Michael, 21
North Dakota
Asks:

I had been going out with this girl for three years. We broke up a year ago and she then went abroad. Recently, she messaged me after a year. We have started talking over the phone about twice a week. She is going out with another guy, but tells me that she still has feelings for me! I've missed her for the last year and I want to be back with her. I just don't know how to make her come back. She will go abroad for studies after four months. Can you help me out and tell me what can I say to her that will make her come back and explain it to her that I can manage long distance relationships. The guy she is going out with doesn't know we talk over the phone. Is she trying to come back or something? Can you please help me out?? Thanx.

Lee's Thoughts:

I'm not sure what the timeframe is here. Will she move back permanently after she finishes school? How long will that be? How serious is she about this guy? If I were you, I'd just continue to let her know how much you care about her. You don't have to get too romantic. A nice, "I really missed you this past year" would do wonders, or... "I can't wait to see you again." Just be honest. Essentially, talk to her from your heart and I promise she will hear it.

Also, with a long-distance relationship, don't forget about *snail-mail*. A nice card or a small well-thought gift will also subtly let her know that you are thinking of her and your feelings are deeper then "just friends".

After you try this for a while, you'll have to mention the boyfriend. You will have to let her know how crappy it makes you feel to know that he gets to be close to her. Maybe say something like, "That JoeBob sure is a lucky guy. He better be treating you right because I know some guys would kill for the chance to be sweet to you."

Basically, just be nice. Be honest. Express your feelings and ask her questions. Find out what her long-term goals are and if you have any place in them.

Eventually, you will have to tell her straight out that you want to only be with her and you want to be her only one. You will have to tell her that you want to end up with her and spend time with her in the same country at some point. Having a goal and an end-result in mind is the key to surviving a long-distance relationship.

Good Luck!

Stephanie, 17
my house (PEOPLE!! The "from" means 'What state are you from?')
Asks:

I like this boy and he likes me and his ex-girlfriend is started saying that I am a slut and all kinds of other stuff! What should I do?

Lee's Thoughts:

If you aren't a slut, then she's a gossip and a liar. You shouldn't expend any energy worrying about anything a gossip and a liar says. If she says this to your face, tell her simply that she is a liar and walk away. I have a good guess she is probably saying this to other people who are *grape-vining* it back to you. If these people are really your friends, they will do the same. Your true friends will see her for what she is and if they are smart, will also not give her the time of day.

The key to silencing an annoying bitch like this is to ignore it and not feed her fire of jealousy. It may be tough, but you will come out looking like the classy babe you are and everyone will want to be near you and away from her.

Another tactic would be to have the boy talk to her and shut her up. Let's see if he can handle being a big strong man and putting this psycho in her place.

Lucy, 45
Florida
Asks:

I gave a man's secretary my phone number to give to him, and he hasn't called. When I see him this week, should I just be bold and come right out and give him my number and ask him out?

Lee's Thoughts:

I think a simple, "So, did Trixie ever give you my phone number?" would work.

If he says no, then, "Well, I should have just given it directly to you in the first place." and slip him the number.

If he says yes...then he has it and he just didn't want to call. You'll be able to tell by his reaction if he'd be open to going out. If you are feeling the *vibe*, go ahead and ask him. If not, you've at least opened the door for him to ask you later.

And make a mental note if the secretary is reliable or not. It may be possible that she *accidentally* misplaces numbers from sexy women... :)

Good work!!

Vanessa, 24
Colorado
Asks:

I've been in a relationship for 7 years. To make things as short as possible, my spouse used to hurt me all the time like taking off for a couple of days and just didn't care too much about his daughter and me. Now I am at the point where I want to end this relationship and he does not. He cried and I know he loves me now more then ever, but all of a sudden I don't want to try anymore. I feel I have fallen out of love with him. Any advice is appreciated, thanx.

Lee's Thoughts:

I know you've been through a lot and you are trying to protect yourself and your daughter from any further pain, but all things being equal, your daughter really needs a mom and a dad.

I know you don't know what to trust, his history of screwing you over, or this new sobbing mess begging you to stay. In the interest of your daughter, I would give it ONE.MORE.CHANCE.

I know this sounds like exhausting advice after all of the crap you've endured from him, but this is how it will be different. You will no longer be at his whim if he decides to make it home at night, if he decides to be a decent dad and husband. You are giving him this one more chance to have you and your daughter in his life. You are giving him one more chance to be a MAN. You are in control.

You will need to make it clear to him that you are no longer the weak doormat of a woman that he has been walking on all of these years. You have CHANGED and if he wants anything to do with you and your daughter, HE has got to change too. Tell him, as of right now, EVERYTHING CHANGES.

You will probably second guess yourself and wonder if you aren't being a little too much of a bitch, but now is the time when you will set your priorities and you will let him know what you will and will not accept from him from now on.

But first, you have to set them for yourself.

You need to determine your expectations of him. (home for dinner each night, support family financially, emotionally, and mentally, a happy demeanor)

You need to determine what you will NOT STAND EVER from him. (drugs, sex with other women, leaving town without notice, hitting, screaming, yelling, verbal abuse)

You need to determine what you will bring to this deal. (make dinner most nights, sex on occasion, driving suzie to dance class, a happy demeanor)

Your non-negotiables must be clear to him. If he breaks any one of them, you pack up your stuff and you find the nearest relative or hotel and you never look back. He doesn't deserve you. I know you are exhausted from trying to hold up this relationship for so many years. But you aren't doing it for him, you're doing it for your daughter. You are trying to be a classy adult and trying to give your daughter a stable family. Best case scenario, you both get into the habit of being classy adults and you begin to enjoy the joy of creating a happy household for your daughter and maybe even begin to enjoy each other again.

But be prepared. A man with this sort of history of treating his family this way has a VERY STRONG potential for f*#king up again and going back to his old ways. You need to be ready to say goodbye the moment he proves that he cannot be trusted. It won't be easy, but you as a strong capable woman can provide a better life for your daughter as a single mom than with an unstable, abusive dad.

So, give it a chance. For now, bet on the possibility that his intentions may be true. The possibility for a happy ending is worth it. But, always keep an eye open. Be aware of his same old shit returning and be prepared to drop him like a bad habit.

Good luck.

Sarah, 18
Louisiana
Asks:

I have had two miscarriages, one in '04 and one in '05. Then, the next month I got pregnant with my 4 month old little girl. She is healthy but I just found out that I am 4 weeks pregnant with 2nd baby and just was wondering what my chances are of working out this time? I know I should see my doctor but is there maybe a percentage of my chances of miscarrying with women that have been in the same situation.

Lee's Thoughts:

((DISCLAIMER...all below has been stated based on the assumption that Sarah did not ACCIDENTALLY hit a 1 instead of a 2 or 3...))

You are eighteen years old and you've been pregnant FOUR TIMES??? Damn!
I was about to compose two separate responses for the possibilities that you were a) married or b) not married. I decided it REALLY doesn't matter.

YES, there is a higher chance of a miscarriage because of your history and because you are too immature, young and unstable to be having kids right now. Your body and the universe are screaming out to you that NOW IS NOT THE TIME. ((And no..please don't confuse me with the likes of Pat Robertson or whoever that says stuff like *God was punishing all the sinners in New Orleans..and pretty soon he's going to wipe SanFran off the map*...but I digress))

You first got pregnant when you were either 16 or 17. I'm betting that you weren't married in a strong and healthy relationship. I'm betting you don't own your own house, you may not even being paying rent on your own apartment. This all may seem beside the point of your question, but in my opinion this is the CENTER of the question. Maybe its too late to be thinking about these things, since you've already brought your daughter into this world. But for the love of all that is good, STOP PROCREATING.

Again, I state the obvious...YOU ARE EIGHTEEN YEARS OLD. Why do you think that you are only valuable as a baby-machine? Why don't you read a book? Why don't you take a class? Why don't you do something OTHER than have sex? Do something that eriches your SOUL without involving innocent children.

I can't imagine having two miscarriages. I don't mean to minimize the pain of it at all, but something needs to change and I think its you. Aside from the financial and relationship questions...what about your mental and emotional maturity? Why don't you wait until you have more than 6 months under your belt as a full-fledged adult to become a mom again? You have things to learn. You JUST stepped out of girlhood. Doesn't your daughter deserve a WOMAN as a mom?...along with *hopefully, fingers crossed* a DAD that will support her and love her each and every day until she herself is an adult??????

I know, your daughter is already here. I know, you're pregnant. Luckily I, as a cold hard computer screen can pound out the hard truth to you without worrying about hurting your feelings. I can tell you what NEEDS to be said in the hopes of saving any more children from growing up with teenage parents.

Oh yeah, and GO SEE A DOCTOR.

Sherani, 24
Durban
Asks:

I think I'm obsessed with my boyfriend. What must I do?

Lee's Thoughts:

I'd like to have more information, but based on the *nada* you gave me, I would say that if you think you are, you probably are. Also, if you are labeling it as "obsessed", it doesn't sound like its a mutual relationship. If you both are obsessing over each other, its wonderful. If one obsesses and one is obsessed...its painful. You probably know this.

Assuming this relationship is salvageable, you need to change your focus. Obviously you want to be a nice, sweet girlfriend, but if you are feeling obsessive, you just have to re-establish your own priorities. Remember what was important to you before he came around, start putting some energy towards that...knitting a scarf for your grandma (easier than you think), training for a marathon, reading classing american novels...whatever. You used to be inspired by things other than him, remember them.

You may be giving him too much attention because you are looking for some sort of validation from him. Remember that no one can give that to you, but you. Try directing your energy towards things that impress YOU. Remember what makes you proud to be you and DO IT.

When you work on creating your own life, you will also loosen your grip on him. Obviously or subconsciously, you both will be the happier for it. He will slip into a stronger, more stable role that is more comfortable for both of you.

Your life will soon be enhanced by his presence, not defined by it. He will accent your activities, not encompass them.

Hjsuen
Asks:

Should I have sex when I am pregnant?

Lee's Thoughts:

Yes, yes, YESSSSSSSS. Assuming that you are not in a high-risk category for miscarriage or pre-term labor, sex while you're pregnant (or any other time) has TONS of benefits for your body, mind, soul, and marriage. You will make sure your husband knows that you are still attracted to him and that he is as important (if not more so) as the little bundle of joy you are carrying. Men have a tendency to feel very helpless once their job at conception is done. The pregnancy is completely up to you and they never have and never will completely comprehend what you are going through. Sex will help him feel like a man and will let him know that he is loved.

As for you...you are going through all kinds of mental, emotional, and physical adventures. You can probably use a little fun! Orgasms relax your muscles and release endorphins that will calm your mind. The blood pumping will help to soothe any aches and pains you may feel and the closeness to your husband will enrich your spirit and remind you why you are going through nine months of craziness in the first place.

Sex is goodgoodgood for you during pregnancy. Medical evidence shows that the baby is well protected in its little womb and won't be harmed. Couples can have sex well into the ninth month of pregnancy if the mommy is up to it. I think that doggie style is the preferred position to accommodate the big 'ole belly of baby.

Of course, there are exceptions to every rule, so here are two specific types of sexual behavior that are NOT safe for ANY pregnant woman:

1) If you engage in oral sex, your partner should not blow air into your vagina. Blowing air can cause an air embolism (a blockage of a blood vessel by an air bubble), which can be potentially fatal for mother and child.

2) You should not have sex with a partner whose sexual history is unknown to you or who may have a sexually transmitted disease, such as herpes, genital warts, chlamydia, or HIV. If you become infected, the disease may be transmitted to your baby, with potentially dangerous consequences.

Dennis, (age unknown)
location unknown
Asks:

I've been going out with a girl of my life since January 2004. At that time we were so deep in love. In March 2005, we had a small misunderstanding. Then it grew bigger and that's when we stopped seeing each other. Then January 2006 we started to see each other but it was not like as it was in the past. The other time she was like, "I'm still thinking about going back together." Then she is like, "I think we can't see each other again." I know that she is not seeing anyone and she always says it. What should I do? I really love her.

Lee's Thoughts:

If you really love her and really want to give yourself and this relationship a chance, give it a try! Ask her out on a friendly basis. Go to a movie. Have dinner. Do something easy and not too over the top romantic. You need to re-establish yourself as someone she can trust. Take it slowly. When you get the chance, (you'll know when that is) you need to explain to her that you want to make a fresh start. If you want, take full responsibility for the misunderstanding and let her know that you will strive to never let a disagreement get that out of hand again. Tell her that no matter where you end up (friends/couple/married/dating), you want to be honest with her and you want her as a friend for always.

Girls and women tend to get caught up in the drama of disagreements or conflicts. You need to acknowledge it (without discounting her feelings about it) and help her get past it and start anew. By the few comments of hers that you shared, it seems like she may be open to that.

You owe yourself another shot at happiness with this gal. However, be aware that time changes us all and you will not be able to re-create the past. Think of her as a brand new person that you need to get to know all over again. That will help you with the clean slate.

Good luck!

Sara, 41
California
Asks:

This is my update, today is Monday and HE NEVER CALLED. Unbelievable, I did not have a good weekend and could not believe why a person would behave this way. I am puzzled and confused. What kind of a person is he? Does he want me to chase him? It is so disrespectful not call and even cancel.

One thing I did not mention to you, my girlfriend knows about this person. She asked me for the phone# to use his spa service. She called the spa, pretended to be someone else and asked for an advice about a situation (mine). My girlfriend’s rationale behind this behavior was that she wanted to help me and get his attention to call me.

Now I do not know what to do, but his behavior turned me off. I am not sure if I should continue to use the service there or not. A male friend told me to call him on Saturday, which I did not, I do not think that I should. Now what? I am thinking to pay him back for the service that he did not charge me for. I feel so rejected, that was my first time to ask a man out!!!!

Lee's Thoughts:

Tell your girlfriend to BUTT OUT. What she did was stupid, immature and WON'T help.

Do NOT pay him for the spa services that he gave you for free and do NOT stop going to the spa.

WE DO NOT CARE "what kind of person" he is. We do not care if he "wants you to chase him" (cause you won't). Yes, he was disrespectful, so WHO CARES? Maybe he is chickenshit. Maybe his grandmother had a stroke this weekend. Maybe his vocal cords collapsed and he couldn't call. OH FRICKEN WELL. Now is the time to move on.

Keep going to the spa if you want to and just be cool. Tell your friends to stop calling him like you're all in grade school. BE AN ADULT. It sucks, but now you know! I'm glad you didn't call him on Saturday. Now, just go about your business. Live your life. Make yourself happy and forget about him unless he calls and begs for your forgiveness and takes you out to the best restaurant in town and pays for IT ALL.

Right now, he sucks. It sounded like he was in to you, but life is tricky sometimes. That's life. You have to move through these hurt feelings with class and act like it doesn't bother you. If he approaches you at the spa, just BE NICE and POLITE. Don't throw a fit, don't whine at him. Say hello and be polite. IF he brings up the weekend, "Yo, what happened to our date you fine thing?" then YOU SAY, "Since I didn't hear from you, I made other plans." If he says, "I'm sorry I didn't call, blahblah-excuse-blah." Just smile and say, "Yeah, that's too bad."

I'm sorry this was your first experience asking a guy out, but was it really THAT BAD? You stuck your neck out there. That took guts. It took courage. You showed what your insides are really made of and NOW, you can show what a classy lady you are by handling his shitty behavior with APLOMB.

I know this wasn't fun, but all of this helps you create the person you want to be. You don't want to be a person that can't take chances. You don't want to be a person who crumbles in the presence of assholes. You don't want to be a person who cries and mopes around all day wondering what he was thinking. You want to be nice. You want to make a mental note of his behavior and move on to a man who would KILL to be by your side and who would call before and after your date to make sure you had a good time. You want someone who deserves and wants to be with you...and you won't find him if you don't take some chances.

No worries...and good luck.

Larry, 28
Los Angeles
Asks:

Okay, so I've been seeing this girl for a while now. It's been casual and cool as we are both very busy. I find myself falling more and more for her and while I know she doesn't want anything more than what we have right now, I can't help these feelings. My problem is that I think she may be on to me and that in turn is making her feel a little weird or withdrawn. She's definitely still into me, but I'm worried I've shown too many of my cards.

My question to you is...what is the best way I can go about balancing the status quo? Quite possibly it is all because she has been so busy lately...but I got this nagging feeling she is withdrawing because she feels that I am really falling for her and thats not what she wants right now. I tried having a conversation about it, but she assured me everything was cool. I'm a patient guy. I'm fine with waiting and keeping it cool for now. I just want to rebalance the situation. I'm thinking I should lie low for awhile, say hi here and there spontaneously, and you know, definitely take her out when the timing permits, but overall just be more chill. What do you think? Right or wrong? thanks!!

Lee's Thoughts:

I'm going to assume that "a while now" means about four or five months. That to me is adequate enough time to spend together and get to know each other. After this time, you probably know if you want to put some energy in this relationship, or let it fizzle. Honestly, it sounds like you both are on opposite sides of the situation.

If you like the person you are dating...If you are interested and feel that there might be a future with them...then you wouldn't pull away when they express THEIR emotion. Does that make sense? Essentially, if she really liked you, she'd be happy to make time for you. She would look forward to it, she would be giving back. Everyone is busy. Everyone has responsibilities, but people MAKE time for the ones they love. It's not a chore, it's a blessing.

You keep making excuses for her by saying "It's not what she wants right now." "She doesn't want anything more than what we have right now." Could it possibly be... "It's not what she wants." and "She doesn't want what we have." ??

Maybe she has personal issues to work out on her own. Maybe she has some maturing to do before she can fully commit to you. But you shouldn't have to wait around with your heart in your hand until she decides to bless you with her emotional presence. It can't hurt to try to cool things off a little, give her some space, but be prepared that this may be all there is.

You've done your best. You've told her how you feel. Now its her turn to take it or leave it.

Sara,41
California
Asks:

So, I asked him to go out for a coffee as you suggested. His response was, "Of course." I called him on Tuesday and I asked when he would like to go out. He said, "Whenever you want." So I told him Saturday evening. He asked for my phone# to confirm. I requested him to confirm before Saturday. Today is Thursday and he did not call, I expected him to call at least to have a conversation over the phone before we go out, but nothing so far. I am so nervous and anxious to hear from him. This is my first time to ask a man out and I am so afraid of rejection.

Lee's Thoughts:

The chances are seriously slim that you will be rejected in this case. He said yes, didn't he? He asked for your number didn't he? Forget about this rejection stuff!! It will just hold you back, make you seem timid and insecure and will NOT help you in this relationship or life in general at all. This fear will not protect you and will not help you grow, so you just have to drop it.

It's not a big deal that he didn't call you on Thursday. He should call on Friday. If he calls anytime after noon on Saturday, tell him that you are very sorry, but since you didn't hear from him, you made other plans. Maybe you can set something up for another time. It's disrespectful for him to call you so late without some idea of where, when and IF you will be going out that night, ESPECIALLY if you asked him to confirm BEFORE SATURDAY.

Well, its Monday today, so please post and let us know how and if it went.

Kim, 16
Hull
Asks:

My boyfriend and I have a good relationship, but we see too much of each other. I don't know how to tell him that I need a bit of space. He will not let me speak to most of my friends as he doesn't like them and when I go out with them he goes mad. This caused an argument between me and my mom as she thinks he is right and I'm wrong. But she doesn't understand I can't do the things I used to do because he always wants to be with me. He rings me up at night and expects me to do everything he wants, so I don't know what to do. There are a lot more things, but I can't explain. Can you help?

Lee's Thoughts:

Read these next few lines back to yourself and see what YOU think:

• We see too much of each other.
• He will not let me speak to most of my friends.
• When I go out with them, he goes mad.
• I can't do the things I used to do.
• He expects me to do everything he wants.

What would you say to a friend who said these things about a boy? In what universe is there anything "good" about this relationship? Unless your "friends" are crack-smoking whore school drop-outs, he probably has no good reason to not like them.

As for your mom...I'm not sure what kind of relationship experience she has, but if she's advocating you stay with this manipulative obsessive jerkwad, she has some problems.

P.S. The way to tell someone that you need a bit of space??? ((ahem))...."I need a bit of space."

Lee is a genius.

Sarah, 20
South Carolina
Asks:

I have just started to have sex with my boyfriend about a week to two weeks ago. The other day he wanted to try to have anal sex. We talked about it before we wanted to try it. He talked me into it, at least trying it. He got it in half way, and I was trying to relax for him. He said I was doing fine so far, but then I just couldn't handle it anymore. I asked him to stop, but he wanted to keep going. I tried to pull always from him, but he was kind of fighting with me, telling me to just relax and how it hurts the first time. I got off of him, and started crying really bad. He's like, "I told you it would hurt the first few times." I want to know how can I let him have anal sex, when it hurts so bad? Is there any easy way of doing it?, and how long will it hurt till it comes easier?

Lee's Thoughts:

Sarah, listen to me very closely...Your boyfriend is a complete, insensitive, egotistical, egocentric, and sadistic ASSHOLE (pardon the pun). You should run, not walk far far away from this jerk.

(Deeeeeeppp Breaths.......) Okay, I may be calmer now. I just had to get that out of my system before I proceeded with my witty and enlightening pearls of wisdom. Okay...on to witty and enlightening...

Anal sex. Personally, I'm not a fan. No, I've never tried it, but I really don't think pain should be involved in LOVE-MAKING (An occasional spank here and there, but that's an entirely different story). There are so many other ways to have sex and have FUN and feel GOOD, that I just have never felt the need to experiment with it. Also, lucky for me, I have a partner who would sooner push a dull pencil through his eyeball before ever wanting to see me in pain, let alone be the CAUSE of my pain.

HOWEVER, lots of people I love and respect engage in anal sex. There is nothing wrong with it at all IF both partners are consenting and aware of the boundaries of the experiment (For example, when I say stop, YOU F$#KING STOP!).

It is really true with all sexual acts/positions/experimentation, including anal sex, that they are all a journey of love and essential TRUST to reveal yourself, touch another, create heat with another, arouse each other to climax, and be completely vulnerable together in the most intimate of situations. For me, simply kissing is a soul stirring and amazing essence exchange. You lay down before your partner. You shed your layers and expose yourself to him or her and you TRUST him or her with not only your body, but your delicate insides.

The very first time I had sex, the thought running through my head was not, "I am so in love with this man," it was, "I TRUST this man."

Anal sex (especially) requires trust in your partner. Your boyfriend was lucky that he had a girl willing to experiment in this way, willing to endure a moment of pain so that HE could have the pleasure. At the moment when you decided that it was too much, HE DID NOT CARE. He wanted more and HE DID NOT CARE that you were in pain. A real man would have stopped immediately, thanked you, held you, caressed you, and kissed you and then thanked the universe that he had such a beautiful and wonderful gal.

I truly hope that this was not the guy you gave your virginity to. I hope that you have had better experiences than this man. In answer to your questions...

"How can I let him have anal sex when it hurts so bad?"
You shouldn't let this man near you ever again.

"Is there any easy way of doing it?"
Yes, with someone else, and lots of lube.

"How long will it hurt until it comes easier?"
It will hurt like a bitch until you find yourself another man.

Take care Sarah.

Caroline, 20
Ireland
Asks:

I've been going out with this guy for 5 months now. Lately he has been a bit weird. One day he's all excited to see me (it will go like that for a few days) then one day every so often, I don't hear from him at all, no call no nothing. I'm not possessive or anything. When he is in good form, I'll receive a message asking how my day is going. But why is he ignoring me every so often?

Lee's Thoughts:

Interesting question....At first I was about to blast you for worrying about a guy who dared to not call you for one day. I mean, he has a life, you have a life, people are busy.

MY NEXT thought is...you call him. Maybe he doesn't want to feel like the obsessive one and he gives you a day to yourself every once in a while. He's giving you the opportunity to show HIM that you are thinking about him and care about him. At 20, you may both be in college, working, or otherwise laying the foundations for your lives. You both have a lot going on and maybe its not the time to fill each other's mind's eye right now. Also, at 5 months of dating, you are at a precipice of deciding if this relationship is going to become stronger and more intense, or simply fade away.

The ages of you and your relationship are both at a sensitive stage right now. Anything and everything could happen. This is when you start creating who you will be for the rest of your life. You make these profound decisions about where to direct your time and energies. You have to learn BALANCE, so that all areas of your life will thrive, especially the most important ones that will be with you throughout your lifetime.

So, if YOU are excited about HIM, call him and and tell him. Tell him you wanted to hear his voice, you wanted to say hello, or you just wanted to connect for a moment during the day. If for some reason he is putting distance between you, or not feeling the vibe anymore, it will be obvious, and there will be many more signs then just missing a phone call for day.

Take it easy and have FUN!

Ashley,19
Denver
Asks:

Can having a period twice in one month mean I'm pregnant? Or is something else wrong with me?

Lee's Thoughts:

I think more periods = less pregnant. It isn't abnormal to have some sort of *break-through* bleeding during the month, but a cheap-0 preggo test from the grocery store would give you a little more clarity. Also, if you call your OB/GYN, there is usually a nurse on staff that can guide you a little better.

Sara, 41
California
Asks:

I met this man who is 44 year old. He owns a Spa and I used their services few times. The first time we saw each other, I felt the chemistry from both sides. We had two long conversations, actually he initiated both conversation, complemented me, asked me what I am looking for in a man. I told him basically an honest man. He replied, "I am an honest man," and then I asked him the same question. He kind of described my personality when answered the question. He even asked when is my birthday and told me when is his birthday to.

When I left the spa, he refused to charge me for the service and told me that he enjoyed my company. I can see and feel how much he likes me. The thing is my religion is different from his. I am Muslim. He asked me if I am conservative. I said no, but still he did not asked me out. I am tired of waiting. It is hard to talk at his spa, it is his business. He is so passionate about life, has strong personality. He has no problem expressing himself or talking to others. Basically he is not shy. Would it be okay if I asked him out for a cup of coffee? I really would like to know him more, I have never done this before asking a guy out. help

Lee's Thoughts:

Yes, YES YES!! He is totally in to you. ASK HIM!! He's been initiating all of these conversations, you need to let him know that you are interested, and aren't just being polite.

You're getting FREE SPA services. That must have been at least a $100 *gift* right? He likes you. He described YOU when you asked him about what he's looking for.

The different religions thing can get difficult. But there is no way I would tell you to pass on this guy because of it. He seems sweet. He has a great job. Go for it!

Coffee is as great suggestion. You have room to talk, but it won't go on too long if the situation starts to suck. Also, if things are going well, you can always schedule dinner together later in the evening. The main point of this is to let him know that you're in for learning more about each other. Totally casual, but making a definite statement.

You can do it!!

N/A, 19 (come on people...at least FAKE a name and state...)
N/A
Asks:

I can only orgasm one way(that I know of) and my husband and I have already tried every way. The last two times we've had sex I can't reach my climax. Usually its no problem, and also its been hurting more in my gut area during and after. Does this sound familiar??

Lee's Thoughts:

Uh....NO!!!! Luckily, no it does not sound familiar.

HURT = BAD

PAIN = SOMETHING WRONG

Sex should not hurt, anywhere, in your gut, vagina, anywhere! The most you should feel is maybe a little sore (if you are doing it EXTRA rigorously), but it should not be painful and it should not last very long afterwards. This to me is a sign that you may need to get checked out by a doctor. Maybe that is why you are having trouble with your orgasm.

Not many women can very easily reach climax through intercourse. It takes foreplay and specific targeting of the clitoris or g-spot in order to get those motors running. Have you tried experimenting by yourself? Sometimes everything gets so heated, it is difficult to focus. It won't happen if you force it. It just has to come naturally. Try taking a bath by yourself and explore a little. You will learn what you like. You'll be able to go at your own pace without worrying about him, try different things and learn your own timing and rhythm. Then you can communicate to your husband what works.

Another trick to try is for him go down on you until you about to explode...then have him penetrate. You will be lubed up, halfway there, and you are SURE to climax. Basically, take it easy with yourself. Women usually need the slow sensual build-up (not a battering ram to the vagina) to get off. It just takes patience and tuning into what your body wants.

Good luck!

Max, 15
UK
Asks:

I love this girl and I have been seeing her for about a year and a half now. I try new things with her but she is really ticklish, like all over. So whenever I go to touch her she just giggles and tells me to stop. I take my hands away but then I feel like were not moving anywhere is it just me rushing her into things or does she just wanna stay as we are forever.

Lee's Thoughts:

I have my ticklish moments also. It depends on the day and/or the moment. However, in a sexual situation, ticklish = nervous. Whatever you are doing to make her giggle, stop and do something that doesn't make her giggle for the moment. If caressing her belly is causing it, go to running your fingers through her hair. If kissing her neck is making her laugh, start kissing her toes. Whisper to her. Tell her to breath deeply and relax. Her giggles are a subconscious defense to new things.

You need to communicate to her conscious mind and subconscious mind and tell her that she is safe (verbally and nonverbally). Move slowly and with warm caresses. (fingertips = tickly moves; full palm of the hand = warm moves). Warmth will inhibit the ticklishness. Turn off the fan. Make sure the room isn't too cool.

Then, go back to whatever it is that was making her giggle and do it sloooowly. Tell her to breathe. Talk her through calming her own mind. Basically, she has to WANT to calm down. Sometimes a fit of giggles is fun, but sometimes, it's time to just get over it and get to business. :) Let her know that she is in control of herself and her giggles and hopefully she will get a grip.

If it keeps going on, ask her straight out if she wants to be here, if she wants to be with you at that moment. Maybe then she will get the point.

Kaylania, 16
N. Ireland
Asks:

I've been seeing my boyfriend for over a year now, and I love him so much. But he seems to believe that we will always be together. I will never cheat on him and he will never cheat on me. But I know that people fall in and out of love sometimes. If this happens, what should I do?

Lee's Thoughts:

Knowing you will never cheat on someone is NOT the same as knowing (having faith that) you will always be together. I was totally in this situation when I was your age. Great boyfriend, but he seemed to think that this was it. He was in love and we'd be together forever. Instead of a nice, warm, safe feeling of love, I sort of had this feeling of *yikes, I'm only sixteen and this guy is trying to put a ring on my finger...* Soon, it became clear that my feelings were nowhere near as deep as his.

I think it is very rare to find your life/soulmate at sixteen. In those rare cases, people that end up getting married have usually broken up for a time to date other people in order to truly realize they were meant to be together. You said, "I love him so much, but.." "I know he will never cheat, but..." You seem to be EXPECTING to fall out of love with this person. You must remember that true and lasting love does not have any buts.

Honestly, I have a feeling that you may be sensing the end of this relationship. It's difficult because he is so great and gives you no reason to NOT want to be with him. I think if you reflect on it, you will see that you simply do not have the passion for him that it takes for a long and lasting relationship.

In answer to your question, if anyone "falls out of love". The best way to handle it is with strength and class. Be straight forward with him. Tell him the truth, but gently. Make him know how much this time together has meant to you, but you are growing and changing and your feelings simply aren't the same. You must be strong when doing this. It won't be easy. Just don't play games. Be true to yourself first and foremost. He will appreciate your honesty.