Wednesday, November 11, 2009
What really makes you guys feel good
Submitted on Monday, November 09, 2009
By: Rachel
Age: 32
Location: Pennsylvania
Question: Hi Victor, your advice has been GREAT. It is already helping me. I am truly enlightened! I REALLY wish I had found this advice years ago.
I've read in your posts that it is our job to "encourage him to chase (us)".. "by flirting and spending time with him." Can you give some specific examples of the best way to do that? I read about giving "short, sincere compliments." What really makes you guys feel good and doesn't make us come on too strong?
Thanks!
VictorM's advice:
I think a lot of people are under the impression that playing hard to get means being somewhat rude to the guy. I say no way. Be pleasant, express interest in his company, be nice and friendly, smile a lot, that sorta thing, BUT... don't be too available, don't drop what you're doing to be with him, try to end conversation first (leave him wanting more of you), be a little scarce from time to time, but through it all, be nice. For example, if you reject his invitation for a date, whether it's because you really are buys or just because you don't want him taking you for granted, always be nice "Oh, I can't make it, but it's so nice of you to ask."
Guys generally are slow at wanting a relationship, but you're not going to help the cause of him falling for you if you don't spend time with him, and when you do, you want him to have the best time and to feel good about himself. You want him to think you might like him; you don't want him to KNOW that you like him. So, no love confessions, no serious talks, no "where are we headed" talks.
Guys like getting to know a girl over time, without the boyfriend/girlfriend label. But that means you should behave accordingly. Do you generally have sex with guys who are not your boyfriend? If not, then don't have sex with the guy if you have not reached that stage yet.
One last point for now, do not confuse being nice (smiling, being pleasant, having fun), with being too nice (forgiving him being late, or rude, or taking you for granted), no "missing you" or "thinking of you" texts, and don't initiate too much contact. Most guys find that annoying anyway.
I'm not sure if this is what you had in mind, but if it's not, be a little more specific and I'll do my best to answer you.
By: Rachel
Age: 32
Location: Pennsylvania
Question: Hi Victor, your advice has been GREAT. It is already helping me. I am truly enlightened! I REALLY wish I had found this advice years ago.
I've read in your posts that it is our job to "encourage him to chase (us)".. "by flirting and spending time with him." Can you give some specific examples of the best way to do that? I read about giving "short, sincere compliments." What really makes you guys feel good and doesn't make us come on too strong?
Thanks!
VictorM's advice:
I think a lot of people are under the impression that playing hard to get means being somewhat rude to the guy. I say no way. Be pleasant, express interest in his company, be nice and friendly, smile a lot, that sorta thing, BUT... don't be too available, don't drop what you're doing to be with him, try to end conversation first (leave him wanting more of you), be a little scarce from time to time, but through it all, be nice. For example, if you reject his invitation for a date, whether it's because you really are buys or just because you don't want him taking you for granted, always be nice "Oh, I can't make it, but it's so nice of you to ask."
Guys generally are slow at wanting a relationship, but you're not going to help the cause of him falling for you if you don't spend time with him, and when you do, you want him to have the best time and to feel good about himself. You want him to think you might like him; you don't want him to KNOW that you like him. So, no love confessions, no serious talks, no "where are we headed" talks.
Guys like getting to know a girl over time, without the boyfriend/girlfriend label. But that means you should behave accordingly. Do you generally have sex with guys who are not your boyfriend? If not, then don't have sex with the guy if you have not reached that stage yet.
One last point for now, do not confuse being nice (smiling, being pleasant, having fun), with being too nice (forgiving him being late, or rude, or taking you for granted), no "missing you" or "thinking of you" texts, and don't initiate too much contact. Most guys find that annoying anyway.
I'm not sure if this is what you had in mind, but if it's not, be a little more specific and I'll do my best to answer you.
Comments:
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Thank you for your wonderful incite, as always. I was actually looking for a slightly different answer though. It relates to attracting a guy, his interest, interest beyond thinking I'm pretty to thinking he wants to ask me out.
I suppose I'm wondering mostly how to flirt, make an impression, how to make a guy feel so good about himself that he can't wait to see you again!
I suppose I'm wondering mostly how to flirt, make an impression, how to make a guy feel so good about himself that he can't wait to see you again!
# posted by 
: 9:29 PM
: 9:29 PM
1. Greet him using his name. "Hi, Jim" has more impact than "Hi." And smile.
2. Simple, sincere, short compliments about his physical stuff or his knowledge. Ex. "New haircut? Looks great." Do NOT compliment him for being nice or sweet, guys don't care for those.
3. Find out topics he's passionate or knows a lot about, and develop some interest in them, asking him questions that let's him show off.
4. If it's someone who want to notice you as a potential date, treat him as a date, even when you're not dating, do not be his pal (that means, try to be alone with him, dress to impress, wear makeup/perfume), invade his space (that is, stand in front of him a couple inches than you normally would), touch him little on the wrist, arm, back on hand when you're making a point (touch is a barrier breaker).
5. Don't me a mat, don't act like he's too special, but be friendly, warm, attentive.
6. Make him work for your attention. Never let him think he has you. Encourage him but do not give him certainty. Mystery is your friend.
Enough? :)
2. Simple, sincere, short compliments about his physical stuff or his knowledge. Ex. "New haircut? Looks great." Do NOT compliment him for being nice or sweet, guys don't care for those.
3. Find out topics he's passionate or knows a lot about, and develop some interest in them, asking him questions that let's him show off.
4. If it's someone who want to notice you as a potential date, treat him as a date, even when you're not dating, do not be his pal (that means, try to be alone with him, dress to impress, wear makeup/perfume), invade his space (that is, stand in front of him a couple inches than you normally would), touch him little on the wrist, arm, back on hand when you're making a point (touch is a barrier breaker).
5. Don't me a mat, don't act like he's too special, but be friendly, warm, attentive.
6. Make him work for your attention. Never let him think he has you. Encourage him but do not give him certainty. Mystery is your friend.
Enough? :)
It's perfect. 32 years I have done basically everything but those things. I was always the cool girl 'friend' that guys loved to be around becuase I was cute and laid back and I loved sports.
Thank You. I respect your thoughts more than I could ever express. I have read almost every single response you've given on this site (yes all 4 years.)
It has completely changed the way I present myself, but right now, I'm struggling on how to be myself and still be this person that men want (aside from appearances.)
I suppose, I just wanted you to know that.
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Thank You. I respect your thoughts more than I could ever express. I have read almost every single response you've given on this site (yes all 4 years.)
It has completely changed the way I present myself, but right now, I'm struggling on how to be myself and still be this person that men want (aside from appearances.)
I suppose, I just wanted you to know that.
# posted by : 10:13 PM
: 10:13 PM You are not on Ask A Real Guy's Home Page.
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