Saturday, February 06, 2010
I met this girl who had a boyfriend
By: Bill
Age: 21
Location: Canada
Question: I met this girl who had a boyfriend, at the time, and throughout the time we've spent together, we became closer and closer of friends. According to her, I am now an important part of her life, and irreplaceable. I soon grew to love this girl, and still do. Just recently she broke up with her boyfriend, and I thought this was the perfect opportunity to move in, however, she doesn't seem to realize that I feel the way I do about her, and is still a little caught up on this other guy. I want to know, what should I do? Should I tell her how i truly feel? Or should I just wait it out and see how she feels about me later on?
VictorM's advice:
Don't do anything until you hear from female readers who will comment in the Visitor Comments section (ladies: won't you please help Bill with your opinions?) Come back in the days ahead to see the feedback. And I would place more value in their opinions than in mine. Nevertheless, this is what I'd say:
Tell her how you feel! But don't expect a positive answer right away. You may need to give her time to process this information. With girls, you need to get in their mind. The more they think about you, the better your changes that she'll reciprocate.
Age: 21
Location: Canada
Question: I met this girl who had a boyfriend, at the time, and throughout the time we've spent together, we became closer and closer of friends. According to her, I am now an important part of her life, and irreplaceable. I soon grew to love this girl, and still do. Just recently she broke up with her boyfriend, and I thought this was the perfect opportunity to move in, however, she doesn't seem to realize that I feel the way I do about her, and is still a little caught up on this other guy. I want to know, what should I do? Should I tell her how i truly feel? Or should I just wait it out and see how she feels about me later on?
VictorM's advice:
Don't do anything until you hear from female readers who will comment in the Visitor Comments section (ladies: won't you please help Bill with your opinions?) Come back in the days ahead to see the feedback. And I would place more value in their opinions than in mine. Nevertheless, this is what I'd say:
Tell her how you feel! But don't expect a positive answer right away. You may need to give her time to process this information. With girls, you need to get in their mind. The more they think about you, the better your changes that she'll reciprocate.
Comments:
You are not on Ask A Real Guy's Home Page.
Click here to return to Ask A Real Guy's home page where you can submit your own question or read the most recent Questions+Answers.
I'd say wait a while and be a good friend to her while she's getting over this other guy; otherwise she might get confused about her feelings etc and also by waiting, you're proving that you're patient to be with her and not just eager to get in her pants. (and also to ensure that you're not just the rebound guy...
# posted by 
: 5:26 PM
: 5:26 PM
Be there for her, but only as much as makes you comfortable. Girls, much like guys, can eat up nice words, back rubs, flowers, etc. and basically drain you when they're hurting. You may think you can ride in on the white horse and ease her suffering and also win her heart, but she needs time.
You might consider telling her a little about your feelings, but I wouldn't make a full declaration now. That will just confuse her. Just say that you care deeply for her and hopes she comes to you if she needs help. And then as you see her put herself back together, maybe ask her on a date. Make sure it's a date date, not lunch. Bring flowers, open doors...she'll know you mean business!
Now, the only question is...is she likely to jump at the next available man that looks her way? Will you be faced with catching her between boyfriends? If she's the impulsive type, well...only you can make the call.
You might consider telling her a little about your feelings, but I wouldn't make a full declaration now. That will just confuse her. Just say that you care deeply for her and hopes she comes to you if she needs help. And then as you see her put herself back together, maybe ask her on a date. Make sure it's a date date, not lunch. Bring flowers, open doors...she'll know you mean business!
Now, the only question is...is she likely to jump at the next available man that looks her way? Will you be faced with catching her between boyfriends? If she's the impulsive type, well...only you can make the call.
# posted by : 2:04 AM
: 2:04 AM
My best advice to you is to not be there to comfort her and to be her pillow to cry on because girls can very easily put you in the "friend zone". Once you get in there, you can't get out, especially if you've healed them through a break-up. Most girls who have had a guy help them heal move on to someone else that isn't so nice to them. I've seen it happen many a time with my good guy friends.
I say be a man by telling her that you will help her with whatever she needs. Let her cry to her girlfriends, don't let her cry to you. I wouldn't make a full declaration of your feelings but you do need to make it clear that you care for her. Tell her that you're not telling her this to confuse her but that it needs to be said and you will give her time to process that information.
Like San Antone Rose said, act like a total gentleman once she pulls herself back together a bit. She will know you want her and are willing to pursue her and if she even has a small feeling for you inside of her, it will grow then.
When she starts pouring out too much to you, you must have the heart to stop her and tell her that she needs to talk to her girlfriends about it (in a nice way of course). If you're her punching bag or pillow, she won't respect you as a man. TRUST ME.
Post a Comment
I say be a man by telling her that you will help her with whatever she needs. Let her cry to her girlfriends, don't let her cry to you. I wouldn't make a full declaration of your feelings but you do need to make it clear that you care for her. Tell her that you're not telling her this to confuse her but that it needs to be said and you will give her time to process that information.
Like San Antone Rose said, act like a total gentleman once she pulls herself back together a bit. She will know you want her and are willing to pursue her and if she even has a small feeling for you inside of her, it will grow then.
When she starts pouring out too much to you, you must have the heart to stop her and tell her that she needs to talk to her girlfriends about it (in a nice way of course). If you're her punching bag or pillow, she won't respect you as a man. TRUST ME.
You are not on Ask A Real Guy's Home Page.
Click here to return to Ask A Real Guy's home page where you can submit your own question or read the most recent Questions+Answers.
