he talks about a lot of people from his past a lot
Jen, 35, in Chicago: A guy I’m seeing and care a lot about talks about his ex fiancee quite a lot. However he talks about a lot of people from his past a lot. So over the last few months, I have gotten used to it and decided that he was just giving me background about who he is and his life experiences. Meanwhile, I think I have fallen for him. Then the other day he said he just went out to lunch with his ex (after the fact). My heart sunk when he told me this. He said that she was asking him for relationship advice on if she should break up with her current boyfriend, blah blah blah. Of course, he gave her advice to break up with the guy. I am normally not a jealous person and he has plenty of female friends but this bothered me. He went to see her and she is seeking his advice – women don’t do that unless they have an interest in a guy. I have my suspicions they are still in love. If that is the case, I am surely heading for heartbreak. What is your take on this? Was it cool for him to have lunch with the woman who he can’t seem to stop talking about?
VictorM: Anytime you get involved romantically with another human being, you’re always one step away from heartache.This situation is not any different in that regard.
Many people can’t cut off someone from their life cold-turkey. They don’t have to still be in the love with them. Sometimes it’s just a routine that’s hard to break, but many times, just because we think someone is not a good match for us doesn’t mean we think they’re bad people. We could still love them and still care about them, just not want to be with them.
His ex was an important part of his life. In a way, it bodes well for you that he just doesn’t discard her so easily; it means he’s a considerate, caring person. I know it brings insecurity and maybe even some jealousy into the picture, but being in the predicament you’re in, it may be justified for you to be patient and give him more time to weed her out of his life.
It would have been better if your boyfriend told you about the meeting before he had it, but still, he should get credit for being honest about it.
I would suggest that you don’t ask him to stop talking to her. Him doing it voluntarily is the best indication you’re going to have that he’s gotten her out of his system. Continued references to her, after a while, could be a problem, so you’re be wise to keep your ears and eyes open. But unless you have more concrete evidence that they are too much in contact, I’d say let it go for now.