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Monday, July 31, 2006
8 out of 10
Angela, 13
Iowa
Asks:
Hey...I had a boyfriend that broke up with me after two months to go out with another girl! He said that he would go back out with me after they would break up...and he still likes me...I asked him how much on a scale of 1-10, (10 being the most) and he said 8. Should I go back out with him or not?
Lee's Thoughts:
No. No. A thousand times..NO!!!!
This guys sucks. He has no respect for girls and he will go back and forth using you and the other girl for whatever he can get until one of you develops some guts and respect for yourself and tells him to go jump off a bridge.
Now is the time to learn when a guy is playing games with you. OF COURSE he wants to get back with you. You're easy. OF COURSE he's going to tell you that you're an 8 out of 10. But you know what? That's not good enough. Find a guy who thinks that YOU are the best thing out there and will stick around longer then two months.
Iowa
Asks:
Hey...I had a boyfriend that broke up with me after two months to go out with another girl! He said that he would go back out with me after they would break up...and he still likes me...I asked him how much on a scale of 1-10, (10 being the most) and he said 8. Should I go back out with him or not?
Lee's Thoughts:
No. No. A thousand times..NO!!!!
This guys sucks. He has no respect for girls and he will go back and forth using you and the other girl for whatever he can get until one of you develops some guts and respect for yourself and tells him to go jump off a bridge.
Now is the time to learn when a guy is playing games with you. OF COURSE he wants to get back with you. You're easy. OF COURSE he's going to tell you that you're an 8 out of 10. But you know what? That's not good enough. Find a guy who thinks that YOU are the best thing out there and will stick around longer then two months.
Saturday, July 29, 2006
Me or the Kids?
Tonya, 21
Florida
Asks:
I have been with my fiance for 7 years and he's considerably older than me. I also know this guy (my ex) who lives in another state. I knew him before my fiance and I find myself always running to him on the phone when I need to talk. I've started having feelings for him again. I don't think I have feelings for my fiance anymore and I want to be with my ex again. Only problem is that I have 2 kids with my fiance and I don't know if I should think of me or the kids. I always feel like a prisoner with my fiance cause he never lets me go out when I have a chance. He always comes up with an excuse to keep me home like making me feel bad saying,"I wanted to spend time with you" and all that jazz. Well I don't feel the relationship anymore and he never wants to go out. I'm 21 and he's 31. What am I supposed to do?
Lee's Thoughts:
SOO many issues to address here...I'll just jump right in. First, no one makes you feel guilty. You do that completely on your own, so there's no blaming him for that.
You've been with him since you were seventeen and you made two babies with him. It doesn't sound like he is too horrible if you would have brought not one, but two children into the world and stayed for so long.
You don't know if you should think about yourself or the kids? Guess what? It's ALWAYS the KIDS. No matter WHAT. You're a mom now. You accepted the responsibility. You decided to create (somewhat of) a family with your fiance. You should think about the kids. End of story.
However, WHEN thinking about the kids, they deserve a strong and happy family unit, which means happy and loving parents. I'm sure part of your disenchantment with this relationship is your lost youth. You missed out on the adventures of dating while you were young and you were forced to be an adult early in life. It's very tough and I'm sure the ex in another state is offering you all kinds of wonderful visions of how life can be. But you need to refocus on your FAMILY, talk out your issues with your husband, explain to him what you need from the relationship and ask him what he needs. Start putting your energy where it is most needed.
If your finace says he wants to spend time with you, that's the sign of a good guy. Make dates, go to the park, have lunches together in the middle of the day, talk about something other then the kids and the house for a change. Add some spice to life. Spend some time with him and that will free you up to go out with your girlfriends once in a while (guilt-free).
If you ACT loving, you will CREATE love. Concentrate on being nice to him and he will see/feel/hear/notice the difference I promise. Don't nag him or whine at him. PRAISE him. It may sound difficult since there are so many complexities to your relationship and life at this moment, but try it for a week or two. See if pouring love and energy into your family doesn't yield magnificent results. It's worth it, isn't it? Your kids deserve this effort.
Florida
Asks:
I have been with my fiance for 7 years and he's considerably older than me. I also know this guy (my ex) who lives in another state. I knew him before my fiance and I find myself always running to him on the phone when I need to talk. I've started having feelings for him again. I don't think I have feelings for my fiance anymore and I want to be with my ex again. Only problem is that I have 2 kids with my fiance and I don't know if I should think of me or the kids. I always feel like a prisoner with my fiance cause he never lets me go out when I have a chance. He always comes up with an excuse to keep me home like making me feel bad saying,"I wanted to spend time with you" and all that jazz. Well I don't feel the relationship anymore and he never wants to go out. I'm 21 and he's 31. What am I supposed to do?
Lee's Thoughts:
SOO many issues to address here...I'll just jump right in. First, no one makes you feel guilty. You do that completely on your own, so there's no blaming him for that.
You've been with him since you were seventeen and you made two babies with him. It doesn't sound like he is too horrible if you would have brought not one, but two children into the world and stayed for so long.
You don't know if you should think about yourself or the kids? Guess what? It's ALWAYS the KIDS. No matter WHAT. You're a mom now. You accepted the responsibility. You decided to create (somewhat of) a family with your fiance. You should think about the kids. End of story.
However, WHEN thinking about the kids, they deserve a strong and happy family unit, which means happy and loving parents. I'm sure part of your disenchantment with this relationship is your lost youth. You missed out on the adventures of dating while you were young and you were forced to be an adult early in life. It's very tough and I'm sure the ex in another state is offering you all kinds of wonderful visions of how life can be. But you need to refocus on your FAMILY, talk out your issues with your husband, explain to him what you need from the relationship and ask him what he needs. Start putting your energy where it is most needed.
If your finace says he wants to spend time with you, that's the sign of a good guy. Make dates, go to the park, have lunches together in the middle of the day, talk about something other then the kids and the house for a change. Add some spice to life. Spend some time with him and that will free you up to go out with your girlfriends once in a while (guilt-free).
If you ACT loving, you will CREATE love. Concentrate on being nice to him and he will see/feel/hear/notice the difference I promise. Don't nag him or whine at him. PRAISE him. It may sound difficult since there are so many complexities to your relationship and life at this moment, but try it for a week or two. See if pouring love and energy into your family doesn't yield magnificent results. It's worth it, isn't it? Your kids deserve this effort.
Friday, July 28, 2006
Guy-ease
Nicole, 20
Ohio
Asks:
My boyfriend and I live an hour apart. We were together for almost three months, but in the last two weeks we sort of stopped calling each other basically because we were waiting for the other one to call. We broke up about three days ago and I miss him. I didn't want to break up with him because of something like that. We are both shy people so communication is a bit hard but sometimes we just laugh it off because we know.
He also works a lot and doesn't have that much time to make plans with me, but when we can we see each other it's fun and great. He told me that we were good together but its just not the right time, but I want him back, to tell him how I feel and that I still want to date him. He hasn't even taken down his messages on aim and all that we are still together, but I don't know how to talk to him. or even if I should talk to him.
Lee's Thoughts:
If you want to call him, go ahead! You are already broken up, it can't hurt.
But honestly, he doesn't sound like he really wants to be with you. He stopped calling for two weeks, he doesn't make plans with you, and he straight out told you that "its just not the right time". That is guy-ease for "I don't want to date you, but I don't want to hurt your feelings."
You live an hour apart. This is challenging for two people who REALLY want to be together, let alone two people who could care less. It takes time and effort to make a semi-long distance relationship like this work and it does NOT sound like he or you want to put the energy to it.
As for both of you not calling...that is complete game-playing. Both of you were testing each other to see if he/she would call so you wouldn't have to. That ended up well, didn't it? If you like him, show him, if you don't, don't call. It's easy. But you have to realize that these games (and the whole *shy* thing) are not productive. They will stagnate a relationship quickly. Remember this and try to shoot for a more adult approach in the future.
Ohio
Asks:
My boyfriend and I live an hour apart. We were together for almost three months, but in the last two weeks we sort of stopped calling each other basically because we were waiting for the other one to call. We broke up about three days ago and I miss him. I didn't want to break up with him because of something like that. We are both shy people so communication is a bit hard but sometimes we just laugh it off because we know.
He also works a lot and doesn't have that much time to make plans with me, but when we can we see each other it's fun and great. He told me that we were good together but its just not the right time, but I want him back, to tell him how I feel and that I still want to date him. He hasn't even taken down his messages on aim and all that we are still together, but I don't know how to talk to him. or even if I should talk to him.
Lee's Thoughts:
If you want to call him, go ahead! You are already broken up, it can't hurt.
But honestly, he doesn't sound like he really wants to be with you. He stopped calling for two weeks, he doesn't make plans with you, and he straight out told you that "its just not the right time". That is guy-ease for "I don't want to date you, but I don't want to hurt your feelings."
You live an hour apart. This is challenging for two people who REALLY want to be together, let alone two people who could care less. It takes time and effort to make a semi-long distance relationship like this work and it does NOT sound like he or you want to put the energy to it.
As for both of you not calling...that is complete game-playing. Both of you were testing each other to see if he/she would call so you wouldn't have to. That ended up well, didn't it? If you like him, show him, if you don't, don't call. It's easy. But you have to realize that these games (and the whole *shy* thing) are not productive. They will stagnate a relationship quickly. Remember this and try to shoot for a more adult approach in the future.
Thursday, July 27, 2006
Lee's Patented Move #28
Chris, 15
New York
Asks:
So I just starting to see this girl. I feel like we have a connection, but I'm not sure. There's all these awkward moments with us when there's nothing said. I try to talk as much as I can but find my self running short a lot of the time. I'm a really outgoing type guy and she's not really that outgoing of a girl. Honestly I'm just confused and could use a little bit of direction. Thanks.
Lee's Thoughts:
If you feel like there is a connection, I would bet there probably is. No worries about that.
The thing about awkward moments is that lots of times, they are usually in your head. There's a little silence and then time stands still and you start thinking there may be tension and then you start building up the tension and then you feel like you haven't spoken for a half hour and omigod you're GONNA SCREAM!!!!
But usually, its about ten seconds....right? Remember, you don't need to be talking ALL the time. If you come upon a moment when neither of you has anything to say, don't force yourself to come up with something witty. Take a slow, deep breath to slow down time and your mind.
Use this moment to your biggest advantage and gently grasp her hand. Look deeply into her eyes (I KNOW, CHEESY, but stick with me here) and say (softly and sincerely) "I'm really having a great time with you." or "I'm so happy to be here with you." or you can go a little more begnin and say "This is just a great day." (Again, its all about your TONE and your SINCERITY and looking her in the eyes...It's a great move, I promise).
The electricity will jump from your eyes and your hand and she is sure to be hit with your (subtle) emotion and I'm sure you'll get a smile, if not a full giggle and blush.
If you are the outgoing type, you probably are more comfortable conversing. If she's not so outgoing, she's probably more comfortable with a little more quiet and just *being* together. If you have this connection, this will be a great way to capitalize on it. Just remember, a moment of silence is not a death sentence. You don't even have to say anything, just put your arm around her and squeeze and smile. It's simple its straight-forward and not too over the top.
Worst case scenario, pick out someone around you to make fun off. There's always some lady with a wacky hairdo or some guy with pants hiked up to his armpits.
GOOD LUCK!
New York
Asks:
So I just starting to see this girl. I feel like we have a connection, but I'm not sure. There's all these awkward moments with us when there's nothing said. I try to talk as much as I can but find my self running short a lot of the time. I'm a really outgoing type guy and she's not really that outgoing of a girl. Honestly I'm just confused and could use a little bit of direction. Thanks.
Lee's Thoughts:
If you feel like there is a connection, I would bet there probably is. No worries about that.
The thing about awkward moments is that lots of times, they are usually in your head. There's a little silence and then time stands still and you start thinking there may be tension and then you start building up the tension and then you feel like you haven't spoken for a half hour and omigod you're GONNA SCREAM!!!!
But usually, its about ten seconds....right? Remember, you don't need to be talking ALL the time. If you come upon a moment when neither of you has anything to say, don't force yourself to come up with something witty. Take a slow, deep breath to slow down time and your mind.
Use this moment to your biggest advantage and gently grasp her hand. Look deeply into her eyes (I KNOW, CHEESY, but stick with me here) and say (softly and sincerely) "I'm really having a great time with you." or "I'm so happy to be here with you." or you can go a little more begnin and say "This is just a great day." (Again, its all about your TONE and your SINCERITY and looking her in the eyes...It's a great move, I promise).
The electricity will jump from your eyes and your hand and she is sure to be hit with your (subtle) emotion and I'm sure you'll get a smile, if not a full giggle and blush.
If you are the outgoing type, you probably are more comfortable conversing. If she's not so outgoing, she's probably more comfortable with a little more quiet and just *being* together. If you have this connection, this will be a great way to capitalize on it. Just remember, a moment of silence is not a death sentence. You don't even have to say anything, just put your arm around her and squeeze and smile. It's simple its straight-forward and not too over the top.
Worst case scenario, pick out someone around you to make fun off. There's always some lady with a wacky hairdo or some guy with pants hiked up to his armpits.
GOOD LUCK!
Wednesday, July 26, 2006
...But She Has a Boyfriend.
Jon, 17
California
Asks:
I have become friends with a girl that I really like. We talk all the time. I want to ask her out but she has a boyfriend. What should I do?
Lee's Thoughts:
Be her friend, but be respectful of their relationship. You do NOT want to be the ass that hits on another guy's girlfriend. What would you think about a guy who did that to you?
However, you can definitely maintain a friendship and make sure she knows how much you like her and enjoy her company. I know that sounds contradictory, but its a fine line. You must be subtle so she gets to understand what a great guy/friend you are, but so her boyfriend won't see you as a threat. If you run into her with the boyfriend, be sure to say hello to them both. Treat the guy like he's a good buddy of yours. She'll appreciate that.
If you have time alone with her and want to ask her out, ask her to a group situation. "We're all going to the movies/bowling/art show this weekend, wanna come?" That way, you pose no obvious threat to her relationship.
A more slick way of going out with her is to figure out what her plans are for the weekend and then mention that you were planning on doing the same THING! (or even just accidentally show up). It works a little better if its some sort of crowded venue like a football game, church carnival or the like.
Basically, you need to put your time in. You have to stick around and wait this relationship out if she is worth it. For now, just focus on being her pal. Get to know her and let her get to know you. By the time this boyfriend is history, you'll be waiting in the wings with a bit of "friend" history to support a blossoming new relationship with her.
And don't worry about her thinking of you as ONLY a friend. That doesn't exist. Women (emotionally healthy women) are drawn towards someone they feel safe and comfortable with. If the time is right, being her friend will only help her attraction for you, not hinder it.
Good Luck!
California
Asks:
I have become friends with a girl that I really like. We talk all the time. I want to ask her out but she has a boyfriend. What should I do?
Lee's Thoughts:
Be her friend, but be respectful of their relationship. You do NOT want to be the ass that hits on another guy's girlfriend. What would you think about a guy who did that to you?
However, you can definitely maintain a friendship and make sure she knows how much you like her and enjoy her company. I know that sounds contradictory, but its a fine line. You must be subtle so she gets to understand what a great guy/friend you are, but so her boyfriend won't see you as a threat. If you run into her with the boyfriend, be sure to say hello to them both. Treat the guy like he's a good buddy of yours. She'll appreciate that.
If you have time alone with her and want to ask her out, ask her to a group situation. "We're all going to the movies/bowling/art show this weekend, wanna come?" That way, you pose no obvious threat to her relationship.
A more slick way of going out with her is to figure out what her plans are for the weekend and then mention that you were planning on doing the same THING! (or even just accidentally show up). It works a little better if its some sort of crowded venue like a football game, church carnival or the like.
Basically, you need to put your time in. You have to stick around and wait this relationship out if she is worth it. For now, just focus on being her pal. Get to know her and let her get to know you. By the time this boyfriend is history, you'll be waiting in the wings with a bit of "friend" history to support a blossoming new relationship with her.
And don't worry about her thinking of you as ONLY a friend. That doesn't exist. Women (emotionally healthy women) are drawn towards someone they feel safe and comfortable with. If the time is right, being her friend will only help her attraction for you, not hinder it.
Good Luck!
Tuesday, July 25, 2006
Give Me a Blowjob Lady!
Scott, 18
Minnesota
Asks:
I've been dating this girl for a while and I want to ask her to give me a blowjob, like a full blowjob. I've gone down on her a few times and she apparently really likes it, but she doesn't return the favor except for a few seconds of foreplay and then she want to have sex. How can I communicate it to her without offending her or something like that?
Lee's Thoughts:
This is what you do...go down on her for a WHILE. Camp out down there. Don't rush, just take your time and love it until you make her entire body thrash. Then, two days later, do it again. Show her how you LOVE IT. You love to make her come. You love to see her happy. Do it without ANY expectations of what may or may not come after that. Just focus on the triangle of mystery and have nice, luxurious time with it.
Then, THE NEXT DAY...
(Do not bring this up the minute you finish off with her, because it will completely take away from the wonderful selfless act you just performed. You aren't doing this as a tit for tat thing...you do me and I'll do you...You are doing this to appeal to her SUBCONSCIOUS mind)
....say to her, "Sweetie Pie...you know how I lovelove being inside of you. You are incredibly sexy and making love to you is pure heaven. I'd really like to add something new to our routine. I'd love for you to kiss Mr. Johnson until he screams. Can we do that?"
This way, you aren't saying that she's a failure. You are explaining how hot she is and how MUCH it would turn you on to get a blowjob from your number one gal. Ask her if she enjoyed it when you went down there and tell her that you'd really like to experience that as well.
You will never get it if you don't ask for it. She will just continue on as if your sex life is perfect unless you tell her what you need. Your relationship will go nowhere if you can't discuss something as intimate as sex.
JUST DO IT! Be sweet and she will have no reason to be offended or pissed.
Good luck.
Minnesota
Asks:
I've been dating this girl for a while and I want to ask her to give me a blowjob, like a full blowjob. I've gone down on her a few times and she apparently really likes it, but she doesn't return the favor except for a few seconds of foreplay and then she want to have sex. How can I communicate it to her without offending her or something like that?
Lee's Thoughts:
This is what you do...go down on her for a WHILE. Camp out down there. Don't rush, just take your time and love it until you make her entire body thrash. Then, two days later, do it again. Show her how you LOVE IT. You love to make her come. You love to see her happy. Do it without ANY expectations of what may or may not come after that. Just focus on the triangle of mystery and have nice, luxurious time with it.
Then, THE NEXT DAY...
(Do not bring this up the minute you finish off with her, because it will completely take away from the wonderful selfless act you just performed. You aren't doing this as a tit for tat thing...you do me and I'll do you...You are doing this to appeal to her SUBCONSCIOUS mind)
....say to her, "Sweetie Pie...you know how I lovelove being inside of you. You are incredibly sexy and making love to you is pure heaven. I'd really like to add something new to our routine. I'd love for you to kiss Mr. Johnson until he screams. Can we do that?"
This way, you aren't saying that she's a failure. You are explaining how hot she is and how MUCH it would turn you on to get a blowjob from your number one gal. Ask her if she enjoyed it when you went down there and tell her that you'd really like to experience that as well.
You will never get it if you don't ask for it. She will just continue on as if your sex life is perfect unless you tell her what you need. Your relationship will go nowhere if you can't discuss something as intimate as sex.
JUST DO IT! Be sweet and she will have no reason to be offended or pissed.
Good luck.
Monday, July 24, 2006
No Answer
Will, 17
New York
Asks:
I've tried to ask my friend out two times, but she never answered me. What do I do?
Lee's Thoughts:
Assuming that you were clear with your question and she heard you, but is still not answering...I'd have to say that you're out of luck. It sounds like she couldn't find a way to turn you down politely and just decided to avoid the situation. Just be cool, but realize she may not like you *in that way*. :(
New York
Asks:
I've tried to ask my friend out two times, but she never answered me. What do I do?
Lee's Thoughts:
Assuming that you were clear with your question and she heard you, but is still not answering...I'd have to say that you're out of luck. It sounds like she couldn't find a way to turn you down politely and just decided to avoid the situation. Just be cool, but realize she may not like you *in that way*. :(
Friday, July 21, 2006
Toying or Interested?
Kasey, 25
New Zealand
Asks:
I have been texting a guy for months now (he got my number from a mutual friend) and he is witty, charming, flirts with me and it is great! The trouble is I had a casual relationship going with one of his friends a few months ago and he brought this up during the one conversation that we had and seemed to judge me for it. He said that I've got so much going for me, why would I be with this guy?
Recently he mentioned finally wanting to meet up, but I'm wondering why would a guy want to text a girl for months before meeting, particularly a girl who has a history with his friend. He said it was because he just got out of a relationship and didn't want to be a part of the "dramas" between me and his friend, of which there are none. Is he just toying with me or is he interested?
Lee's Thoughts:
So, what WAS going on with the other guy? What did you tell witty/charming guy about the original guy?
IF the first guy was a nothing mistake, just tell that to Mr. Witty. "We were just hanging out and it didn't amount to much." Basically, acknowledge it and blow it off. Hopefully, that will appease him. If he has any deeper questions, he'll ask. It sounds like he has a high opinion of you, but a notsohigh opinion of the guy. He wants to know why you would be interested in that kinda guy and (on another level) how you can be interested in that type of guy and THIS type of guy....get it?
You can't blame him for not wanting in on any drama, right? I think texting or emailing a bit before delving into the wonderland of actually *dating*, is a great idea. Its a lovely way to get to know someone's mind and thoughts/fears/inspirations before all the physical stuff. I think he's cool and not toying with you at all. Go with it.
New Zealand
Asks:
I have been texting a guy for months now (he got my number from a mutual friend) and he is witty, charming, flirts with me and it is great! The trouble is I had a casual relationship going with one of his friends a few months ago and he brought this up during the one conversation that we had and seemed to judge me for it. He said that I've got so much going for me, why would I be with this guy?
Recently he mentioned finally wanting to meet up, but I'm wondering why would a guy want to text a girl for months before meeting, particularly a girl who has a history with his friend. He said it was because he just got out of a relationship and didn't want to be a part of the "dramas" between me and his friend, of which there are none. Is he just toying with me or is he interested?
Lee's Thoughts:
So, what WAS going on with the other guy? What did you tell witty/charming guy about the original guy?
IF the first guy was a nothing mistake, just tell that to Mr. Witty. "We were just hanging out and it didn't amount to much." Basically, acknowledge it and blow it off. Hopefully, that will appease him. If he has any deeper questions, he'll ask. It sounds like he has a high opinion of you, but a notsohigh opinion of the guy. He wants to know why you would be interested in that kinda guy and (on another level) how you can be interested in that type of guy and THIS type of guy....get it?
You can't blame him for not wanting in on any drama, right? I think texting or emailing a bit before delving into the wonderland of actually *dating*, is a great idea. Its a lovely way to get to know someone's mind and thoughts/fears/inspirations before all the physical stuff. I think he's cool and not toying with you at all. Go with it.
Wednesday, July 19, 2006
The Perfect Body
Cristina, 14
Florida
Asks:
What do I do when I feel like no guy is attracted to me because I don't have the perfect body that every guy dreams of?? Why do I feel like no guy likes me and that I'll never get a boyfriend?
Lee's Thoughts:
First of all, you feel like that because you are 14. Your hormones are on a rampage to make you into a woman. They are changing your body and they are also screwing around with your mind. You are starting to be interested in boys, but you also get to experience the adventure that is self-evaluation and self-doubt and comparing yourself to other girls to determine if you are "normal". It sucks.. and every one of your girlfriends is going through it, whether you can see it or not.
Secondly, you have no idea if there is a guy that may be attracted to you. You are probably just entering high school, right? Guys are as intimidated by girls as girls are by them. Out of all of the guys in your school, I'm sure there is at least one who has noticed you, but is just too scared to talk to you.
But, to answer your question, you probably feel like no guy is attracted to you, because YOU don't like your body...and that's your biggest problem. I have no idea what you look like. If you are overweight, do something about it. Go for a long walk every night before dinner. Cut out sodas and chips and candy bars. Drink a ton of water every day. Carry trail mix with you so never become starving. Get a yoga video tape and start stretching/breathing/strengthening your body.
If you're not overweight, and by not having the perfect body you're referring to boobs or long legs or shiny hair...well, you just have to deal with it. Everyone is different. If you are going to go around hating your body because its different, you are going to have a miserable life.
Again, I suggest yoga. This will train you to see look at see yourself on the inside instead of the outside. It will calm your mind and *re*mind you what is important. Additionally, it will give you better posture. It will strengthen your entire body. It will show you how to breathe. It will give you power. It will have subtle benefits that you may not even observe until weeks of practice. Its amazing.
Start taking care of yourself. I don't just mean exercise and eating right, I mean this crappy self-talk that you obviously indulge in. Being mean to yourself is NOT going to give you any self-esteem and if YOU don't like you, how do you expect anyone else to?
Its ANNOYING to be around someone who doesn't like and/or respect themselves.
So, try to find something you like about yourself (either physically or not) and make it stand out...make it grand. If you are proud of your freethrow skills, the practice and become GREAT at it. If you like your eyes, then learn how to make them pop with subtle highlights. If you are a good runner, see if you can break your personal best time in the mile. If you like your smile, be sure to smile A LOT.
Finally, do NOT for ONE SECOND believe that any of the airbrushed, primped, posed, made-up, anorexic, and well-lit ladies in the glossy magazines are anywhere NEAR real. They are all CREATED to make girls like you feel bad about themselves so girls like you will go out and spend a bunch of money on clothes, make-up, skin creams, and thigh-masters. Don't even LOOK at that crap.
As for boyfriends. Don't even worry about that. They are usually more trouble then they're worth. It will happen. For now, think of yourself as *selective*. Don't fall for the first schmo to give you attention. YOU DECIDE who you will BLESS with your presence. That is all. Carry on.
Florida
Asks:
What do I do when I feel like no guy is attracted to me because I don't have the perfect body that every guy dreams of?? Why do I feel like no guy likes me and that I'll never get a boyfriend?
Lee's Thoughts:
First of all, you feel like that because you are 14. Your hormones are on a rampage to make you into a woman. They are changing your body and they are also screwing around with your mind. You are starting to be interested in boys, but you also get to experience the adventure that is self-evaluation and self-doubt and comparing yourself to other girls to determine if you are "normal". It sucks.. and every one of your girlfriends is going through it, whether you can see it or not.
Secondly, you have no idea if there is a guy that may be attracted to you. You are probably just entering high school, right? Guys are as intimidated by girls as girls are by them. Out of all of the guys in your school, I'm sure there is at least one who has noticed you, but is just too scared to talk to you.
But, to answer your question, you probably feel like no guy is attracted to you, because YOU don't like your body...and that's your biggest problem. I have no idea what you look like. If you are overweight, do something about it. Go for a long walk every night before dinner. Cut out sodas and chips and candy bars. Drink a ton of water every day. Carry trail mix with you so never become starving. Get a yoga video tape and start stretching/breathing/strengthening your body.
If you're not overweight, and by not having the perfect body you're referring to boobs or long legs or shiny hair...well, you just have to deal with it. Everyone is different. If you are going to go around hating your body because its different, you are going to have a miserable life.
Again, I suggest yoga. This will train you to see look at see yourself on the inside instead of the outside. It will calm your mind and *re*mind you what is important. Additionally, it will give you better posture. It will strengthen your entire body. It will show you how to breathe. It will give you power. It will have subtle benefits that you may not even observe until weeks of practice. Its amazing.
Start taking care of yourself. I don't just mean exercise and eating right, I mean this crappy self-talk that you obviously indulge in. Being mean to yourself is NOT going to give you any self-esteem and if YOU don't like you, how do you expect anyone else to?
Its ANNOYING to be around someone who doesn't like and/or respect themselves.
So, try to find something you like about yourself (either physically or not) and make it stand out...make it grand. If you are proud of your freethrow skills, the practice and become GREAT at it. If you like your eyes, then learn how to make them pop with subtle highlights. If you are a good runner, see if you can break your personal best time in the mile. If you like your smile, be sure to smile A LOT.
Finally, do NOT for ONE SECOND believe that any of the airbrushed, primped, posed, made-up, anorexic, and well-lit ladies in the glossy magazines are anywhere NEAR real. They are all CREATED to make girls like you feel bad about themselves so girls like you will go out and spend a bunch of money on clothes, make-up, skin creams, and thigh-masters. Don't even LOOK at that crap.
As for boyfriends. Don't even worry about that. They are usually more trouble then they're worth. It will happen. For now, think of yourself as *selective*. Don't fall for the first schmo to give you attention. YOU DECIDE who you will BLESS with your presence. That is all. Carry on.
Tuesday, July 18, 2006
The Girlfriend and Her Ex
Francisco, 12
Texas
Asks:
Should I trust my girlfriend if she says she went to the movies with her ex as friends?
Lee's Thoughts:
She 'went' as in, she already went? I have so many questions. How did you find out? Does she go out with him often? Is it one-on-one or a group thing? What do you think about this guy? Does he just want to be her friend, or is he desperately in love with her? How old is this chic? If she isn't driving yet, how did she even get to the movies?
Initially, I thought she wanted to go to the movies with him and was running it by you. But, it sounds like she just went without consulting you and without thinking about how it would make you feel. Uncool.
You can't do much about it now. If you otherwise have a strong relationship, simply tell her how you feel. Tell her if you don't think its cool for a girl to be sitting closely to an ex boyfriend in a dark movie theater. Why didn't she invite you if it was so "just friends"?
It is totally legitimate to be upset by this. Feel free to dump her ass if you wish. But, maybe if you just explain how you feel, she'll open her eyes and realize that if she cared about you, she wouldn't put her relationship in jeopardy like that.
Texas
Asks:
Should I trust my girlfriend if she says she went to the movies with her ex as friends?
Lee's Thoughts:
She 'went' as in, she already went? I have so many questions. How did you find out? Does she go out with him often? Is it one-on-one or a group thing? What do you think about this guy? Does he just want to be her friend, or is he desperately in love with her? How old is this chic? If she isn't driving yet, how did she even get to the movies?
Initially, I thought she wanted to go to the movies with him and was running it by you. But, it sounds like she just went without consulting you and without thinking about how it would make you feel. Uncool.
You can't do much about it now. If you otherwise have a strong relationship, simply tell her how you feel. Tell her if you don't think its cool for a girl to be sitting closely to an ex boyfriend in a dark movie theater. Why didn't she invite you if it was so "just friends"?
It is totally legitimate to be upset by this. Feel free to dump her ass if you wish. But, maybe if you just explain how you feel, she'll open her eyes and realize that if she cared about you, she wouldn't put her relationship in jeopardy like that.
Monday, July 17, 2006
Corny Girly Stuff
Andrew, 20
New York
Asks:
I've been dating this girl for over 2 years, and our relationship is going great, except this one seemingly major issue (to her) that has been coming up now and then; and now it kinda blew up, lol.
Basically she pretty much thinks I don't appreciate the "sweet" things she would do for me. I personally think they're very corny. For example: she keeps all the movie stubs we go to. For no special reason/occasion, she decided to make a list of all the movies we've been to in the two years and describe sweet/cute things that happened between us that day. And she was about to give me this list, but ended up telling me what she was going to do, saying "you're probably gonna think its stupid." Well...I'm glad she told me and didn't waste her effort. I don't mean to be mean. I appreciate REAL sweet things (i.e. she came to my workplace during lunch, on my birthday, and got me my favourite cake from my favourite store - a pleasant, sweet, caring surprise)...but I feel anutions when she expects me to appreciate these cutesy-cheesy little "creations" that she calls sweet. I think they're gay, and corny, and cheesy, and quite stupid.
She probably doesn't think I'm sweet because I don't do them myself (does she want me to make a huge poster one day and say "I LOVE YOU *insert name*" and walk around with it, or make a some sort of corny list? Am I mean - am I wrong? Is it wrong to appreciate real sweetness and despise fake/corny/"trying too hard" "sweetness"? Again - I'm not trying to be mean - I need to know if I'm alone in this.
Lee's Thoughts:
This is an EXCELLENT question. You are completely right and completely NOT MEAN. You ARE sweet to appreciate the *real* things you described (coming to your work, bringing your favorite cake...etc). Those things are things you can appreciate, things that show that she is thinking about YOU and what YOU would like.
The movie ticket thing is pure girl. You weren't impressed with it because...(drumroll please)...You are a GUY.
I can completely understand her saving all the movie tickets. I can also understand (since I'm anal and love organization) compiling a list and making notes about what happened on those dates. It's totally cool. However, she needs to know that this is a swoony, girly, obsessively-rehashing-the-sweet-moments-in-our-relationship thing and GUYS do not get off on this stuff. It would be the same as her bringing you a dozen roses and wondering why you aren't all giggly about it. It would be the same as her taking you to a chic flic. There's nothing wrong with chic movies, but GUYS just aren't going to like them or appreciate them the same way girls do.
You need to explain to her the difference. You did like the surprise visit to your work, but you would not like two dozen daisies sent to your office. You did like the picnic on the beach with her, but you do not want sand and shells saved in a frame with the date engraved on it. You did like looking through family pictures, but you would not like a photoshopped scrapbook of what your kids MAY look like.
Essentially, rent "How to Lose a Guy in 10 Days". This may be considered a chic flic, but it will also get across to her that some things girls get all bubbly about, guys couldn't give a crap about.
If she wants to do something nice for you, she needs to think about what you would like, not what she would like. Tell her that you appreciate all of the work she put into these crazy creations, but you probably won't be looking at them every night and crying whilst you sip cosmos, paint your toenails, and write poems about her beauty. You're just not that kinda guy.
New York
Asks:
I've been dating this girl for over 2 years, and our relationship is going great, except this one seemingly major issue (to her) that has been coming up now and then; and now it kinda blew up, lol.
Basically she pretty much thinks I don't appreciate the "sweet" things she would do for me. I personally think they're very corny. For example: she keeps all the movie stubs we go to. For no special reason/occasion, she decided to make a list of all the movies we've been to in the two years and describe sweet/cute things that happened between us that day. And she was about to give me this list, but ended up telling me what she was going to do, saying "you're probably gonna think its stupid." Well...I'm glad she told me and didn't waste her effort. I don't mean to be mean. I appreciate REAL sweet things (i.e. she came to my workplace during lunch, on my birthday, and got me my favourite cake from my favourite store - a pleasant, sweet, caring surprise)...but I feel anutions when she expects me to appreciate these cutesy-cheesy little "creations" that she calls sweet. I think they're gay, and corny, and cheesy, and quite stupid.
She probably doesn't think I'm sweet because I don't do them myself (does she want me to make a huge poster one day and say "I LOVE YOU *insert name*" and walk around with it, or make a some sort of corny list? Am I mean - am I wrong? Is it wrong to appreciate real sweetness and despise fake/corny/"trying too hard" "sweetness"? Again - I'm not trying to be mean - I need to know if I'm alone in this.
Lee's Thoughts:
This is an EXCELLENT question. You are completely right and completely NOT MEAN. You ARE sweet to appreciate the *real* things you described (coming to your work, bringing your favorite cake...etc). Those things are things you can appreciate, things that show that she is thinking about YOU and what YOU would like.
The movie ticket thing is pure girl. You weren't impressed with it because...(drumroll please)...You are a GUY.
I can completely understand her saving all the movie tickets. I can also understand (since I'm anal and love organization) compiling a list and making notes about what happened on those dates. It's totally cool. However, she needs to know that this is a swoony, girly, obsessively-rehashing-the-sweet-moments-in-our-relationship thing and GUYS do not get off on this stuff. It would be the same as her bringing you a dozen roses and wondering why you aren't all giggly about it. It would be the same as her taking you to a chic flic. There's nothing wrong with chic movies, but GUYS just aren't going to like them or appreciate them the same way girls do.
You need to explain to her the difference. You did like the surprise visit to your work, but you would not like two dozen daisies sent to your office. You did like the picnic on the beach with her, but you do not want sand and shells saved in a frame with the date engraved on it. You did like looking through family pictures, but you would not like a photoshopped scrapbook of what your kids MAY look like.
Essentially, rent "How to Lose a Guy in 10 Days". This may be considered a chic flic, but it will also get across to her that some things girls get all bubbly about, guys couldn't give a crap about.
If she wants to do something nice for you, she needs to think about what you would like, not what she would like. Tell her that you appreciate all of the work she put into these crazy creations, but you probably won't be looking at them every night and crying whilst you sip cosmos, paint your toenails, and write poems about her beauty. You're just not that kinda guy.
Immature Sex
Angelina, 18
Texas
Asks:
Hi. I live in Texas but originally I am from Kathmandu. I am having a love relation with a guy. We had sex just two days ago, but we didn't have full intercourse. We just did it for about 30 seconds. The important thing is, we didn't use protection. After having sex we found out that no sperm came during that short intercourse, but still I am afraid of getting pregnant. I had menstruation today. Do you think I may get pregnant and after what period menstruation stops if someone is pregnant???
Lee's Thoughts:
There's a little overlooked thing called PRE-EJACULATE that is jam packed with sperm and it squeezes out of the penis LONG before actually ejaculating (cum) even takes place. So, yes...you could definitely be pregnant and so being so IRRESPONSIBLE!!!!!!!!!!!!
If you're so afraid of getting pregnant, use a condom, get on the pill or the sponge, SOMETHING ANYTHING!!!!
If you think you MAY be pregnant, get a test at the grocery store.
Oh yeah, and GROW UP before you partake in such and adult activity.
Texas
Asks:
Hi. I live in Texas but originally I am from Kathmandu. I am having a love relation with a guy. We had sex just two days ago, but we didn't have full intercourse. We just did it for about 30 seconds. The important thing is, we didn't use protection. After having sex we found out that no sperm came during that short intercourse, but still I am afraid of getting pregnant. I had menstruation today. Do you think I may get pregnant and after what period menstruation stops if someone is pregnant???
Lee's Thoughts:
There's a little overlooked thing called PRE-EJACULATE that is jam packed with sperm and it squeezes out of the penis LONG before actually ejaculating (cum) even takes place. So, yes...you could definitely be pregnant and so being so IRRESPONSIBLE!!!!!!!!!!!!
If you're so afraid of getting pregnant, use a condom, get on the pill or the sponge, SOMETHING ANYTHING!!!!
If you think you MAY be pregnant, get a test at the grocery store.
Oh yeah, and GROW UP before you partake in such and adult activity.
Friday, July 14, 2006
Marijuana and the Sperm
Amber, 19
Alabama
Asks:
I had sex with my boyfriend last night, exactly 10 days since the 1st day of my last period. He got off in me, but he also smokes a lot of marijuana and tobacco which lowers sperm count. Could I still be pregnant?
Lee's Thoughts:
Amber, marijuana lowers sperm count from like a billion to maybe only a million. ONE MILLION SPERM.
OF COURSE YOU COULD BE PREGNANT.
For the love of all that is good, be an adult and take some responsibility for your behavior. Not only are you depending on your guy's doobie habit to make sure you don't get pregnant, you are banging some irresponsible guy who does NOT sound like he is capable of being anyone's father and/or life partner or husband.
WAKE UP!!
Alabama
Asks:
I had sex with my boyfriend last night, exactly 10 days since the 1st day of my last period. He got off in me, but he also smokes a lot of marijuana and tobacco which lowers sperm count. Could I still be pregnant?
Lee's Thoughts:
Amber, marijuana lowers sperm count from like a billion to maybe only a million. ONE MILLION SPERM.
OF COURSE YOU COULD BE PREGNANT.
For the love of all that is good, be an adult and take some responsibility for your behavior. Not only are you depending on your guy's doobie habit to make sure you don't get pregnant, you are banging some irresponsible guy who does NOT sound like he is capable of being anyone's father and/or life partner or husband.
WAKE UP!!
Thursday, July 13, 2006
My Husband and THIS WOMAN
Melissa, 27
Minnesota
Asks:
About 3 months ago my husband took a job in GA. My kids and I are still in Minnesota and moving in 2 weeks. My husband has a department secretary he has become very close to. She is married, however my husband made mention to me one day that she does not wear a wedding ring so if I meet her not to be surprised. She and her husband spend quite a bit of time with my husband. They invite him to concerts, dinners, bbq's and outings. It's not uncommon for them to come to his apartment and watch movies with him, or just sit and have drinks. This happens once or twice a week. The woman sometimes calls my husband just to say hello on weekends or in the evenings.
At first I thought it was more of a motherly thing because he told me she was an older woman. I've now come to find out they are the same age. Last weekend I asked for their phone number because I just felt something wasn't right. After the 3rd time I asked for their number he gave it to me. He said he didn't have their home number only her cell phone number. Then he called her to give her the heads up that I might be calling. I never did call, but I'm wondering, am I out of my mind here? Is it odd for a married couple to be this close to my husband? Why would a married woman think it was okay to call a married man just to chat and see how he was doing?
At first I thought maybe it was just her coming over, but when I call and he says they are over he always tells me he loves me before he hangs up. Maybe it's a different mentality in the south, but I know in Minnesota that just wouldn't fly. Now I have the dilemma of moving into a state when I don't know anybody and the only thing his co-workers know about me is this stuff. I feel like I'm walking into a hornets nest. I just need to know if I'm completely off base here. Any advice you have would be great!
Lee's Thoughts:
This is what you do. The week before you move to Georgia, call the number. When they answer, introduce yourself sweetly. Tell him/her that you have heard SO much about them and can't wait to meet them. Then, tell them that you will be finally moved in about a week, and you would just LOVE to have them over for dinner.
Right now, you need to assume that nothing shifty is going on or will go on. That will put you in a better *mind-space*. I assume you trust your husband, but just don't know what to make of this couple. It's difficult when things are long distance, but in a very short time, you will be together and you will be able to observe these people first hand. You don't want to start off on the wrong foot.
There is nothing wrong with your husband making friends right? Having people over, doing fun activities....right? Have you had trust issues with your husband before?
Personally, I wouldn't be threatened if my husband got an occasional phone call from a married woman. I'm happy when he makes new friends, I know he would never cheat in a million years, and we have more fun together, so he wouldn't go *out* without me. But, its up to YOU to decide what you are and are not comfortable with and to discuss it with your husband in a calm and reasonable (not crazywoman) way. Once you get moved in, and get a chance to meet these people, you can see if your instincts start buzzing. Does this couple seem happy together? Do they spend more time together or apart? Does this woman seem a little TOO comfortable around my husband, too touchy, does she call him TOO MUCH? It will all be a lot more clear once you are there.
Also, any and all invitations to your husband will soon INCLUDE YOU TOO. If they call and only invite him (once you are there) then there's a problem, because you both come as a set. You don't get one without the other.
At this point, I don't see any reason for red flags. Just take it easy. Be cool and wait until you can make some direct observations. It may just be an overactive female imagination in the works (hopefully).
P.S.
The lack of wedding ring means nothing. That is a purely personal choice and I know perfectly happy couples who choose not to exhibit the jewelry.
Minnesota
Asks:
About 3 months ago my husband took a job in GA. My kids and I are still in Minnesota and moving in 2 weeks. My husband has a department secretary he has become very close to. She is married, however my husband made mention to me one day that she does not wear a wedding ring so if I meet her not to be surprised. She and her husband spend quite a bit of time with my husband. They invite him to concerts, dinners, bbq's and outings. It's not uncommon for them to come to his apartment and watch movies with him, or just sit and have drinks. This happens once or twice a week. The woman sometimes calls my husband just to say hello on weekends or in the evenings.
At first I thought it was more of a motherly thing because he told me she was an older woman. I've now come to find out they are the same age. Last weekend I asked for their phone number because I just felt something wasn't right. After the 3rd time I asked for their number he gave it to me. He said he didn't have their home number only her cell phone number. Then he called her to give her the heads up that I might be calling. I never did call, but I'm wondering, am I out of my mind here? Is it odd for a married couple to be this close to my husband? Why would a married woman think it was okay to call a married man just to chat and see how he was doing?
At first I thought maybe it was just her coming over, but when I call and he says they are over he always tells me he loves me before he hangs up. Maybe it's a different mentality in the south, but I know in Minnesota that just wouldn't fly. Now I have the dilemma of moving into a state when I don't know anybody and the only thing his co-workers know about me is this stuff. I feel like I'm walking into a hornets nest. I just need to know if I'm completely off base here. Any advice you have would be great!
Lee's Thoughts:
This is what you do. The week before you move to Georgia, call the number. When they answer, introduce yourself sweetly. Tell him/her that you have heard SO much about them and can't wait to meet them. Then, tell them that you will be finally moved in about a week, and you would just LOVE to have them over for dinner.
Right now, you need to assume that nothing shifty is going on or will go on. That will put you in a better *mind-space*. I assume you trust your husband, but just don't know what to make of this couple. It's difficult when things are long distance, but in a very short time, you will be together and you will be able to observe these people first hand. You don't want to start off on the wrong foot.
There is nothing wrong with your husband making friends right? Having people over, doing fun activities....right? Have you had trust issues with your husband before?
Personally, I wouldn't be threatened if my husband got an occasional phone call from a married woman. I'm happy when he makes new friends, I know he would never cheat in a million years, and we have more fun together, so he wouldn't go *out* without me. But, its up to YOU to decide what you are and are not comfortable with and to discuss it with your husband in a calm and reasonable (not crazywoman) way. Once you get moved in, and get a chance to meet these people, you can see if your instincts start buzzing. Does this couple seem happy together? Do they spend more time together or apart? Does this woman seem a little TOO comfortable around my husband, too touchy, does she call him TOO MUCH? It will all be a lot more clear once you are there.
Also, any and all invitations to your husband will soon INCLUDE YOU TOO. If they call and only invite him (once you are there) then there's a problem, because you both come as a set. You don't get one without the other.
At this point, I don't see any reason for red flags. Just take it easy. Be cool and wait until you can make some direct observations. It may just be an overactive female imagination in the works (hopefully).
P.S.
The lack of wedding ring means nothing. That is a purely personal choice and I know perfectly happy couples who choose not to exhibit the jewelry.
Wishing for Pregnancy
Nicole, 23
Pennsylvania
Asks:
My husband and I want very badly to become pregnant. We've been trying for a little while with no luck and cannot get an appointment with the doctor for another month yet. Apparently they are very busy. I don't have a regular period. I can get it for several months in a row and then not again for 3 months. It's always a surprise. My doctor hasn't seemed to think there is anything wrong. How can we determine the best times to conceive?
Lee's Thoughts:
Irregular periods have nothing to do with whether or not you can get pregnant. You have to wait one month to get an appointment? A whole four weeks? Yikes...a lifetime (sarcasm).
I guess it can SEEM like a long way away when you are so excited to get pregnant, but use this time wisely. You need to calm yourself, because stress definitely will impede your ability to get pregnant. I strongly suggest meditation. Just take literally five minutes a day to sit down, calm your mind and think about nothing. You will be amazed at its benefits to your mind and body. Just breeeeeeath. It sounds easy, but it may take some practice. I swear, after your first try, you will feel the peace and serenity throughout your soul. Once you've mastered that, try 10 to 15 minutes. Soon, you won't be able to go a day without it.
Also, you will need to begin to practice focusing your mind for all of the changes you will experience through pregnancy and ESPECIALLY childbirth. Relaxation is key to keeping your muscles loose and letting those lovely pain relieving hormones do their trick during contractions. You will definitely need a strong and focused mind during that and you need to start practicing NOW. Give yourself this goal and the month will go by in no time.
The best way to get pregnant is to have unprotected sex during ovulation. However, since your period is so erratic, it is impossible for you to determine exactly when you are ovulating. My advice is to just stop thinking/worrying about getting pregnant and just have FUN with your husband. Have sex when you feel like it, but try to give him at least a day in between to *replenish* all that baby-making sperm.
Just breathe deeply, focus on your meditation, and at the end of the month, your doctor will be able to answer all of your questions.
For all you regular period-ers...WebMD has this guide for determining when you will ovulate.
Pennsylvania
Asks:
My husband and I want very badly to become pregnant. We've been trying for a little while with no luck and cannot get an appointment with the doctor for another month yet. Apparently they are very busy. I don't have a regular period. I can get it for several months in a row and then not again for 3 months. It's always a surprise. My doctor hasn't seemed to think there is anything wrong. How can we determine the best times to conceive?
Lee's Thoughts:
Irregular periods have nothing to do with whether or not you can get pregnant. You have to wait one month to get an appointment? A whole four weeks? Yikes...a lifetime (sarcasm).
I guess it can SEEM like a long way away when you are so excited to get pregnant, but use this time wisely. You need to calm yourself, because stress definitely will impede your ability to get pregnant. I strongly suggest meditation. Just take literally five minutes a day to sit down, calm your mind and think about nothing. You will be amazed at its benefits to your mind and body. Just breeeeeeath. It sounds easy, but it may take some practice. I swear, after your first try, you will feel the peace and serenity throughout your soul. Once you've mastered that, try 10 to 15 minutes. Soon, you won't be able to go a day without it.
Also, you will need to begin to practice focusing your mind for all of the changes you will experience through pregnancy and ESPECIALLY childbirth. Relaxation is key to keeping your muscles loose and letting those lovely pain relieving hormones do their trick during contractions. You will definitely need a strong and focused mind during that and you need to start practicing NOW. Give yourself this goal and the month will go by in no time.
The best way to get pregnant is to have unprotected sex during ovulation. However, since your period is so erratic, it is impossible for you to determine exactly when you are ovulating. My advice is to just stop thinking/worrying about getting pregnant and just have FUN with your husband. Have sex when you feel like it, but try to give him at least a day in between to *replenish* all that baby-making sperm.
Just breathe deeply, focus on your meditation, and at the end of the month, your doctor will be able to answer all of your questions.
For all you regular period-ers...WebMD has this guide for determining when you will ovulate.
Wednesday, July 12, 2006
Sex at 16
Lauren, 16
Asks:
Me and my boyfriend have been going out for almost two years. I believe I am in love with him. Do you think it is a bad choice to engage in sexual activity? I know there are so many risks for it, but what am I suppose to do? I'm in love.
Lee's Thoughts:
Yes, it is a bad choice. You are going to hate this, but you are simply too young. At the very LEAST wait until you are out of high school. Sex right now will NOT BE GOOD ANYWAY. I don't care if all of your friends are doing it. There is no reason to do it. I promise in five to ten years, when you look back at your first time...if you do it now, you'll regret it.
Wait until you are an adult. Wait until at least aren't living in your parents house for gawd sake.
Also, I'm glad you think you are in love, but you're not. If this relationship lasts until you're eighteen, go for it. I'll buy you the condoms. Just don't do it right now.
If you read the conversation Stacy and I are having in the post below, you'll see I'm all for sex...its just that right now, you need to concentrate on school. You need to graduate and focus on going to college. You need to focus on you, not this guy. Wouldn't it suck if you got pregnant? Wouldn't it suck if you got Herpes from this guy? Wouldn't it suck if you got pregnant AND Herpes?
Remember BLUE BALLS do not exist.
Asks:
Me and my boyfriend have been going out for almost two years. I believe I am in love with him. Do you think it is a bad choice to engage in sexual activity? I know there are so many risks for it, but what am I suppose to do? I'm in love.
Lee's Thoughts:
Yes, it is a bad choice. You are going to hate this, but you are simply too young. At the very LEAST wait until you are out of high school. Sex right now will NOT BE GOOD ANYWAY. I don't care if all of your friends are doing it. There is no reason to do it. I promise in five to ten years, when you look back at your first time...if you do it now, you'll regret it.
Wait until you are an adult. Wait until at least aren't living in your parents house for gawd sake.
Also, I'm glad you think you are in love, but you're not. If this relationship lasts until you're eighteen, go for it. I'll buy you the condoms. Just don't do it right now.
If you read the conversation Stacy and I are having in the post below, you'll see I'm all for sex...its just that right now, you need to concentrate on school. You need to graduate and focus on going to college. You need to focus on you, not this guy. Wouldn't it suck if you got pregnant? Wouldn't it suck if you got Herpes from this guy? Wouldn't it suck if you got pregnant AND Herpes?
Remember BLUE BALLS do not exist.
Growing Out of People
Samantha
New York
Asks:
My girlfriend is acting so strange since I got a good job and a great future I would have through this job. Two years ago, I went through hard time, she was there for me most of the time. After going through the rough time, I decided to go back to school I worked so hard and graduate with honors, then I got a great job and going back to school soon to continue my education. She went to school 4 years ago and until now has no job actually she is doing odd jobs.
First thing she did to me was ruined a potential relationship for me with a man I met few months ago. I forgave her after many arguments and after she apologized. Now she is acting strange and resents me. Her behavior is so immature and also, she is dishonest and has no boundaries.
Now, I am around people who are professionals and share same interest and activities. I introduced her to a friend of mine and she behaved so silly and could not carry a good conversation. She has no interest in knowing about my success even though I am there for her anytime she needs me. I stopped completely talking about my career. Now I feel she is that type of individual who would thrive on others misery and could not be around successful happy people. Shall I cut her off from my life? I feel bad doing this, knowing through my profession that she has psychological issues.
Lee's Thoughts:
You shouldn't have to censor what you say around a "friend". I think you've done your best to include her and share your life with her, but it sounds like she is just too exhausting. Sure, she was great TWO YEARS ago when you were going through a rough time, but that doesn't give her a free pass to act like an ass NOW.
You know how she is. Its your decision whether or not you want to spend time with her. You had a friendship and now its just hard work. What kind of friendship is that?
People change and evolve every day...hopefully for the better. You need to remember that sometimes you will simply outgrow people. You've learned what you could from her and she, you. Now it is time to move on and expand your circle of friends to people who actually inspire you and fuel you instead of drain you.
Good luck.
New York
Asks:
My girlfriend is acting so strange since I got a good job and a great future I would have through this job. Two years ago, I went through hard time, she was there for me most of the time. After going through the rough time, I decided to go back to school I worked so hard and graduate with honors, then I got a great job and going back to school soon to continue my education. She went to school 4 years ago and until now has no job actually she is doing odd jobs.
First thing she did to me was ruined a potential relationship for me with a man I met few months ago. I forgave her after many arguments and after she apologized. Now she is acting strange and resents me. Her behavior is so immature and also, she is dishonest and has no boundaries.
Now, I am around people who are professionals and share same interest and activities. I introduced her to a friend of mine and she behaved so silly and could not carry a good conversation. She has no interest in knowing about my success even though I am there for her anytime she needs me. I stopped completely talking about my career. Now I feel she is that type of individual who would thrive on others misery and could not be around successful happy people. Shall I cut her off from my life? I feel bad doing this, knowing through my profession that she has psychological issues.
Lee's Thoughts:
You shouldn't have to censor what you say around a "friend". I think you've done your best to include her and share your life with her, but it sounds like she is just too exhausting. Sure, she was great TWO YEARS ago when you were going through a rough time, but that doesn't give her a free pass to act like an ass NOW.
You know how she is. Its your decision whether or not you want to spend time with her. You had a friendship and now its just hard work. What kind of friendship is that?
People change and evolve every day...hopefully for the better. You need to remember that sometimes you will simply outgrow people. You've learned what you could from her and she, you. Now it is time to move on and expand your circle of friends to people who actually inspire you and fuel you instead of drain you.
Good luck.
But, He Misses Me.
Emily, 39
California
Asks:
I met a man over 8 years ago and worked for him for a year. We became really close, we tell each other mostly everything. We had physical attractions from the first time we met. When we spend time together, time passes so fast. We have fun laughing and talking about different type of topics. He makes me laugh.
He says that a relationship is good without commitment or attachment. We were intimate three times. He left to work overseas and he kept in touch with me. When he came back two years ago in the summer, he told me that he would like to spend more time with me. Truly, I felt he is just a player. When I asked him about it, he said I like you and I am attracted to you, then he left the city back to his work. One year passed, he called me this summer asking if he can stay with me because he would like to spend some time together. I refused because of the commitment issue and because I am looking for a long term relationship, and I cannot be with someone who spend one month with me and then disappear for a year and comes back saying he misses me. I told him we can be friends. He said he likes me and cares about me BUT his life is crazy because of his work. Now he is very upset with me, because he said he made an attempt to spend time with me and I am not interested. I do like him and care about him, I want to spend some time with him, but I am not willing to have this type of relationship. I do not think that he is in love with me, even though every time we talk, he says he misses me.
What shall I do? Forget about the commitment and have fun with him this summer or stick with what I believe in. I am afraid if I got intimate with him this summer I would get attach to him or fall in love with him and my feelings get hurt when he leaves. Did I do the right thing when I refuse to let him stay at my place?
Lee's Thoughts:
"I miss you" = "I really like you and want to have sex, but don't want you to be my girlfriend"
You are RIGHT ON. You have this guy pegged. You know what you want and you KNOW he isn't ready to give it. It's been eight years. If he doesn't have mad romantic feelings for you now, HE NEVER WILL.
I'm sure you have a great time together. I'm sure you laugh and talk about life and things are just peachy, but he does NOTNOTNOT want a true and lasting relationship with you. He's told you that over and over again. This crap about him being "upset" with you is not because you won't spend time with him.....its because you won't have sex with him. It's because you won't let him use you when its convenient for him. You were completely right. DO NOT let him stay with you.
If you think you can keep things platonic, tell him you are more than happy to go to dinner with him as friends (if you really want to). BUT DO NOT HAVE SEX WITH HIM. Don't put yourself in a situation where you might have sex with him. You need to move on and find a guy who wants to spend every waking moment with you and will work to make that happen (ie..make you a priority and actually have a job in your town).
Tell this guy, sorry, but this is not the sort of relationship you are looking for. It's been fun, but its over now and you have better things to spend your time and energy on.
Also, keep listening to your instincts. You have good ones. :)
California
Asks:
I met a man over 8 years ago and worked for him for a year. We became really close, we tell each other mostly everything. We had physical attractions from the first time we met. When we spend time together, time passes so fast. We have fun laughing and talking about different type of topics. He makes me laugh.
He says that a relationship is good without commitment or attachment. We were intimate three times. He left to work overseas and he kept in touch with me. When he came back two years ago in the summer, he told me that he would like to spend more time with me. Truly, I felt he is just a player. When I asked him about it, he said I like you and I am attracted to you, then he left the city back to his work. One year passed, he called me this summer asking if he can stay with me because he would like to spend some time together. I refused because of the commitment issue and because I am looking for a long term relationship, and I cannot be with someone who spend one month with me and then disappear for a year and comes back saying he misses me. I told him we can be friends. He said he likes me and cares about me BUT his life is crazy because of his work. Now he is very upset with me, because he said he made an attempt to spend time with me and I am not interested. I do like him and care about him, I want to spend some time with him, but I am not willing to have this type of relationship. I do not think that he is in love with me, even though every time we talk, he says he misses me.
What shall I do? Forget about the commitment and have fun with him this summer or stick with what I believe in. I am afraid if I got intimate with him this summer I would get attach to him or fall in love with him and my feelings get hurt when he leaves. Did I do the right thing when I refuse to let him stay at my place?
Lee's Thoughts:
"I miss you" = "I really like you and want to have sex, but don't want you to be my girlfriend"
You are RIGHT ON. You have this guy pegged. You know what you want and you KNOW he isn't ready to give it. It's been eight years. If he doesn't have mad romantic feelings for you now, HE NEVER WILL.
I'm sure you have a great time together. I'm sure you laugh and talk about life and things are just peachy, but he does NOTNOTNOT want a true and lasting relationship with you. He's told you that over and over again. This crap about him being "upset" with you is not because you won't spend time with him.....its because you won't have sex with him. It's because you won't let him use you when its convenient for him. You were completely right. DO NOT let him stay with you.
If you think you can keep things platonic, tell him you are more than happy to go to dinner with him as friends (if you really want to). BUT DO NOT HAVE SEX WITH HIM. Don't put yourself in a situation where you might have sex with him. You need to move on and find a guy who wants to spend every waking moment with you and will work to make that happen (ie..make you a priority and actually have a job in your town).
Tell this guy, sorry, but this is not the sort of relationship you are looking for. It's been fun, but its over now and you have better things to spend your time and energy on.
Also, keep listening to your instincts. You have good ones. :)
Monday, July 10, 2006
Those Sexy Urges
Becca, 14
Asks:
My boyfriend is almost 16 and has had sex 6 times. When I was younger, I decided to wait until I was 18 to have sex. I am scared to have sex, but I keep getting these urges that make me just wanna forget my whole wait till I'm 18 thing and just do it. What should I do? (Should I have sex or not have sex and if I don't have sex how do I get rid of these urges?)
Lee's Thoughts:
DO NOT have sex with this man-whore you call a boyfriend. He's fifteen and has had sex six times? I assume with six different girls? Ick. I wouldn't let him near me, especially if he hasn't been tested for any and all sexually transmitted diseases (which he probably hasn't). The kind of girls that would give it up to a horny kid like that probably aren't the most pure. (How long have you been dating him?)
It is very commendable that you decided to wait until you are eighteen, a very wise decision. A lot of wisdom comes with turning eighteen, so I would definitely shoot for it if I were you (Wait! I WAS you...and I DID wait, actually until I was a little bit older then eighteen, but I digress).
Of course you have urges. That is NOTHING to be ashamed of. You're sixteen! You are SWIMMING in hormones right now. However, that does not mean you have partake in clumsy bumbling teenage grinding and give the PRECIOUS GIFT that is your virginity to any pimply faced kid with a hard weiner. I promise, teenage sex is not as good as adult sex, especially for the girl...those boys have no idea what they're doing.
(P.S. BLUE BALLS IS A BULLSHIT MYTH...DON'T FALL FOR IT)
SO! Regarding urges...take care of them YOURSELF. THIS is what you should be focusing on right now. You have urges. Now is the time to learn how to satisfy them and this should NOT involve a boy. You can take yourself to orgasmic heights in the safety and comfort of your own dark and quite bed. Again, this is nothing to be ashamed of. In fact, I regard it as an extremely important element of the passage into womanhood. It is empowering to be in charge of your own body. You need to find out what feels good and do it, take charge of it, P.L.E.A.S.U.R.E.Y.O.U.R.S.E.L.F. Put on the song "Icicle" by Tori Amos, light a candle and let your hands do some exploring. Find out what you feel like "down there". Maybe even bust out a hand-held mirror and see what it looks like. It's your body. It's you. You should know what's going on down there and how it works.
Your relationship with you (sexually, emotionally, mentally, and otherwise) is the MOST important relationship you will ever have. You are not a kid anymore (thank goodness). You need to start acting like an adult. Look out for yourself, take care of yourself, make the good decisions. This is an opportunity to do something that is healthy and empowering and educational and FUN for yourself instead of making the wrong decision and having sex too early with someone you won't even know in three years. You have the rest of your life to have sex with a REAL MAN (after you turn 18) who actually CARES ABOUT YOU and knows what he's doing. Don't worry about your boyfriend. He'll survive. Worry about yourself. Take this step into womanhood independently, with your head held high and strong. GO GIRL!
Asks:
My boyfriend is almost 16 and has had sex 6 times. When I was younger, I decided to wait until I was 18 to have sex. I am scared to have sex, but I keep getting these urges that make me just wanna forget my whole wait till I'm 18 thing and just do it. What should I do? (Should I have sex or not have sex and if I don't have sex how do I get rid of these urges?)
Lee's Thoughts:
DO NOT have sex with this man-whore you call a boyfriend. He's fifteen and has had sex six times? I assume with six different girls? Ick. I wouldn't let him near me, especially if he hasn't been tested for any and all sexually transmitted diseases (which he probably hasn't). The kind of girls that would give it up to a horny kid like that probably aren't the most pure. (How long have you been dating him?)
It is very commendable that you decided to wait until you are eighteen, a very wise decision. A lot of wisdom comes with turning eighteen, so I would definitely shoot for it if I were you (Wait! I WAS you...and I DID wait, actually until I was a little bit older then eighteen, but I digress).
Of course you have urges. That is NOTHING to be ashamed of. You're sixteen! You are SWIMMING in hormones right now. However, that does not mean you have partake in clumsy bumbling teenage grinding and give the PRECIOUS GIFT that is your virginity to any pimply faced kid with a hard weiner. I promise, teenage sex is not as good as adult sex, especially for the girl...those boys have no idea what they're doing.
(P.S. BLUE BALLS IS A BULLSHIT MYTH...DON'T FALL FOR IT)
SO! Regarding urges...take care of them YOURSELF. THIS is what you should be focusing on right now. You have urges. Now is the time to learn how to satisfy them and this should NOT involve a boy. You can take yourself to orgasmic heights in the safety and comfort of your own dark and quite bed. Again, this is nothing to be ashamed of. In fact, I regard it as an extremely important element of the passage into womanhood. It is empowering to be in charge of your own body. You need to find out what feels good and do it, take charge of it, P.L.E.A.S.U.R.E.Y.O.U.R.S.E.L.F. Put on the song "Icicle" by Tori Amos, light a candle and let your hands do some exploring. Find out what you feel like "down there". Maybe even bust out a hand-held mirror and see what it looks like. It's your body. It's you. You should know what's going on down there and how it works.
Your relationship with you (sexually, emotionally, mentally, and otherwise) is the MOST important relationship you will ever have. You are not a kid anymore (thank goodness). You need to start acting like an adult. Look out for yourself, take care of yourself, make the good decisions. This is an opportunity to do something that is healthy and empowering and educational and FUN for yourself instead of making the wrong decision and having sex too early with someone you won't even know in three years. You have the rest of your life to have sex with a REAL MAN (after you turn 18) who actually CARES ABOUT YOU and knows what he's doing. Don't worry about your boyfriend. He'll survive. Worry about yourself. Take this step into womanhood independently, with your head held high and strong. GO GIRL!
Semi-Long Distance
Carlos, 18
Texas
Asks:
Ok... I worked at a firework stand on 4th of July and I met another girl who worked there also. got her phone number that night and called her. The next day I took her to eat and took her shopping and we were really into each other. But later on I find out she lives 3 hours away from me. Its been 3 days that we talk for no more than 10 min each day because either we are to busy, tired, or just simply nothing to talk about. How can I get the conversation going?? I really don't know really much about her, just her first name and where she lives. Please give me advice. I really like this girl and I want things to work out between us. Thanks!
Lee's Thoughts:
If things went so well, I'd bite the bullet and drive the three hours to see her next weekend. It would be a sweet (romantic) gesture and it would give you a little more time for face to face interaction. Phone conversations are tough, especially in the middle of the week when you both have everyday stresses on your minds. Having another "date" will be much more fun and will give you both a chance to discover more things you have in common. THAT will help facilitate your phone conversations in the future. You just need to get to know her better, and right now that will take some driving. Also, it will show her that you are interested. That will add the needed energy to this newly formed relationship.
Three hours distance is annoying, but not the end of the world. Go for it!!
Texas
Asks:
Ok... I worked at a firework stand on 4th of July and I met another girl who worked there also. got her phone number that night and called her. The next day I took her to eat and took her shopping and we were really into each other. But later on I find out she lives 3 hours away from me. Its been 3 days that we talk for no more than 10 min each day because either we are to busy, tired, or just simply nothing to talk about. How can I get the conversation going?? I really don't know really much about her, just her first name and where she lives. Please give me advice. I really like this girl and I want things to work out between us. Thanks!
Lee's Thoughts:
If things went so well, I'd bite the bullet and drive the three hours to see her next weekend. It would be a sweet (romantic) gesture and it would give you a little more time for face to face interaction. Phone conversations are tough, especially in the middle of the week when you both have everyday stresses on your minds. Having another "date" will be much more fun and will give you both a chance to discover more things you have in common. THAT will help facilitate your phone conversations in the future. You just need to get to know her better, and right now that will take some driving. Also, it will show her that you are interested. That will add the needed energy to this newly formed relationship.
Three hours distance is annoying, but not the end of the world. Go for it!!
Friday, July 07, 2006
Those Amazing Sperm
Sophie, 13
Sheffield
Asks:
I've been told that if sperm gets on any part of the body it can travel down to the vagina. Is this true? Also, if a boy touched his penis that had sperm on it and then he put his hands down a girls pants but not in her vagina. Can she be pregnant?
Lee's Thoughts:
Sperm are definitely determined little suckers. If they get anywhere in the area of the vagina, they can make their way up to the uterus then ovaries and get a gal preggers. However, I doubt if sperm found itself on your shoulder, that it would make its way ALL THE WAY to the promiseland to make a baby. As for transfer via a horny boy's hand....I doubt that also, but anything's possible. Sperm's ENTIRE PURPOSE in its tiny life is to make a baby...so don't mess with it if you don't want one...got it?
Basically, quit the touching and the sperming and the wondering if you are so worried about getting pregnant. Keep activities on the OUTSIDE of the clothes and you'll be safe as a clam.
Better yet, go read a book.
Sheffield
Asks:
I've been told that if sperm gets on any part of the body it can travel down to the vagina. Is this true? Also, if a boy touched his penis that had sperm on it and then he put his hands down a girls pants but not in her vagina. Can she be pregnant?
Lee's Thoughts:
Sperm are definitely determined little suckers. If they get anywhere in the area of the vagina, they can make their way up to the uterus then ovaries and get a gal preggers. However, I doubt if sperm found itself on your shoulder, that it would make its way ALL THE WAY to the promiseland to make a baby. As for transfer via a horny boy's hand....I doubt that also, but anything's possible. Sperm's ENTIRE PURPOSE in its tiny life is to make a baby...so don't mess with it if you don't want one...got it?
Basically, quit the touching and the sperming and the wondering if you are so worried about getting pregnant. Keep activities on the OUTSIDE of the clothes and you'll be safe as a clam.
Better yet, go read a book.
Thursday, July 06, 2006
How to Get Deep
Cory,16
Georgia
Asks:
I really like this girl and last New Years we stayed up all night on a charter bus talking to each other. It was so much fun. Now we Instant Message each other for about 10 minutes a day, but I think our conversations are too shallow. How can I deepen our conversations, and how can I tell if she likes me as MORE than a friend? Finally, if she does turn out to like me how can I ask her out. I think that saying "will you go out/steady with me" is the most cliche way to do it. What's a more modern way to ask? Thank You so much for what you are doing, I really think it will help.
Lee's Thoughts:
If you want to get deep, GET DEEP. You've been IMing, so you've talked about all the superficial stuff, so now talk about something that means something. You could even say that. "Suzie, I know all about your cat Cuddles, but I'd really like to get to know more about you. What was your childhood like? What is your greatest dream in life? Who is your best friend and why? What is your favorite holiday memory? Where do you want to go to college? What do you want your life legacy to be?" Just make a game out of it. The questions can be silly or lighthearted. Ask her about her thoughts on religion. Ask her about her thoughts on the Iraq war or gay marriage or any other current event. It's much easier in writing then in person, but either way works.
As for asking her out, I wouldn't worry about the *Does she like me as more than a friend* part. I would just ask her out AS a friend. Movies, a football game, a concert....just ask her to do something anything. Just spend time with her. Make it simple and it won't be cliche. Once you get more comfortable around her, you'll be able to read her body language and the way she acts around you. Just have fun together and then the romantic part will naturally evolve. You'll both naturally want to get closer and then, before you know it, you'll be *dating*. Just keep it simple and it will all work out.
Georgia
Asks:
I really like this girl and last New Years we stayed up all night on a charter bus talking to each other. It was so much fun. Now we Instant Message each other for about 10 minutes a day, but I think our conversations are too shallow. How can I deepen our conversations, and how can I tell if she likes me as MORE than a friend? Finally, if she does turn out to like me how can I ask her out. I think that saying "will you go out/steady with me" is the most cliche way to do it. What's a more modern way to ask? Thank You so much for what you are doing, I really think it will help.
Lee's Thoughts:
If you want to get deep, GET DEEP. You've been IMing, so you've talked about all the superficial stuff, so now talk about something that means something. You could even say that. "Suzie, I know all about your cat Cuddles, but I'd really like to get to know more about you. What was your childhood like? What is your greatest dream in life? Who is your best friend and why? What is your favorite holiday memory? Where do you want to go to college? What do you want your life legacy to be?" Just make a game out of it. The questions can be silly or lighthearted. Ask her about her thoughts on religion. Ask her about her thoughts on the Iraq war or gay marriage or any other current event. It's much easier in writing then in person, but either way works.
As for asking her out, I wouldn't worry about the *Does she like me as more than a friend* part. I would just ask her out AS a friend. Movies, a football game, a concert....just ask her to do something anything. Just spend time with her. Make it simple and it won't be cliche. Once you get more comfortable around her, you'll be able to read her body language and the way she acts around you. Just have fun together and then the romantic part will naturally evolve. You'll both naturally want to get closer and then, before you know it, you'll be *dating*. Just keep it simple and it will all work out.
The Crazy Ex
Charlene, 17
Ireland
Asks:
I've been with me fella for seven months and he's deadly real nice and proper decent, but he's away in Italy. Recently when I was out with me girl mates me ex fella spotted us. Me friend gave me ex me number and he rang me. I told him I didn't want anything to do with him but he threatened to stab me fella if I didn't get back with him! Me fella doesn't know and I moved down to the country until he gets back. Me ex is rough and is involved with heroin, but I'm terrified about what he'll do if I tell him no cause I love me fella to bits and wouldn't let anyone hurt him. What do you think I should do??
Lee's Thoughts:
First, tell your "friend" to NEVER give your phone number out without your permission, especially to psycho ex-boyfriends.
Then, tell your fella everything. He deserves to know what's going on, especially if someone is out to hurt him. He needs to be aware and ready in case this guy really attacks him.
Finally, CALL THE POLICE. You may be able to get a restraining order on this guy. Even if the police can't do anything, you can file a report so that if he does do anything crazy, it is documented that you were concerned for your safety and you notified the proper authorities. Document every interaction he has with you. Save any phone messages, record any conversations. Write down every date he calls you, what he said, etc. Write it all down. Hopefully he'll get bored and leave you alone. Until then, notify everyone you know about the situation and documentdocument.
Keep your eyes open.
Ireland
Asks:
I've been with me fella for seven months and he's deadly real nice and proper decent, but he's away in Italy. Recently when I was out with me girl mates me ex fella spotted us. Me friend gave me ex me number and he rang me. I told him I didn't want anything to do with him but he threatened to stab me fella if I didn't get back with him! Me fella doesn't know and I moved down to the country until he gets back. Me ex is rough and is involved with heroin, but I'm terrified about what he'll do if I tell him no cause I love me fella to bits and wouldn't let anyone hurt him. What do you think I should do??
Lee's Thoughts:
First, tell your "friend" to NEVER give your phone number out without your permission, especially to psycho ex-boyfriends.
Then, tell your fella everything. He deserves to know what's going on, especially if someone is out to hurt him. He needs to be aware and ready in case this guy really attacks him.
Finally, CALL THE POLICE. You may be able to get a restraining order on this guy. Even if the police can't do anything, you can file a report so that if he does do anything crazy, it is documented that you were concerned for your safety and you notified the proper authorities. Document every interaction he has with you. Save any phone messages, record any conversations. Write down every date he calls you, what he said, etc. Write it all down. Hopefully he'll get bored and leave you alone. Until then, notify everyone you know about the situation and documentdocument.
Keep your eyes open.
Wednesday, July 05, 2006
Re-Focus
Cal, 30
Georgia
Asks:
I've been broken up with my first girlfriend for over a year now and she absolutely has no words for me. I've been dating other women but I can't seem to get my mind off of my first love. I still care about her actions and we have no contact. She's very short with me. Should I just forget about it even if I feel she's the one for me? I make no attempts to get back with her. What should I do?
Lee's Thoughts:
I know it sucks, but you wouldn't have broken up if she was "the one". It would have worked out and you would have lived happily ever after. You need to distract yourself. You need to focus your energies on the things of value in your life...your family, your loved ones, the things that inspire you and make the world better. Stop swimming in the *what ifs* and the *could have should haves*. Dwelling on the past will not make for a very interesting present and will definitely not prepare you for a beautiful future.
Basically, you just have to suck it up. There is no easy answer here. You don't want to waste this short and precious life stressing about what you DON'T have. Start counting your blessings. Start appreciating what you DO have. Start practicing a little gratitude. That will help refocus you on what is really important.
Good luck.
Georgia
Asks:
I've been broken up with my first girlfriend for over a year now and she absolutely has no words for me. I've been dating other women but I can't seem to get my mind off of my first love. I still care about her actions and we have no contact. She's very short with me. Should I just forget about it even if I feel she's the one for me? I make no attempts to get back with her. What should I do?
Lee's Thoughts:
I know it sucks, but you wouldn't have broken up if she was "the one". It would have worked out and you would have lived happily ever after. You need to distract yourself. You need to focus your energies on the things of value in your life...your family, your loved ones, the things that inspire you and make the world better. Stop swimming in the *what ifs* and the *could have should haves*. Dwelling on the past will not make for a very interesting present and will definitely not prepare you for a beautiful future.
Basically, you just have to suck it up. There is no easy answer here. You don't want to waste this short and precious life stressing about what you DON'T have. Start counting your blessings. Start appreciating what you DO have. Start practicing a little gratitude. That will help refocus you on what is really important.
Good luck.
