ARGville

Elizabeth, 19, in Norfolk, VA: When is it okay to give a cheater a second chance?

And on a side note, if he comes crawling back and says he’s not giving up on you then is it a bad idea to even try and stay friends?

VictorM: The second chance shouldn’t be given to him; it should be something you do for yourself if you feel you are better off giving the relationship another try, if nothing else, to remove the “what if” from your mind.

If you feel you’re better off going on without him, I believe staying friends will only come … Continue Reading

Biggest Fool, 46, in MD: I am married and have been seeing a married man for 2 years.  We were already friends and had known each other 3 years.  He was military and working in my office.  He retired and became a contractor so we remained in touch and friends.  I think we both tried to not let it happen, but it did. When we first started, we agreed to “no feeling, no emotion”, basically just “convenience”.  He said he would never leave his wife, but if something ever happened to her, he would come looking for me.  He said … Continue Reading

Crystal, 25, in Oklahoma: My guy just recently told me that 2 years ago he had a fling with this girl. I have asked him a hundred times over the 2 year period if he had slept with her and he told me no. So why would he wait until I stopped asking and pushing him about it to tell me? And why would he tell me at all when he had pretty much gotten away with it?

VictorM: I would guess that he thought that if he told you much earlier, before your relationship was on more solid ground and … Continue Reading

Stephanie, 18, in New York: So my boyfriend and i have a newborn, and he decides to go out to a bar, lied to me about where he was going, then after he went to the bar he went to a strip club, while at the strip club he paid for a lap dance, he says he was in a room with a bunch of other guys, so his friend told me about that night and also told me my boyfriend said he “banged” the stripper. when i confronted my bf about it he said that he was drunk and … Continue Reading

Anonymous, 56, in Anonymous: I met a man a year older than me.  It was a business relationship.  We hit it off well.  Being close to the same age, from the same area, and knowing a lot of the same people, it was easy for us to connect.  I really liked him and I believe he liked me.  I knew that there was a physical attraction as well.  We are both married though.  Over the course of about 7 or 8 meetings, which we were always alone at, things became more intense.  He began to occasionally pat me on the … Continue Reading

Jasmyn, 34, in South Africa: I broke up with my ex fiance years ago because I felt distant from him. He went on to get married to a so called friend of mine, I cannot call her a friend because we only went out twice, we were not close really but when they started dated I felt betrayed, truth is I still feel betrayed, they have 3 kids together and got married about a year after dating or less. I am seeing a guy now for 8 years and is really happy but my ex called me for the last … Continue Reading

Charmaine, 33, in Johannesburg, South Africa: Hi Victor,
I have been married for 10 years with 2 children, a 4 year old and a 6 month old. I recently found out my husband cheated on me with 3 different women throughout our 10 year marriage.I had confronted him countless times before and he always denied it. He eventually admitted and said he is not cheating anymore. Another thing is I suspect he has a child outside our marriage as well because the day after he admitted to me he is not cheating anymore he got an sms in my presence of … Continue Reading

Rach, 27: Hi,I have a question about cheating… They say once a cheater always a cheater and that you cant change anyone. I really like this guy and I think he likes me cause he trips over his words when talking to me (that’s a good sign,right???)But anyhow, He has cheated on his previous GFs that’s why I am so hesitant to pursue him bc I don’t wanna get hurt and want to trust him but on the flip side I am crazy about him and know that I want him. Is this normal behavior for a guy in his … Continue Reading

Krissy: Victor, its me again. Still dwelling on all the baggage from the ex from two months ago. You know, the one who cheated on me for 2 years. I did take your advice on ignoring him. but somehow i always seem to give in because he just NEVER gives up! We met up for the first time 4 nights ago. we talked and he tried to kiss me but i turned away. i saw him again last night. we kissed. i didn’t feel anything. i know i still have feelings for him and am definitely not over him. but … Continue Reading

Roxie, 32, in CA: I am a single female, a new friend of mine (6 mos) who is a guy, and has a gf of 2 years, has indicated that he is definitely attracted to me and has told me during our chat on Facebook last week, that if he was only single right now, he would definitely pursue me as a girlfriend.
I took it as a compliment, and at the same time at the back of my head thought- “he’s cheating..isn’t this a form of cheating?” I did not flirt back, however he asked me what I was looking … Continue Reading

Sarah, 25, in Seattle: He cheated on me when he was drunk. He didn’t remember and he told me right away when he realized he’d done it. But, he broke up with me because he felt so bad. He says I was a great gf and he f*ed it up. We talked for a bit, but then felt like we needed some time apart. In the meantime, I’ve contacted him because I am worried about him. I am doing really well with the break up, but he was really sad. I don’t wanna desert him. Does this make me the … Continue Reading

Lisa, 27, in CA: I have had a very comfortable relationship with my boyfriend but he’s not very romantic or emotionally supportive a lot. I thought I was fine with that and I carried on this 3 year relationship. A lot of times suppressing all these feelings. 4 months ago, we decided that we were going to move across the country. There was so much pressure and I felt very lost. I tried to talk to him but I didn’t feel like he understood so I started talking to another guy. Unfortunately, that led to a one month affair. On … Continue Reading

sally, 24, in az: There is this guy that i dated for only 3mths, we didn’t have sex but got close. anyways, i broke up with him since i thought he was a player. Well after awhile we got in contact again and we have for the past 3yrs, recently he told me he still has feelings but meanwhile i’m involved with someone else. I dont know what to do now. We do talk, and he says i’m the only one he has feelings for right now..then he admitted he wanted sex pics so i sent them. then he wants … Continue Reading

Paulina, 22, in Chicago: I have been in a long distance relationship with my bf for about 5 months now. Things are great when I see him, we talk on the phone alot, text etc. There’s the odd time it takes him a while to respond but i am realistic and get that men dont sit on psycho babble type as much as us women do.

Here’s the issue. His closest friends all cheat on their gfs. He claims he’s different, that he has high values and that he always tells me stories about all of them and has introduced me … Continue Reading

Abigal, 25, in PA: I just recently turned 25 and we took a trip away, and it was great, but we came back and I stayed one last night at his place and had this horrifying dream that he is still speaking with his ex.

I was cheated on by him with this women, but it was 4 years ago, why now, to ruin my birthday did I have this dream, in his house no less.

Just when i think we finally got through the painful parts, and I trust him again I get hit.

If I bring it up to him, which … Continue Reading

Do you believe once a cheater always a cheater?

VictorM: No. Circumstances vary. You need to consider many factors before you treat a case of cheating to mean you have an habitual cheater in your hands.

Monica, 30, in Florida: I’ve been in a relationship for 6 years.  Love him to death, he is my best friend. Couple years ago we had some issues and instead of working on the relationship he cheated.  I begged him to stay and he did (he was a bad boyfriend before and has been trying to be better since, and it shows, he did a complete turnaround)…  from that point on I haven’t felt the urge to ‘do’ anything (ex:sex, etc.) with him although I have, and I HAVE told him I wanted to even if I didn’t because I … Continue Reading

Alexis, 24, in Wisconsin: I dated a guy for 3 years, he cheated on me a few times yet I forgave him, he started paying more attention to his friends than me, we were living together and one day he comes home and tells me he is moving out and we are breaking up.  I was very upset to hear it, yes we fought (alot towards the end) but I accepted it but I really still have feelings for him.

What is the best way to convey your feelings to him?  Or do I keep them to myself and wait for … Continue Reading

Shevon, 31, in United Kingdom: I’ve been living with my boyfriend for 10 years and we have two kids. He recently had to go abroad to do a driving job and i later discovered he had condoms in his wallet when he came back. I trust him but now that i’ve found them i don’t know what to think. If i confront him he’s gonna think i think he’s been messing about?

VictorM: You don’t have to confront him; you can just politely ask him to explain. Maybe there really is a good explanation (and if there is, can you let … Continue Reading

Caroline, 21, in US: Victor, my boyfriend cheated on me with the same girl twice. The first time i took him back, then he did it again. I broke it off for good this time. But he is constantly begging me to take him back and swears that things will be different. He tells me that I am the girl he wants to marry one day and that he will never develop feelings for another girl again. Should I believe him? And how come i feel guilty for not taking him back? What should i say to him when he … Continue Reading