Thursday, July 30, 2009
He takes me for granted
Submitted on Tuesday, July 28, 2009
By: lora
Age: 53
Location: nj
Question: My husband and i are separated..see each other almost everyday, i feel when it is convenient for him ...feels like he takes me for granted .... i'll be here waiting for him to come no matter when, which i am. I thought that making him think i wasn't waiting around would help. i made up a story about a women i met who wanted to introduce me to her single brother. I told him i left the situation when i realized what she intended. Thought it would shake him up a little and he would realize that just maybe someone else might be interested. Well i haven't seen or heard from him since. He left angry and never returned (5 days ago). I guess i made a mistake and don't no how to correct it. Should i tell him i made the whole thing up?
VictorM's advice:
Do NOT tell him you made it up. His walking off in anger is nothing but a form of control. Do not feed his desire to control everything about you.
You are separated for a reason, are you not? You think that whatever caused your separation will just go away if you continue to be a women lacking in self-respect (look, he only takes you for granted because you allow it), or if you lie to him? Reconciliations don't work if the couple doesn't work out their differences. If you both stay exactly the same, the results will be the same.
So he's brooding like a little boy... good. He'll get over it.
So, why are you separated? And why aren't you dating other men instead of him? I'd like to know.
By: lora
Age: 53
Location: nj
Question: My husband and i are separated..see each other almost everyday, i feel when it is convenient for him ...feels like he takes me for granted .... i'll be here waiting for him to come no matter when, which i am. I thought that making him think i wasn't waiting around would help. i made up a story about a women i met who wanted to introduce me to her single brother. I told him i left the situation when i realized what she intended. Thought it would shake him up a little and he would realize that just maybe someone else might be interested. Well i haven't seen or heard from him since. He left angry and never returned (5 days ago). I guess i made a mistake and don't no how to correct it. Should i tell him i made the whole thing up?
VictorM's advice:
Do NOT tell him you made it up. His walking off in anger is nothing but a form of control. Do not feed his desire to control everything about you.
You are separated for a reason, are you not? You think that whatever caused your separation will just go away if you continue to be a women lacking in self-respect (look, he only takes you for granted because you allow it), or if you lie to him? Reconciliations don't work if the couple doesn't work out their differences. If you both stay exactly the same, the results will be the same.
So he's brooding like a little boy... good. He'll get over it.
So, why are you separated? And why aren't you dating other men instead of him? I'd like to know.
Comments:
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Victor..thanks for answering but too late. He came by and told me if i was going to date (the story did involve having pizza with this fake brother and sister) he was also. So i told him it was a lie. I see now how all this is a form of control. You're right. Been married 25 years...no communication ..any problem he would not speak to me for months...will not asso. with my family...and so many more hurtful situations that would take 4 ever to write. WE separated when he and my son (17) had a physical confrontation. I needed to get my son away from him so we left. I don't date other men for a few reasons 1 working on our relatiomship (for 1 yr. now)???? and i would feel like i'm cheating 2 never meet other men to date (i'm not one to go clubbing and such)3 and if do meet other men they are married or i'm just not interested in that way. So here i sit waiting......and that is what needs to change. I need to figure out a way to let him brood like a little boy and not lower myself just to keep him around. Ok how do i start?
# posted by 
: 1:18 PM
: 1:18 PM
Start by realizing that you don't need a man, specially not one like him, to be happy. Buy new clothes, change your hair style, make new friends, go to new restaurants/bars/fun places, go out with your friends, find a hobby, read more, eat better... in general, make yourself healthier and happier.
Stay off men for a while. They'll just bring you down for now. You need to either develop or reestablish your own self worth. Focus on that.
So go ahead and do it. A world of better men awaits you.
Stay off men for a while. They'll just bring you down for now. You need to either develop or reestablish your own self worth. Focus on that.
So go ahead and do it. A world of better men awaits you.
You have given me alot to think about and i thank you for that. I DO need to make an effort to do all the things you suggested. It's clear my way isn't working! I printed your comment to remind me and will refer to it whenever i need a push. Wish me luck!
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# posted by : 12:31 PM
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