Submitted on Wednesday, June 17, 2009
By: Rayanne
Age: 35
Location: PA
Question: Hi Victor,
I've met someone new....on the internet :-\ Yeah, yeah, I've heard how you feel about internet dating, but my dating pool is non-existent and I've met a few really nice guys on the internet so I continue to do it.

The guy I am currently talking to is deployed to Iraq until the end of July. When he's back stateside he's permanently located at a base nearby so he won't be shipped off to another location anytime soon. We have been emailing, IMing or talking on the phone every night for a month. Now, granted, I completely understand that he's bored out of his mind over there and I'm sure I'm giving him something to do for his last month in such a desolate place. I also have read your advice that guys can't do long distance, they need touch and to be close.

I want to take things slow, be cautious, see how things go when he gets home. I am a bit hesitant because it doesn't seem plausible to have any sort idea whether things will work if we've never met in person. He is completely the opposite, head over heels for me, tells me exactly how he feels all the time, that I'm exactly what he's been looking for, he wants to settle down, talks about the future, kids, wedding, trips we're going to take etc. Everything a girl wants to hear, but I'm having a hard time taking him seriously. We really don't have anything to do right now except talk and ask questions, so we've moved right to some serious topics that usually don't get discussed until well into a relationship.

Am I delusional in thinking this guy might actually mean everything he's saying? Or is it that I have relieved his boredom for a bit, and it's his infatuation talking? I guess I will never really know for sure until he's home, but I wanted to get your thoughts from a guy's perspective. Thanks!

VictorM's advice:

Chances are that he means what he's saying, but if you believe it, of course you're delusional. You have been chatting for one month... ONE MONTH... and he knows you're exactly what he's been looking for, kids, wedding, blah blah blah... COME ON, NOW! You know better.

You clearly have read this site enough to know how guys get in the early stages of a relationship. And one month, specially online, is nothing. For crying out loud, this guy has no idea if you chew with your mouth open, if you fart while watching movies, if you have bad breath, if you smell like rotten fish down there... and you're everything he's been looking for?

You're both just living a fantasy. Filling in the unknowns with hopes of perfection and in the process, setting yourselves up for disappointment. Neither one of you can live up to the hype you're making up in your heads.

But... hey, as they say about the lottery... you never know. If you have no better options, July isn't that far off. You might as well see how it pans out. But please, get your feet back on the ground.