Kierra, 14
Kansas City
Asks:

Hi. Me and my now ex had sex and we both just recently found out we have chylamydia now. His friends say I'm the slut and hore but I'm not the bad person when he took my virginity from me and I gave him 6months. So now were working on getting back together but I really need help!!!

Lee's Thoughts:

He gave you chlamydia. His friends are calling you a whore.

He sounds charming.

Remind me why you want to get back together with this guy? Are you trying to see what other weird and wonderful diseases you can collect? Do you want to find out what OTHER evil names his friends can come up with for you?

How about...get some respect for yourself and start taking care of yourself.

Orr...get your tubes tied so that you can't bring a child into this mess.

Good luck with that.

Jessica, 16
Kentucky
Asks:

I need advice on a boy situation. I got pregnant by him and I keep asking him if we can go ahead and get married. He's like staring in to space. I mean, I don't know what's going inside his head. Can you give me advice. I don't no if he is going to marry me or not.

Lee's Thoughts:

Jessica. Listen to me. HE'S NOT GOING TO MARRY YOU.

Staring off into space = HE DOESN'T WANT TO MARRY YOU.

He doesn't give a crap about you or this child. He got his rocks off and now he's done.

This is SO NOT a "boy" situation. This is all about you and your baby. What are you going to do? You need to grow up and become and adult and QUICK.

Forget about this guy.

TODAY, you need to either

a) Look into Planned Parenthood and find out when and how quickly you can get an abortion. Then, get on a birth control method, preferably Norplant Implant (good for five years).

b) Get your guy to sign away his rights as a father and put your baby up for adoption to a loving, two parent home. Then, get on NORPLANT, birth control good for five years.

DO THE RIGHT THING JESSICA.

Feel free to write back.

Mary, 28
Asks:

Hello, I have read your advice on long distance dating and it seems to have worked out fine with you. I am kinda in a long distance relationship now. I met the guy online and he lives across the ocean. We are planning to meet in his country and I am just curious what you did with your bf at the first time meeting?

I am little nervous to meet and spend a week with someone I've never known. Would it be weird for us to stay in separate rooms? Or should we spend time together in the same room, so we have more time to get to know each other??

Please advise.. not sure what I should and need to do to make it work out fine. thanks!

Lee's Thoughts:

In MY case, the first thing I did was bang his brains out. HOWEVER, we had known each other for three years before our three years of long distance even began.

So, in YOUR case, you should DEFINITELY book your own room for the ENTIRE WEEK. I'm sure you think you know this guy, but you don't. He could be prince charming or he could be an axe murderer. You don't want to take that chance. If he is prince charming, he will have no problems whatsoever with you preferring to stay in a separate room. In fact, he will RESPECT the way you take care of yourself and observe the fact that you are not crossing the ocean simply for some booty. This will convey the strong statement that you want to get to know him on a deeper level then just sex.

You should be nervous. That's what self-preservation feels like. You need to ensure that you have a place to stay in case he turns out to be a complete ass and you are left on your own. If all goes well, you'll have all of your waking hours to spend with him. You don't need to share a room.

Hold out for this time. You can always bang his brains out when HE visits YOU.

George, 14
British Columbia
Asks:

When I go to dances that my school hosts, I have the biggest problem talking to girls. When I do work up the courage to talk to a girl, they'd normally just say hi and shy away. Am I doing anything wrong?

Lee's Thoughts:

The problem is that you are letting them get away with one-word answers. If you say hi, they will say hi and just leave (everyone is nervous and shy at this point). If you say how are you, they can say, "Fine" and just leave.

You need to approach these girls when they have paused somewhere for a moment. Good moments are if she is behind you in line at the water fountain, if she is getting a snack or punch at the dance, in line for the bathroom, waiting for her mom to pick her up outside...wherever she will be standing for a moment or two.

Next, you have to think of a good question that takes some thought.

"Good luck in your basketball game tomorrow. Is that team tough?"

"What did you think about that Chemistry exam?"

"What do you think about this DJ?" (at the dance)

That way, her answer will be the beginnings of an actual conversation. Just show some interest. Ask her about something she's interested in.

Good LUCK!

Ashley, 16
Ohio
Asks:

If you really like this boy and y'all was talking to each other and you knew he liked you but soon he gets around his friends he says he doesn't. What should I do? I still like him and I think he still likes me, but doesn't show it. How should I go about this?

Lee's Thoughts:

If he SAYS he doesn't like you and he doesn't SHOW that he likes you, he DOES NOT LIKE YOU. These games are silly, childish, and annoying. Do you really want to spend your time with this?

Guess what? You ARE in control of who you like and who you don't. It's not some random magic wand that your fairy godmother is casting over you. Get over this guy and find someone who is not ashamed to tell all of his friends and family that he LIKESLIKESLIKES you.

P.S.
Learn how to speak English. I had to do some major editing to make your letter even somewhat clear.

Liam, 15
Florida

I understand date rape, but I have recently heard of cases where the couple engaged in sex and after, the female decided she didn't want to and filed a charge of date rape. Exactly where do they draw the line?

Lee's Thoughts:

My scary answer to this is...anything is possible. People are wrongly accused of all sorts of crimes every day. Date rape is extremely difficult to prove or disprove. This is reason #423 to be sure you are (both) adults, in an adult mindset, and not under the influence of drugs and alcohol when you partake in sex.

First, check the laws in your state to find out what they consider "age of consent". In Alabama, Mississippi and South Carolina, the age of consent is 16. In Colorado and New York, 17. In California and North Dakota, 18. No, I'm not that smart. Check out the Answer Board on www.sexlaws.org.

Another point to ponder..."Coercion". Coercion, even without the use of physical threats or violence, in order to get someone to give you consent invalidates that consent. So, even verbal pressuring can be classified as "date rape".

Here are some more tips to help you avoid a potential date rape situation:

1. If you are getting a double message, speak up and clarify what she wants.

2. If you find yourself in a situation with a female who is unsure about having sex or is saying "no," back off. Suggest talking about it.

3. Do not assume you know what your partner wants. Check out your assumptions.

4. Be sensitive to females who are unsure whether they want to have sex. If you put pressure on them, you may be forcing them.

5. Do not assume you both want the same degree of intimacy.

6. She may be interested in some sexual contact other than intercourse. There may be several kinds of sexual activity you might mutually agree to share.

7. Stay in touch with your sexual desires. Ask yourself if you are really hearing what she wants.

8. Do not let your desires control your actions.

9. Communicate your sexual desires honestly and as early as possible. Your desires may be beyond your control, but your actions are within your control. Sexual excitement does not justify forced sex.

10. Do not assume her desire for affection is the same as a desire for intercourse.

11. Not having sex or not "scoring" does not mean you are not a "real man."

12. It is OK not to "score." A female who turns you down for sex is not necessarily rejecting you as a person. She is expressing her decision not to participate in a single act at that time.

13. No one asks to be raped. No matter how she behaves, she does not deserve to have her body used in ways she does not want.

14. "No" means no. If you do not accept a female's "no," you might risk raping someone you thought meant "yes."

15. Taking sexual advantage of a person mentally or physically incapable of giving consent is rape. If a female has had too much to drink, has passed out, or is not in control of herself, having sex with her is rape.

16. The fact that you were intoxicated is not a legal defense. You are responsible for your actions, whether you are sober or not. Stay sober for yourselves.

17. Be aware that a man's size and physical presence can be intimidating. Many victims report that the fear they felt based on the man's size and presence was the reason they did not fight back or struggle.

Essentially, be mature. Choose a mature woman. And don't put yourself in a situation where anyone can accuse you of something you didn't do.

Patrick, 40
Texas
Asks:

My girlfriend of 3 months does phone sex. We are having difficulty balancing the time she spends with me since she spends so much time on the phone. We love each other very much and want to find more time for each other without it effecting her busy schedule.

Lee's Thoughts:

(I call total *bullshit* on this one, but I'll play along...)

IF your girlfriend does in fact have a *real* 9-5 job and is doing this on the side, after hours:

1) Why oh why would she be wasting the precious time when she is not at her *real job* doing this crap? Has she no better, more productive and inspiring hobbies that she can be proud of?

2) What if you have kids with this woman? Would you want the phone-sex-girl to be the mother of your children?

3) Why do you want to be with a woman who would rather be getting guys off over the phone then spending time with you? (Ponder that!)

IF this in fact IS your girlfriend's 9-5 job:

You have bigger problems then time-management.

Johnny, 15
Colorado
Asks:

Hey, I've got to ask you this. My girlfriend has been in countless relationships with other guys and this is only my second. My first I never kissed the girl because we were younger and it never really came to that. Now that we are older it has sort of become expected that we kiss. And I think she wants me too, but I can't bring myself to do it. I want to also, it just seems impossible for me to get myself to do it. I also know that in her past relationships she has kissed many times, perhaps even more than just kissing on the cheek or lips. So how do I kiss a girl without feeling stupid? Thank you very much.

Lee's Thoughts:

Well Johnny, you start slow and easy. *Baby steps*...if you will.

Do you hold hands with her? That's a great way to start getting physical with her and get comfortable with it. Hold her hand. Then, you can move to the good 'ole arm around the waist. This works while you are walking or standing. Next is hugging. Hug her when you're happy. Hug her when she's sad. Hug her whenever you feel like it. Again, this will get you more comfortable with merging your personal space.

Next, after the hug, go for a quick peck on the cheek. The NEXT time, sllloww that quick peck down and lightly brush your lips across her cheek, lingering for a bit.

THEN, you go for the sweet, soft (closed mouth) kiss. You can do this when saying goodbye, so you can just walk away afterwards. The closed-mouth kiss can send JUST as much electricity down a girl's spine as the sloppy tongue one.

The shift from closed-mouth to frenching is clear but subtle. You want a nice soft LINGERING closed-mouth kiss that seems to ask for more. DO NOT shove your tongue in her mouth...ICK! You just kiss her lips and wait for her lips to part slightly to show that she's ready for the real thing. Then, you can go for it (GENTLY!).

The key is to be sweet and gentle. Hold her with your arms and everything will fall into place. Don't rush it. The first kiss is the most scary...but once you get that over with, it will feel completely natural.

GOOD LUCK!!