he said he had never had a girlfriend and does not know much about being in a relationship but was falling in love with me but had not expected it to happen and is not ready to settle down as he plans to travel and do other things first! Then he left. Should I just let him go?

VictorM's advice:

What do you want to do, chain him to the wall? Of course you let him go. If he's in love with you he'll come back. But when guys are faced with the utterly dreaded "where do we stand?" question they'll say the darndest things just to be able to get away with their testicles intact. Don't believe a word of it until deeds back those words up.


Tags: advice, dating, relationship, question, answer, boyfriend, girlfriend

Sandy, 16, from: US asks:

Hello Victor M.!I wanted to ask you, my boyfriend is going away for college soon, and I wanted to know if you had any good ideas for dates or special events that we could do together. From a guy's point of view, I don't know exactly what is lame, or what is special..although I know it's different for each guy. If you were going off to college, and you were spending extra time with your girlfriend, what types of activities or events would you want to do with her that would make you look back on them in college and smile..and be glad to see her again? I know hanging out might do the trick, but I want to make this summer the greatest for both of us. If you have any advice on what we could do, what I could do personally (what I could talk about, how I act, etc), before he leaves? By the way...should I not mention anything about him leaving? We've already discussed that we are going to still date, but should I not bring it up (about how sad I am..etc) until that day?Also, I won't see him all the time when he leaves..probably about every 2 or 3 1/2 weeks. Is there anything I can do, while he's gone, to spark the relationship and make him still want to be with me although we're miles apart? Thanks a lot! I really appreciate your help and need it the most right now. Sandy

VictorM's advice:

As a girl you're thinking of memorable events, as a guy he'll prefer memorable moments. Just being with you is enough. Time alone is great. By all means do things that you know he likes, but unless you know of specific things, just be with him. And please, do NOT get weepy and clingy and sad. If you keep bringing up how sad you will be you'll just spoil the moment.

Other than that, you love each other now, so don't start doing anything different now. Be as you have always been. That's who he fell in love with and that's what will keep him hooked to you.

One thing: after he leaves, do not send him nude pictures! I'm not kidding. The risk of them winding up on the Internet are too high.


Tags: advice, dating, relationship, question, answer, boyfriend, girlfriend

Nana, 20, from texas asks:

I have been engaged for about a year now. My fiance is in the military so whenever he comes down it is a treat. We always have great sex and we both love it. The other day we were talking about religion and he tried to say that he is religious. I tried to ask him why he thinks he is so religious if he has sex with me and we are not married yet. At this he completely turned defensive and said that he is not going to have sex with me anymore until we are married. I cherish the time that I get to have with him and that is one of the ways that I show him that I love him, and of course cause the sex is great. I feel really hurt and rejected and I have told him that I was not trying to question his religion, it was just a question. But he won't listen and he says he won't change his mind. I am a very sexual person, especially since I rarely see him. What should I do?

VictorM's advice:

I doubt very much he'll be able to resist having sex with you. But frankly, that is far from what your major concern should be. If this guy can't talk about an issue like this and refuses to communicate about what seemed like a perfectly good and simple question, you have to wonder about his ability to communicate about other issues down the road.

As I see it, the big problem here isn't the sex or the religion, but about his unwillingness to talk about it. Men who shut down like little children when confronted with a stance they can't justify will be very unpleasant people to live with.

This is a huge red flag being raised right before your eyes. Don't look the other way. If you can't convince him he needs to talk about this, your life is going to become very complicated.


Tags: advice, dating, relationship, question, answer, boyfriend, girlfriend

Renea GA, 37, from North Carolina asks:

What does it mean when a guy that you just met tells you that he does not have a lot of male friends, but he has a lot of female friends?

VictorM's answer:

My guess is he's trying to let you know that he's a sensitive guy, not a bar-hopping, sports fanatic, adjust his family jewels in public, fart and burp kinda guy.

He sounds boring to me. :)


Tags: advice, dating, relationship, question, answer, boyfriend, girlfriend

Mother_gooze, 23, from Netherlands asks:

Hi, I'm 23, I have a young son, and I'm in love with someone a couple of years younger then me. I really don't know what to do. I'm sure he really likes me, and is attracted to me, not only in a physical way, but he holds back, when things get intense. Could it be he's scared because I have a child? What should I do?

VictorM's advice:

There are a lot of reasons for him to be scared: you're older, you have a child, and he's very young. These 3 factors are very good reasons to make sure things between you two go very slow before he decides if he wants a steady relationship with you. Dealing with a woman who has someone else's child is not an easy issue to deal with, specially when you're only twenty.

My advice: be patient, be understanding, and don't pressure him.


Tags: advice, dating, relationship, question, answer, boyfriend, girlfriend

Adam, from cardiff asks:

When you begin foreplay and then penetration what do you do after you've cummed?

VictorM's answer:

You pay her, get dressed, and go home.

Denise, 26, from Ann Arbor, MI. asks:

For 11 years I have been friends/lovers with my first love. He moved away for 14 months and returned to find out we had a 7 month old child, his first child. We are expecting another child in 2 months. He sleeps around and is constantly telling me that he is not ready to get married. I cook for him, do anything for him, waits weeks at a time to see him and when he comes he won't show me any affection because he doesn't want me to want him exclusively. With that said, he will stop providing for me if I date a guy. How can I get him to overcome his fears of commitment and allow himself to realize he loves me and should be here with me and his children? Is it a hopeless dream I'm holding on to or do I just wait until he's ready for me? It's so depressing!

VictorM's advice:

So you screw him and you cook for him. Big deal! Forget about his fears of commitment. He's not afraid! He just doesn't have to!

You are a weak and scared woman who is paralyzed by your dependence on him. Until you change, nothing about him will. He can't love you because he has no respect for you. You are his concubine, not his lover.

What is there about you to love? I wish you're write back and tell me that.


Tags: advice, dating, relationship, question, answer, boyfriend, girlfriend

dayanara, 31, from new york asks:

If a guy that you know for a really long time asks you if you are married, what does that really means?

VictorM's answer:

Could mean a lot of things:

-- He could be interested in you, but if he is I assume he'd also ask if you have a boyfriend.
-- He could be wondering how anyone in their right mind would marry someone like you (hey, don't take this personally cause I don't know you, just saying...)
-- He could be looking for partners for the coed bowling league.
-- He could just be nosey.

But whatever his reason, I don't think you can draw any intelligent conclusion from the question.


Tags: advice, dating, relationship, question, answer, boyfriend, girlfriend

Seane, 15, from Johannesburg asks:

How do I know a guy likes me?

VictorM's answer:

If he changes his behavior when he's around you. For example, if he's being a clown around his friends and he gets more serious when you arrive, chances are he likes you. Stuff like that.


Tags: advice, dating, relationship, question, answer, boyfriend, girlfriend

haley, 13, from pa asks:

Do guys prefer girls make the first move and if so what's the best way to do it?

VictorM's answer:

No, they do not. Not at your age anyway. Young boys are out to prove their manhood and they have the need to succeed in the conquest phase of a relationship. Your job is to tease them and flirt with them to the point their testicles are ready to explode... then you walk away and watch them chase you.


Tags: advice, dating, relationship, question, answer, boyfriend, girlfriend

shannon, 14, from oklahoma asks:

Okay I am really confused! I have been going out with my boyfriend for 8 months, almost 9! But there is one problem. He doesn't call me or I never see him outside of school! Now that it's summer I don't talk to him or see him at all! Everyone says I need to break up with him but I can't seem to do it! I have been wanting to break up for a while but I don't know why it's so hard for me to do it. The last few weeks my school had left i started liking this other guy. The problem is I know he won't ever like me because I am not pretty enough for him or skinny enough! I am not trying to be mean to myself it's just I can't find another guy because I'm not skinny but besides that I don't know what to do! Can you please help me??

VictorM's advice:

If you never get to talk to your boyfriend I can see why it would be so hard to break-up with him -- he's never around for you to tell him. But if he's never around and you don't talk, then why do you say he's your boyfriend? He's not! Write him an email, leave a voice mail, send a note with a pigeon, use smoke signals, whatever, just tell him you and him are done.

As for the other guy not liking you because you're not skinny or pretty... that's bullshit! You can't assume that. Beauty is in the eye of the beholder and most guys don't read all those crappy girly magazines that say you need to look this way or that way for them to like you. Those magazines' intention is to sell you products, not build up your confidence. The truth is that guys interest in skinny girls only is a myth. Look around you. How many non-skinny, not so pretty girls do you see with boyfriends? A lot, I bet. So don't sell yourself short and don't assume what this boy might or might not like. Treat him nicely, make him feel great when he's around you, and you'll have him by the balls heart.


Tags: advice, dating, relationship, question, answer, boyfriend, girlfriend

mandy, 21, asks:

I was seeing this guy for 4 months. I was a virgin and finally after he was so wonderful and caring for all that time I gave it up to him. He, right after sex, asked me if I was interested in a 3 some with another woman he knew and said he didn't want a relationship with me. What's up with that? He got what he wanted and broke my heart.

VictorM's advice:

I'm sorry to hear it. Just goes to show you the extent to which some guys exercise patience to get sex.

Good people often get tricked by people without scruples. Despite your loss of virginity and broken heart you're still better off than him; you have your dignity and self-respect, which is more than we can say for him.


Tags: advice, dating, relationship, question, answer, boyfriend, girlfriend

Rebecca, 30, from: Phoenix asks:

I've been seeing this guy since February. At first it was way intense, with him saying "I love you" from the second week we were seeing each other. I never could say that back so quickly but I always let him know how terrific I think he is and would say that I'm really into him, etc. Anyway his life has been pretty problematic this year, mine too, and then there was some weirdness between us probably due to both of us being under a lot of stress, and then he grew rather distant, and though we saw each other often there was no sex for about 3-4 weeks, which really made me feel bad!! So we kind of reevaluated, said we shouldn't try to be so serious, and twice since then we have hung out, had a really nice time, had sex, etc. I told him I'm not into having sex with anyone else right now and I'm still into him, risky I know, but I wanted him to know how I'm feeling since he had made comments about me having sex with all these other guys. The main thing here is, he doesn't call. I have to do the calling. I try not to do it often since I think he may need time to himself (though he's probably out looking for other girls to date), but when I do he is just the same on the phone, nice, etc. I've decided that even though I have to do the calling, I'm still reeealllly into him (other guys ask me out but the fireworks are with this guy) enough to keep calling him maybe once a week to ask him out, etc. I ask you, is this getting into 'psycho girl' territory? If he still wants to hang out I want to see if it grows into more again. Even though it hurts that he kind of backed off and part of me says forget him, I really think there is still potential. Or am I a fool?

VictorM's advice:

No, you're not a fool. You are interested in him and you are making the effort to see him. As long as you aren't calling 2 or 3 times a day, it's fine. And as long as he's nice and engages you when you call, and continues to go out with you, he clearly isn't bothered by you.

This guy has cooled off from the early days, but that's not a bad thing; after being that gang-ho about you after only two weeks it's normal that he'd cool off. He probably realized he went over the top and is now playing it cool.

Guys tend to get lazy in relationships. Picking up the phone to call the girl is often something that guys hate doing. So you do it. He's probably happy that you call him.

If he ever gets enough of you, chances are he won't come out and say it straight. So if he starts brushing you off and coming up with excuses for not seeing you, get the clue.


Tags: advice, dating, relationship, question, answer, boyfriend, girlfriend

melissa, 18, from england asks:

I have been with my boyfriend for a year now. But I really have strong feelings for him already, as he has helped me through some difficult times. But he is just so different to other guys I have been with. The problem is everyone wants him to get married, (his friends, family etc.) he doesn't want to and I don't want him to either but should I just leave him now before I get hurt and always think about him or should I put in some real effort and maybe he will think otherwise. please help!!

VictorM's answer:

I really am not sure I understand the question. He doesn't want to get married and neither do do. You're in love with him. Why on Earth would you leave him now "before I get hurt"? Hurt how? And I have no idea what you mean by "maybe he will think otherwise".

I'm sorry but I don't get what you're really asking. Maybe you can send another submission explaining the situation a little further.


Tags: advice, dating, relationship, question, answer, boyfriend, girlfriend

John, 41, from Nevada asks:

I have asked quite a few people this but another view point is always good. I met this girl who is spectacular. So not my type but the chemistry was overboard and I have always been open to all kinds of people. We talked and talked and really got to know each other. Then one day after we had lunch she told me that she could not talk to me anymore. Her ex husband had found out she was seeing me and threw a fit. She was so independent and strong to see her cave to an ex like this was baffling! A few of my friends speculated she may still be married but I know she is not. Some said she doesn't like you but if that is the case she deserves an academy award. For now I have let things cool off. I have not called or written her. Basically, I figure if she is interested she will be back. It would be hard to say no to her if she did come back but I don't want this problem with the ex to become habitual.

VictorM's advice:

As I read your submission, the first thought that came to me is that she might be dependent on the ex for financial support and she has no intentions of pissing him off as he may cut her off from money. If this is not the explanation, then her attitude is rather bizarre. Generally, pissing off an ex would be a bonus.

You are very right about being concerned of his undue influence on her. Regardless of your feelings for her, be very careful about this topic and make every effort to determine his role in her life. Dealing with anyone whose ex is in the picture is bad enough much less if that ex actually has an impact.

Also, don't overlook that maybe, just maybe, she is an academy award actress.


Tags: advice, dating, relationship, question, answer, boyfriend, girlfriend

butch, 40, from wa asks:

Do men get wet when sexually excited?

VictorM's answer:

Yes. Very much so. Some take a little longer than others, some get wetter than others, but just about all do.


Tags: advice, dating, relationship, question, answer, boyfriend, girlfriend

Miranda, 18, from Va asks:

If you give it up to a guy on a first date are they more likely to think your "easy"? And what are some of the signs when you know a guy isn't in it just for a "piece"? Thanks!

VictorM's answer:

Yes, that's exactly what most guys will think. But more importantly is what they will feel -- that you're not a challenge anymore. Read the archives and you'll see lots of questions on the same topic: after guys had sex their interest on the girl ceased.

The best way to know what he's after is to withhold sex from him and seeing if he still sticks around.


Tags: advice, dating, relationship, question, answer, boyfriend, girlfriend

Sis, 22, from TN asks:

I'm in the middle of a divorce and have a child and I have been talking to this guy for 2 months. We are kinda getting serious but he said he doesn't want to get too serious until he gets back from Iraq in March which he leaves for in 1 1/2 months. What should I think? I mean he calls, text, or emails everyday, usually calls and we talk for 2 hours. We have a lot in common and we have a really great time and he accepts that my child is most important. I really want to be with him. Should I stick it out til March or is he just messing with me?

VictorM's advice:

Sounds like he has a good head on his shoulders. His decision to wait until he comes back is sound. Besides, you've only been seeing him for two months, which clearly is not enough time to know people well enough.

You seem the impatient kind. Considering that at 22 you're already going through a divorce, the decision to wait should have come from you. I'd say you could use some patience. March isn't too far off and should give you time to complete your divorce. And when he comes back, take time to know him before you rush into another marriage.


Tags: advice, dating, relationship, question, answer, boyfriend, girlfriend

Despina, 41, from England asks:

I met a guy on the internet..... we Emailed for almost 6 months and eventually met......When he got home he text me saying I just got in. I had a really good time. I text back saying I did to and if he wanted to do it again to let me know, if not I would understand and to take care. He then text back with the words I don't see any reason why we couldn't see each other again. That was two weeks ago ..... before we met he would text me at least once or twice a week. Now nothing! Should I forget him ... just wished he could have been straight!

VictorM's advice:

Maybe he went to Germany for the World Cup. Or he is on holidays in Madeira Island.

But anyway, don't expect a guy to be straight about something like this. It's not pleasant for most guys to tell a girl they're not interested in her. It's that simple. If he lost interest he'll just disappear.

But in any case, have you texted him? Maybe he's waiting for you thinking you lost interest in him.


Tags: advice, dating, relationship, question, answer, boyfriend, girlfriend