Tyna, 25 from FL asks:

I was recently introduced to a guy 2 months ago. The problem is that he lives in KY and I live in FL. He sounds great on phone and we have great conversations. He is coming to spend time with me in 2 weeks and I want to know what is appropriate to do since this will be our first date. I don't want to look needy, and at the same time I don't want it to seem like I do not appreciate his coming, because I really do.

Emilie’s Advice:

You didn’t indicate how you met or if he was coming JUST to visit you or if he has other friends near you. I hope it’s the latter. He may be a really nice guy, but you don’t know him. For your first date you may want to meet during the day. Visit a local point of interest, go to a restaurant for lunch or just find a coffee shop and chat. If you hit it off, great. Take it from there. But remember that standard dating safety would tell you:
He should get a hotel room. I may be overly cautious, but I wouldn’t go to his room. Let him meet you in a public area.
Don’t feel pressured to spend 24/7 with him. You may click right away, but if not, don’t feel obligated to be his tour guide or his chauffer.
Have fun and stay safe!

Kahea, 13 from Texas asks:

Am I selfish because I don't want my boyfriend to move to Wisconsin?

Emilie’s Advice:

No, you’re not selfish. You like him and don’t want him to leave. But you are 13 and there’s not much you can do if he moves away. I know it’s hard to think about the future when you’re a teenager, but you’ll have lots of other boyfriends that will come and go. That’s how life works. And it’s great because that’s how you figure out what you like and don’t like in a partner! If you only dated one guy, you’d never get to learn all about different types of people, and what qualities were really important to you.
Believe me, you will miss him at first but you’ll be having so much fun meeting new people and doing new things (like going to high school where there are LOTS of new guys!) that you won’t feel sad for very long.

Lacy, 20 asks:

My fiancé and I have been together for 3 yrs. We just broke up. He'sbeen acting very strange, for ex: every time I see him(we work separate shifts)he just gets up and leaves like I don’t exist. Now I am at my mom's house and he is calling like 5 times a day and I don’t know if I should answer or not? I still love him very much, but I don’t want to be treated like crap anymore!

Emilie’s advice:

So…why do you still love him? Because he treats you so well and makes you feel special? And if you don’t want to be treated like crap, then don’t stay with someone who does. I don’t think you love him at all. You love the IDEA of loving someone. You did the right thing by breaking up. Don’t answer the phone when he calls. Don’t call him. He sounds like a looser. Now are free to have a boyfriend who will treat you well and who will truly love you.

Rose, 28 from PA asks:

I have a fiancé. He says he would never lie to me. Recently he started drinking (again). One night he went out without letting me know and came home at 7 in the morning the next day. I can't ask him what he did or where he was. He only tells me nothing happened and to leave him alone. When friends are there he tells them what a great night he had. What do you think of him? Would you stay with somebody like this? (This is not the first time he’s done this.)

Emilie’s Advice:

It sounds like you already know the answer. He’s drinking, stays out all night and refuses to tell you where he is. You “can’t” ask him about it (which indicates to me that you are afraid of him). What do I think of him? I think he sounds like a jerk. No, I would not stay with someone who stayed out all night, makes you feel like you have no right to ask about it, then proceeds to tell his friends that he had a great night out. Oh, and if this is not the first time you can be sure it won’t be the last. My advice is to cancel the wedding and move on with your life. If you have a hard time doing this, write a “Pro and Con” list about your relationship. When you see in writing that his bad qualities outweigh his good ones, that might help you realize it’s time to say goodbye.

Since it's my birthday today, I'm taking a break! Look for more exciting questions and advice tomorrow!

Helen, 37 from Boston asks:

I started dating a co-worker who is younger than me (he's 28) in February this year. He is physically beautiful and at first the relationship started out well. He was gallant, sweet, caring, the perfect gentleman. We could talk about any and everything and I really thought I had found the one. In July, all of that started to change. He began to look at other women and flirt with them in my presence. I also found out he lived with a woman and had a child with her. His attitude and behavior towards me also changed and the more inaccessible he became, the more I wanted him. There is nothing I wouldn't do for him. If he needed a ride, or lunch, I would be there. My question is...how do I break this obsession with him and find me again? He claims he's working hard trying to make some money and he can't spend any time with me. I feel so rejected, hurt and lost, like someone ripped out a part of my soul. Help me please.

Emilie’s Advice:

First of all, cut off all contact immediately. He made you feel wanted. But then he made you feel used, worthless and cheated. You are still craving the good feelings and will do anything to feel that way again. Unfortunately, you won’t get what you want or need from him. He sounds like the the ultimate "user". You dated him for five months before you even knew his living arrangements. He has a child with the woman he lives with. To anyone besides you it would appear that he was already in a long term relationship and was cheating on his girlfriend. Red flags and buzzers should be making your head spin. Repeat after me: “I am worth more than this.” The good news is that you CAN and WILL feel good again! But you need to do it without depending on someone else. I realize that you want what you can't have, but why do you want him in the first place? What did he ever do for you? I doubt it was anything you couldn't get by yourself with a bottle of wine and something that requires batteries. Keep yourself busy. Start volunteering at a local women’s shelter or a hospital. When you help other people, you start to feel good about yourself. It’s not until you like and respect yourself that you will attract the kind of person who will treat you right. Until then, remind yourself of how lucky you are to be rid of this guy.

Katie, 19 from Canada asks:

I have been going out with this guy named Brian for a long time but now I kind of like my friend Jim. After I pulled a prank by telling him I loved him he said it back! Now I think I really do like him! I haven’t seen Brian for about a week and I see or talk to Jim everyday! Did I mention Jim is going out with my best friend Alyssa? Brian will break up with me and Alyssa will get mad if this goes any further but I secretly REALLY want to be with Jim. Jim is a cheating liar but I can’t seem to get over him. Help!! Should I pick BRIAN or JIM?!?

Emilie’s Advice:

Um, neither. Your intentions are very immature and selfish. If you feel the desire to cheat on Brian, you shouldn’t be with him. You called Jim a cheating liar, so I can’t quite figure out why you’d want to be with him either. And you want to steal your best friend’s boyfriend? That’s nice, very friendly. My advice is to break up with Brian because you are obviously not that into him. Stay away from Jim, he’s got a girlfriend (your best friend, remember her?) and honestly, he sounds like a looser anyway. Your actions will have consequences that will affect other people. Don’t be foolish and ruin a friendship over this.

Adam, 22 from Knoxville asks:

I have been in a relationship for a year and I loved this girl to pieces. She is my life. We are getting married next year but I have a problem. Her sexual history haunts me sometimes. I would do anything for her! But her past really gets to me! How can I deal with this? Help me please because I don’t want to lose her.

Emilie’s Advice:

If you would do anything for her, can’t you cut her some slack? Everyone’s got a history (sexual or otherwise). My guess is that she was the first person you’ve slept with. You can’t blame HER that you were a virgin until you met her. Even if you broke up with her because of your insecurities, you’d only end up dating someone else who could have an even more risqué past. And then you’d be a hypocrite because people dating you would have to deal with your past as well. So, my advice is to just deal with it. You may not have been her first, but she chose you to be her last.

James, 48 from Fort Worth, Texas asks:

I met a woman who is 56. I liked her at first, but she seems controlling. I made the mistake of sleeping with her once. She told me that she had thought about asking her girlfriend to make a pass at me, just to see if I would take the bait. This scares me. I'm recently divorced. I like my independence. How can I break it off?

Emilie’s Advice:

Just tell her you’re not interested. She sounds a bit loony. Red flags should have started to wave frantically when she actually TOLD you she wanted to get her friend to hit on you. That’s the behavior of someone who is extremely insecure with a very low self esteem. If telling her it’s over doesn’t work, get a restraining order.

Travis, 27 from Maine asks:

I am in a long distance relationship. She is in another country. We used to talk about sex on the phone. Now when I mention it, she changes the subject. She is always talking about this or that guy that she is going drinking with. What is happening?

Emilie’s Advice:

Long distance relationships can work, but yours does not sound like it will. It’s NEVER a good sign when a girl stops talking to you about sex and starts talking about other guys. It sounds like she’s moved on and is trying to give you not-so-subtle hints. Take them. She’s done with you but isn’t willing to actually break it off. Do yourselves both a favor and end it. If you’re hesitant to break up with your overseas girl, ask yourself what you’re actually getting out of the relationship. It doesn’t sound like there would be much to salvage. I’m sure you can find a great woman who actually lives close enough to see on a regular basis.

Anthony, 18 from New York asks:

I’ve been in a relationship for 16 months. Every time something’s bothering me, be it college or work or something, she doesn’t want to hear it. But if the shoe is on the other foot, I always listen to her no matter what. Why doesn’t she ever listen to me?

Emilie’s Advice:

My advice is usually pretty simple. Confront the problem then re-evaluate the situation. Tell her how you feel and explain why you need her to listen to you. Maybe she doesn’t realize she’s doing it. Give her a chance to fix the problem. But you may soon realize that she just doesn’t care. There’s no reason to stay in a one-sided relationship where you give and she takes. It has to go both ways. You’re young and shouldn’t feel the need to settle for anything.

Joseph, 17 from Erie, Pennsylvania asks:

I have been dating my girlfriend for 8 months. I am very deeply in love with her. I asked her to marry me and she did say yes. But was I wrong?

Emilie’s Advice:

It’s nice to know you love her so much and you are committed to her. But were you wrong to get engaged at age 17? Yes. You just learned to drive, so it’s kind of hard to believe that you (or she) would be ready to make such a big decision yet. Maybe in five or six years you’ll still be in love and want to get married. But I really doubt it. People change a lot from their teenage years to their mid twenties and for a GOOD reason! That’s when you get to learn who you are and what you want in life. Very few people like the same music, let alone the same people. You don’t have to break up with her, but let her know that you’ve realized that both of you are too young to be engaged. She may even surprise you and agree.

Siul, 38 from New Jersey asks:

I am a 38 year old homosexual. I have been dating a 39 year old male for a little over a year now. Currently, his 70 year old mom lives with him, who I've known for the length of our relationship. His mom does not accept the fact that her son is a homosexual. Although I've never discussed our relationship with her, she knows because everyone else has been commenting to her. It makes her feel bad, to the point that she cries. Her son now wants to limit our time together, so that he doesn't have to see her suffer. For example, I see him when she goes to sleep. I feel as though, she is manipulating her son's lifeand controlling my happiness. I give her a ride to school twice a week, and she treats me fine, so I find it hard to believe that she is manipulating like that. What should I do? I love her son like no other, but I don't want her to control my happiness. She should let her son live his life happily, for she has lived hers....

Emilie’s Advice:

You are an adult and deserve to have an adult relationship. While his mom may not be comfortable with the fact that her son is gay, he IS gay and therefore will inevitably have relationships with men. It’s unfortunate that his mom cannot accept him for who he is, but that is HER problem. If your partner is not comfortable enough to live the life he truly wants, then you will always be playing second fiddle to his mom. It’s very nice of him to take his mom’s feeling into account, but it sounds as though this is at the expense of your relationship. Let him know that you value your time with him but that you need more from him than a forbidden high school romance. You may want to also consider that he is using his mom as a scapegoat for ending it. Or maybe he's just not interested in a relationship. I don't want to say "booty call" but if it walks like a duck and quacks like a duck..... Either way, let him know how you feel and go from there.

Jared, 19 from Evergreen, WA asks:

I'm a pretty non traditional guy. I'm very thin, I like literature more than sports, and I'm not aggressive or macho. Typically, women say that those are GOOD qualities, but I’ve found all women (yes, all) women enjoy macho guys...guys who act, well...dominant. How do I meet women interested in a guy who doesn't want to act like a traditional man?

Emilie’s Advice:

Hi, Jared. You seem to be a smart guy with a lot to offer. It’s not true that ALL women want a macho guy. But, in my experience, women don’t want a pushover either. It’s fine to be sensitive, into the fine arts, and sweet. But most women don’t want to feel like they would have to protect you if you got mugged. I have a feeling that you’re just “looking for love in all the wrong places”. If you want to find a girl who likes you for you, don’t look for her at a sports bar, a dance club or a frat party. Look for her at a book club, a cooking class or the theatre. Join clubs and classes that interest you, and you’re probably going to find a lady who shares the same interests. Good luck!

Josh, 22 from New Jersey asks:

Why do women have to have so many shoes?

Emilie’s Advice:

Why do guys have so many video games? Ha ha! Well, women need lots of shoes to match all of their outfits. And yes, we DO need three pairs of black shoes that all look the same.

Brian, 18 from Nebraska asks:

I'm a freshman in college and I really like this friend of mine who is a sophomore. I want to ask her out but there's that whole younger guy stigma and I'm not sure what she'll think. For a while I thought she was into me, but now I'm getting mixed vibes. I really don't know what to do. Why do girls send so many mixed signals and how can I know how she really feels?

Emilie’s Advice:

Luckily Brian, this is an easy fix! Just ask her out. If she says no, then you’ll know she’s not interested. It seems like girls send so many mixed signals because guys speak a “different language”. What may seem like flirting to a man might just be a woman trying to be friendly. If she says no, the mixed signals will probably end because she’ll be more conscious of how she acts towards you. If you keep getting mixed messages, she may be toying with you because she knows you like her. If that’s the case, you wouldn’t want to go out with a girl like that anyway.

Morgan, 33 from Halifax, Nova Scotia asks:

Hi Emilie. I think your column's great. My question involves my brother and his fiancée. My brother is a very successful and well-off 30 year old entrepreneur. When he met his fiancée he was very impressed with her education, independence, personal values and obviously her heart. They moved in together last January. Since then she has not gotten a job and is content to "stay at home" and take the occasional correspondence course. The rest of our family is concerned that this young woman has a game plan. I don't doubt that she loves him and he seems very happy but she has already isolated him from our family. He will go home at the end of the day and if she has made cookies for example, it's as though no one in the history of the world has made cookies before. Do you, as a woman, see any manipulation here? We want him to be happy but feel she has an agenda...any thoughts?

Emilie’s Advice:

If by manipulation you mean taking care of your brother and making him happy, then yes, she is definitely manipulating him! Obviously you don’t want anyone to take advantage of your brother (you care about him!), but he seems to be enjoying the situation they’ve created. Your brother sounds like an intelligent guy, and he hasn’t gotten where he is today by letting people use him as a doormat. He was attracted to her for her good heart and values, things that a person with bad intentions probably doesn’t have. It may not be your cup of tea, but it’s probably appealing for your brother to come home to a clean house and home cooked meals. The fiancée may be getting a sweet deal, but since she is contributing by taking care of the household duties, he is getting something out of it as well. You may feel she’s isolated him from the family, but think of it this way: Your brother may be keeping her (and himself) out of a situation where they both know she is not entirely welcome. I would feel uncomfortable going to family functions too if I knew his family thought I was a gold-digger! It’s a fine line between giving someone relationship advice and telling them you don’t trust their judgment. My advice would be to try your very best to reassure him that you will accept his future wife into your family. You may suddenly notice both of them hanging around more, and she may even warm up to you……and vice versa!

Gary, 27 from California asks:

I work with this woman about my age. Our salaries are probably about the same. She is the sharpest dresser. Everyday she's dressed great. Many of the other women dress very nicely as well. On the other hand, most guys we work with, including me, just don't seem to dress that nicely. Even small things, like shoes are nicer. This woman's shoes are always so neat with no scuff marks. Not us guys. I could dress better but my budget doesn't allow it. So, how is it that women in the same income level as guys can look sharper, neater, more stylish? How can they afford it?

Emilie’s Advice:

Well, for one thing, she might take better care of her things because she WANTS to look sharp. I tend to buy clothes on sale to get more for my money. You can create a great wardrobe with just a few key items you can mix and match. And sometimes clothes do make the person. Have you ever considered that this woman might make more than you think she does BECAUSE she dresses nicely? It’s a fact that appearance makes a difference in your boss’s perception of your performance. Maybe if you bought some nice clothes, you’d get a raise and be able to afford even nicer clothes!

Dave, 24, from Chicago asks:
I have been dating the same girl for the last year. She's really nice and I care for her a lot, but now that we've had our first anniversary, she wants us to get all serious. Everything was going so well, and now she's talking about marriage! What the hell? Why can't she just relax and have fun? What do I need to do?!? I'm not ready to get married or worry about kids or any of that yet!

Answer: I could say that just because a woman talks about marriage doesn’t mean that she actually wants to get married. But I would be lying. She probably won’t stop talking about marriage until she’s in a white dress and is smashing cake in your face. Unless you can honestly see yourself marrying this girl in the not so distant future, you might as well consider your relationship officially over. You need to be honest with her and don’t waste anymore of her time (or yours). Yes, she’ll cry. Probably a lot. But in the long run you’ll both be a lot happier. She’ll find a guy who actually wants to get married, live in a house with a white picket fence and have 2¾ kids. You’ll find someone who just wants to “relax and have fun”.

Warren, 32, from Indiana asks:
My wife and I have two kids, the youngest of which is only in diapers. Before we got married, she said she wanted to stay at home and raise kids. But now, she all of a sudden wants to go out and work. I don't know what is going on here. Who's going to take care of the kids? What should I do and why did she suddenly change her mind?

Answer: Didn’t you get the memo? Women can (and will) change their minds! But here’s the real deal. How many days have YOU spend with the kids? Alone. ALL DAY. It can drive a normally sane person out of their mind. Trust me Warren. Maybe your wife just needs some extra time to herself while you watch the kids. A couple of hours to meet the girls for a drink. That might help keep her sanity so that she can deal with being with the kids all day, every day. Or maybe she really just wants to go back to work. Some women just aren’t happy staying home and there’s nothing wrong with that. So she goes back to work. Enroll the kids in daycare, find a nanny, call grandma……or there is a radical new concept called the Stay-at-Home-Dad.

Billy, 18, from Texas asks:

My girlfriend of 6 months just broke up with me, saying I played too many video games and don't pay enough attention to her. What can I do to win her back? I love her, but don't mean to ignore her. Is there anything I can do or should I just forget about this?

Answer: The lesson here is simple Bobby: Video Games are EVIL. Girls want to be noticed, and we don’t like when you spend more time looking at animated football players and robots than us. I probably would have kicked you to the curb, too. But you’re young and sound like a nice guy, so listen carefully. Tell your girlfriend that SHE WAS RIGHT. You want to show here that you really care about her and want to make it up to her. Plan a whole day with activities SHE wants to do (that means NO arcades!) If she still doesn’t want you back then that’s her loss. And at least you know what NOT to do next time, right?

This blog will be similar to Ask ARGuy (currently Ask ARG), only in reverse.

Emilie, our Real Girl, will answer questions about why girls do and say what they do and say. The question topics can include relationships, commitment, flirting, cheating, dating habits, social behavior, shyness, and just about anything else that puzzles you about girls (they can be so confusing!).

Get advice about how to handle situations, or merely satisfy your curiosity.