Friday, March 27, 2009
He had several female friends
Submitted on Wednesday, March 25, 2009
By: Robyn
Age: 42
Location: New York
Question: I've been living with my boyfriend for over 1 year. When we first got together he had several female friends which I accepted with no problem, although I don't really like them much. He now has been adding new female associates whom he texts and calls often. I feel this behavior isn't conducive to a healthy relationship and could lead to cheating. He feels that as long as his intentions are pure it doesn't matter what theirs are. I disagree women can be slimy and devious. Do you think this is appropriate behavior during a committed relationship?
VictorM's advice:
Your boyfriend is full of shit when he says his intentions are pure. Come on! I wonder how many of the women he texts and emails often he considers attractive and how many he talks about personal stuff. My guess is: all of them.
I'm not suggesting that he intends to cheat, but his thoughts are not pure. Guys talk to girls because they like their egos inflated, and talking to attractive women does that.
Even the best of relationships are not easy. Introducing more reasons for tension and more distractions is never a good thing, and that's what he's doing. Even if his intentions with these other women are platonic, he's nevertheless ignoring your feelings. Trying to please himself in a way that displeases you is asking for trouble.
By: Robyn
Age: 42
Location: New York
Question: I've been living with my boyfriend for over 1 year. When we first got together he had several female friends which I accepted with no problem, although I don't really like them much. He now has been adding new female associates whom he texts and calls often. I feel this behavior isn't conducive to a healthy relationship and could lead to cheating. He feels that as long as his intentions are pure it doesn't matter what theirs are. I disagree women can be slimy and devious. Do you think this is appropriate behavior during a committed relationship?
VictorM's advice:
Your boyfriend is full of shit when he says his intentions are pure. Come on! I wonder how many of the women he texts and emails often he considers attractive and how many he talks about personal stuff. My guess is: all of them.
I'm not suggesting that he intends to cheat, but his thoughts are not pure. Guys talk to girls because they like their egos inflated, and talking to attractive women does that.
Even the best of relationships are not easy. Introducing more reasons for tension and more distractions is never a good thing, and that's what he's doing. Even if his intentions with these other women are platonic, he's nevertheless ignoring your feelings. Trying to please himself in a way that displeases you is asking for trouble.
Comments:
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seems contradictory to some of your other advice regarding this topic. also curious about your comment on talking about personal stuff-they probably discuss his gf, too. please comment on why your advice is contradictory to other advice you have given on this topic, and similar topics
# posted by 
: 12:26 PM
: 12:26 PM 
yes--see best of ARG about guys making friends with girls-not remaining friends with girls they were already friends with. also-advice you wrote in private msg to mystere28....still suffering...
# posted by : 2:12 PM
: 2:12 PM
I don't quite see contradictions, but let me summarize what I think and we can take discuss:
1. Guys don't look for girls to be friends with; they always have an ulterior motive, even if it's just an ego thing.
2. Once a guy has a girlfriend, seeking female friends is generally done to boost his ego. Usually nothing good comes from this.
3. The girlfriend may not mind him having female friends, in which case, fine. Life goes on.
4. The girlfriend may mind. If the guy continues with the practice, the relationship, sooner or later will get in trouble.
5. In many instances, what a guy refers to as a "friend," is, in female word, just an acquaintance. That is, very infrequent contact. So that by itself may not be a problem, but it is one thing for a guy to have a lot of females that in one way or another he keeps some contact, and it's another when a guy SEEKS to make new female friends, which is the main point in this question. In this case, the situation seems more troubling.
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1. Guys don't look for girls to be friends with; they always have an ulterior motive, even if it's just an ego thing.
2. Once a guy has a girlfriend, seeking female friends is generally done to boost his ego. Usually nothing good comes from this.
3. The girlfriend may not mind him having female friends, in which case, fine. Life goes on.
4. The girlfriend may mind. If the guy continues with the practice, the relationship, sooner or later will get in trouble.
5. In many instances, what a guy refers to as a "friend," is, in female word, just an acquaintance. That is, very infrequent contact. So that by itself may not be a problem, but it is one thing for a guy to have a lot of females that in one way or another he keeps some contact, and it's another when a guy SEEKS to make new female friends, which is the main point in this question. In this case, the situation seems more troubling.
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