Friday, March 05, 2010
"kangaroo pouch"
By: Laura
Age: 24
Location: Texas
Question: I have a "kangaroo pouch". That's my husband's nickname for the pesky post-baby weight that has endured despite countless sit-ups and ab work-outs. He says it doesn't bother him, but his actions and interest in me have definitely changed. He's also been spending a lot of late nights on the computer...if you know what I mean. I feel like I'm losing him. Aside from getting a tummy tuck, what can I do?
VictorM's advice:
You can stop doing sit-ups and ab work -- they only make the "pouch" seem bigger. Think about it... you have that layer of fat/skin in the outside of your mid-section. If you develop muscle underneath, the muscles gets bigger but the muscle is under the fat. What happens? Your fat seems larger. What you need to do is more aerobic work to burn off the fat. If and when you lose most of the fat, than ab work will be good to tone the mid-section.
Other than that, take him at his word. Guys are not as picky as girls are with themselves. Has he lost interest because of your looks? I doubt it. Your life, with a baby and all, gets more hectic. Both of you get more stress, more sleepless nights, more responsibility, a baby hanging around, and it's natural that the sexual drive suffers. Trust me, after a while, it comes back.
As far as him looking online... well, who doesn't look online these days for that stuff? It has nothing to do with you, really.
Age: 24
Location: Texas
Question: I have a "kangaroo pouch". That's my husband's nickname for the pesky post-baby weight that has endured despite countless sit-ups and ab work-outs. He says it doesn't bother him, but his actions and interest in me have definitely changed. He's also been spending a lot of late nights on the computer...if you know what I mean. I feel like I'm losing him. Aside from getting a tummy tuck, what can I do?
VictorM's advice:
You can stop doing sit-ups and ab work -- they only make the "pouch" seem bigger. Think about it... you have that layer of fat/skin in the outside of your mid-section. If you develop muscle underneath, the muscles gets bigger but the muscle is under the fat. What happens? Your fat seems larger. What you need to do is more aerobic work to burn off the fat. If and when you lose most of the fat, than ab work will be good to tone the mid-section.
Other than that, take him at his word. Guys are not as picky as girls are with themselves. Has he lost interest because of your looks? I doubt it. Your life, with a baby and all, gets more hectic. Both of you get more stress, more sleepless nights, more responsibility, a baby hanging around, and it's natural that the sexual drive suffers. Trust me, after a while, it comes back.
As far as him looking online... well, who doesn't look online these days for that stuff? It has nothing to do with you, really.
Comments:
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Yes, but looking online at that "stuff" is feeding into her insecurity about the way she looks. So it has quite a lot to do with her, whether or not it really "means" anything to him. So if it's bothering her, she should say something about it.
Look, our society is OBSESSED with women's "post-baby bodies" - this is the worst of the worst, the low of the low. Instead of carrying that pouch proudly as a Mark of Honor (giving birth! no man can do that!) you see it as an ugly weakness.
And no woman who has given birth can go back to a completely flat stomach unless they do surgery. AND THERE IS NOTHING WRONG WITH THAT.
Instead, build your self esteem by focusing on something other than your body. Build yourself in some other way - learn something new, for instance. Because the more you focus on your negative body image, the lower your confidence sinks, the less he's gonna want to be around you. Do something that makes YOU feel good about yourself. Haircut, clothes, shoes - if you like the surface stuff - or learn to cook something new or read a good book if you're brainier.
Honey, there are lots of overweight women with kangaroo pouches plus a helluva lot more junk that get by just fine. They have confidence and aren't ashamed of their bodies. Sure, we all get a little dejected and oversensitive at times, especially around swimsuit season. But who doesn't? Our society is currently demanding that we have to be hot and sexy well past 50! 60! It's enough to wear any woman out.
And yes, your relationship will change now that the baby has come along. HOpe you have something deeper to get you through than just worrying about your body. Talk. Reconnect. If you can get someone to babysit, have date nights away from the new stresses and challenges. Because your marriage is still the primary relationship and needs to be taken care of, too.
And hey, if it bothers you, tell him to stop calling it a kangaroo pouch. Get a stronger tougher name for it. I'm fresh out of ideas, but I'm sure I'll dream something up by tomorrow.
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Look, our society is OBSESSED with women's "post-baby bodies" - this is the worst of the worst, the low of the low. Instead of carrying that pouch proudly as a Mark of Honor (giving birth! no man can do that!) you see it as an ugly weakness.
And no woman who has given birth can go back to a completely flat stomach unless they do surgery. AND THERE IS NOTHING WRONG WITH THAT.
Instead, build your self esteem by focusing on something other than your body. Build yourself in some other way - learn something new, for instance. Because the more you focus on your negative body image, the lower your confidence sinks, the less he's gonna want to be around you. Do something that makes YOU feel good about yourself. Haircut, clothes, shoes - if you like the surface stuff - or learn to cook something new or read a good book if you're brainier.
Honey, there are lots of overweight women with kangaroo pouches plus a helluva lot more junk that get by just fine. They have confidence and aren't ashamed of their bodies. Sure, we all get a little dejected and oversensitive at times, especially around swimsuit season. But who doesn't? Our society is currently demanding that we have to be hot and sexy well past 50! 60! It's enough to wear any woman out.
And yes, your relationship will change now that the baby has come along. HOpe you have something deeper to get you through than just worrying about your body. Talk. Reconnect. If you can get someone to babysit, have date nights away from the new stresses and challenges. Because your marriage is still the primary relationship and needs to be taken care of, too.
And hey, if it bothers you, tell him to stop calling it a kangaroo pouch. Get a stronger tougher name for it. I'm fresh out of ideas, but I'm sure I'll dream something up by tomorrow.
# posted by 
: 1:15 AM
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