I broke my rule
Sarah, 31, in NC: I just recently went out on a date with a guy that had been in our circle of friends for about a month. This was our first time out just the two of us. I broke my rule of sleeping with someone on the first date. Since we are in a circle of friends, we are all going out again on Saturday. He texted me the night after the date to tell me again how much fun he had, but he hasn’t called. Do you think that he will not take me seriously now that I have slept with him so soon? And how should I act when we are all out together?
VictorM: Right now, you fit in the category of “one night stand.” Where it goes from here is anyone’s guess. The most likely path, if you’re willing, is “friends with benefits.” He could still take you seriously, but the odds are not in your favor at this point. But how you act with him might help determine the course it takes.
Sleep with him again and you’ll only be “friends with benefits” material; act as if sleeping together means that you expect a relationship and he’ll most likely flee; behave as if nothing happened (something that I believe will be near-impossible) and he’ll think you do this often with other guys… I don’t have to tell you, but this is why having that rule is important, because now you really have no good options other than relying on what his perception of you is.
My suggestion is for you to act warmly and friendly towards him (because trying to ignore that you slept together is dumb and pretending it meant nothing is even dumber), but if you want to be taken seriously, don’t sleep with him again unless and until you’re in a relationship. Let him know, if the subject comes up, that any future dates will not have the same ending.