go with the flow
Jackie, 23, in San Diego CA: I have been dating this guy for almost 8 months and in the beginning we both agreed that we were just going to go with the flow. We didn’t want to be in a committed relationship. However, it got to the point where we were only seeing each other and dating no one else. So we were in a non titled type of relationship which got confusing but we worked thru it. As long as we’re playing by the same rules no one gets hurt right? Well eventually things got more complicated because I realized that after 8 months, I wanted more. I was really ready for a commitment. I decided to tell him and the answer I got was that he wants me but he’s not ready now because he needs to figure himself out first. Focus on his career, goals, etc. So we eventually decided that he needs to do his own thing without me being a distraction and so I’m giving him space. No calls, no texts or any contact at all. I feel hurt because I feel like this is a break up but for all the wrong reasons. It’s not like we lost interest in each other because I know we care for each other a lot. How do I deal with this space? And what do I do if other guys wanna date me or if I find out girls wanna date him? Should I just move on or wait for him to figure his shit out?
VictorM: It’s clear that his “need to figure himself out” was a typical cowardly way to avoid saying to you that you’re not “the one.” He cares for you and likes, sure, just not enough. And after 8 months, he’s had ample time to know.
You’re breaking up for the wrong reasons if all you want is to keep going with the flow, but if you want a serious, committed relationship, you broke up for the right reason because this guy already made up his mind about you.
Move on and date other guys; that’s what this guy is doing, it’s just he didn’t have the balls to tell it to your face.
The Architect said:
Jul 28, 10 at 10:50 amThe truth could simply be that he does need to figure himself out; however this conclusion also implies that he is not willing to have you in his life while he gets know himself. Whether the truth is being told or not is irrelevant to his final decision.
The best thing to do is respect his decision and move on; if both of you were meant to be, then it will happen. Don’t waste your time waiting around; have some self respect.
The Businesswoman said:
Aug 03, 10 at 6:04 amJackie, funnily enough I’m currently in the same situation. Ive been seeing a guy for three months and suddenly he ignores me and gets me thinking why is he pushing me away. When I asked him whats up, he basically gave me an ultimatum, we either date or stop seeing each other completely. I’m crazy about him but at the same time, timing plays such a crucial role that I actually need to figure myself out and get to know him better before rushing into a committed relationship. He could honestly be telling you the truth but the best way to do it is to break away completely and if in the future you bump into each other again, by then assuming he’s ready then you know it’s meant to happen. Although, you shouldn’t be waiting around for him, live your life. Hope that helps.