Submitted on Friday, March 27, 2009
By: Rosario
Question: I met this guy off a chatline almost two years ago. He was 30 and i was 20 at the time. We begin talking to each other every day, we were really compatible. I started to fall for him....hard. Skip a few months later and we meet. He lives in NY which is about 2 hours from me so i take the train to meet him in penn station. The time we spent was so much fun it was like we knew each other forever. Anyway we continue talking on the phone and a month later we see each other again. But a year passes and every time i ask to see him again he says no and he blames it on his panic attacks. He had a lot of problems that i won't go into detail about, but i will tell you he isn't mentally stable. A year passes and exactly one week before Valentines day we break up after he catches me " cheating" on him (I was talking to a guy on the other line well he was trying to call me). I apologize a million times and explain what happened but still he doesn't forgive me and he also calls me some names that i shall not repeat. He also tells me that i don't deserve to see him on V day, which would have been our first valetines together. Fast forward a month and he still wants to talk to me, only as friends. So we talk but he's the same old person, jealous, controlling and irrational. And when i try to date other people he brings up the fact that i cheated on him and says that i ruined our relationship. However, this one night he calls me and tells me that he's mad about something, i ask him what's wrong and he said it was over this girl whom he was dating for a short while, mind you after we broke up! Even though i didn't love him anymore that just hurt me so bad. I cried myself to sleep that night. Here he was seeing someone else two weeks after we broke up but getting on me about dating so soon. I had dedicated my time to one person for a year and a half whom i only saw twice only to be treated like crap in the end. We got into a huge argument after that and i told him that we couldn't talk anymore and this time i really meant it. Now i have a guy who i haven't met yet but wants to take me on a date. I'm really hesitate about calling him though since he also lives in NY. I just have this fear of getting hurt again. I don't have the money for a therapists which i really need right now. I just want to know what would possess a man to do this?

VictorM's advice:

In this case, you provided the answer yourself: "he isn't mentally stable." What else is there to say? You need to stay away from guys who give you that feeling. Mental instability doesn't produce logical actions. Learning to cut off from your life unstable people, or people who are downers, is something that will help you be happier.