By: Henryetta
Age: 19
Location: Oklahoma
Question: I am a 2nd year college student at OU. I am taking a Spanish 2 class with this guy that I was immediately interested in on the first day of class. I decided to take the initiative and try and get to know him when we were grouped together during the first week of classes. During that first week of class I found out that he has a 2 year old son with his apparently on-again/off-again girlfriend (I found out about the off/on relationship during a session of facebook stalking-I requested him as a friend and he added me). I didn’t let the fact that he had a girlfriend deter me because at the very least I could gain a new friend. We began to talk a lot on facebook- at one time we talked for about 2 hours- talking about anything and everything. During one of our talks he mentioned that I did not talk much in class and in response to that I decided to talk to him more in class. I talked to my friends about my emerging feelings and told them that I was planning on asking him to be my study partner and they encouraged me to do so coming to the same conclusion that at the very least I would gain a new friend.

The guy that I like travels back and forward on the weekend to spend time with his son. And as I was looking through his facebook profile I saw a post from his girlfriend thanking him for bringing her a shake when she was feeling sick. He said that he was glad to make her feel better and she returned the comment with what I thought was a suggestive tone (from facebook), “If you want me to feel better…” I was a bit upset over the comment but I decided to let it go since I have no claim to him.

I asked him to be my study partner and he said yes. I gave him my phone number and he gave me his. We had a quiz coming up in class and he asked if I wanted to get together and I agreed. We studied together, just the two of us, for about 3 hours during which time we laughed and talked the entire time. The only awkward pauses were the first two minutes at the beginning of our study session, but that was over really quickly.

During our study session I asked him who his son stayed with will he was at school (though I already knew) and he replied that his ex girlfriend did and then I proceeded to ask if they were together which he answered, “not right now.” I did not know what that meant. He went on to mention that she was a bit crazy and when I said that that didn’t sound good he said that she was not that bad and that they were not as bad as his sister and her ex boyfriend. We finished the rest of the study session without any mention of her.

The next day in class I was talking with a few guys that sit around me about a television show, he was listening also. He mentioned that his ex and her mom loved that show and at the end of class he said see you later.

After all of this background, my questions are: Do you think that he might be interested in me? Could there be anything between his ex and him? Should I continue taking the initiative and get to know him (but I don’t want to get stuck in the friend zone), or should I let him pursue me for a bit. And also how should I go about asking him to hang out with me outside any school attachment-or whether if I even should.

Thank You!

VictorM's advice:

From what you wrote, there's nothing to suggest he has an interest in you besides being classmates and study partners.

When he answered "not right now" about his girlfriend, it seems clear it's a temporary break, at least in his mind.

You have nothing to lose by continuing to talk to him. Often, a girl just grows on a guy before he even realizes it. But -- warning! -- the ex will never be out of the picture. As the mother of his son, she will be a constant thorn on his side. So, as the saying goes, be careful what you wish for.

You shouldn't ask him out on a date, but you can suggest things like needing someone to go to the movies "because I hate going alone." This gives him an opportunity to say yes if he's interested, but balk if he's not without you feeling rejected.