Tuesday, March 31, 2009
Is he using me for right now?
Submitted on Sunday, March 29, 2009
By: ranii
Age: 36
Location: montana
Question: The guy I've been seeing for almost a year spends almost all his free time with me (weekends, several weekdays,in fact almost every day), calls when we aren't together, talks about moving in together, go to social events as a couple, is relaxed and happy seeming with me, and we can and do have serious conversations once in a while.
But, he has said he's a commitment phobe, not sure if i'm the one, and doesn't have 'those' feelings for me, but that he thinks they will develop over time. I generally let him direct the show in this way, pretty easy going and just try to keep it flirty and fun.
I'm not complaining as I'm enjoying myself but... is he using me for right now or unable to admit that he does have feelings for me? Is it trust issue on my part and just being patient is the key?
about him... I'd say he's introverted, serious and kind. Last relationship 3 yrs ago ended poorly for him. Thanks!
VictorM's advice:
No, he's not using you (meaning: he's not deceiving you by saying something he doesn't mean just to get whatever he wants).
No, he's not unable to confess his feelings. It sounds like he enjoys your company but you don't set his loins on fire. He probably loved the previous girlfriend deeply and he knows the difference.
There's no question that you're useful to him, much the same way he's useful to you. But it just doesn't seem like romance is in the picture. And just because that doesn't happen it doesn't mean he's using you. He's been clear about his thoughts and you still see him of your own free will.
You can stay patient if you will but a guy isn't likely to have an impetus to chance if he's getting all he wants as things stand, specially after one year. That's more than enough patience.
By: ranii
Age: 36
Location: montana
Question: The guy I've been seeing for almost a year spends almost all his free time with me (weekends, several weekdays,in fact almost every day), calls when we aren't together, talks about moving in together, go to social events as a couple, is relaxed and happy seeming with me, and we can and do have serious conversations once in a while.
But, he has said he's a commitment phobe, not sure if i'm the one, and doesn't have 'those' feelings for me, but that he thinks they will develop over time. I generally let him direct the show in this way, pretty easy going and just try to keep it flirty and fun.
I'm not complaining as I'm enjoying myself but... is he using me for right now or unable to admit that he does have feelings for me? Is it trust issue on my part and just being patient is the key?
about him... I'd say he's introverted, serious and kind. Last relationship 3 yrs ago ended poorly for him. Thanks!
VictorM's advice:
No, he's not using you (meaning: he's not deceiving you by saying something he doesn't mean just to get whatever he wants).
No, he's not unable to confess his feelings. It sounds like he enjoys your company but you don't set his loins on fire. He probably loved the previous girlfriend deeply and he knows the difference.
There's no question that you're useful to him, much the same way he's useful to you. But it just doesn't seem like romance is in the picture. And just because that doesn't happen it doesn't mean he's using you. He's been clear about his thoughts and you still see him of your own free will.
You can stay patient if you will but a guy isn't likely to have an impetus to chance if he's getting all he wants as things stand, specially after one year. That's more than enough patience.
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does he seem crazy about you when u are together? kissing u, always wanting to touch u, smiling, laughing? does he do things for you? cook, etc? does he say he loves u?
# posted by 
: 10:29 AM
: 10:29 AM
Hi Anonymous,
he does kiss me, touch me, smiles and laughs and doesn't seem to want to leave, even if he has to. He buys me useful things I need, he cooks a lot for me and does the dishes too sometimes just out of the blue, but he has never said he loved me. What do you think? Oh, he said he has never been in love with anyone.
Thanks for any feedback : )
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he does kiss me, touch me, smiles and laughs and doesn't seem to want to leave, even if he has to. He buys me useful things I need, he cooks a lot for me and does the dishes too sometimes just out of the blue, but he has never said he loved me. What do you think? Oh, he said he has never been in love with anyone.
Thanks for any feedback : )
# posted by : 7:59 AM
: 7:59 AM You are not on Ask A Real Guy's Home Page.
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