ARGville

Joyce, 27, in NY: There is a man I work with. We once had something going on but it didn’t last long and wasn’t that serious because he started seeing someone else. But in the meantime, I’ve been keeping my distance from him and keeping our conversations brief (rather, trying to keep my answers brief) because I really don’t want him asking me personal questions, which he seems to do a lot.

If I am going out to lunch, he’ll ask who I am going with. If my phone rings, he’ll ask who I am talking to. He asks always about what I’ve done on the weekends and what my plans are for upcoming holidays and stuff. He constantly tries to draw me into conversation, even when I am quiet and clearly don’t want to speak.

Then he does something which shocked even me. He used to tell me how he was horrible at remembering birthdays and stuff. He never remembered mine unless he was reminded by someone else the day of (keep in mind we were never in a relationship, we were interested in each other but it wasn’t like he was my man and forgetting my birthday or something). But my birthday is coming up and out of the blue he tells me that I have a birthday coming up. I kinda brushed it off but then he goes on to give the exact date and keeps trying to find out what I have planned for that date. I was totally blindsided by this.

Do you think he could still be interested and is trying to show he’s interested in me, like trying to get me to warm up to him again? Does a guy really go from not caring enough about birth dates to remembering not only that mine is “coming up” but the exact date unless there is some underlying reason?

VictorM: You are reading way way way way way way way way wayyyyyyyyyy too much into the birthday thing. First of all, we’re all capable of remembering some number or date because of wacky connections (for example, I have a hard time remembering some family and loved ones birthdays but I remember that Marie and Courtney’s birthdays are on April 1st (April Fools day), and I haven’t talked to either of them in years. Further, in this day an age with phones that memorize all kinds of information, with computer calenders sitting on our desks, with access to facebook and MySpace and other such applications where birthdays are listed, having a person’s birthday at their finger tips doesn’t require any level of interest in her at all.

He’s just a nuisance with poor social skills that fails to recognize that asking who you’re going to lunch with is none of his business.