Submitted on Wednesday, February 25, 2009
By: Tommy
Age: 24
Question: Okay, so this is an offshoot of a question you've had many times. So me and this guy became very good friends very quickly this year. We hung out all the time and got along extremely well, to the point where it worried his ex-girlfriend and he admitted that it was a reason they broke up (among others). So we continued to hang out and cuddling on the couch became a bit more than before, and then one night we ended up having sex. The problem is, I wish things had continued on to being boyfriend and girlfriend, except we just killed it. He said he didn't want a relationship but that he was afraid if we started dating he would begin to treat me like one of his girlfriends (badly) because he's never dated anyone who he knew as a friend first (some of his ex-girlfriends have admitted he's a bad boyfriend) and it would ruin the friendship eventually and he wanted the friendship more. I pretty much heard this as "I don't like you, let's just be friends." He's still trying to get the friendship back to where it was, where we would joke about other people we'd like to have sex with and stuff, but now when he says that stuff to me or I mention a guy to him, it feels wrong. Sometimes he seems like he's overcompensating in being interested in another guy wanting to take me out, and, well, I just can't joke about him sleeping with other girls all that well anymore. It's all the "same" but it's "different." Also, I should mention that we slept together a week or so after he broke up with his girlfriend so he's probably in the mood to be single. It's a weird place to be in. I can see his viewpoint in every way because I'm one of his closest friends, but as a girl I see things differently. I really wish there was an easy way to go from friend to girlfriend in this situation, but I don't think there is. I guess is doesn't matter if things run smooth, because after writing this, it pretty much sounds like we've ruined the friendship kind of irregardless, huh?

VictorM's advice:

Guys don't go out with a girl for friendship only. It started that way with you and him but only because he found you attractive and that was one way to get to know you without responsibilities. But now that he has realized he has no romantic feelings for you, saying he wants to be friends only is the default way to back out. But the friendship will not last. Shortly, the contact will decrease to the point where you two become just acquaintances, if even that.

Given his track record as a boyfriend, consider yourself lucky.